Traditions

Part 2 of 3: All I want

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"J"you eat?" Danny asked as they made their way into the living room.

Lindsay shrugged. "If you count a pack of crackers."

"I don't, especially when it comes to your skinny ass," Danny said, ignoring the punch in his arm from his wife. "Come on. I got spaghetti made."

"Lucy wanted noodles huh?" It was their daughter's favorite meal.

"She loves her daddy's cooking," Danny bragged, grabbing Lindsay's hand and tugging her towards the kitchen.

Ten minutes later they sat at the table, Lindsay eating her first helping of spaghetti for the night and Danny his second.

"Tonight sucked, Danny," Lindsay observed morosely as she spun a forkful of noodles around in the sauce.

Swallowing a mouthful of food, Danny commented, "I know."

"I mean it really sucked," Lindsay lamented. "I just couldn't get away. I'm glad we got a break in the case but why did it have to be just before my shift was set to end? It just sucks that I drew the short straw this year."

Danny nodded. He knew she was disappointed, but there seemed to be something deeper in her voice. "Don't worry about it, babe. We've got all day tomorrow and there are gonna be a lot more Christmas Eves in the future."

"Yeah," Lindsay sighed.

Soon they had finished their meal and were lugging bags of toys from their bedroom closet and setting up shop in the floor.

"A'right, I seriously think we got enough here to open our own Toys-R-Us," Danny whined as he dropped the last bag.

Lindsay couldn't help but agree. "We may have gone a little overboard."

"I ain't wrappin' alla this tonight," Danny grumbled, "Her birthday's in a few months. I say we take 4 or 5 of these gifts, shove 'em back in the closet and give 'em to her on her birthday."

Surveying the size of the stash, Lindsay laughed. "Fine, but what are you going to do if in a couple of months she doesn't like Cinderella anymore?" She indicated the princess themed gifts.

Danny groaned as an endless parade of Disney princesses danced across his future. He just shook his head, and grabbed a bag, shoving a few of the toys into it.

Lindsay pulled out one of their favorite Christmas CDs and turned the stereo on, filling the room with soft music. The couple hummed and sang along as they began wrapping gifts.

"Did you ever find that box of ornaments?" Danny asked as he unrolled another square of paper.

Lindsay shook her head. There had been a box of Christmas supplies that they hadn't been able to locate, which had Lindsay's favorite Nativity set in it, and the icicle shaped ornaments. "No, I can only assume it got misplaced, lost, or left at the old apartment."

Danny frowned. He could hear the frustration in her tone. "It's not a big deal. We can replace the stuff." He watched Lindsay rather forcefully cut strips of ribbon and added, "But that's not the point is it?"

"We shouldn't have had to worry about moving," Lindsay snapped, "I couldn't bring myself to go back to that apartment, and we lost part of our Christmas because other people had to help us move."

Danny was a little confused by her logic and knew his face expressed that.

She sighed and dropped the ribbon. "I guess I'm not making sense."

Danny shook his head. "Not really babe, but does this have anything to do with you going Christmas crazy?"

"I haven't gone Christmas crazy," Lindsay defended.

"Hand me the tape," Danny said, "and yes you have. Tonight you wanted to bake cookies, make ornaments, open a gift, sing carols, read that Christmas book, drink hot chocolate, decorate stockings..."

"Ok," Lindsay interrupted, "I get it. So I wanted to have a little holiday cheer."

"A little? Babe, If Santa himself walked through the door he wouldn't be able to compete with you," Danny observed. "You weren't like this last year."

Lindsay frowned, her hand pausing in mid-air as she offered the tape to him. "Well, Lucy's older this year. We can do more."

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Danny pressed.

Lindsay resumed cutting and curling the ribbon, but quietly answered, "Maybe not."

Danny remained silent, the light strains of music still swirling around them. He knew he had pushed hard enough, Lindsay would now have to chose to talk to him.

"I guess I just wanted this to be a good memory for Lucy," Lindsay finally admitted. "I don't want her to remember that man. I don't want her to remember what I did. I want her to remember good things."

"Linds," Danny started, but she cut him off.

"She's been through so much this year, and moving to a new home wasn't easy for her. I want to make sure she knows everything is ok, to keep things light and fun. I know what bad memories can do and...I just...I want her to remember me as the mom she baked cookies with, not the mom who shot and killed a man in front of her," Lindsay finished, her hands still working mindlessly on the ribbon.

Danny let out a puff of air. He shoved the now completely wrapped present under the tree and grabbed a fairy sticker book, stalling long enough to think of the words he needed to say. "Lucy is goin' to remember that no matter what, her mom was there for her. She's gonna remember how much you love her, how you would do anything for her, and how important she is to you. She doesn't need 15 traditions at Christmas time to know that. You show her every day," Danny assured her. "An' tomorrow mornin' she's gonna flip her lid when she sees all this is for her. But Linds, baby, we gotta be careful. I'm not gonna lecture you, 'cause you know better than anyone how life changes after a tragedy, an' I know you want to make sure Lucy feels loved and protected, but how did you feel when people treated you with kid gloves, or patronized you, or gave you special treatment?"

Lindsay finished tapping down the ribbon on a rather large present; ribbon her daughter would pay no heed to as she ripped away the paper. "It made me angry," she finally told him, knowing he already knew the answer. "I know Danny, I really do, but that doesn't change how desperate I feel right now. I want this to be a wonderful time of year for her. I loved it growing up. We'd go sledding, and caroling, and cut our own tree. It was such a happy time of year for me, even after...after my friends were gone. I knew I could look forward to this time of year and feel a bit of joy."

Danny handed her the ream of wrapping paper so she could start on another present. "First of all, Lucy isn't you, and what happened to you, didn't happen to her. I'm not minimizin' what Lucy's been through, but what happened to you doesn't equal what happened to her. I know you're tryin' to compensate for Shane Casey, but I don't think you're able to separate the levels of compensation."

It was Lindsay's turn to be confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that you are trying to take away Lucy's pain, but the only gauge you have to go by is your own experiences. The level of pain you are tryin' to save her from isn't as high as you think it is. Back then you needed Christmas to feel joy, but Lucy doesn't. She feels happiness every day. We can still make this time of year special for her, but you need to relax a bit babe, a'right?"

Lindsay was quiet for a moment, then sheepishly pointed out, "I have gone a little overboard, haven't I?"

"There are worse things you could freak out over," Danny said, trying to keep her from feeling embarrassed. "Too much Christmas isn't necessarily a bad thing, I jus' wanna make sure you know you don't have to go to such lengths."

Lindsay smiled at him, her big toothy smile that always made him feel tingly inside. He never could resist that smile, and he felt his own lips spreading into a grin. "I love you."

"I love you," she replied.

They wrapped more presents, turning the conversation to lighter territory as they argued over the best Christmas movie.

"How can you not like A Christmas Story?" Danny demanded, feigning shock. "The movies a classic."

Lindsay laughed. "Sorry to break your heart, but I never liked it."

"Don't let my Ma hear that, she thinks it's hilarious."

"Oh, that reminds me, your Mom called me today," Lindsay told him, reaching for the scissors.

"What'd she want?"

"She wanted to know what to get you for Christmas."

"What'd ya tell 'er?" Danny asked as he pulled off a piece of tape.

"I told her you didn't need anything," Lindsay answered off-handedly.

"What?" Danny burst, "Why'd ya do that? I coulda got somethin' nice."

Lindsay again laughed at him. "You are such a brat sometimes."

"What?" Danny cried indignant, "They were crappy parents growin' up, an' now they like to make up for it by givin' us free babysitting and buyin' us awesome stuff. Who am I to stand in their way?"

Lindsay threw a bow at Danny, who caught it easily and with a smile, peeled off the back and stretched over the mess of wrapping paper to stick it on her head.

"Hey!" She reached up to pull it out of her hair, but Danny stopped her by grabbing her hand and tugging hard. Lindsay lost her balance and pitched forward towards Danny. He leaned back and the pair landed in a jumble of limbs, Lindsay's body on top of Danny's, their faces inches apart.

Danny wrapped his arms around her, pinning her in place. He lifted his head and sang softly into her ear, "All I want for Christmas is you."

Lindsay didn't hesitate to crush her lips against his.

"I know a tradition we can start," Danny panted, once they broke for air.

"Danny, sex on Christmas Eve does not count as a tradition," Lindsay reasoned.

"Says who?" Danny challenged, rolling them over so he rested on top of her, his arousal pressing against her stomach. "I got my own way of spreading Christmas cheer."

"Danny!" Lindsay giggled, her earlier troubles forgotten as her husband began to unwrapped his Christmas present.

End Part 2

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