Sam

An NCIS Songfic.

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I tasted, tasted love so sweet
And all of it was lost on me
Bought and sold like property
Sugar on my tongue

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Leroy Jethro Gibbs stood in the doorway of his lover's hospital room. He leaned against the doorframe, watching Tony sleep. It had been an incredibly long day, and his lover deserved every bit of rest he could get.

Gibbs took comfort in the slow rise and fall of Tony's chest. It pushed back the memories of three hours previously when Tony had stopped breathing entirely. Gibbs gave an involuntary shudder and chastised himself for bringing it all back into the forefront of his mind.

Tony's eyes darted to and fro underneath his eyelids. He was dreaming. And for that, Gibbs was grateful. He hoped Tony dreamt of good things. He didn't need to be burdened by anymore.

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I kept falling over
Kept looking backwards
I went broke believing
That the simple should be hard

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Behind his closed eyes, memories flooded through Tony's mind.

It had been Abby who had found him in the bathroom. He had been sitting in the second to last stall, on the verge of tears, when Abby had eased open the door and knelt next to him.

"What's wrong Tony-boy?" He had shown her the test, and she had immediately understood. The tiny blue line that said he was pregnant. Again. Even though he had been doing his best for the past year to avoid it. And Gibbs had understood. What would he say now?

Abby comforted him. Tony was terrified that he would lose this child like he had lost Caitlyn. And wasn't sure he could bear that.

"Abs…" He choked on his words. "I don't think I can do this. I…I can't do this again."

She had stared at him.

"You want to…get rid of it?" He looked at her, and they sat in silence as the words sunk in. It was a devastating thought, but at the same time, Abby knew where Tony was coming from.

"Does Gibbs know?"

He had shook his head.

"You need to tell Gibbs…No matter what you decide. You know he would want to be with you, either way."

"Abby, he loves kids. I couldn't give him Caitlyn. What do you think he would say if he knew I was taking this child away?"

"So you've already decided?"

He ran his fingers through his hair. "No…I just…Abby I can't lose another one. I would rather lose it now than later when I've become attached."

The conversation had taken on a clinical tone, almost, but not quite, cold. It was as if neither of them could actually accept these words as reality and they were separating themselves from it.

"Tony, is the only reason you're thinking of aborting this baby because you think you'll miscarry again?" He looked up at her. But he didn't need to answer. "Tony, losing Caitlyn does not mean you are destined to lose every child you carry."

"But once you have one your odds go up that you'll have another, Abby. I'm trying to consider all the facts here."

"Tony, who is the certified genius here?" He gave her a weak smile. "That's right. Me. So if I tell you that those statistics are bogus, you believe me, right?"

"But they aren't bogus-"

She quickly cut him off. "Zip it! I said they were. Listen to Abby. Give this kid a chance Tony. Give yourself a chance. We all love you and support you. Especially Gibbs. No matter what happens, we're here for you. But, nothing will happen. Because I secretly control the universe. And because I say so."

Tony laughed. He knew that Abby couldn't actually promise that nothing would happen, but she had persuaded him to give this child a chance. To give himself a chance.

"So, get off your ass, go out there, and do some crime solving. You know, so Gibbs doesn't slap you. Go on." He had allowed her to pull him to his feet, his aging back yelling at him for sitting in the cramped stall for so long. As they had exited, a man Tony was sure came from the law department was entering. He stared at Abby's presence, and she had smiled in return.

"You know, between you and Ziva, they should just make this a coed bathroom. It would clear up a lot of problems." Abby had laughed, kissed him on the cheek, and skipped off to the elevator.

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All we are, we are
All we are, we are
And every day's a start
At something beautiful

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Tony had made dinner that evening for Gibbs, who arrived home at around eight to find the table set, and Tony sitting at one end.

Tony didn't want some movie cliché to overwhelm the evening. So between bites of spaghetti, he had casually mentioned that he was expecting.

Of course, then the cliché had begun. Gibbs was ecstatic. But then he was concerned for how Tony was handling it. And then he told Gibbs about his conversation with Abby. About contemplating abortion. About doubting himself.

And Gibbs had been understanding. Even about the abortion bit. Tony thanked his lucky stars for that. It wasn't something he could have explained if Gibbs hadn't gotten it.

As they lay in bed together that night, Tony pressed his hand to his still very flat abdomen and gently stroked. He didn't want this child growing inside of a negative being. This child deserved more than that. He chastised himself for even contemplating abortion. Why shouldn't this kid get a chance? Just because his or her dad was scared?

Tony had waited until he began to show before he told the others. Ziva had been thrilled. McGee congratulatory. Ducky had launched into a story about his mother. Palmer had grinned.

Abby had brought him a baby gift when he hit five months. But he had declined. He asked her to wait. He didn't want to jinx anything. He began desk duty. Despite it being dull Tony wasn't about to take any chances.

A week before his six month mark, he doctor had told him that because of his previous loss, he should go ahead and take off work as a precaution. Tony grudgingly agreed. He had worked up to seven months with Caitlyn, and while that may have affected nothing, he didn't want anything to happen.

He knew the lot of them were stock piling presents for when Tony was ready to accept them. Gibbs had brought the handmade crib down from the attic. The nursery still looked the same.

Tony ate too much, and watched too much TV. He loved the evenings he and Gibbs spent home, curled up on the couch. He felt warm and safe.

But this cocoon of safety and love could not shield him from everything.

For all good things come to an end.

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I wasted, wasted love for you
Trading out for something new
Well, it's hard to change the way you lose
If you think you've never won

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This morning, at twenty-six weeks into his pregnancy, roughly as far as he had gone with Caitlyn, Tony had once again awoken in a pool of blood. At first he thought he was having an old nightmare. Right after losing Caitlyn he used to have horrible nightmares where he relived every agonizing second.

But Tony very quickly figured out that it wasn't a nightmare. It was real. It was happening again. He roused Gibbs from sleep, trying desperately not to panic. They had forgone an ambulance, knowing that Gibbs could get them there quicker.

While trying to save the baby, the stress on Tony's lungs had caused him to stop breathing. Gibbs paced in the waiting room, while Ziva, Abby, McGee, and Ducky had sat and watched him. Ziva was praying. Abby was remembering the promise she had made Tony, and hoping that the universe would let her keep it. McGee didn't think Tony would be able to survive losing another kid. And Ducky did his best to keep Gibbs from storming into the operating room.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Until it wasn't.

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All we are, we are
All we are, we are
And every day's a start
At something beautiful

And in the end, the words won't matter
Cause in the end, nothing stays the same
And in the end, the dreams just scatter and fall like rain

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Tony stirred in his sleep. When he opened his eyes, Gibbs was sitting at his bedside, watching him.

"Hi."

"Hey." Gibbs reached out and stroked Tony's cheek. There was a subtle knock on the door. They looked up to see Abby's face, framed in her signature pigtails.

"Hey Abs, he's awake. Come on in." She entered slowly, stepping lightly to the side of the bed opposite Gibbs.

"I brought you a present."

"Abby…"

But she gently placed the box on Tony's lap anyway.

He slowly sat up, wincing a little, and ripped off the rainbow colored paper. Opening the box, he pulled out a handmade blanket. It was a light blue, with navy edges. And sewn with black thread into the bottom right corner, was a message.

Tony plus Gibbs

equals

Sam

Gibbs stood to examine the blanket, so when he saw the tears in Tony's eyes, he understood.

"Thank you, Abby." Tony managed to say. He rubbed his fingers over the fabric, knowing that Abby had spent months on this gift. He was touched.

"Oh and she has another present for you." Abby nodded toward the door, and Tony and Gibbs looked up. A nurse, wearing pale pink scrubs, stood in the doorway, holding their son.

She smiled. "Heard you were awake, and thought you'd like to see him." She walked over and gently placed the tiny blue bundle into Tony's arms.

Male pregnancies were considered full term at eight months for the shear fact that there wasn't as much room for the fetus to grow. And although the baby was early, he was still perfectly healthy. Tony noted all ten fingers and toes as he cradled his little miracle. Gibbs rubbed the tiny brown hairs on the baby's head with two gentle fingers. His other hand wrapped around Tony's shoulders as they watched their son.

Tony had decided on Sam when they learned they were having a boy. His mother had been named Samantha. And while Tony's later memories of his mother were blurred with her sickness and the fighting, his early memories recalled a woman with blond hair, green eyes, and a lovely smile, sitting at his bedside when he was sick.

"Hello little Sammy. Welcome to the world." Tony marveled as his son gave a tiny yawn.

Eventually the nurse took Sam back to the nursery. And before the end of visiting hours, the rest of the NCIS crew piled in for a short visit. Ziva stood with Abby, looking at the pictures Abby had taken of the family together.

There had been more presents. Ziva had given them onesies in every color imaginable. She had also given them a set of figurines. There was the Eiffel Tower, a cactus, a tiny replica of Air Force One, a tiny menorah with Tel Aviv written on the side, a film camera, a boat, a Statue of Liberty, and little hill with the Hollywood sign on it.

"I thought you could put them in the nursery. So that Sam will know where his parents have been. How great they are. The amazing world he is growing into. I picked things from your pasts. Perhaps, you can add to them, as we move forward?"

It had been an unusual gift, but they had both loved it, and knew they would add to it.

McGee had gone the more practical route. He had gotten gift certificates. Several for baby stores, but also one for a movie place Tony loved. So that he didn't feel completely impersonal, he had bought a tiny stuffed lion.

Abby surprised them with another gift. A stuffed hippo that greatly resembled Bert.

"His name is Ernie. You know, like Bert and Ernie?" Tony had quickly discovered that, also like Bert, Ernie made a profound noise when squeezed.

Ducky's gift consisted of several things. He had stopped by Gibbs' house and picked up clothes and other necessities for Gibbs and Tony. He had also brought diapers and several items of clothing for Sam. But his last gift is what really set him apart. From a bag he pulled out a stuffed dog. A Saint Bernard. And while Ducky may not have gotten the joke, Gibbs and Tony had shared a secret smile. Also, upon the dog's head, there was a tiny NCIS cap, which would just fit a baby's head.

When asked where he had gotten it, he had simply replied that he "had connections."

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Cause all we are, we are
All we are, we are
And every day's a start
At something beautiful
Something real

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One year later

"He's working on the boat, Tony. I yelled for him twice."

Abby sat at the computer that Tony had placed in Gibbs' den several years before. She had her feet up on the desk and the phone to her ear.

Now that Gibbs was retired, he spent a lot of time on the boat. Well, the time he wasn't spending with Sam. He swore to Tony that their bundle of energy son is what kept him so fit. But Tony had given him a lecherous grin and claimed that it was actually Tony giving him a run for his money in bed that kept him so in shape. Gibbs had laughed.

Tony was still at the office, finishing up a case.

"Yes I told him you wanted to talk to him." Abby glanced over at the bassinet next to the desk; Sam was still sleeping.

"No I can't stay for dinner. I told McGee I would cook with him."

"Yes, Tony, cook with him. Oh, just quit." She gave a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes.

"I don't think he will care if you bring home pizza."

"Yeah, I'll tell him you'll be here soon. Bye, Tony."

She relayed the message to Gibbs. Within forty-five minutes, Tony was walking in the door with a pizza in one hand. He gave Abby an awkward sideways hug as she buzzed past him out the door. Tony stripped off his jacket on the kitchen table, along with the pizza, and entered the den to see his sleeping son.

"Hey Sammy. Daddy's home. I missed you today." He brushed a finger across brown curls. But Sam didn't stir from his slumber. Tony knew those closed eyelids hid green eyes that were bound to fill with mischief as he grew older. But for now, Tony watched him sleep.

Eventually, content that Sam was settled, he made his way to the basement. Gibbs was listening to the radio as he put the finishing touches on the boat.

"Hey." Gibbs turned. He smiled and pulled Tony in for a kiss.

"Hey yourself."

"I brought pizza."

Gibbs leaned against the worktable. "Abs told me. Did she leave?"

Tony leaned against him, bringing strong arms up around him. "Yeah. Something about cooking with McGee." Gibbs chuckled.

Tony stepped forward to examine the boat that had been three years in the making.

"You finished it?"

"Yep. Put the name on last night."

Tony stepped around the back, and glanced at the black letters gleaming against the wood. Gibbs came up and placed his arms back around him.

They stood in silence. Absorbing the letters. Letting the passage of time wash over them.

Caitlyn

"I thought it would be appropriate to name it after two of the most important women in my life."

Tony smiled. "They would like it." Gibbs leaned his head into the crook of Tony's neck.

"Yeah. I think they would."

And the pair went upstairs. To their beautiful son. Their future. And their memories of the past, always in their hearts.

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All we are, we are
All we are, we are
And every day's a start
At something beautiful, beautiful

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A/N: Okay, so I hope this happy ending appeases those who found Caitlyn very tearful. No way could I leave Tony and Gibbs so unhappy. I took liberties with the name of Tony's mom.

And also, I know someone who contemplated aborting her child to avoid the pain of miscarriage, so I would greatly appreciate it if no could leave hateful comments about Tony considering it. There was reason behind it. I don't care if you are pro-life or pro-choice; there was a legitimate reason that Tony considered it.

I don't really want to go into how mpreg works in the universe of the story. Suffice to say that male miscarriages are common, and that occasionally the fetus doesn't develop properly. This is why Tony lost Caitlyn.

The song is "All We Are" by Matt Nathanson. It is a sweet song that I encourage everyone to check out.

On another note, f f . net is screwing with me right now. The message Abby puts on the blanket and the name of Gibbs' boat are supposed to be centered. And the message is also supposed to be the symbols instead of plus and equals written out. But I'll take what I can get I suppose.

Please leave me a review! I love feedback!

Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of Donald P. Bellisario and Don McGill.