Addiction

(*)

Your son

Your child

Your world

Is

G o n e

And no one understands

Because your child d y i n g

Isn't exactly a common thing

(And you don't understand why

It just had to happen to

You)

(*)

Keeping e v e r y t h i n g all

Bottled up

Inside you is

KILLING

You

S l o w l y

Because all you want to do is

screamcrydie

But you're Irina Spasky

And you just can't show

W e a k n e s s

Can you?

(*)

It's not like you can

T e l l anyone

About what happened

To your baby

But for the f i r s t time

Y o u W a n t T o

Ohsomuch

Because Hope is dead

So maybe G r a c e can understand

(Though really, that sounds a bit

T o o G o o d

To be true)

(*)

You don't tell Grace

-Not a word-

But somehow, she

K n o w s

That something's ohsowrong

Anyways

(Because you've c h a n g e d

Even if you don't

R e a l i z e it

Yet)

(*)

And even though you rarely see her

And when you do, it's not on friendly terms

You t r e a s u r e each moment spent with her

Because she makes you feel

Understood

And

Loved

And

N o t A l o n e

(And you never thought you'd feel that way again)

(*)

And you think that maybe

This is l o v e

Because you find yourself needing her

sosomuch

And it's like an

A d d i c t i o n

Because you

Just can't stop

And you know this can't p o s s i b l y end well, because

She's thirty-three years your senior

And she's your enemy

And she's straight

(Then again, until quite recently,

You thought you were, too)

(*)

When she died, you criedbawledsobbed

(Even though no one heard you)

But n o t a s h a r d as you did for your

S O N

(And that shows where your priorities r e a l l y lie)

(*)

First things first, NO, I AM NOT GOING AGAINST ANY OF MY PREVIOUS CRACK!SHIPS BY WRITING THIS. The pairing of Grace/Irina was requested by a good friend of mine, The Whisper of Wings (who this story is dedicated to, incidentally), so I wrote it. This DOES NOT mean that I support this over Irina/Fiske (a.k.a. my own little Nikolai, because it was my first crack!ship EVER and I love it to pieces) or Grace/Hilary.

Now, the explanation: When Nikolai dies, Irina hates everything. Herself, the world, life- everything. She can't tell anyone what she's going through, she can't talk about it with anyone; no one understands. When Hope dies, Irina thinks that maybe, just maybe, Grace would understand what she's going through- but that's just too good to be true, especially as Irina can't tell her anything anyways. And yet, even though Irina doesn't say anything about it, Grace does understand somehow; she's the only one in the world who understands Irina, the only person who can make her feel at all better, and so Irina loves her. She needs her. When Grace dies, she's heartbroken, and she cries a lot- but not as much as she did for Nikolai, which shows that she values her child more than the love she convinced herself she felt.

...Does that make sense? At all? I hope so.

In any case, I'm sorry if I offended anyone by writing a homosexual pairing. Please, don't review telling me your views on homosexuals- I won't stand for it. If you decide to review- which I hope you do- then please just tell me what you thought of the quality of the story itself.

Thanks much,

Joelle8