CHAPTER 12

"When I am dead, it will not hurt anymore, will it Mama?...When I am dead, build me a little monument of stones in the woods." Alexei Romanov

The walk from the van to the lair took an eternity. It was a tiny stretch of hard, rough floor, not more than a few feet but to Raphael, it was miles and miles with his brother hanging limp in his arms. Like a doll. Because a doll was a much better comparison to a corpse. A doll. He could live with that. Dolls lived forever, if you took care of them, kept them safe. But if you didn't, they could break. They hadn't taken care of Michelangelo, and now, he was almost afraid of seeing wide, thick, spider web cracks appear across his brother's cheek.

But nothing happened and, for the moment, Raphael was satisfied.

"Raph."

He turns to look at Donatello. His brother is grim faced and he looks tired, his eyes bloodshot and heavy, "Can you take him to the lab?"

Raphael nods and steps though the door.

The lair is bright. Bright and warm and, for a moment, Raphael feels safe. But then the reality of the situation comes crashing atop his shoulders and he scowls. Their own home is mocking them. And suddenly, the light seems too bright.

He doesn't bother to look for Splinter, he knows his teacher, his father, is away. He has been for some time. None of them even thought of calling him, telling him what was happening. Raphael makes a note to tell Leonardo. The eldest has always been better at that shit then he is.

Instead, he moves to the infirmary. This room at least, is darkened and Raphael feels a sense of peace. He lays his brother down on the sheets. The white sheets barely contrast with his skin and Raphael has to wonder why he is this pale. So very, very pale when he hadn't lost any blood. Raphael's blood is smeared across the fabric though and he takes a moment to look at his butchered hands.

Later.

He would see to them later.

Donatello doesn't waste any time getting to the lab. His eyes look frantic, panicked but still, he manages to remain calm.

Leonardo takes longer. He moves, almost cautious, and looks around. He sniffs the air, no doubt noticing the strong chemical scent. Raphael has always hated that smell and he wonders why he hadn't noticed it before.

"Leo, Raph." Donatello's voice is firm and Raphael tries to ignore the faint tremor in the background, "Please leave."

The request catches Raphael off guard and, from the strangled sound beside him, Leonardo as well.

"What?" He snarls.

"Out!" Donatello is starting to look frazzled, "I need to check him over and I cannot do it with you two breathing down my neck!"

Raphael is tense. He can feel it in the set of his shoulders, hard and cold, "Fine."

Raphael thinks he should be fighting it more, demanding to stay. But something is his brother's eyes tells him that he should leave, that he should run while he has the chance. But Raphael can't do that, and he walks out of the room.

Leonardo takes longer, but he leaves too, Raphael can feel him, standing about a meter away, and Raphael is glad for the distance. He can feel Leonardo burning to say something, anything. He doesn't know what and he doesn't want to know. It's few steps over to the couch and he slumps down into the plushy material.

There's something sharp beneath his leg, pinching his skin and he dusts his hand across the fabric. A few stray crisps fall to the ground and Raphael stares at them for the longest moment.

"He'll be fine." Leonardo mutters. Raphael wonders when he moved to close, sitting on the couch beside him. Why didn't he notice?

"I know."

But he doesn't, and he knows that Leonardo doesn't know either.

All of a sudden, Leonardo grabs his hands, but he doesn't hold them. He takes a grip on his wrists and looks at the raw padding and cut up skin. Raphael can feel that the same has happened to Leonardo's hands but he doesn't say anything.

Leonardo is looking fierce and there's something in his eyes that Raphael cannot quite place.

"How did this happen?"

Raphael's brow scrunches in confusion and he scowls, "What the hell?"

"Answer me."

"You know how it happened!"

Leonardo won't budge, "How?"

"Ripping up the freaking floor, Leo!" He tries to pull his hands away but Leonardo's grip is unrelenting.

"For who!?"

"Fuck you! Mikey! For Mikey, Okay?" There's something in his throat, something lodged there that it is making it hard to breath. His voice is thick and he swallows.

"Mikey…" Leonardo's grip tightens and Raphael lets out a low hiss.

Leonardo's gaze is practically on fire and he leans close, pushing into Raphael's personal space. Raphael can feel his skin crawl as he brother snarls.

"We didn't go through all of this-" He drops Raphael's hands with a sudden, violent motion, "For nothing."

Raphael is breathing hard now, his eyes narrowed. But Leonardo isn't done yet, "He will pull through."

With that he stands and leaves the room. Raphael follows him with his gaze for just a moment, then his eyes fall shut and he slumps against the couch.

Leonardo had better be fucking right.

*0*

Leonardo is back. He wasn't gone for too long, maybe half an hour. Then again, it could have been longer or it could have been ten minutes. He doesn't know. The itchy, crawling impatience that lies underneath his skin is messing up his time perception. Time slips in awkward, clumsy chunks.

Donatello comes next. When he pushes opened the door, a hush falls over the room even though no one has been talking.

Finally, it's Leonardo that breaks the silence, "And?"

Donatello takes a deep breath and it's then Raphael sees that his eyes are too bright.

His heart hits rock bottom long before Donatello speaks.

"He'll live." He swallows hard, "But we were longer than ten minutes, and Bishop… " He looks up, eyes bitter and filled with something like guilt, something like hate, but Raph can't be sure, "Bishop wasn't lying."

"When I am dead, it will not hurt anymore, will it Mama?...When I am dead, build me a little monument of stones in the woods." Alexei Romanov

~ FIN