A/N: This is because my little sister finally watched Titanic last week and she and I thought up how some of the Glee Clubbers might react upon watching this movie, and before I knew it, this idea popped into my head. XD

Once again, Noah Puckerman is someplace he'd rather not be. But instead of being in juvie or something else equally badass, he's instead in the most pansy place possible, his arms folded tightly over his muscular chest as he occasionally snorts in annoyance or lets out a curt laugh at the stupidity of the chick flick being played in front of him.

But his best friend Finn is here, looking stoic and absorbed, the other footballer trying to be just as supportive of the poor, weeping soul between them on the couch.

Kurt is sniffling, watching as the Titanic sinks and Jack dies in front of Rose in the icy water. Kurt recently discovered that his Dalton buddy, Blaine, doesn't return Kurt's romantic feelings for him, so Kurt decided to grab a tissue box, some ice cream, and weep over the movie Titanic like the self-dubbed honorary girl that he is.

And while part of Puck feels bad for the poor, fashionista soprano, he can't help but feel completely out of place on the Hummel-Hudson couch watching this lame, way-too-damn-long movie.

Still, Kurt looks adorable when he's crying like that, and he's hard to resist those puppy dog baby blues of his.

So here Puck is, dragged in to all of this, and finally, he decides to let slip a few witty remarks he's been withholding the entire time.

"Cheesus, what's with these guys, anyway? That dude who shot at them on the ship when it was sinking is an idiot, and the other guy who won't let other survivors on the boat is a douchebag, and why doesn't Jack swim over, get another floaty thing, and stick by Rose that way? And does anyone else kinda find this whole dramatic interpretation totally unrealistic and hilarious?" Puck cracks up.

Kurt shoots the Mohawked boy a death glare. "How can you be so insensible? This is romantic and tragic and beautiful, not some big joke!"

"Pfft, yes it is," Puck retorts. "I use the Titanic as a pick-up line all the time! It's my favorite, actually. Wanna hear it?"

"No," Kurt growls, and Finn reaches behind Kurt's head to shove Puckerman.

"Shut up, man! This is actually pretty sad…"

"You shut up, Finn; you're such a big baby," Puck scoffs. He grins wickedly. "Come on, Kurt. I know you're curious. It's actually a really sexy line."

"Shove off, Noah," Kurt retorts, but his wavering voice and teary eyes ruins the effect completely.

Puck decides to say the cheesy pick-up anyhow. "Hey, Kurt," he smirks, "You be the iceberg, I'll be the Titanic, and I'll go down on you,"he purrs, reaching over and teasingly looping his arm around Kurt's narrow shoulders.

The pale boy bristles and turns beet red before shoving Puck away with a 'humph!' under his breath. Finn sends Puck a look that says he's two heartbeats away from whooping the punk's ass out of protectiveness for his slightly yunger stepbrother, but Puck simply raises his hands in defeat.

"You two are no fun. I'm going and getting a soda." And promptly leaves the living room to let the two crybabies get all emotional about a Hollywood version of a sunken ship.

And he pretends not to be a tad put-off when Finn and Kurt start clinging to one another over the intensity Puck doesn't see in the film that apparently they do, and he tries to remind himself that they're like brothers now and that he has no reason to be jealous.

"Tch," Puck mocks as he takes a lengthy sip of his Pepsi and leans against the kitchen counter, "I thought it was totally a mood-lightening line," he mutters to himself. "It worked on Santana, anyhow."