I don't own KHR, and you know it. Hints of D18, 6918, 8059, R18, XS, BelXFran.

This was supposed to be Dino's birthday party, but now it's looking more like a gay strip club. The party's taking place at a bar that they rented, as the Varias calls it, but really, they just killed whoever tried to stop them from entering.

"Hmmm...Kyoya...bite me to death..." Dino murmured as he drapes his arm over the head prefect's shoulders, earning himself a punch in the face. The birthday boy reeks of alcohol, something that Hibari has a low tolerance for. Kyoya instinctively tried to push him off, but the drunken Callavone was just too damned heavy.

While Dino was busy groping his cute little skylark, the rest of the family was sitting in a tight circle, playing some sort of drinking game.

"Heh heh heh, this tastes like unicorns." Mukuro giggled at his drink.

"What does a unicorn taste like?" Gokudera slurred, spilling half of his wine onto the unconscious Levi under the table, who passed out when Xanxus threw a flat screen TV at him.

"Hula hoops...hic...with a hint of crunchy poop." Ryohei responded proudly, as if his answer made any sense.

"You're such an idiotic asshole!" The Storm growled, "Stop teaching Tenth unnecessary and false information on such useless matters!" He jabbed his fingers at the bloodied figure curled up against the corner, mumbling something along the lines of "Why does Reborn always hit me? Why can't he bother someone else...sniff."

"BAHAHAHA! I am an idiot! TO THE EXTREME!" Screamed Ryohei when his rice sized brain decides to shut down and leave the now brainless idiot on his own.

Just two more hours into the party, nothing was making sense anymore; about half of the Mafias were either half dead, or half naked, or in Lussuria's case, both.

Somewhere under a table, a very drunken Fran was being molested by a very drunk and horny Bel. On the couch beside the now broken antique window, Squalo was cuddled up in his boss's lab, sound asleep. Xanxus, on the other hand, was busy trying to keep himself awake to enjoy this once in a life time chance to see his loyal dog sleeping like an idiot.

Across the room, a bare-chested Kyoya lays on the floor, conked out, with a drooling Dino lying on top of him. Judging from their positions, Dino was probably in the process of removing his student's pants when he was hit in the head with a flying wine bottle.

Tsuna lay in his emo corner, mumbling something about purple nail clippers and poisonous mushrooms.

Somewhere under a pile of table cloth and discarded shirts, Takeshi and Gokudera were snuggling with each other, holding baseball cards and miniature baseballs, and giggling madly to themselves.

Lying on top of an illusionary fluffy pineapple, sat Mukuro holding Kyoya's boxers, which were stolen while the poor skylark was being raped by Dino.

And Ryohei? I wonder where'd that idiot go?