Author's Notes: Oh, wow! It't been almost two years that I have updated this, and I'm so sorry for that. But 2015 and 2016 have been crazy years for me. Let's see: in August 2014, Ryan, the boys and I moved to the state where my mother lives. Three months after that, I started studying hard for the bar exam and, at the same time, my mom faced a severe health issue on her spine. She took time off from work and everything. In December 2014, she and my stepfather split up, so my family and I moved in with her so I could help care for her. In January 2015, mom, my sister and I went to São Paulo (where I used to live) so mom could have an appointment with her back doctor, and he told us she needed to have surgery on her spine so he could put up some titanium screws on her vertebrae so she wouldn't be in any pain anymore. In March 2015, I took the first round of the bar exam and was thankfully approved.

In May 2015, on my birthday to be exact, I took the second round of the bar exam but failed. In July 2015, my mom went under the knife for her surgery on her back and in August of the same year I was fired from my teaching work. In late August, my mom, my sister and I went back to São Paulo because my mother started feeling weird, slightly feverish and in pain when she shouldn't feel any of those things. On September 1st 2015, my mom went under the knife again to clean off some liquid that had formed on the area of her July operation (the reason for her slight fever). We came back home on September 12th, 2015, and on September 13th, I took the second round of the bar exam again (the bar allows us to retake the second round if we fail it previously). On September 14th, 2015, my kids and I left for Northern Brazil so I could care for my grandmother, who was suffering with heart ailments. The boys and I spent almost close to two months there, only coming back when Ryan called saying my mother needed me back more than my nana needed me.

The last year was spent either trying to find a new job (hard considering the mess Brazil has been lately) or dealing with my mom who sometimes still feels pain on her back, especially after she strains herself. And don't forget my babies, who are growing up so fast, and my husband, who has proven to be my rock and made me fall head over heels with him all over again every day of the last two years. Throughout everything, however, my writing suffered, and I apologize profusely for this. However, you can thank the amazing northstar61 for my return! She updated her awesome Someone To Love You, and it kicked my muse back awake, if slightly.

and I owe it all to you

twenty-five

After Rachel aired out her issues, she fell exhausted in the arms of her inner circle. Curled on the couch, surrounded by Santana, Noah, Jesse and Brittany, and with her parents sitting in front of her, she couldn't help but let a big yawn out. She blushed and opened her mouth to apologize, but Hiram cut her off with a kind smile. "That's okay, baby. It's been a big day," her bespectacled father told her. He then looked at Jesse, who seemed to be the one more in control of Rachel's friends (Brittany looked heartbroken, Santana looked torn between furious and upset, and Noah looked downright pissed). "Do us all a favor and take Rachel upstairs, will you, Jesse? She needs her rest." He then looked at the other teenagers. "You're all welcome to stay. Please make yourselves at home at the guest bedrooms."

Leroy then looked pointedly at the two boys. "We hope you two know better than to try and crash at the girls' bedrooms." He made a pause and then added, "I feel like I have to include you in this as well, Santana."

The Latina girl chuckled and her anger abated somehow. "I'll be on my best behavior, señor Berry. I promise."

Together as one, with Rachel leaning heavily against her ex-boyfriend, the teenagers made their way out of the room, leaving the adults alone. Only when they heard the loud sound of noises staircase up was when Hiram and Leroy felt safe to let out the despair and hopelessness they were feeling. It had torn their hearts out of their chests to listen to their precious baby girl pour out her feelings of misery and uselessness, but they had clung to their emotions while listening to her. It wouldn't do Rachel any good if they cried in front of her, after all.

But now, now they were alone and they could finally let loose.

"Hiram," Leroy choked out, falling into his partner's embrace, tears running down his cheeks. "How could we have missed this? Rachel's hurting so bad, and we didn't see it!"

"It's not our fault," Leroy said firmly, although his voice was also thick with tears, and his eyes held a good portion of moisture. "Rachel's always been a shy girl. She's very protective of her privacy and we always respected this. Let's not diminish the effort she made by letting her mask drop and telling us everything. Even though she's wise beyond her years, Rachel's still a teenager. She'll chafe and clam back up if she feels she did bad by letting us in on her secrets." He softly stroked his husband's hair, kissing the crown of his head gently. "She was brave, Hiram. It's our turn to be brave too. Let's focus on helping her, and helping the other who caused her latest crisis."

Hiram pulled away from the taller man, his wet eyes wide in shock. "You want to help Quinn Fabray?"

Leroy nodded. "What she has done to Rachel until today, and even what she did to Rachel today… That's not healthy, Hiram. The Fabray girl is seriously sick. Even sicker than our daughter, and I know, I know you don't see it, or don't want to see it. But it won't do Rachel any good if we help her but don't help one of the sources of her pain. And Quinn Fabray is one of those sources."

The African-American man watched as his words sunk in his partner's head. When Rachel had been born, she had been the spitting image of Shelby when she was the same age – Shelby herself had told them so. But, as time passed and Rachel grew into her personality, the traits she inherited from her biological father, Hiram, shone through. And a few of those traits were popping up on that same moment, as Hiram pondered through what Leroy had told him.

After a long moment, and with a reluctant sigh, Hiram nodded slowly, pouting slightly. "I hate when you're right," he said, and Leroy had to bite back a chuckle, easily seeing a younger Rachel say that same sentence, in the same tone and with the same expression, in his mind's eye. "So," Hiram carried on, wiping his eyes. "What do we do?"

"Let's go out. We have a visit to make."

. . . . .

Judy Fabray was sitting on her couch, her TV turned on and the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy queued up on her DVR, just waiting for her to press play, when there was a polite knock on her front door. Frowning, she looked at her phone to check the time – it was a quarter to eight p.m. – and stood up, coming to a stop at the bottom of the staircase. Raising her voice so her daughter could hear her from her bedroom, she called, "Quinny, are you waiting for guests?"

There was a moment, and then, Quinn shouted back, "No, mom!"

"Weird," Judy frowned as she made her way to the door. Checking her reflection briefly on the mirror on the front hall, she pulled the door open, and blinked at the unexpected guests that stood on her porch.

"Hiram? Leroy?" She asked, stunned.

Hiram and Leroy Berry had become her acquaintances ever since she had started working at the latter's office as a secretary, after her divorce from Russell. At first, he had kept his distance, being polite and respectful but standoffish, and she couldn't in good conscience blame him. Her husband had been a hateful man towards Leroy, his husband and their family, frequently spouting out hatred for their sexual orientation and speaking ill about their daughter, and Judy had never spoken against Russell, trying to stop him from such behavior. So, it wasn't a surprise that Leroy didn't want anything to do with her.

But, with time, Judy managed to show Leroy that she was nothing like her former spouse. It was sheer luck that helped Judy realize the way to Leroy's good graces went through his only daughter. Remembering Rachel was part of Quinn's glee club (and often recalling how her youngest would whine about the Berry girl panting after Quinn's boyfriend, the Hudson kid), she started shyly inquiring about Rachel's performances and genuinely admiring her voice whenever Leroy had a video on his phone of Rachel singing. With time, they started talking about things other than Rachel and her club, and were now slowly on their way to a friendship.

But, while they got along just fine on the office, they hadn't extended their growing closeness to home visits. Judy wasn't even aware Leroy knew where she was living now, after her divorce. So, it was a surprise to see Leroy and his husband, the latter looking exhausted but determined, the former with a grim expression on his face, standing on her front door.

"Sorry to bother you so late, Judy, but I think we have some issues to talk about," Leroy said politely. Judy noticed the way Hiram's hands clenched into fists, and how his eyes flashed, and grew worried.

"Please, do come in," she invited. "And excuse the mess, but I wasn't expecting any visitors." She led them to the living room, picking the remote control up and turning the TV off. With a hand gesture, she invited them to sit on the couch, and took the armchair in front of it. "Do you want anything? Water, coffee?"

"No, thank you," Hiram said, fidgeting. "Please, have a seat and…" He turned to his husband, his brown eyes desperate. "I don't even know how to start."

"It's okay," Leroy reassured him. Holding his husband's hand, he turned to Judy. "I'm sure you're aware there's… bad blood, between your daughter and ours," he said gently.

Judy flushed. "I wouldn't say bad blood, but yes, I know Quinn and Rachel aren't friends," she replied quietly.

"Well, this afternoon something very serious concerning Rachel came to our attention. When we spoke to her about it, she told us what had caused it, and after weighing pros and cons, we decided to come and talk to you about it."

Judy frowned, lost. "Talk to me? Why? I'm sorry Rachel has been having issues, but I don't see why you two have reached out to me," she said sincerely. "However," the blonde woman added quickly, "if there's anything I can do to help, rest assured that I will."

"We're glad to hear that," Hiram told her with a sad smile, "because Quinn's bullying towards Rachel is the cause for our daughter's issues."

Judy froze. "W-what?" She whispered

"We have cause to believe Quinn is still struggling with emotional issues caused by the turmoil she went through the past year," Leroy said gently, feeling sorry for the woman, "and she's lashing out against Rachel, hurting Rachel badly in the process. I'm sorry to bring this to your attention, Judy," he said honestly, "but as a parent I'm sure you understand why we came to you about this matter."

"I-I don't understand," Judy stuttered, completely confused. "Bullying? It-it can't be right. Sure, Quinn was angry in the past that Rachel had set her sights on her boyfriend, which girl wouldn't? But certainly it's not as serious as you're implying-"

Hiram held his iPad out, the browser open on Rachel's myspace page, on the comments section to be exact. As Judy read the nasty comments left by her daughter (she recognized the nickname used to sign the comments), tears began bubbling in her eyes. "Oh, my God," she whispered. "Oh, my God."

In that moment, Quinn came down the stairs. "Mom? Who was on the front door-" The head cheerleader trailed off, seeing the visitors and her mother turning towards her at the sound of her voice, and froze recognizing the men from pictures she had seen at Man-Hands' locker door.

Oh, fuck.

. . . . .

Even though the Berry men had warned them about not sleeping on the girls' bedrooms, eventually all the five teenagers at the Berry residence found themselves in Rachel's bedroom. Rachel, Jesse and Brittany were squeezed on the first's bed, with Santana on a mattress in one side of the bed and Puck on another, placed at the end of the furniture. Rachel's laptop was propped up on a chair, and the five teens were absorbed in a mindless comedy, Rachel soaking in the affection and care of her unexpected friends.

She couldn't quite grasp how quickly her life changed in less than a month. This time the previous month, she was alone, scared and heartbroken, isolated amongst her peers, her nights often passed by herself as she worked on her craft and/or dealt with the pressure she felt by cutting. Now, she was in a healthier environment, in a school where her talent was admired and respected; and with friends that honestly cared and tried to understand her. She had even gotten back Noah, her childhood friend, the boy she grew up with, played with daily until he turned seven and his good-for-nothing father left the family!

And there was Jesse.

Jesse, who had shown her time and time again how much he cared about her. Jesse who stuck by her, making clear he wanted more of her, but accepting of what she had to give him for the moment. Jesse who did everything he could to save her from the inhospitable environment in McKinley. Jesse who…

Jesse who she was falling in love with all over again (that is, if she had ever fallen out of love with him to start with).

But, while Jesse loved her and she loved him, Rachel was also aware Jesse deserved better than a girlfriend that was… broken, for the lack of a better word. And, Rachel realized with a startle, she didn't want to be broken anymore. She didn't want to do everything she had done to herself until now. She didn't want to tear at her skin, she didn't want to hurt, she didn't want to suffer.

She wanted to be well again, to be healthy, to be happy. But not because of her parents, of her friends, of Jesse. But because of herself.

Because she deserved it, and she wanted it, and she was going to get it.

Suddenly sitting up on her bed, unaware of the concerned eyes of her friends following her every move, Rachel jumped off of her place tucked between Jesse and Brittany and carefully stepped over Santana on her mattress. She decidedly made her way to her adjoining bathroom, pushed the closed door wide open and pulled the drawers and cabinet doors open. The loud noises made Santana, Brittany, Puck and Jesse look at each other, worried, before they stood up and followed her, crowding on the open bathroom door.

Neatly piled up on the bathroom sink counter, there were several sharp objects, obviously the tools Rachel had used on her body to abuse it ever since her nightmare had begun. Santana's lips curled in a small, proud smile, Brittany's eyes began to tear up, while Jesse felt joy flaring up in his heart and Puck smirked.

Feeling their stares on her, Rachel turned to them. "I want to get better," she declared, confidently. "I want to get healthy again, I want to… I want to be me again." She made a gesture towards the scissors, blades and other sharp things she used on her body in her illness. "This is not me. This is me," she made a sweeping gesture at her body, where, they knew, scars and healing wounds lay, hidden by her clothes, "and I embrace this. But those…" She picked up her wastebasket and lifted it up, sweeping the pile of stuff off her counter and into the basket, "those aren't me, and I don't want them anymore."

Brittany was silently crying now, and Santana nearly there. Puck was grinning, and Jesse looking so proud he felt he would burst with it at any second. Rachel tied the plastic bag of her wastebasket up, and tugged it out of the basket, holding it out to Puck. "Get rid of it, Noah," she asked quietly, but firmly. "Please."

He took it right away and left the bedroom.

Meanwhile, Rachel, her chin up and her eyes sparkling with steely resolve, turned back to the other teens in the room with her. "I need help."

To be continued

Author's Notes: When it comes to mental illness, a person who suffers with it cannot start the path towards cure unless they truly want it. Rachel finally has decided she wants help, she wants to get better, to get healthy again, and that's what I wanted to display in the last scene of this chapter.

I have a song in mind I want someone in this story to sing, but I'm not sure if it should be Rachel or Quinn. Also, about Quinn – once I decided Quinn would lead the emotional abuse and bullying against Rachel, I knew I wanted to write the scene between Judy and the Berry parents. Because, honestly, in my humble opinion Glee's EP sucked at dealing with the aftermath of Beth's birth. I mean, Quinn jumped right back to being queen bee at McKinley, and yes, while I know she tried to act like nothing had happened, I think it would have been more productive if they showed Quinn feeling a bit of remorse and anguish over having to give her baby away, leading to the start of season three. Quinn's spiral into rebelliousness on season three would have made more sense if she displayed a bit of a tumultuous psyche in the latter part of season two.