AN: And now, the final installment of Written in Red! This is up way earlier than I thought it would be, all thanks to some very nice reviews that really got me moving (until 3am)! Special thanks to whateva876, RomanticTimeTraveler, Luna Mrow, and everyone else who has sent me their reviews!
How will Duncan react to Courtney's rejection? What was Courtney thinking? What will happen next? All will be revealed, after this disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't own TDI, TDA, or TDWT. I do, however, own Courtney's last name, Alvaro. It means 'extremely cautious'. :D

Written in Red

What happened?

I felt Duncan's lips pass through my hair, my own stinging eyes focused unseeing on the far wall.

He stiffened beside me, realizing the miss, and my heart jumped in panic.

What happened?

The atmosphere hung, awkward and heavy, over the both of us, and I felt the cushions shift as Duncan leaned away again. I couldn't see his face.

And I found that I had nothing to say; no tangible reason why I pushed him away again, like I had dozens of times before.

The Courtney I showed the world would take a stand and scoff at his attempts to woo her. She'd demand a little redemption and figurative ass-kissing before he dare try to make a move.

The Duncan he shows me would flash that roguish, charming grin that made my knees weak. He'd take my hand and kiss me anyway, ignoring any protests that I managed to utter before he stopped all communication.

He would meet me halfway, walking the road my pride is too scared to venture. He would understand. He loves me. Or he did.

So why can't I say it? Because I know it's a lie? Or because I knew the Courtney I showed the world wasn't the Courtney I knew myself to be?

The real Courtney is unsure, insecure, and so afraid of people that she has to come in first every time to prove she's brave. The real Courtney is a neurotic, cowardly, confused, over-emotional train wreck from Northern Manitoba. And I have a feeling that Duncan knows that. So what's wrong? What holds me back now?

"I should go."

His voice jolted me from my trance, and I spun to face him without thought.

But he was already standing, his back to me, and heading out the door. I made no move to stop him as he left; I didn't even try to brace myself as a gust of winter air swept toward me before the door crashed against the jam and all feeling was extinguished.

There should have been silence, but nothing is silent anymore. I could hear the hum of the heater, the thunking of the icemaker, and the timekeeping of the old grandfather clock in the hall.

Tick, tock.

That was my life going by and leaving me behind again.

Why was I like this?

Sometimes, I wished I could be one of those vapid, flighty girls who went through three boyfriends in a month; never too attached, never getting hurt, and always so sure of their own ability.

Ignorance is bliss, as they say, but I can't ever let myself be.

And I hate it.

I have a secret. Duncan was the first guy I ever kissed. The things about relationships I pretended to know were only vague ideas I picked up from romance books, jabbering acquaintances and half-hearted observations. I had no idea how much courage it took just to send him a smile or take his hand. It was so much easier to glare and call him names and let him chase after me, to the point that he was ready to give up, until I could feel confident enough in myself and in him to grab him and let him know I wanted him too.

Kissing him that day, years ago, was the most spontaneous, stupid, daring thing I'd ever done. If I hadn't read him correctly, and he really was just fooling around with me; if he'd rejected me after that...I don't know what I would've done. It would have been mortifying, and not just because it was going to be broadcasted on television to half a dozen countries around the world.

Do you regret it?

That stupid little voice. Everyone has it. That voice that always reminds you of the last thing you want to think about at the worst possible time. But the harder you try not to think about it, the more it keeps coming back.

Did I regret it? What would have happened if I'd never kissed Duncan? Where would I be now? Would we have never been together? How would the rest of the Total Drama seasons have gone? Everything that has shaped me and my life so far could be riding on the certainty of one moment. On Duncan.

Duncan. Duncan, Duncan, Duncan.

Where did everything go wrong? At what point did our arguments become fiercer, longer, more serious and less for fun? When did he stop calling me 'Princess' and kissing my nose before he kissed my lips? When did he decide he didn't want that anymore? When did he decide he was wrong?

And what about me? How blinded must I have been not to read the signs? Shouldn't I have noticed something? Seen something? Felt something? Or was I so caught up in myself and what I wanted to do that I didn't even pretend to care?

It was my fault; as much mine as his. Too detached, and I hurt him. Too close, and I scared him away. Was there nothing I could do? Was there no way we could ever be together without tearing eachother apart?

Something wet trickled down my cheek. There was heat in my eyes, and a familiar tightness in my throat that could only mean one thing.

I tried to take a deep breath, hoping it would stop, but it came in shuddering like a sob.

No, I couldn't be crying. I was stronger than this. I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone. I was happy before, wasn't I? It was only after that phone call that...wasn't I? Wasn't I happy?

The tears were coming faster now; my breath coming in gasps as I tried to hold myself together.

Of course I was happy. I'm fine without him, and I know from experience that being with him is nothing but heartbreak.

I wiped the tears away angrily. He was gone, and that was that. I'll move on again. I'm Courtney Alvaro, and I will get through this. I'm strong and independent and damn well able to take care of myself.

"Yeah, but that's what I like about'cha, Princess. You can kick my ass if you want to, but you let me live outta the goodness of your heart."

I remember when he said that. We were by the pool at Playa Del Losers, where he'd kissed me sweetly on the temple and laughed. It was a happy, open laugh; the kind that bubbled up from some sunny place deep inside. I laughed like that, too. He made me laugh like that.

I did like that. I liked a lot of things.

I liked the way he scowled and blushed when I caught him doing something nice, and when he didn't even try to hide the fact that he was staring at me, and the funny way his hair stuck up when it was wet. I liked the way his face would light up when he caught my eye, and the things he told me that no one else knew, and how he would hug me from behind and nuzzle into my neck when we were done fighting. I always scowled and pulled away...why did I do that?

I broke into another sob, and buried my face in my hands.

Why was I so afraid of letting him know I cared? Why couldn't I just say how I felt about things, about...him?

And then I realized. I did care about him. A lot. I cared, and that was okay. So why was I letting him go? Why was I sitting here in tears while he got away from me again?

A new passion ignited in my chest, and I stood from the couch and all but ran to the front door.

Maybe it wasn't too late; maybe he hadn't driven away yet, and I could still catch him...

I threw the door open and leaned out with both hands braced on the frame, damning the frigid air that immediately began to bite at my bare skin.

Through the gently falling snow, I scanned the yard frantically, searching for his black hair, his rough coat, anything that would let me know that Duncan hadn't given up on me yet.

The shoveled walk was empty, save for a single dead leaf. Dead, like us. I was too late.

He was gone.

"What?"

My heart jumped madly in my chest, and I swung my head to the right, toward the voice. Was it...?

At the edge of my tiny porch, Duncan sat on the right-side stairs, falling snow already collecting in his hair and on his shoulders. He looked exactly as he did when he first showed up at my door; snowy, pink, and looking completely out of his element.

He met my eyes for a moment, and then looked away with a sigh. "Fine, I'll leave already."

He's still here.

"I was just...waiting for my car to warm up." He stood up, a hard look on his face.

He didn't leave.

"But if you're that gung-ho about it, I'll just let myself freeze to dea-"

I caught him mid-sentence. Literally. He wanted to know how I felt? Fine.

I ran forward, threw my arms around his neck, and mashed my lips forcefully against his.

Caught up in the feeling, I didn't know we were falling until we hit the ground.

His back took the brunt of the force, and I fell on top of him in a very cliché position, our lips bumping apart uncomfortably.

Snow rippled around us, and Duncan let out a grunt of pain. I pulled back to look into his eyes.

I was breathing hard, and was sure that my face was red and tear-streaked, but he gazed at me as if I'd just sprouted wings.

White clumps were stuck in his spiky hair, his ice-pale eyes more striking than ever as they bored into mine; questioning, yearning, and a little awestruck.

"Sorry..." I breathed, freeing my arms from beneath his head. I tried to sit up, but one of his hands rested on my lower back, maybe to keep me from running away.

"Um," I began awkwardly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm...I mean...It's a little..."

He leaned up, lips gently pressing on the tip of my nose. "We'll work it out," he murmured softly, his breath warming my lips. "Just go with the flow, Princess."

He smiled, shaming the brightness of the snow around him, and I was suddenly glad for everything. I was glad for every fight, every shed tear, and every breakup, because it all led us to this moment.

And this moment was perfect. There wasn't a doubt in my mind whether or not to smile back at him, or if it was okay to pull his face to mine. It was right, and I felt it.

His lips were cold, but I didn't care. I love him, I really do. And someday I'm going to tell him.

It didn't matter what was holding me back before. I won't let it catch me. I'll keep running and running for as long as it takes, because I know that Duncan will be right there beside me, racing me to the finish line, ready to catch me if I fall. I guess he'd always been there, and it just took me this long to see it.

And as I sat with Duncan in the snow, feeling more at ease and happy than I had in months, there was only one thing I could think to worry about.

The neighbors are definitely going to talk.

AN: So Courtney's problems aren't over. Nothing's perfect. Thanks so much for all your reviews! I try to reply to all of them; though I'm sure I missed a few. If it was yours, I'm sorry. I appreciate every single one; even the most simple and generic make me feel all fuzzy inside. ^_^ Thanks for reading, and special thanks to those who stuck around since the previously singular chapter one! Ashe, out.