Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Dr. Joan Leland, Jonathan Crane, Joker and Jervis Tetch. They belong to DC Comics and Warner Brothers. Nor do I own any of the quoted poems used in this chapter. Those belong to Robert Burns ("Comin' Through the Rye"), Samuel Taylor Coleridge ("Rime of the Ancient Mariner"), T.S. Eliot ("The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"), William Blake ("The Lamb") and Lewis Carroll ("The Walrus and the Carpenter").

Dr. Joan Leland glanced at her watch. In five minutes she would meeting Arkham's newest resident. She had already prepared herself for this meeting by pouring over her patient's file. Harriet March. Age 28. Dr. Leland glanced at the mug shot that had been paper-clipped onto the first page of the file along with newspaper clippings. Long, egg-shaped face. Brown hair in untamed disarray. Brown eyes. Frantic eyes. Lips partially opened in crazed astonishment. She was mildly good-looking; she would have been beautiful had it not been for those two large front teeth that marred that mouth. Dr. Leland reread her client's history. Parents deceased. Worked at Liddell's Antiques and Tearoom from 1989 to 1992. Attended Gotham University until expulsion. Dr. Leland raised an eyebrow. Expelled for what? She frowned and drew a question mark next to this piece of information. Formally engaged to Lawrence Frizzel.

Dr. Leland did not bother reading the rest of the file. She knew that that the jilted woman tracked down Frizzel. Witnesses claimed that March struck him repeatedly with a- What was it? Dr. Leland's eyes flicked down at the file. Oh, yes, with an eighteenth century walking stick that she had stolen from the antique shop. All while singing, "Gin a body kiss a body, need a body cry?" A line from Robert Burn's "Comin' Through the Rye." She herself wasn't familiar with that poem, but others had quickly identified the citation. The doctor also heard about the trial, how Harriet March sputtered lines from literature whenever being asked a question. Obviously a defense mechanism.

Truthfully, she wasn't that troubled by Harriet March's past. Even her habit of spouting random poems wasn't that unusual. After all, Jonathan Crane had his nursery rhymes and that new fellow, Jervis Tetch, often quoted Lewis Carroll. Harriet's crimes seemed almost dull in comparison to the other inmates of Arkham. But Arkham had a strange effect on people; it always did more harm than good. She had seen it many times before. Perhaps it was the asylum's dark history; perhaps it was the result of being relentlessly exposed to the insane. Whatever the reason, this place could turn a mildly sickened mind into something quite horrendous; it could even warp the minds of the healthy.

"Dr. Leland?"

Her head shot up. Two orderlies were escorting a woman garbed in a light blue-gray uniform. The doctor quickly cleared away the files so that her patient would have no idea that she had been studying her profile. "Yes, yes, come in, Ms. March, and make yourself comfortable." She gestured towards the couch. Harriet took a cautious step forward, reminding Dr. Leland of a rabbit emerging from the shrubs. Her vigilant eyes rested briefly on the security cameras, and then focused on Dr. Leland. She swiftly took a seat.

"How are you today, Ms. March?" No response. "Ms. March? Did you hear me?"

Harriet murmured, "Instead of a cross, an albatross, about my neck was hung."

Dr. Leland scooted to the edge of her chair. "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner?" she guessed. The patient nodded. "Byron?"

"Coleridge," Harriet corrected.

"I'm not much of a poetry person, I'm afraid." A pen clicked as the psychiatrist brought it down to the notepad. "Tell me, why did you just recite those lines?"

"I often recite poetry whenever I'm agitated. Or annoyed." She grimaced at the sound of the pen scratching into paper. Writing, writing, writing… Writing about her… Harriet studied the lamp that sat in the corner of Dr. Leland's desk. How easy it would be to just grab it and strike the doctor senseless. Then she could flee from this horrible place that looked like some haunted house at an amusement park. And then the noise stopped. Harriet blinked and came back to her senses.

"Do you get…agitated often?" Dr. Leland prompted. "Are you agitated now?"

"And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, when I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, then how should I begin to spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?"

"Are you agitated now?" the doctor repeated.

Harriet raised an eyebrow. Of course she was agitated. What a stupid thing to ask. "I don't like being studied. I'm just an insect on display. That notepad of yours. If I say something wrong, you'll just write it down. And then I'm stuck here. Permanently."

The psychiatrist's lips twitched. "I'll take that as a yes. But at least you seem to understand that what you're doing is nothing more than a mental form of self defense. That's a good sign, Ms. March. A very good sign." She put aside the notepad. "I'll make a deal with you. No more note-taking for today. We'll just talk. So-" she crossed her legs "-I heard that you attended Gotham University."

"I was only there three years," Harriet paused. "I was an English major."

"Did you graduate?"

"No."

"Why is that?" When Harriet failed to give details, Dr. Leland raised her fingers to her temple. "Ms. March, you must talk to me if you want to get well again."

Harriet met Dr. Leland's gaze in cold belligerence, far from the tense creature she had been just moments ago. "Surely the file will tell you that I was expelled." Her lips pulled back, revealing her bone-white teeth as she cast a sardonic smile. "Oh, yes, I'm sure you've got a lovely little file all tucked away, filled with juicy information about the crackpot you now see before you."

Dr. Leland remained composed and unruffled during the sudden change of temperament. "Ms. March, I'm only trying to help you." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "There is a file, I'll admit, and it does in fact mention your expulsion. I would just like to know why."

Harriet blinked and reverted back to her refined self. She raised her hands in a contrite gesture of civility. "You're right. You're absolutely right. It... Wasn't very civil of me. I'm really not like this."

"I know you're not."

"And I want to get well again. The truth is that I broke into a campus building."

The doctor's façade was unresponsive. "Go on."

Harriet's thin body twitched. "One of my professors- Dr. Chesterfield- had insulted me, made me look like a fool in front of the entire class, simply because he disagreed with my thoughts on Hamlet. So I decided to be like Claudius and drip poison in his ear…" She shrugged her shoulders. "I heard that there were poisonous extracts in the Botany department. But I started to come to my senses… I might be crazy. I might be a thief. But I am not a killer. So I left. Funny really. I wasn't caught sneaking into the science lab, but I was caught sneaking out of it. The security guard thought I was looking for things of value- What could possibly be valuable inside a silence lab is beyond my imagination. So I was expelled." Harriet began to nibble at her fingernails. Unexpectedly she added, "He survived, you know."

"Dr. Chesterfield?"

"No. Lawrence. He survived."

"Yes," Dr. Leland replied gravely. "But he suffered from a rather serious concussion. Broken nose. Two broken ribs. Multiple bruises." She managed to keep her stoic expression.

"I never meant to kill him!" Harriet shook her head defiantly. "I only wanted to hurt him!" She now had a lock of her hair in her mouth. She chewed it, pulled it out and studied it. The strand was wet with saliva. "He is meek and he is mild. He became a little child."

"Tell me about your family."

"I don't have any."

"Friends?"

"My only friends, doctor, are fictional characters out of books."

Dr. Leland then glanced down at her watch. "I'm afraid that I didn't schedule a very long session for today, Ms. March." She put a consoling hand on Harriet's shoulder and said routinely. "But we will talk again soon. You've made progress today and you'll be in the outside world before you know it. It's been a pleasure speaking with you, Harriet." She stretched out a hand.

Harriet steadily rose from her seat, once again starched and composed. She eyed the offered hand with contempt. "Don't act like we're equals, Dr. Leland. You think that I'm beneath you. A poor, pathetic little patient with a sick mind that needs mending. You, with your diplomas and your awards-" She jerked her head towards the wall that held all the psychiatrist's achievements. "Showing off your healthy, stable mind. Giving me patronizing encouragement as though I'm supposed to be grateful."

A pair of orderlies appeared and accompanied Harriet down the ward that housed the high profile residents. They had watched when she had been summoned to Dr. Leland's office and they were watching her now as she left it. Their expressions ranged from contempt to shear boredom. Harriet could practically hear their thoughts. Oh, she might be crazy enough to be in Arkham, but she was nowhere near their league. Harriet tried not to notice, tried to focus solely on her feet as she walked down the seemingly unending hallway, but they were still there, lurking in the corners of her eyes. It would have been easier had it been dark; that way she wouldn't be able to see them and, more importantly, they wouldn't be able to see her. If only it wasn't so garishly bright!

She involuntarily began to chant. "The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might-"

"Keep talking like that, Sweet-cheeks," interrupted a voice coming from inside one of the cells, "and people might just start to think that you're bonkers…" It cackled manically, wildly, dementedly. She would have covered her ears had the orderlies not been gripping her arms. And it didn't stop. It keep becoming more and more shrill, as though the speaker was inhaling helium. It was worse than that infernal pen scratching done by the doctor's own hand. Her frustration began to increase, rising and rising like the tide. And then Harriet's teeth unexpectedly clamped down on one of the orderly's arm. She tasted salty skin. And blood. He released her. Harriet took advantage of the other man's alarm, kicking him in the gut. And then, with the force of a battering ram, struck her head against the glass in front of the cackling madman's cell.

"Hoo hoo hoo! Cuckoo's got a temper!" She heard the delighted applause; Harriet slammed against the pane once again. "No use, Looney Toons. Glass is unbreakable." Harriet staggered back, on hand clasped over a bruised forehead. "Aww… Has Shnookums got a heady-ache?"

Security guards were now darting forward, some of them holding Harriet's body still; others attempting to put a straight jacket on her. Dr. Leland had rushed out into the hallway and shook her head in disappointment. And then came the pepper spray that burned her eyes, yet mercifully blinded her. She was again dragged down the corridor.

Her dictation now became even more frenzied, practically screaming the words as she resumed with The Walrus and the Carpenter. "HE DID HIS VERY BEST TO MAKE THE BILLOWS SMOOTH AND BRIGHT!"

Again a voice drifted out, a different voice, one that was low, genteel, and, judging by the way it pronounced its words, educated. "And this was odd, because it was the middle of the night."

Author's Note: Some time ago a friend and I watched a few episodes of Batman: the Animated Series. I remember loving it when I was a kid, and now, as an adult, I realize just how brilliant that show actually was. The dark humor, the witty dialogue… I especially loved the Mad as a Hatter episode. I guess that's what prompted me to write this story. That and the episode that explained how Harleen Quinzel became Harley Quinn.

You see, I thought that the Mad Hatter needed a partner in crime.

I 'm basically writing this story for my own personal amusement, and I must admit that I'm having a whole lot of fun with it.