Personal Log: I refrain from using the Stardate for privacy reasons, should someone read my PADD even if it is close to the date in which I make these entries, logically they will have no knowledge of when in our five year mission these writing are from and thus have no point of reference from which to confront me.

I have had these feelings for too long. Perhaps part of not placing the Stardate is to make this more unreal for me.

I can't stop thinking. My meditation is fruitless; the only images in my mind are blue eyes, cold and piercing. I feel the guilt of betrayal, obsession, feeling. This cannot continue.