The Greatest Evil

Written by Logical Fallacy

.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.

"Thank Eru," Isabella Serena von Daae whispered, silently thanking her 'foresight' for convincing her to wear her eternally-lasting, waterproof make-up. The sweat down her face was only a symbol of her long and hard journey. It seemed as though it were months ago that she landed here in Middle Earth, and now she and the rest of the Fellowship were finally about to throw the thrice-damned ring into Mount Doom.

"What was that, my beautiful lady?" Boromir asked, smiling at her. She let the corners of her mouth pull up in a small smile. She remembered how she saved him. It was after the battle with the Uruk-hai. She had been allowed to fight along with them. She'd been sweaty but still beautiful, with her perfect brunette hair (which had silver, gold, purple, black, and blue highlights), dazzling green eyes (which had blue, gold, amber, silver and purple rims), and clear, unblemished skin (which had beautiful tribal tattoos on the joints of her ankles and wrists, in the middle of her forehead, in between her shoulder blades, on her lower back, and at the back of her neck to symbolize her second-to-none infinite power).

He was slowly dying, lying on the forest floor in a pool of his own blood, and all it took was for her to sing a song, and she healed him completely. Even the old scars disappeared with her healing magic.

She looked at the Gondorian, her smile demure.

"It was nothing," she replied in her 'quaint' voice. She patted her sparkly pink MacBook Air which was kept in her custom-made Prada laptop case. She felt blessed that the batteries, once she'd landed in Middle Earth, became ever-lasting and required no more charging, so that she could use it for as long as she wished to without worrying of the laptop dying. In fact, she did use it—she recorded all the events of their journey in it. And this final moment—the moment when she would be proclaimed hero of them all—would be forever stored on her beloved MacBook.

"Ahem," said Aragorn loudly, interrupting the two. Isabella smiled. It was obvious that he, as long with Legolas, Boromir, Elladan and Elrohir, was in love with her. "Gandalf would like to make a speech."

Gandalf nodded, looking at each of them squarely before he began. "We started this journey months ago, each promising to get rid of the worst evil in Middle Earth. Every singly individual here has contributed to the success of this journey.

"Boromir, for defending the hobbits in their time of need, and for lending us his marvellous sword abilities." Boromir drew up his chest proudly.

"Gimli, for lifting our spirits when our morale was down." The dwarf pumped his fist into the air.

"Legolas, for helping us through the darkest hours. Without your Elvin light, we may still be stuck in the dark pits of Moira." Legolas nodded his head in a serene way, displaying his calm Elf demeanor.

"Aragorn, for taking the throne of Gondor. With out Gondor's people, this war may have been lost to Sauron." Aragorn tipped his head in acknowledgment, but that was it.

"The three hobbits, for helping Frodo resist the ring." The hobbits cheered; Merry and Pippin began to dance.

"Frodo, for resisting the ring as long as you did." Frodo imitated Aragorn, nodding his head and nothing else.

"And finally, to our dear, beautiful, kind, perfect Isabella." All eyes turned to the mentioned girl, who was trying to look modest but failing miserably.

"Dear Isabella, you have done so much for Middle Earth, as well as this Fellowship, though you had no obligation to. You saved Boromir from death by the Uruk-hai; you saved me from the Balrog; you saved Frodo from becoming corrupted by the ring. You bravely fought all the Ringwraiths on Weathertop, vanquishing them all. Without you, this journey would have come to an end a long time ago."

"It's alright, Gandalf," Isabella said. "No need to give what I am sure is a very beautiful speech about me. It is true, I am perfect in everyway, but for now let us focus on less frivolous things. You may write down that speech for me later, so that I may have record of it.

"Now, let us do what we came for. Let us get rid of the greatest evil in Middle Earth!" Isabella held out her hand for the ring expectantly, standing near the edge of the drop so that she could be the one to throw the ring.

"Yes, let's," murmured Legolas with a mischievous grin.

Every single male member of the Fellowship charged at Isabella.

She shrieked and tried to dodge out of their way, but instead jumped right into the fiery depths below. She scrambled to hold on to something—any ledge, any foothold that could support her weight—and, to her relief, found one.

"Help me up!" she shouted at the Fellowship. "Help me up! Quick, or I shall fall, and be lost to you forever."

"That was the point!" Merry called back gleefully.

"I—I don't understand!" she wailed, tightening her hold on the rock. "I thought our purpose was to rid Middle Earth of its greatest evil!"

"And we are," Legolas said calmly. "You are our greatest evil."

"That is not true," she screamed desperately. "I saved all of you time and time again; I held the Fellowship together! I am perfect! What have I done wrong?"

"That is your error." Gandalf seemed to grow in size, as he did those many months ago in the Shire. "The greatest evil in this world is a Mary Sue." With that, he hit his staff on the rock, and Isabella fell down into the fires of Mordor.

"Thank the Valar that the evil has gone," Legolas sighed. "I can not condone pretending to fall in love with another one of those horrible Sues. Listening to them complain about their 'abused' pasts, teaching them Elvish and archery, saving them from Orcs, finding out they are long-lost relatives of either Galadriel or Elrond… I can stand it no longer."

"Calm yourself, my friend," Aragorn said. "Let avoid the all the forests that boarder Rivendell, the Woodland Realm—or any Mirkwood forest, for that matter—and Fangorn Forest in the future."

"Why is that?" asked Pippin, the ever-curious hobbit.

"The authors of these Sues usually put them there, near the Orc camps, right at the moment when we are hunting, so that we may conveniently 'save' them." Gimli replied gruffly.

"I really hope that she is the last one," said Frodo quietly. "I really am tired of getting 'called' by the ring. And I'm sure Bilbo is tired of throwing his eleventy-first birthday every time a new girl pops up."

"As we are all," Gandalf said. "As we are all."

END PILOT CHAPTER

.t.h.e.g.r.e.a.t.e.s.t.e.v.i.l.

Due to positive reception of the original story, I'm editing and adding more to it. It's really meant to be a one-shot, so if you didn't like it, you don't have to read the next chapter.

I added that MacBook Air bit in there because it's the most crucial element to all the chapters after this.

One more thing: Can you please recommend a list of books to read? I have absolutely nothing in my reading list (except LotR, which I shall begin shortly).

Follow me on twitter: therantothea