Just a quick little story while I try to gather my thoughts to write my Christmas series. In this story, JJ is at her wit's end after being on horrible date after horrible date. All she wants is a man who can appreciate her. That isn't too much to ask, or is it?

I don't own Criminal Minds.

Song prompt: "Rub You The Right Way" by Johnny Gill

Rub You The Right Way

It was official: Jennifer Jareau hated dating. She hated the pretense of dating and everything that went with it. It was a dog and pony show and somehow she always managed to get the raw end of the deal. Honestly, she didn't hate dating per se, just all the bullshit that came with it.

She was normal- at least her last psych evaluation made it official- so why was it so hard to find a normal guy to go out with? Was it her lot in life to hook up with guys who made the worst UNSUB look inviting?

Stepping into the break room, she poured herself a cup of coffee. Returning the carafe, she sat down at the round table and buried her face in her hands.

"Footloose and fancy free my ass," she muttered to herself.

"Excuse me?" a deep voice replied.

Looking up, she cast a wary glance at the tall dark agent walking in the room. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"Okay." She turned around in her chair. "Why is it so hard to find a normal guy in Quantico?"

"Ah…" Rossi tried to find the right words to reply but stopped. "Is this a rhetorical question?"

"No, it's an 'I need an answer' question."

"Honestly, JJ, I wasn't aware that there was a shortage of men in Quantico. But then again, I haven't been looking." He poured himself a cup of coffee.

"See? That is why you don't understand."

"I-" Oh boy. He looked at his watch. He needed to vacate the premise ASAP! He was sure he could find a report or two that needed filing…somewhere.

"Do you know how long it's been since I've been on a real date?" she asked.

"I-" Rossi looked for an escape route. No matter how he answered, the whole moment was not going to end well.

"Why is it so wrong to want to be appreciated? All I want is a guy who…appreciates me for me. I want a guy who holds the door open and doesn't leave me sitting in the car as he walks into the restaurant without me. I want a guy who can give me a compliment without sounding like he's struggling to find the right words. Do you know how insulting it is to hear, 'My grandmother has a pair of earrings just like that'?"

"I'm sure there is one or two men out there capable of doing that," Rossi hedged.

JJ let out a short burst of breath. "Trust me, there isn't. I dated them all. I just want a good time when I'm away from here. I want to see a movie that doesn't involve explosions and fraternity type humour. And go to a restaurant that doesn't have ESPN on in the background."

She stirred her coffee and waited for a reply that didn't come. "I want to be complimented for taking the time to do my hair and putting on a dress when I would rather be in sweats after a long hard day. And at the end of the night, I want to be kissed, not mauled."

"That doesn't sound unreasonable," Rossi observed.

"But you know what? More than a great date, I would give anything for a night of good old fashioned love making."

Rossi felt himself begin to sweat. Reaching up, he slipped two fingers under his collar and tried to gather his wits.

"Actually, I would sell my soul for a night of hot and steamy, burn the sheets up and melt the bedsprings sex," JJ stated matter of fact.

"Really?" Rossi swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on the cup in his hands. "JJ, I don't know. I mean, there has to be someone out there that can fulfill your request."

"If he is," she groused, "I missed him. Unless he is working here at the FBI- which makes it impossible for me to find him because it's against regulations to fraternize. It's hopeless." She got quiet for a long moment. "There is only one thing left to do: take me out."

Rossi's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Isn't that a little extreme? I mean, I know I have a reputation, but I can't do that. Imagine the paperwork and mess."

JJ looked at him stupidly. "What?" His meaning slowly sunk in. "No, not take me out 'take me out'; I mean 'take me out to dinner'. It's only fair."

"How do you figure?"

"Because it's your fault I can't find a good man."

"I'm not following you." And he wasn't. He had lost her at footloose and fancy free.

"There are no great guys in Quantico…at least none worth dating. If there is a man worth dating, he has to be working here. Unfortunately, I can't date anyone here because the reason for no fraternization amongst co-workers is standing before me."

Rossi gave her a grimace. "I'm sorry."

"And now you owe me. I want it all."

"I don't know…" He wondered again if he had stepped into some kind of alternate universe without knowing.

JJ stood up and looked at him. "Well…it was a good try. I guess I'll never know what it's like to go out on a date with a man who knows how to be a gentleman and treat a woman like a lady." She topped her cup off. "Maybe I'm just wishing too much for the impossible."

Turning around, she walked out of the room leaving a flustered Rossi watching her disappear around the corner. Waiting for the coast to be clear, he let out a long breath and leaned against the counter. Of all the days he didn't call in sick and decide to work on his book?

I just want a good time with a guy who appreciates me. I want to see a real movie and go to a restaurant that doesn't have ESPN on in the background… JJ's words reverberated in his head as he sipped the now cold coffee. What did she expect him to do? He was an interrogator, not a miracle worker. But…

Filling his cup again, he felt that familiar feeling go thru him. "Oh no you don't," he warned himself. "She was pointing out the obvious and getting her frustrations off her chest."

"I would love to see more than frustration off her chest," he answered, his body growing hot at the thought of Jennifer Jareau lying naked and sweaty under him on his bed as he tasted every inch of her soft white skin…

"Is that fresh coffee?" Emily asked, breaking into his thoughts.

"I-I'm sorry," he replied, trying to recover enough not to raise suspicions. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"Are you alright?" She looked closely at him.

He gave her a small smile. "Yeah," he nodded. "I just figured out how to help a friend out of a little predicament."

Lifting the carafe, Emily nodded. "Okay. I don't think I want to know."

"Trust me Prentiss, the less you know, the better this will be for all of us."

"Whatever you say." She quickly poured the coffee and vacated the room to leave Rossi with his thoughts.
***

JJ was busy going over her stack of folders when a knock on the door interrupted her. "Come in," she called out.

Slowly the door opened to reveal Rossi. Looking the woman over, he smiled darkly. "Tonight, be ready by seven. I expect you to be dressed and made up."

"What?" she stammered.

"I'm going to show you how a man is supposed to treat a woman on a date. And if at the end of the night, we should find ourselves in bed, don't worry about us melting the bedsprings- I own a sleep number bed." Closing the door, he left her to pick her mouth up from the desk.