"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
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Chapter 5: Eve of the Festival - Part 2
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Lunch Break, 11:20 AM
Tsuchimikado had been described as many things throughout his life. A delinquent. A trouble maker. A flagrant liar. A backstabbing bastard. The list went for longer than he cared to remember.
Really though, he was simply a prankster at heart. Some people just didn't fully appreciate his jokes. Sure it usually involved messing with others, but it was all harmless fun. At least, most of the time.
At the end of the day, he was a man who lived to laugh. So when his blue haired buddy announced that his "master plan" for getting them out of debt was to open a host club, Tsuchimikado immediately grasped the potential hilarity of such an endeavor and resolved to make it a reality.
With his decision made, the blonde analyzed the situation while Pierce began his Host Club sales pitch.
The first problem that needed to be addressed was bringing everyone on board with the plan. That started, of course, with the people immediately present: Touma, Last Order, and Accelerator.
Accelerator would be the most difficult to convince, assuming it was even possible to begin with. Most of the Level 5's were a mentally unhinged bunch, and Accelerator was no exception. He was as hostile as he was egotistical, as violent as he was sadistic. And to add more fuel to the flames, he had a huge chip on his shoulder regarding Touma. Tsuchimikado had managed to mess with Accelerator a bit before by exploiting his obvious grudge he had for Touma. But using the same methods to have him help with the host club was a stretch.
Not all was lost though. Depending on how potent Last Order's influence was, they could possibly strong-arm Accelerator into building the stall with his powers. Maybe even more.
Tsuchimikado turned his gaze to the tiny chestnut haired girl. Judging by the look of confusion on her face, it was pretty clear she didn't even know what a host club was. But that was fine. Children were readily accepting of most things. With the right explanation, Last Order would leap at the opportunity to help. With any luck, she'd drag Accelerator along with her. At least partially.
And last but not least...
"C'mon, don't be that way! I'm being serious here!"
"You're giving me a serious headache! Wearing a suit doesn't automatically make you some sort of bishonen hustler!"
"You're clearly underestimating the power of a suit, Kami-yan!"
Kamijou Touma, accidental womanizer extraordinaire. The point of contention and the crux of the entire plan.
In his entire life, Tsuchimikado had never known a single person who could "play the field" as proficiently as Touma could, while simultaneously being completely unaware that they were playing at all. There was some sort of mysterious quality about him that women found irresistible. Tsuchimikado was almost convinced that "unfortunate" boy had some sort of animal magnetism for an esper power. Within a year of attending high school, two thirds of the female population had already fallen for him, teacher and staff included. And if Tsuchimikado's sources were to be believed, Touma already had a few ojou's after him to begin with. With him involved, a host club could very well thrive, poor planning and all.
The boy's power over the opposite gender simply could not be ignored. He alone turned this fool's errand into something plausible. They needed him to make this work.
Tsuchimikado stayed quiet as his two friends went at it. He could already see where this argument was heading. Touma would naturally be a giant stick-in-the-mud and reject Pierce, spending the rest of the lunch break arguing the futility of a host club. However, Touma's reluctance didn't concern Tsuchimikado. Touma was always resistant to their plans at first. Despite that, Tsuchimikado was usually able to get him to tag along regardless.
But simply convincing Touma would not be enough.
"Even if we could pull this off, we haven't even gotten approval to set up a stall." Touma pointed out, "And I seriously doubt that there's a slot left the day before the festival..."
Pierce gave him a large, toothy grin and rest his hand on Touma's shoulder, "And that's why I'm leaving you in charge of convincing Fukiyose to give us a slot."
"To hell with that, you go convince her! I'm not going to be smacked around over your half baked plan!"
"But you're the best at getting girls to sympathize with you!" Pierce countered, "Of all of us, you have the best chance at getting her to listen!"
"What kind of manipulative bastard do you take me for? I've never tried to get girls to 'sympathize' with me, much less Fukiyose-"
Fukiyose, The Iron Wall. She was, to put it bluntly, a total hard ass. Considering the nature of their request, there was no way that she would willingly go along with it. Especially with how ticked she was at them. Pierce was correct in thinking that Touma was the only one who had a shot at convincing her. However, Fukiyose was notorious for being able to resist even Touma's legendary charm. Maybe Touma could still pull it off, but the odds were still too stacked for Tsuchimikado's liking.
So, they would just side step her completely. Their target would be Yomikawa.
Yomikawa had the both the clearance and authority to grant them a stall space, provided one was available. Touma already had a decent rapport with her, and she was about a million times more laid back than Fukiyose. She neatly fit all the parameters. It wasn't a done deal by any means, but it was certainly a better shot than Fukiyose.
Of course, they were going to have to let Fukiyose know eventually. A few of them would have to be exempt from the festival games to run the stall. But it would be easier to do once they already had the spot secured. At least he hoped. He was still going to get Touma to break the news, just in case.
Tsuchimikado turned his attention to the inevitable conversation he'd be having with his misfortunate friend. Touma was a very honest, straightforward guy. Beating around the bush wouldn't work in his favor. He'd have to hit him with something solid, right out the gate. Something that would appeal to his sense of responsibility. Maybe he could use the "I have a sister to feed" route? Or maybe the "we need to do everything we can to make up with Fukiyose" line? Yea, that could work...
Tsuchimikado let out a serene sigh. Sometimes, he almost felt bad for manipulating Touma into doing these things.
Almost.
The thing was, it was for his own good. Touma was a great guy, but he could be a little uptight at times. And with the amount of trouble he got himself in, he needed an outlet. But he was so damn serious all the time, he'd never realize that on his own. He'd just go on shouldering all of other people's burdens, not thinking about himself for even a minute. Admirable? Sure. But it could also be self destructive if left unchecked.
Even if Touma didn't realize it, he needed something like this. He needed something silly and stupid to fret over, instead of taking on everyone else's problems. Because at the end of the day, Touma was still just a 16 year old kid. He deserved to worry over dumb teenage stuff like homework and girls. He deserved, at least for a little bit, to be normal.
So if it took a bit of prodding and trickery to get Touma to unwind, so be it. Tsuchimikado didn't mind taking some flak for it later. That's what friends were for, right?
"Uh Kami-yan, you ok? You don't look so good." Pierce asked, stopping his rant about host clubs mid sentence.
Tsuchimikado glanced in there direction. Pierce was right, Touma looked like he was sweating buckets. And his eyes seemed strangely unfocused...
Touma opened his mouth, wobbled in place, and fell over.
Tsuchimikado immediately ran over to his fallen friend. Pierce was asking Touma what was wrong and had begun nudging him in an effort to wake him up. Years of experience slid into place as Tsuchimikado knelt down and placed his fingers to Touma's neck.
There was a pulse. Good. Breathing was steady, judging by the rise and fall of his chest. Tsuchimikado took out a penlight from his pocket. He carefully lifted one of Touma's eyelids and shined light into his eye. Pupils were definitely working.
Tsuchimikado let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He seemed fine... but then, why did he conk out like that? And why was he sweating so much?
Unless...
Tsuchimikado grabbed Imagine Breaker and placed it on Touma's head.
Nothing. So they were dealing with something natural.
"Call an ambulance." Tsuchimikado instructed. Better safe than sorry.
As Pierce fumbled with his phone, Tsuchimikado replayed what had transpired in his head. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The only thing that really stood out recently was Touma wrestling Accelerator to the ground and getting bonked in the head a few times. But Touma had taken a hell of a lot more punishment than that before, there was no way that would have done anything. Then he was just sitting there, eating his-
...
Tsuchimikado looked over at where Touma had been sitting. At his side was his half eaten bento. The blonde spy reached out and grabbed it.
"Hey, Last Order?" Tsuchimikado called out, inspecting the food carefully, "Did you happen to see where Kami-yan got this?"
The tiny girl hesitated for a second before responding, "'Misaka wasn't present at the time, but Misaka was informed that the Savior received his food from a girl.' Misaka states as Misaka answers to the best of her ability."
Tsuchimikado nodded, still peering at the boxed lunch. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary. A cursory sniff left him with nothing as well. Reaching inside, he plucked a bit of rice from the bento and popped it in his mouth. After a few moments of taking in the flavor, he spit it out.
It wasn't immediately apparent, but a there was definitely a weird taste to it. A salty, yet soapy aftertaste. Factoring in abnormal sweating and loss of consciousness...
Holy shit, seriously?
"Hold up a sec Pierce. I don't think we should call anyone after all." Tsuchimikado retracted, thinking fast.
Pierce shot him a confused look, finger hovering over the call button, "What? Why?"
Tsuchimikado considered making up a story to cover the actual situation, but decided against it. They all needed to be on the same page for this.
Tsuchimikado gave his friend a lopsided grin and held up the bento box, "It finally happened Pierce. Someone roofied Kami-yan."
For his part, Pierce seemed to take the news in stride, "Oh, that makes sense. It was only a matter of time before he raised a yandere flag."
"'Um, Misaka is unfamiliar with that terminology.' Misaka brings up as Misaka tries to follow the conversation."
Tsuchimikado casually skirted around the subject, "Nya, Kami-yan used all his energy and has to take a long nap to recharge. Kinda like a battery!"
The tiny electromaster frowned, but eventually nodded, accepting his explanation.
"Still though, shouldn't we at least take him to a doctor?" Pierce asked, glancing at Touma's prone form.
"Nah, he'll be fine." Tsuchimikado assured, "He just needs to sleep it off."
The blonde then leaned forward and lowered his voice so that Last Order couldn't hear, "Think about it, if we take him anywhere, drugs will show up in his system. We can't prove that he wasn't taking it recreationally. We're also technically in possession too. We're already in enough hot water as it is, don't you think?"
"Eh, I didn't think of that." Pierce admitted, "They wouldn't even think about it twice with our record."
"Nya."
"But what are we going to tell Yomikawa and Moe-Skill?"
"We'll just say that he has narcolepsy and forgot to take his meds." Tsuchimikado replied easily.
"Couldn't they check that though?"
"They can't pull medical records unless they have a warrant. And even if they did go that far, the stuff he's on metabolizes fast. As long as we could stall the test till tomorrow, we would be fine."
Pierce gave him an odd look, "You seem to know a lot about this kind of stuff bro."
Well yes, he did. Most magicians didn't know or care to know about the wonders of medical science and all its applications. Tsuchimikado wasn't exactly an expert on the subject, but he dabbled enough to make creative use of certain concoctions. After all, it was much easier to get to a target when all their body guards mysteriously fell unconscious.
But of course, he couldn't exactly reveal any of that. So he gave Pierce a very pleasant smile instead,
"Someone tried to do something like this to Miaka, once. It didn't end very well for him. I made sure to brush up on the subject after that."
Pierce nodded and continued, apparently not wanting to dwell on the subject any longer, "Right. Well, as long as he's ok, that's fine."
"Yep!" Tsuchimikado agreed, slipping back to normal speaking volume, "We're all good."
Pierce looked back at Touma with a glum expression, "But man, now that Kami-yan's down, it looks like my host club idea isn't going to work out. We needed him to convince Fukiyose..."
Tsuchimikado frowned. True, not having Touma's silver tongue was a setback. But all hope wasn't lost.
"About that, I think we should still go for it."
Pierce cocked his head, "What, are you going to go talk to Fukiyose?"
"We could just ask Yomi-nyan instead." Tsuchimikado explained, "She has the authority, and she'd be way easier to talk to than Fukiyose."
Pierce adopted a thoughtful expression, "That's a pretty good point. Yea, this could work!"
"The hag isn't going to go along with your stupid bullshit."
Tsuchimikado looked over at Accelerator, surprised at the sudden outburst. He was under the impression that he was ignoring them.
Pierce gave the Level 5 a put off look, "Oh c'mon, you sound like Kami-yan."
"The fuck did you just say?" Accelerator growled dangerously.
"You're being a Negative Nancy about stuff, just like him." Tsuchimikado explained, "Don't go full Kami-yan on us."
"Yea, you're cooler than that."
Accelerator opened his mouth to argue, then closed it, settling instead on staring daggers at the two of them.
Seeing an opportunity, Tsuchimikado continued, "I mean, you're probably right. It's a long shot. But we might as well try anyway. Even if we can't pull it off, it's not like we'd lose anything. And if Yomi-nyan does go along with it, it beats the hell out of doing a bunch of mindless grunt work, yea?"
Accelerator didn't say anything, just staring at Tsuchimikado. After a minute, he apparently decided he had enough.
"Tch, do what you want. Just don't expect anything from me." Accelerator grunted, looking away from the two of them.
Tsuchimikado decided not to press issue. Truth be told, he was content to leave Accelerator out of this. He just couldn't see the Level 5 doing something so out of character. It was more trouble than it was worth.
"'What's a host club?' Misaka interrupts while Misaka attempts to gather information."
Pierce's grin was absolutely brilliant, "Honorable establishments that are committed to strengthening the bonds of humanity! Sit down my dear Last Order, and allow me to broaden your horizons!"
"'M-Misaka is already sitting down?' Misaka informs as Misaka points out the obvious."
"The first thing you need to know is that host clubs are all about breaking social boundaries with the power of friendship! Truly, it is more like a profound commentary on-"
Tsuchimikado took out his phone, knowing this was going to be a long explanation. While he was a bit hesitant with leaving Pierce to convince Last Order, he let it slide. Last Order was the easy one. Pierce could handle it.
Tsuchimikado navigated his way to the 'Urban Legends of Academy City' rumor site. As one might expect, it was a sort of forum that catered to rampant rumors that circulated Academy City. Most of the information was probably bogus, but sometimes you would find eerily accurate nuggets of truth amongst the crap. He was almost positive that quite a few of these rumors pertained specifically to Touma, as a mysterious level 0 running around and engaging with Level 5s.
Regardless, it was a fun website to read up on. He often found himself posting truths and half truths, just to see what bizarre spin the users would make of it.
Today, however, seemed like a slow day. As he scrolled through the posts, nothing really caught his eye.
Nothing interesting. Let's change that. But with what?
After a few minutes of thought, a devious plan was hatched. He had discreetly taken a picture of Accelerator earlier, right after Fukiyose had slugged him. It just seemed like a prudent thing to do at the time, and he always listen to his gut. And now, he understood why.
Grinning like a loon, Tsuchimikado uploaded his latest post.
'Breaking News: Accelerator Defeated by Mystery Girl with Huge Boobs'. Complete with a picture of Accelerator with a black eye, made juuuuust grainy enough to be infuriating.
Nice.
Within no time at all, he was getting hits. Tsuchimikado glanced up from his phone as the view count skyrocketed, checking in on Pierce's progress.
"And that's why the suit is so important! It is the host's way of communicating to their consumer a sense of-"
Oh yea, their suits. They were going to need to look fresh as hell for this to work. That shouldn't be too hard to take care of though; he had a whole bunch of extras at his place. Being able to blend in with fancy-pants rich folk was a must in his line of work. It was a bitch to get the blood stains out though. Touma and Pierce should be able to fit into his duds just fine. But just in case they did need alterations, he might need get a hold of his tailor.
Meanwhile, it looked like Pierce was finally winding down,
"And so, patrons of host clubs are usually ojou-sama's who have too much time on their hands and too much money to spend. But in order to be successful, you must first realize why they choose to spend it on host clubs rather than yachts or other pointless things rich people waste money on. You see, even if these ojous are rich, famous, or influential to some extent, at the end of the day they are still girls. They still get self-conscious and have worries just like any other person. Now, most people just talk to a friend when they are having problems, or maybe they go play a game or something. But for whatever reason, rich people really like hiring others to listen to their troubles instead."
Pierce made a flourishing hand motion, "And that's where we come in. For a simple fee, a host club is just a little piece of wish-fulfillment, a place designed to cater to the girl's needs. By hitting a certain niche, a host fulfils that desire! Yes, it is the host's duty to listen to their problems and help them forget their responsibilities for even just a moment! To understand their struggles like no one else can! That, is the power of a host club! That is the power of the human spirit!"
Pierce struck a dynamic pose, "That is the true power of compensated friendship!"
Last Order clapped enthusiastically at the performance, "'Misaka doesn't understand completely, but Misaka is moved by your passion!' Misaka cheers as Misaka learns about the true power of host clubs!"
Accelerator looked like he had stepped on a particularly gross looking insect.
"'Misaka would like to aid you in your quest to make new friends!' Misaka proclaims as Misaka makes her decision!"
Now Accelerator looked like he had realized that it wasn't an insect he stepped on, but a moist pile of shit.
In an amazing and rare display of situational awareness, Pierce seemed to recognize Accelerator disdain. The blue haired boy knelt down and pat the tiny electromaster on the head,
"You're so cute Last Order! But I don't think I can take you up on that offer."
"'Why not?' Misaka asks as Misaka feels the weight or rejection."
"Well, we're going to be spending most of our time building our stall. It's going to be boring and a bunch of heavy lifting, so I don't think someone as cute as you would be suited to that." Pierce explained. He looked over toward Accelerator and gave an apologetic smile, "And besides that, I think Accelerator would be worried if you got mixed up in something like this."
Wow. For a second there, Pierce looked kind of cool.
Last Order turned and gave Accelerator a searching look.
Accelerator looked supremely annoyed, and refused to make eye contact. The chestnut haired girl just continued to stare.
"'Jiiiiiii~' Misaka drones as Misaka uses the appropriate onomatopoeia."
"The fuck are you looking at, you god damned brat?" Accelerator snapped.
"'Misaka would like to help her new friends, but Misaka doesn't wish to make you worry.' Misaka states as Misaka describes a tricky situation."
Accelerator clucked his tongue in disapproval, "Did I ever say that I was worried about you?"
"'But Misaka's new friend-'"
"Is a shithead that assumes too much." Accelerator growled, "Do what you want, but I'm not lifting a finger for anybody."
Last Order gave the pale Level 5 a huge smile, "'Thank you, Accelerator.' Misaka thanks as Misaka shows her appreciation."
"Tch..."
Pierce frowned at the exchange, "Thanks, but like I said, I don't think-"
"'Misaka has many contacts who can handle heavy lifting. She's going to recruit their help!' Misaka interrupts as Misaka attempts to clear a misunderstanding."
Tsuchimikado's eyes widened. Did she mean-?
"Whoa, really? I mean, that's awesome!" Pierce replied, regaining his enthusiasm, "Are you sure they'll be ok with that?"
"'Positive! Now, what do Misaka's friends need for the host club?' Misaka inquires as Misaka tries to determine inventory."
Tsuchimikado and Pierce looked at each other.
"Well, we'd need building materials, furniture, suits..." Pierce began.
"Nya, I got suits covered." Tsuchimikado volunteered.
Pierce nodded, "Ok, no suits. We'll still need food, drinks, cooking appliances, a fridge, plates, utensils... Oh, and candles for sure."
Tsuchimikado cocked an eyebrow, "Why candles?"
"For mood, duh. After all, the success of a host club lies in presentation and execution!"
"In that case, we need a sound system to play some tunes. I have a few buddies that could hook me up."
"Nice. Also, we'd at least need some fans or something. Otherwise it's going to get really hot." Pierce pointed out.
"Nya, I think I can get an AC guy out here. I have a friend in the industry that owes me." Tsuchimikado proposed before a sudden thought occurred to him, "Wait, how are we going to power all this crap?"
Pierce frowned at the snag, "I'm pretty sure you can buy electric service and extension cords for Daihaseisai..."
"That's gonna get expensive real fast."
"Umm, I think I might know someone that has a generator...?"
Tsuchimikado furrowed his brow. "Honestly, what are we going to do about food too? Is it all going to be instant stuff? Host clubs are supposed to be high class and luxurious, but we're sort of running on a shoestring budget here." Tsuchimikado could pull quite a bit of strings, but he had a limit.
Pierce shook his head ruefully, "You're over thinking it. We just need to appear to be fancy. Add some seasoning and add some green sprinkly things, and it'll look the part."
"Sure, but wouldn't they be able to tell that it was cheap once they tasted it?"
"If they're actual ojou-samas, they've probably never had anything cheap in their life. How would they be able to tell?" Pierce countered, "We can just say it's imported exotic stuff and then they'll pretend to like it because that makes them feel high class. It's like caviar; it doesn't taste like anything special, but it makes people feel special, so they continue buying it as a status symbol."
Pierce shrugged, "Plus it's a festival, everything is going to be greasy stuff anyway. What's important is that we make a distinction. Marketing will get us the rest of the way there."
"Marketing?"
"Yea, I have a few ideas. I'll go over that later though, right now we need to figure out how to get everything rolling."
"'Regarding power, Misaka's helpers can take care of it.' Misaka informs as Misaka thinks of an alternative."
Pierce made a curious face, "Do you have connections in energy companies?"
"'Something like that.' Misaka confirms as Misaka dances around the subject."
"Well, if we're going off of bare minimum, I think that's it." Tsuchimikado finished. "Now we just need to figure out how to get half of it. And convince Yomi-nyan, of course."
"Convince me of what?"
The three of them jumped. Tsuchimikado's hand reflexively twitched towards his pistol, only to remember he didn't have his sidearm on him. That was probably a good thing too, as it would be sort of hard to explain why he was packing heat.
Yomikawa and Tessou stood behind them, each holding a rice cooker box.
Tsuchimikado slipped into a winning smile, "Yomi-nyan, we figured out a great way to earn a whole bunch of money and help pay off our debt! And we just need a tiny favor from you to do it."
Yomikawa gave him a skeptical look, "Really? Well, let's hear it."
"Right, so me and Pierce were talk-"
"Time out." Yomikawa interrupted, "What's wrong with Kamijou?"
Tsuchimikado glanced at his hapless friend. Still out cold, sprawled in an awkward position.
"Oh, we think Kami-yan forgot to take his narcolepsy pills again. He just conked right out! He'll probably be up in a few hours though, so no worries." Tsuchimikado lied, "Anyway, we were talking about the festival when it suddenly hit us that we could-"
"That's the first time I've ever heard of Kamijou being a narcoleptic."
"I think he was diagnosed recently. But as I was saying-"
"Accelerator, why do you have a black eye?" Yomikawa asked, interrupting once again.
"I don't know, why did you go buy another fucking rice cooker when we already have six of them?" Accelerator snapped back.
"Accelerator got punched by Fukiyose when he tried to ask her a question." Pierce answered.
"No one asked you, freak!"
"I told you, Yomikawa-san! That girl was abusing them! " Tessou insisted, "And she wasn't even supervising like we told her too! She shouldn't be allowed to oversee their community service!"
"M-Moe~"
"No one fucking abused me!"
Yomikawa pinched the bridge of her nose, "So you're telling me that Kamijou just so happens to be unconscious, and Accelerator just so happens to have a black eye, and those two occurrences are in no way related?"
"Yes."
"Yep."
"'Correct.' Misaka confirms as Misaka nods her head."
Accelerator gave her the bird.
Yomikawa shook her head, "You know what? Forget I asked. Just tell me what you want."
Tsuchimikado decided to cut to the chase, "We want to open a stall for Daihaseisai, and we need you to give us permission to and set up space."
"And what would your stand sell? Food?"
"Well yes, among other things-"
"It's going to be a host club!" Pierce (un)helpfully corrected.
Well great. They were screwed.
Yomikawa stared at the blue haired pervert.
Tsuchimikado tried his best to salvage the cause, "When Pierce says 'host club', he means more like a-"
"That's fine."
Tsuchimikado was stunned. Judging by the faces Tessou and Accelerator were making, he wasn't the only one.
"Really?" he asked, incredulous.
Yomikawa seemed almost starry-eyed as she pulled out her touch pad, "I doubt you'll get anywhere with it, but I don't see how it could hurt anything."
Well, that was incredibly easy. And odd. Yomikawa wasn't Fukiyose, but she wasn't a pushover either. She had been acting particularly stern during their house arrest period as well. It was a nice surprise, but something about it bothered him...
Oh well, he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. They needed to get the ball rolling in this as fast as possible, so a lack of resistance was definitely a good thing.
"Looks like you're in luck." Yomikawa began, flipping the touchpad over so he could see, "It looks like a space just opened up five minutes ago."
Sure enough, it looked like someone by the name of 'John Smith' had mysteriously pulled from the stall roster, leaving a decent sized space for them towards the outskirts of Area 7. The location wasn't ideal, but judging by the map he wasn't going to get anything better.
"We'll take it." Tsuchimikado quickly confirmed.
Yomikawa nodded, tapping a few buttons on the screen, "I'll let your committee coordinator know that she's been relieved from your group. I assume you want to check out the location now?"
"Yea, just one sec." Tsuchimikado agreed. The triple spy walked up to Touma and draped him over his back, piggyback style.
"Lead the way, nya."
Yomikawa gave him a small smile before she began marching toward their destination.
"What a nice friendship ability you have..."
In A Certain Network Channel
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[OP] Misaka 16357 09/18/XX(Fri)12:28:13 No.546272
"'Serph is the best boy in Magical Girl Kanamin.' Misaka proclaims as she starts the thread."
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Misaka 17157 09/18/XX(Fri)12:28:56 No.546296
"'That's not Shinji.' Misaka replies as she points out the obvious error in judgment."
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Misaka 17359 09/18/XX(Fri)12:29:07 No.546303
"'You're taste is very similar to human excrement.' Misaka retorts as she asserts her viewpoint."
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[OP] Misaka 11148 09/18/XX(Fri)12:29:14 No.546311
"'Misaka is concerned with the ozone smell she gives off. Is there any way to correct this?' Misaka asks as she grows increasingly self conscious."
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Misaka 19002 09/18/XX(Fri)12:29:30 No.546321
"'Onee-sama uses the Gekota scented spray. Apparently it's very effective.' Misaka suggests as she tries to give helpful advice."
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Misaka 16990 09/18/XX(Fri)12:29:40 No.546328
"'Misaka uses Last'Oreal, because she's worth it.' Misaka answers while trying to earn ad revenue on the side."
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[OP] 20k !ftr52js8k0 09/18/XX(Fri) 12:30:16 No.546343
"'Thread Accelerator!' Misaka announces as she reposts a picture from past threads."
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Misaka 10669 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:03 No.546362
"'God damn it.' Misaka grunts as she hides the thread."
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Misaka 19770 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:24 No.546374
"'Misaka heard that he was recently defeated by a girl with large breasts.' Misaka reports while parroting an online rumor."
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Misaka 10192 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:30 No.546378
"'Onee-sama's genetic make-up let us down again.' Misaka replies as she comments on her disappointing bust size."
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Misaka 11234 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:41 No.546384
"'Maybe the Savior has a sister we didn't know about?' Misaka theorizes as she takes in the surprising news."
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Misaka 11111 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:46 No.546388
"'Misaka encourages you to check her digits.' Misaka requests as she points at her post number."
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[OP] Misaka 17667 09/18/XX(Fri)12:32:19 No.546390
"'Has anyone been keeping up with I Was Reincarnated as a Lamp in an Alternate World and My Non-Blood Related Little Brother Keeps Turning Me On?' Misaka asks as she seeks fellow fans the Light Novel series."
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Misaka 16210 09/18/XX(Fri)12:32:35 No.546398
"'Isekai was a mistake.' Misaka responds as she laments the state of humanity."
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[OP] Misaka 18211 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:44 No.546401
"'Touma Thread #379: Shota Edition.' Misaka begins as she posts a picture of the Savior as a little boy."
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Misaka 19468 09/18/XX(Fri)12:31:58 No.546426
"'CUTE!' Misaka replies as she is filled with joy."
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Misaka 16969 09/18/XX(Fri)12:32:07 No.546435
> 130cm
> roughly 35kg
"'Imagine how fun it would be to manhandle his tiny body.' Misaka comments while implying certain innuendos."
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Misaka 15151 09/18/XX(Fri)12:32:13 No.546443
"'I want to protect his smile.' Misaka claims while expressing her desires."
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Misaka 16661 09/18/XX(Fri)12:32:14 No.546444
"'I want to commit a crime.' Misaka says as she licks her lips."
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[OP] Last Order !Ep8pui8Vw2##Admin 09/18/XX(Fri)12:33:02 No.546506
"'Misaka brings important news! As you may already know, the Savior and his friends are in a serious financial crisis. To alleviate this problem, they are going to open a host club for Daihaseisai! Misaka has been told that host clubs are primarily for making new friends, so it should be lots of fun! This operation is very last minute however, so Misaka's new friends need all the help they can get.' Misaka announces as Misaka summarizes the situation."
"'To any Misaka in the immediate area: You are invited to help with set up. Any suitable materials that a Misaka is willing to temporarily part with would be greatly appreciated. Misaka will provide a list of supplies we are looking for after this post. Any Misaka that helps with initial set up will receive a discount and be given priority treatment during the duration of the hosting services. Misakas that are not able to provide assistance can still show their support via mail, which are to be addressed to the Savior's residence. Misaka's new friends assure Misaka that the Savior will personally read and reply to each one, so be sure to say something encouraging!' Misaka continues as Misaka outlines the plan."
"'Any Misaka in the local area is welcome to attend the Savior's host club. However, Misaka must insist that no Misaka outside of Japan attempt to participate directly, due to security reasons. Misaka doesn't want to have the other Misakas feel left out though. So Misaka is working on a way to include as many Misaka as possible. Misaka will elaborate on the details later, once Misaka sets up the ground work.' Misaka concludes as Misaka explains her intent."
"'P.S.: As promised, Misaka has obtained the Savior's phone number, and will provide it in the post bellow. The Savior informs Misaka that this is only for his temporary phone, but has promised Misaka to update her with the new number once he switches back.' Misaka adds as Misaka fulfills her part of the bargain."
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A Certain Judgment Office, 1:22 PM
Misaka Mikoto sighed softly as she stared out of the Judgment office window. With the Daihaseisai festival right around the corner, all students had been given a day off from classes. Unfortunately, many of the stores around Academy City were closed for pre-festival inspection of goods. Most students had busied themselves with making last minute preparations to their stalls or going over strategy for the inter-school competition.
Needless to say, she was bored out of her mind.
But how could she not be? She had no stall to attend to. Making big displays and selling crepes to tourists wasn't exactly up her alley. It's not like she needed the pocket change anyway. It was better to leave it up to the girls who were good with that nonsense. She wasn't particularly excited about the competition either. Being a Level 5, she was forced to put a huge handicap on her abilities for the sake of fairness to the other participants. There wasn't much to be motivated about when she was going to be actively gimping herself the entire festival.
Sometimes, she really missed the days when she was a low leveled 'nobody'. Being a Level 5 really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The fame, the hero worshiping, the constant attention... it got old pretty fast. Only flakes like Shokuhou thrived on that kind of stuff. Mikoto simply felt isolated.
People nowadays tended to see her as Misaka Mikoto, the Level 5 Railgun, rather than Misaka Mikoto, the 14 year old middle schooler. It was inevitable of course, but she still felt cut off from the 'normal' school life. She didn't really have many friends her age. Even Kuroko, whom she considered one of her closest friends, had only come into her life a year ago.
It was funny in a way. She had worked so hard to be extraordinary, and now she longed to be ordinary again...
The creaking of the Judgment office door rustled her out of her inner musings. Mikoto looked over to see Saten burst into the room, her cheerful attitude tinged with a touch of weariness.
"Hey, sorry I'm late! Jeez, I thought the teacher wouldn't ever stop talking."
Mikoto almost asked why she was in class when it was her day off, but caught herself just in time. That's right... she had forgotten that Saten was taking remedial classes. Ever since the Level Upper incident, the Level 0 had shown a renewed passion in her studies, throwing herself even harder into the curriculum in the hopes of one day raising her esper level.
Mikoto felt a squirm of shame run through her as she watched her friend lay down her heavily-laden backpack. Here Saten was on a school holiday, pushing herself so hard to improve her abilities, and all the great 'Railgun' could do was sit around and mope. What was she feeling sorry for herself for? Loads of people would kill to be in her position. Sure her life had a few hiccups, but...
Well, there were a few things she had the right to complain about. But that was a different matter entirely...
Mikoto shook her head, banishing that particular line of thought from her mind. No need to dwell on what happened in the past.
"You're fine. There's plenty of daylight left." Mikoto finally answered.
Saten nodded, "As long as we're able to scope out most of the stalls... you ready to go Uiharu?"
Mikoto followed Saten's gaze and peered at the petite girl sitting behind the Judgment computer. Uiharu had been especially reserved today, barely talking at all for the past few hours. Mikoto had almost forgotten that she was here.
For her part, Uiharu didn't respond at all to Saten's question, eyes still fixed on the multiple monitors in front of her. Mikoto cocked an eyebrow at Saten, who in just shook her head,
"Looks like she's in 'tech mode' again... She always gets this way when she's dealing with computers for a long time. Hold on."
Saten cupped her hands together and held them to her mouth, speaking slowly and emphasizing each syllable,
"Yoooooo, Earth to Uuuuuiiiihaaaaaaruuuuuuuuu."
Amazingly, Uiharu still didn't answer, still completely absorbed with whatever she was working on.
"Jeez…"
With her face set, Saten strode over right next to her. In one deft motion, she crouched down and pulled up the front part of Uiharu's skirt, exposing the girl's underwear.
"Huh, that's an interesting pattern." Saten commented.
Uiharu finally paused and looked down, distracted momentarily by the sudden breeze on her thighs.
"Hm? Wha- St-St-Stop that!" she squeaked, yanking the clothes out of Saten's hands.
Saten grinned at her flustered friend, "Welcome back to reality. So, we goin' to see the stalls or what?"
"Oh um, just a minute. This part of the tech manual isn't adequately explained. I'm almost done."
Saten rolled her eyes,
"That means she'll be at it for another half hour." she explained to Mikoto.
Uiharu shot her an indignant look, "No I won't."
"Twenty five minutes then?"
Uiharu ignored her and looked at Mikoto instead, "You two can go on ahead if you want, I can catch up later."
Saten made a big 'x' with her arms, "Uh-uh, no way. If we leave now, you'll get so caught up in that tech crap that you'll never make it out."
"I don't mind waiting for a bit." Mikoto said with a placating smile.
Uiharu nodded and focused back on her computer screen, "Thank you for being so understanding, Misaka-san. Unlike some people."
Saten rolled her eyes again as she plopped down next to Mikoto, "As long as we leave before night time."
"You seem pretty excited about the stalls." Mikoto observed.
Saten's eyes twinkled at comment, "You bet! If we figure out which stands look legit now, we'll have an edge for tomorrow!"
"An...edge?" Mikoto questioned, not quite following.
Saten looked at her like she was being slow, "For the food! We can get first dibs on the tastiest as long as we get up early enough!"
"Oh, of course..."
"I'm looking forward to tasting the crepes from Minamizawa." Uiharu chimed in from her workstation, "I heard they're amazing!"
"Sweets are nice, but it's all about the fried food when it comes to festivals." Saten replied sagely.
"Well, I am quite fond of tempura."
"Now you're talking! I want to get some Kushikatsu too. Oh, and Karaage!"
"I heard Shidarezakura has wonderful Onigiri."
"Oh man that reminds me, I definitely need to get the Katsudon special from our school too."
"Saten-san, you need to eat vegetables too, not just meat."
"It's not just meat! There's rice in it!"
"Rice is a grain."
"Whatever, you just don't understand festivals Uiharu! You're supposed to pig out on the greasiest stuff you can get your hands on!"
"Have you ever noticed how much we talk about food?" Mikoto asked, catching the two of them off guard.
"Well I suppose, b-but food can be interesting! I don't see anything wrong with talking about it a lot." Uiharu answered just a little too defensively.
"Mhm, it's normal! You can't live without food after all!" Saten agreed, a slight edge to her voice.
"Y-Yea..."
An uncomfortable silence descended on the three of them.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Could it be that we're just really boring?" Saten asked.
"That's not what I meant!" Mikoto protested.
"Well what other conclusion is there?!"
Uiharu looked away from the two of them, a hollowness in her eyes, "I've actually been thinking this for awhile now, but isn't that kind of small talk similar to chatting about the weather when you have nothing else to say?"
"You really went and said it!"
"It's like we're following some sort of status quo or something..." Mikoto agreed, feeling as though she was becoming oddly self aware of something important.
Thankfully, the gloomy line of thought was broken by Saten taking charge of the situation,
"A-Anyway! Is there an extra computer around here that I could use? I left my phone at home."
"Well… I suppose you could try Shirai-san's?" Uiharu replied offhandedly, "But it's password protected so I doubt you'll get anywhere."
Saten didn't seemed phased, "No problem, no problem, this is nothing for the great Saten-sama!" Saten declared, wiggling her fingers in anticipation. The energetic girl immediately went to work at guessing her friend's password.
It took her less than three minutes to crack it.
"Bingo! It was 'Onee-sama' with an underscore in the middle and a 5 for the 's'. Man, she's so predictable."
Mikoto pinched the bridge of her nose. Really, she couldn't say she was surprised...
Uiharu was visibly disgusted, "I told her that she needed a stronger password!"
Saten wasted no time in flipping through Kuroko's files, "Now let's see if we can dig up some dirt..."
"Saten-san, you shouldn't pry." Uiharu half-heartedly reproached.
"Aww come on Uiharu, she deserves it since she didn't listen to you! She only has herself to blame. You can rub it right in her face." Saten coaxed
Uiharu smirked darkly, "Well, that's certainly true."
Mikoto had an odd feeling that Uiharu had a chip on her shoulder concerning Kuroko, but decided that it was best to not comment on it.
It didn't take long before Saten hit pay dirt, "Ohhh, looks like I found some...thing..."
Mikoto glanced over, then did a spit take.
Dozens upon dozens of pictures, all of Mikoto. Sleeping, eating, shopping, watching TV, playing with the Gekota Mascot... Quite a few of them were grainy pictures of her in the sauna with just a towel or at the artificial beach.
Mikoto started grinding her teeth. That damn pervert! Just what was she saving to her computer?!
"M-Misaka-san please! The hardware-!" Uiharu pleaded.
Mikoto looked around, noticing the she was letting off electricity without realizing it. It was a bad habit of hers, but if Kuroko didn't test her patients so much-!
With considerable effort, she took a deep breath and calmed down, the sparks subsiding with her. A long sigh of relief escaped from Uiharu.
"Saten-san, could you please delete those pictures?" Mikoto requested stiffly.
"Oh uh, yea. Sure." Saten readily agreed, selecting the folder and deleting it.
"And from the recycling bin please."
"Got it."
"Thank you, Saten-san. I'll have to have a nice chat with Kuroko later."
An amused smirk stretched across Uiharu's face as she continued pecking away at her keyboard.
Another long silence descended upon them. True to Saten's word, it was nearing the thirty minute mark since Uiharu had claimed to be almost done.
Mikoto had settled back into her inner musings. She was mostly contemplating how she would punish Kuroko for her perverted ways. At least she wasn't feeling sorry for herself any more, though.
A sudden outburst from Saten wrenched her from her thoughts, "Whoa, now this is juicy!"
*Kzzzt*
"It has nothing to do with Kuroko!" Saten hastily assured, I'm on 'Urban Legends of Academy City' right now. There's some crazy stuff going on!"
"Oh..." Mikoto said, feeling the anger seep out of her. 'Urban Legends of Academy City' was a hotspot for any and all Academy City rumors, gossip, and assorted nonsense.
Mikoto personally couldn't understand why Saten wasted her time browsing such garbage, but decided to humor her anyway, "What's happening?"
"It looks like some guy witnessed the Accelerator being defeated!"
Mikoto felt her heart stop.
Someone saw that other than her? But that was a month ago! Why keep quiet about it until now? What did this mean? Was someone going to blab about the experiment to the public? No, more importantly, what about the Sisters? Was someone leaking that they existed? Were they going to be alright? Would people think that she herself had a hand in their slaughter? What about that idiot? Was he going to be ok if they revealed his identity? There were all sorts of people that challenged top espers to get a shot at fame, so people might gun for him. Would he really be able to stop them all by himself? What if they teamed up on him? She still wasn't completely sure what his power was, but she seemed more like a one on one sort of fighter. She might need to find and help him and-
"Accelerator? Isn't that the top Level 5?" Uiharu asked.
Saten nodded, "Yea, the one and only!"
"Who defeated him? How?" Mikoto demanded.
Saten shook her head, still keeping her eyes glued to the screen, "Dunno... all it says is that whoever defeated him had 'enormous boobs'."
"...What?" was all Mikoto managed to ask.
"It's what it says. Look."
Mikoto got up and walked over to where Saten was sitting. Sure enough, that's what was posted.
Mikoto felt the adrenaline slowly seep out of her body, suddenly feeling very silly. What the hell was she doing, getting worked up over something like this? It was a rumor site. Most of the things on here were probably complete crap.
Uiharu mimicked her concerns, "How do you know they didn't just make it up?"
"Well, you can't really validate everything." Saten conceded, "But most of the time, this stuff is true! People of here are usually honest!"
"This was posted by someone named 'The Lyin' Hawaiian'." Mikoto pointed out.
"Hey, he's a really respected member of the community! His stuff is usually really accurate!" Saten defended.
"And why does he talk like a cat?" Mikoto questioned.
"I... don't know actually. It's just a thing he does."
Uiharu cocked her head to the side, "Wouldn't someone defeating a Level 5 be a huge deal though? Surely it would be all over the news."
"No way Uiharu, that would be super bad PR! There would definitely be a cover up." Saten countered.
Mikoto shifted uneasily. Saten wasn't too far off the mark with that. After all, she was first hand witness to the censorship she was describing. Still, it had to be bogus. That idiot was the only one capable of pulling that miracle off, surely.
"I don't know..."
Saten scrolled through the post and clicked on a file, "Look, he even posted a picture!"
A blown up, grainy image popped up on the screen. Mikoto felt her stomach drop again. Even with the poor image quality, there was no doubt about it. She was staring at Accelerator. The only difference was that he had a black eye.
"Are you sure it wasn't edited?" Uiharu asked.
Saten shrugged, "Maybe. But I don't think so. I mean, isn't it still exciting to think about?"
"I suppose." Uiharu frowned thoughtfully, "Going of the description, he must have been defeated by a woman."
"Or a really fat guy."
"Saten!"
"Hey, maybe it was Mii-senpai. She fits the bill. I bet she used them to distract Accelerator long enough to get a good hit in." Saten joked, mock-posing her body in a seductive manner.
"T-That's not proper! Cut it out!" Uiharu squeaked.
Saten just laughed before turning to Mikoto, "What do you think, Misaka-san?"
"..."
"Uh, Misaka-san?"
"Sorry, I need to step out and get some air."
Not waiting for a reply, Mikoto turned around and walked out. After closing the door behind her, she pressed her back against it, lost in thought.
Just what in the world was going on? Did something actually happen, or was it all just some stupid rumor?
And really, why should she care if it was true? So long as nothing was leaked about her, her Sisters, or that idiot, than it simply wasn't her problem.
So then why did she have such a bad feeling about this?
After a few moments of thought, something occurred to her. Daihasesei was tomorrow. So that means that idiot would be participating, right?
Maybe the festival came at a good time after all...
3rd District, Private Salon (ITEM Hideout), 1:31PM
"Defeated? By who? Was it Kakine?" Mugino demanded.
Saiai shook her head, scrolling rapidly through her phone, "I'm trying to find out."
"Well, find out faster."
"It's all a bunch of super reposts of reposts." Saiai explained. "Grh, I'm no good at this sort of thing. Where's Frenda? She always has her ear super to the ground."
"Getting food..." Takitsubo lazily replied.
Mugino clucked her tongue, fighting the urge to punch something. She had been the one to send Frenda off. The only one to blame was herself. And that pissed her off because she didn't have any one to vent her frustrations on.
No, she did. It was that god damn delivery service's fault for screwing up her order yesterday. If they had just done their jobs, Frenda wouldn't have to do it for them. Maybe she'd have to pay the owner a little visit...
As if on cue, Frenda burst through the door, heaving and red in the face. Mugino raised an eyebrow; Frenda shouldn't have been back for another ten minutes by her estimation. Had she ran all the way back?
"Mu...Mugino!" the blonde sputtered, clearly winded.
"Breath." Mugino commanded, "I know about Accelerator's supposed defeat. What I need are names and validations."
The petite Level 0 did as she was told and took a deep breath. Her face was still flushed when she began, but her words were clear,
"So in the end, you weren't the one who did it?"
Mugino cocked an eyebrow, "You saw me less than a half hour ago, how would I have had time to do anything? Use your brain."
Frenda wilted at the rejection, "Oh... you're right..."
"Why would you even think it was Mugino in the super first place?" Saiai asked.
Mugino shot the Level 4 a deadly gaze, "That's funny Kinuhata, for a second there it seemed like you were implying that I wouldn't stand a chance."
Saiai bulked, "That's not what I meant at all! C'mon Mugino, you know that I don't doubt your super abilities. I just wanted to know why she immediately thought of you..."
"Because apparently, whoever beat Accelerator has really big boobs!" Frenda cut in.
Mugino swore she could feel her blood pressure rising, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
"T-That's what everyone is saying!" Frenda defended. "And you, uh... you know..."
"Yes, thanks for the play by play Frenda, I would've never made the connection otherwise." Mugino hissed. God, she didn't have time for this shit.
"Well, look at the bright side." Saiai chimed in, "At least we know for super sure that it wasn't the Railgun."
"Obviously." Mugino replied, smirking despite herself.
"Do you think this has any connection to the Level 0 rumor from last month...?" Takitsubo asked in her usual disinterested manner.
"Oh, good point! In the end, it could even be the same person!" Frenda suggested.
Mugino snorted. Not this again. A Level 0 couldn't touch a Level 5. To think otherwise was simply absurd.
But Mental Out was the only other Level 5 that fit the criteria. And that was still a stretch. Mugino didn't know the specifics behind her power, but it stood to reason that someone of Accelerator's caliber had some sort of defense against her. Otherwise, she would have enslaved him long ago.
So , that only left herself.
That created a whole slew of problems for Mugino. Frenda should have known better, but her assumption wouldn't be that far off from what other people thought. She was about to become a target for any fool thirsty for the number one position. Whether there was any validity to the rumor at all was irrelevant.
Something like that normally wouldn't phase her. She didn't care about uprooting a few low level weeds that dared to defy her. But some of the other Level 5's might get involved. Especially Kakine. That idiot had a huge chip on his shoulder concerning Accelerator. The notion that someone other than him may have defeated Accelerator had probably left him frothing at the mouth. She didn't put it past him to try to seek her out. And while Mugino wasn't afraid of that bastard, there was no doubt he was formidable. She would need to be at her best to take him out.
But that was assuming that he fought fair. Mugino didn't think Kakine would team up with other Level 5's to fight her; he was too prideful for that. But he was also a ruthless prick, so she couldn't rely on that assumption. And that would truly be a losing battle for her. She couldn't afford to be put at that big of a disadvantage.
All this extra headache over some stupid fucking rumor. For the first time, she begrudged her figure.
Then there was the actual crux of situation: What the hell was going on with Accelerator?
First there was the sudden halt of the Level 6 experiment. Mugino knew that the Railgun was trying to put a stop to it, but she doubted that she was the one responsible. The experiment showed no signs of stopping despite all her sabotaging. She would have had to stop the Accelerator directly. And going off the pathetic excuse for a fight she tried to have with her, Mugino was positive the Railgun stood no chance on that end. She would believe that stupid Level 0 rumor before that. And yet, it had been canceled anyway. And the Railgun was most definitely alive. Why?
Then a month later, we have Accelerator smashing a school to pieces. A few days after that, there is another rumor about him being beaten by mysterious well-endowed girl.
What did this mean? Was it all bullshit? Or was there truth to it?
Mugino shook her head. Either way, she couldn't ignore this any longer. Maneuvering was a key aspect to the great dark side game. Bad information and bad positioning would get you killed in this line of work. And Mugino didn't get to where she was by being lazy or foolish.
It was time to take action.
"Takitsubo. You will find Accelerator tomorrow and track him with your ability. I want to know what he's up to." Mugino commanded, "Kinuhata will accompany you as a body guard. Use her AIM signature as a reference point. It should be similar to Accelerator's."
Takitsubo quietly nodded.
Saiai's brow furrowed a little, "That's fine, but I thought we were going to wait and super see how the underground would react?"
"Times change." Mugino replied as she got up to get her food, "We aren't committing to anything yet. This is just reconnaissance."
What a pain in the ass this turned into. They better have gotten the order right, she wasn't in the mood for mistakes-
...
Mugino felt her blood start to boil.
"Do you have any orders for me, Mugino?" Frenda asked, unaware of the danger she was in.
"...Yes, actually."
The blonde bomber perked up, "What can I do?"
"Explain this." Mugino instructed as he held out the to-go bag.
Frenda paled as she looked at what Mugino was holding. The contents of their meals had spilled out and mixed together into an indistinguishable goop.
"I-In the end, running all the way back might have been a bad idea... Eh heh.. heh..."
"Fix it."
"R-Right! Um, b-but is their anyway we can just order take out instead? I ran pretty far and-"
Green motes of light winked into existence.
"J-J-JustkiddingI'mgoingrightnowdon'tshootmeplease-!" Frenda pleaded as she sprinted towards the door.
Mugino intentionally fired a shot just above Frenda's head to emphasize her point, obliterating the beret that used to rest on top. The blonde gave a strangled cry and moved even faster.
"I'll tear you in half if you screw up again!" Mugino yelled after her.
She would not be denied her salmon bento a second time.
Outside the Host Stall, 6:16 PM
"A little to the left. You're other left, Pierce. Dude, left. Why are you going up?!"
"'Misaka has acquired a TV, as per your instructions.' Misaka states as she deftly carries out her assigned orders."
"Stop fucking around up there, you shitty brat!"
"..."
Himegami Aisa was starting to question her sanity.
She had been bored, wandering around Academy City, when she stumbled across a building about the size of a small convenience store. A building that was apparently being constructed by Tsuchimikado, Pierce, forty middle schoolers that looked completely identical, and a very crabby albino with a cane. The girls were also wearing military goggles for some reason.
Touma was also there, but he had apparently passed out. Someone had also drawn a dick on his forehead. His head was resting on the lap of one of the girls, which come to think of it, was actually pretty normal for him. It just pissed her off.
The rest of the goggle girls were loading all sorts of stuff next to the building. Sofas, Refrigerators, TVs, AC units, etc. There was also a miniature version of the goggle girls, who looked to be in primary school. She was walking up and down the building with no apparent support, ignoring gravity. Two Anti-Skill stood to the side, each holding rice cookers.
"Hurry the fuck up, I don't want to be here all fucking night!"
"One of us has to be the bad boy type, so I was thinking-"
"Nya, we need a title, something that will pop!"
"..."
Himegami started walking back the way she came. Honestly, the strangest thing about this entire experience was that nobody else seemed to have noticed this strange phenomenon. Or care, at least.
As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Himegami noticed a curvy blonde girl standing on the side of the street who was staring intently at the group. Himegami began walking towards her, thinking she had found a comrade.
As she approached closer however, she noticed the blonde had a TV remote in her hand and was pointing it in different directions.
"Honestly, they aren't using any stealth ability at all. If you're going to bring that many, at least try to be discreet!"
...Was she trying to watch TV?
Himegami shook her head and kept walking. This city was just too weird.
Author's Notes: WHOA. I'm back. I doubt anyone even remembers this fic.
I'm not gonna beat around the bush: I disappeared for the past couple years. I know. Boo me. There were two reasons for it:
1) I've been going through a rough patch in my life. I won't bore you with details, and I'm not looking for pity points. Just know that, I think I finally have my life sorted out, for the most part. The future no longer feels uncertain, and that's a tremendous weight off of me for writing. Also, more time to write in general (hopefully).
2) Writing stuff. So, I'm the type of writer that thinks all my writing is trash. I'm also the type of writer that self-corrects as I go. As in, I tend to spend way too much time trying to come up with juuust the right sentence, instead of just moving on. This is a bad combination to have in general. It is especially crippling when your updates generally exceed 10k words. This is even MORE true for something that is humor based (this fic). Basically, I come up with something I think is kind of funny, I spend all this time setting up for it, and when I finally get around to delivering the punch line, it's been spinning in my head for so long that it's not funny to me anymore, and I think I'm a hack. SO. I'm trying to get past that. I forced myself to write this chapter very, very fast. I also didn't spend eons editing. This may affect the quality a bit (I can't tell, I think all my stuff is meh), but it's a necessary step for me to evolve as a writer. The end result is that I wrote 10k words in 2-3 weeks, as opposed with 6+ months. (Disclaimer: the average wait time for subsequent chapter will almost certainly be more than 2-3weeks, I went all out for this one) So, hopefully I will get a little faster and not get discouraged by my own snail pace.
For anyone else who suffers from this "writer's fear": I had to have a very simple epiphany to get past it. It's extremely obvious, but it's an important one. It is that no matter what you write, IT WILL NOT BE PERFECT. The stuff you write this year will like shit to you next year. It is better to finish things at 80%-90% than trying to chase after that 99.9%. Trust me, you will never reach 100%. Which is a good thing, because if you did then what would be the point of writing after that?
Anyway, I'm rambling. I just wanted to catch everyone up. Constructive criticism is always welcome and encouraged. I read everything you send.
Thanks for reading!