Disclaimer: Own it, I do not :)

Chapter One

"I'm really sorry to do this to you Bella. I mean we've been friends for so long and I hate to put you in a bind, but it's completely out of my control." Mike sighed dramatically, his face pinched as if he were about to bawl.

"It's cool Mikey, I'm no virgin to the whole getting fired thing." I waved him off and tossed my almost brand new bright orange Newton's Outfitter issued smock onto the conveyer belt. "Thanks for giving me a chance dude."

I opened the cabinet under the cash register to grab my coat and purse assuring that the super tight lime green polo that was my uniform didn't ride up. Didn't want Mikey to get a woody. As soon as I grabbed my shit, I stood up and turned to make a silent exit but was stopped by a mass of sweaty smelly flesh.

"Excuse me Mikey I've gotta hit the pavement. Bills need to get paid and all that." I tried to shift around him but he kept moving to stop me.

"Wait. I wanted to talk to you." his face was clammy and greasy looking.

Ah shit. Here it comes.

"Make it quick." I sighed taking advantage of the complimentary mint candies.

Who the fuck put those two together? Going camping… don't forget your god damn mints.

In my three days as a Newton Outfitters employee I had scrubbed at least twenty of those little red candies off of the forty year old tile floor after some bitch tried to shut her screaming and crying brat up with a free treat. Kids and cinnamon don't mix, resulting in the sticky sugar stuck to the disgusting floor waiting for yours truly to bring a paint scraper and spray cleaner over and fight it off the floor.

I allowed Mike enough time for me to snatch a handful of candies and stash them in my bag before I snapped.

"I don't have all day Mikey." I choked on my giggle as Mike jumped at least a foot in the air, his greasy hair flopping into his eyes.

"Yeah, erm. Well when I asked you out the other day you told me that you didn't date your superiors so I was wondering now that your no longer a Newton Outfitter's employee if you." he cleared his throat nervously. "If you wanted to maybe go out sometime? Dinner? A movie? Tonight?"

I had known Michael Newton since I was twelve years old and new to town, angry and orphaned by my father after he was killed on duty at his pitiful security job at a distribution center, my mother long dead, her battle with cancer having taken her from us when I was three. My grandmother on my mother's side welcomed me with open arms in the ridiculously small town of Forks, Washington. Halfway through my first day Mike Newton's shaggy golden retriever ass latched onto me and to this day remains creepy and stalker-like.

"You know Mike." I sighed patting his moist arm. "As much as I would love to, it seems a little inappropriate. You did just fire me. That's unethical."

With that I turned and grabbed my bag, another handful of the free cinnamon candies and I was out like a trout. Speaking of which Mikey was gaping, resembling one of our fishy friends in almost every way.

Your probably thinking that I'm about to go sit in my car and have a meltdown seeing as I just lost my job. As soon as I sat in the worn down seats of my Isuzu pup it would hit me that I had to go home and inform my two roommates that I wasn't going to be able to pay rent this month and that they were going to have to front me for the fifth month this year.

Instead, I walked around my truck running my hand over the hand painted stars along the hood and driver's side before hopping in and slamming the door. I pressed the button that my mechanic friend rigged after I had forgotten where my keys were for the billionth time since I had gotten my driver's license. That little button would start the engine no questions asked. Yes I was just asking for someone to come still my piece of shit car but I was a strong believer in tempting fate.

I started my truck and headed across town back to the apartment I shared with my bitches, climbing up the stairs to the third floor and grabbing the key from its hiding spot behind the fire extinguisher in the hallway by the door. Opening the door and tossing the key back into its spot, I swiftly entered the apartment in an attempt to ninja roll all the way to my bedroom without anyone spotting me.

"Freeze!" Emmett's booming voice yelled making me to scream and turn around in an effort to pummel him.

"You stupid fuck. You know I hate that." I exclaimed hitting him with my handbag.

"Well, someone got off work early." he sang ignoring my fetal attempts at hurting him.

"Yeah, about that." I slipped my shoes off and leaned against the wall.

"You got fired eh." he stated sitting on the floor across from me. "What's this? Job number five hundred and thirty four since graduation?"

"Nah, more like thirty seven. And we graduated three years ago, it isn't that bad." I shrugged. "I'm hungry you want sticky rice?"

"Fuck yeah I do." Emmett clapped his hands like a toddler and jumped to his feet dragging me to the kitchen. "Rose should be home in a little while for lunch so if you hurry, I can eat twice."

Emmett and Rose were my roommates. We met in Home Economics freshmen year, I actually helped Emmett extinguish the fire Rose set trying to bake muffins in a plastic bowl and the rest is history. Senior year when my Gran-Marie died, the state gave up seeing as I was turning eighteen in less than a month and I was left Bella Swan, no family and only two best friends. As soon as we graduated we all moved in together, Rose and I share a large bedroom while Emmett keeps his creepy dark cave of boy-ness down the hall.

It was comfortable living with them despite the fact that they were both attracted to one another, but were too chicken to do anything about it. I was victim too many nights of watching the two of them skirt around each other and once had the pleasure to watch Emmett hide his boner when Rose was 'accidentally' locked out of the bathroom on her way to the shower in a small terry cloth towel. I might or might not have had anything to do with that little 'accident.'

I made Emmett and I some food opting to take my plate to my and Rose's bedroom in an effort to hide away from Rose's wrath once she found out I was out of a job again. Emmett threatened to tell her as soon as she walked into the house, and I countered with a threat to inform her that Emmett was actually the one that stole her undergarments from the laundry mat downstairs in an act of complete creepiness. I would be safe until later tonight when she got home from work.

My lack of stability career wise isn't because I'm lazy. I just haven't found the right kind of job. Rose and Emmett both joke that I was waiting for the perfect job to fall into my lap and that I have unrealistic intentions because I refuse to do anything to better my chances at finding said job.

I've been a funeral home director, a waiter, a dog walker and a lawn mower yet still haven't found my niche. I've never quit a job because that's just tacky. I have been fired for just about everything.

George's hotdog stand:

"Isabella you have to smile." Pat the owner said, his face red with fury.

"I'll smile when I can take this godforsaken hotdog hat off. I can feel my brain sweating."

"You're fired."

Ponds Funeral Home:

"It is completely unacceptable to be laughing during a funeral." Mr. Ponds snapped.

"No, you don't understand I got a really funny text message and I didn't realize everyone was exiting the ceremony." I had tried to explain.

"I'm sorry Miss. Swan. You're fired."

Bath and Body works:

"You don't understand, that lady has been in here at least four times today to get a free sample. It's fraud." I said calmly.

"The customer is always right. Clock out, we'll mail you your check."

"What?"

"You're fired."

Hollister:

"Swan it is against company policy to fraternize with fellow employees. You drew the line while making out with the shirtless model in the dressing room. We're going to have to let you go."

"What about Sam? Does he get fired? He's just as guilty as I am."

"That's not what we heard. You're fired."

I've been fired for sitting down instead of standing up, to hold signs on the side of the road, fired for trying to sneak an M&M at a sweet shop I worked at for a day and even fired for starting my period and needing to run home and change my pants. You name it; I've possibly been fired for it. I found jobs just as quickly, I even got fired from two jobs in one day. They just weren't it for me.

Shoveling down my lunch I checked Craigslist on my ancient computer for available jobs. Trying to weed out the stupid shit and weirdo job offers like Doms looking for a sub or vice versa until I found something that looked promising. Climbing over my bed I grabbed the phone and dialed the number.

"Thank you for calling Greg's Golf Course, if you're calling about the available position as ball retriever please press one."

"Will do." I said pressing one.

"We here at Greg's Golf Course are equal opportunity employers, we regret to inform you that the job has already been filled but if you would like to place an application we keep them on file for six months. Thank you. Goodbye." the robotic voice cheered before I was rendered deaf by the dial tone.

"Well shit." I said aloud.

I should have known that it wouldn't have been that easy. I heard the front door open and close meaning that Rose was home for her lunch hour and that I had to be extremely quiet. I rolled back onto my bed and burrowed into the covers to spend the hour being completely immobile until she left. Emmett had lent me his Nintendo DS so I played Super Mario until my thumbs were killing me and then counted the small dots on the ceiling until someone knocked on the door.

"Isabella Marie Swan if you don't get off your ass and find a job right now I swear I'm going to kick your skinny ass into next week." Rose said throwing the door open and tossing her Macbook onto my bed. "You better have something by the time I get home or heads are gonna roll got it?"

"Rose, I've already looked, there's nothing-"

"Shut your fucking mouth. You better pull some form of a miracle by the time I get home or you're going to sleep on the couch. I'm tired of having to share a room with someone that does nothing to contribute to this household."

Her words were lethal but nothing I haven't heard before so I just rolled my eyes and grabbed her lap top.

"Yes ma'am. I'll sleep on the couch tonight and pull a miracle out of my ass before you get home from work."

"That's right bitch." she smiled before slamming the bedroom door shut cursing the entire way out the front door.

As soon as the door slammed, the bedroom door opened revealing Emmett's huge ass with his hand over his eyes.

"I just wanted to let you know that I didn't tell her. She saw your shoes in the hallway and when I tried to distract her, she ignored me." he said before peeking through his fingers.

"Who cares? Get over here and help me perform a miracle." I sighed.

For two hours Emmett and I placed applications into any place we could think of within thirty minutes of the apartment. After his hand started cramping and he had to stop for a break, we were watching TV when he turned to me.

"What are you willing to do for money Bella?"

"Anything legal." I shrugged.

"Why don't you just put an ad on Craigslist for that." without waiting he jumped up and ran for the computer while I sat there trying to mull over it.

"Fine. You can put the ad up but you're going to have to weed through the freaks. There's no fucking way I'm doing anything creepy."

"Deal."

What the fuck did I get myself into?

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