The bus ride to Sectionals was a tense one. Rachel now had guilt to add to the list of horrible emotions she was feeling. Her anger had started to dissipate, and the hurt and betrayal were less, but they were still there. Still, when Finn smiled hesitantly at her and asked if they could sit together, she agreed. They didn't talk much, but when he put his hand on hers, she didn't pull it away. Rachel wondered if she'd ever tell him what happened. After all, he'd been lying to her for months, even when she gave him a perfect opportunity to come clean. That had to mean something, right? There had to be a reason he kept quiet. Kept deceiving her. Not for the first time she wondered if he would have slept with her without telling her the truth. Would he have let her believe it was the first time for both of them? She knew she should ask, give him the opportunity to explain, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

Puck had greeted her when she'd arrived, neither too friendly nor too cold, and he was acting as though nothing had happened, so she decided to do the same. She pushed her guilty feelings out of her mind and focused on getting through the day. The most important thing right now was winning Sectionals. The show, as they say, had to go on.

But when she spoke to Kurt her anger came back full force. Finding out about Santana in front of everyone had been humiliating enough; now to find out that the entire Glee Club had always known about it was even worse. Then Santana made that remark about no one in the Glee Club liking her and instead of defending her, or telling Santana to shut up, Finn had just gotten angry with Rachel. Only Puck had bothered to contradict Santana's statement, and Rachel didn't even want to deal with that because it only made her feel guilty again.

They performed their set, and somehow, somehow everything seemed right again. They were on stage, doing what they did best, and Rachel found that even without getting a solo she was having a good time. She felt light, exhilarated, and everything else just melted away. And then they'd won (well, tied), and Finn had hugged her, and Rachel knew, in that moment, that she had to try to forgive him. He hadn't even been with her when he was with Santana. She had to give him another chance. She loved him.

And that meant dealing with everything that had happened. She couldn't just push it aside anymore.

As she rang the bell of the Puckermans' house that night, Puck's words from a few weeks before kept ringing in her head.

"I'm not the boyfriend. I'm the one they cheat on their boyfriends with."

When no one answered at first, she shifted the plate of cookies in her hand and rang again.

"I'm the dirty little secret, and I'm good for one thing."

Finally Puck himself answered the door. Strangely, he didn't look surprised to see her. Just moved aside and let her enter his living room.

"Here," she said, shoving the plate of cookies at him and taking off her coat and gloves. He gave her a blank look and took the plate, pulling off the foil cover and staring at the cookies.

"'I'm sorry?'" he read. He looked completely bewildered.

"Yes, I'm sorry for what happened, Noah."

He actually tried to hand them back to her. "Oh, hell no, no way, chicks do not apologize for making out with me. It's like, a rule. Shouldn't you be giving these to Finn?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do about Finn yet. How I'm going to…" she shook her head and trailed off.

"You can blame it on me, if you want."

She looked up at him. "What?"

"Tell him I tried to seduce you. Took advantage of your 'vulnerable state,' or whatever. He'll believe it."

Rachel felt her eyes start to well up with tears and her lip begin to tremble. Puck's eyes widened in horror, and he quickly put the plate down on the coffee table and grabbed her upper arms, forcing her to sit down on the couch.

"Oh no, no, do not cry, I can't even…just don't cry. Look, here," he reached over and grabbed one of the cookies, stuffing it into his mouth. "Mmm, yum yum," he added, crumbs falling from his lips. The scene was so ridiculous that Rachel actually did stop and just stared at him. Sighing in relief, he sat down next to her and sank back on the couch.

Rachel made sure she had completely gotten hold of herself before she spoke, directing her words to her knees. "I'm not going to blame it on you. That's horrible. Why would I do that? Do you have any idea how guilty I feel? I'm not going to ruin your friendship with Finn just when you've started getting along again. You're the one who…who showed him loyalty. If there's one thing I can do right in this whole thing it's make sure he knows that."

He shrugged. "Your funeral. Do whatever you want." He was quiet for a moment before he added, "I wasn't, you know." She looked at him. "Trying to get into your pants. I mean, that wasn't why – "

"I know." And that was what made it so much worse. She had known exactly what she was doing. And she hadn't even considered…she hadn't considered him. Hadn't thought about what it would mean for him. She had used him. In exactly the same way every other woman he'd ever been involved with had used him. And even though he acted as though he preferred things that way – that he specifically sought out those kinds of relationships – it still upset her. A few weeks ago she'd been so angry at the idea of it, and now she'd gone and done it too. She'd practically made him relive history.

"I'm the dirty little secret, and I'm good for one thing."

Was he her dirty little secret now?

She looked down at her knees again. "You've been so nice to me, and I…I took advantage of…that, and I put your friendship with Finn in jeopardy. I'm sorry. I should have…but I didn't even consider the whole…the whole history…and - "

He cut her off. "Stop. Seriously, just stop. Please." When she glanced at him again he looked completely weirded out. Not angry, just…disturbed. She wondered if anyone had ever apologized to him before about anything. It bothered her so much that he didn't seem to think he deserved better than to be treated this way. To be seen this way.

She looked up at him again and said, "I wasn't either." He gave her a questioning look, so she continued, "trying to, um, 'get in your pants.' I mean, all that time we were...I wasn't –"

"I know," he cut in. Then he smirked. "Not that I'd have minded." She rolled her eyes. It seemed pointless to try to even talk to him about this. He was too stubborn. Too sure that he knew his place in life. They sat in silence for a while, the only sound in the room Puck's munching on his cookie. Finally, Rachel decided she couldn't hold her question in any longer.

"Can I ask you something? It's…somewhat personal. I'll understand if you say no."

He eyed her warily, but said, "shoot."

"Have you ever…been with someone that you…well, that you really had feelings for?"

His eyes narrowed, and she was sure that he was going to throw her out of his house, but he just stared at her stonily before he looked away and said, "once."

She nodded. They both knew whom they were talking about.

"But you'd…you'd been with a lot of other women. Experienced women. So did it…did having feelings for her make it, um…special? Even though she, um, even if she…she wasn't also experienced?"

His eyes widened, and then he stared at her so long and hard that she started to feel uncomfortable and exposed, like he was seeing right through her. In fact, she was sure he was. She couldn't think. Could barely breathe.

"Yes," he said slowly. "It's special when it's with someone special."

Rachel felt something constrict in her chest. She swallowed and nodded, but didn't trust herself to speak.

Puck sighed and shook his head. "Shit, Rachel, is that what you've been worried about all this time? Jesus." He slumped back against the couch, rubbing his face with his hands. "Do you really think that shit matters? Who and how many?"

Rachel didn't know how to answer that. She was afraid if she tried to speak she'd start crying and he'd panic again. What was it with boys and their inability to deal with female tears?

"You have to talk to him. Give him a fucking chance to explain himself. You can't just…assume shit, ok?"

Rachel nodded again. She knew he was right.

"I'm sure you'll be a fantastic lay."

Rachel's head shot up at that, and she gaped at him, only to see him grinning at her. The knot in her chest bubbled up into a strangled laugh.

"Noah Puckerman, you are positively –"

"Awesome, I know. I can't help it." He shrugged helplessly.

She shook her head and wondered where this boy had come from. Did he really used to throw slushies in her face? It felt like a lifetime ago. Had this always been there, underneath the bullying and thieving and whoring? Well…he was still thieving and whoring, she supposed. Noah Puckerman was a work in progress.

"I should…get going."

"Cool."

She got up and started gathering her things, and then he walked her to the door.

She turned to face him and tried to get this out before he could stop her. "You're a special person, Noah. And you deserve to be…you deserve something special. One day you'll get it. I know it." She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you. For everything."

He bobbed his head in that way he always did. "Just doin' my duty."

"Right. Of course. Well, good night."

"Night."

She started down his front stairs and then turned around just as he was closing the door.

"Noah?"

He opened the door back up and raised his eyebrows at her.

"You are a very, very good Jew."

He made a "duh" face, as though he was offended she even had to say it.

"Damn straight!"

Rachel smiled and turned around, heading back down the walk. Tomorrow she'd tell Finn, and whatever happened, happened.

Well, that's it! Hope you all enjoyed, and that canon doesn't end up contradicting it too badly.