Chapter 20 – Game Reset

"I'm home." That was not something he would have found himself saying just a week ago, but in the aftermath of the incident at Yomi's old apartment, Shizuo had managed to collect an unconventional roommate. Granted that he would have expected her to employ her eccentric antics more. Unfortunately, it seemed that the psychological toll had left Yomi largely despondent to everything.

Those eyes of hers seemed unfocused as they peered over the edge of his couch. She was almost like a timid animal, warily peeking out from its hiding place. As soon as it was confirmed that Shizuo had returned, she slipped quietly off the couch and shuffled across the floor toward him. The expression on her face was unusually downtrodden as she extended a hand, gripping the sleeve of his uniform.

Shizuo planted a heavy hand on the top of her head, ruffling her hair. Such silent exchanges had become commonplace in the last couple of days. He could not fathom what she was thinking, nor had he been able to properly convey his regret for the role he played in her brother's death.

"Shizuo," she murmured quietly in a voice just above a whisper. It was almost difficult to discern that she had spoken at all.

"Hm?" At first it had seemed odd that she dropped the awkward nickname she had been employing for so long. But he had quite quickly grown accustomed to the new usage of his name – which he had always preferred over "Shi-chan."

"I... I want to go see Hiro." Her brows furrowed slightly and her lips curled downward in a frown. Yomi seemed to have unusual difficulty conveying what she wanted to say.

"Mm," the blonde grunted back. "Tomorrow?"

She gave a stiff nod and then tugged at his sleeve. "Come with me?"

The question that had been weighing on the back of his mind spilled out before he could put much thought into it. "You don't blame me?" Although, certainly even Shizuo knew that he was not the sole person to blame. Only one of the cogs in the wheel that had eventually squashed out Hiro's existence.

Yomi's eyes widened slightly and she gave a small shake of the head. Her lips trembled as though to express some words but she ultimately pursed them and averted her gaze. Whatever inward struggle that was still waging in her mind, she had not given Shizuo so much as a glimpse into it.

In the back of his mind, a part of him feared leaving her alone every day. In fact, he had even thought to enlist Celty and Shinra as babysitters to ensure that she did not harm herself in his absence. Yet in the few days that had passed, she gave no indication that she was contemplating suicide. And fortunately the flea had not made a reappearance – though Shizuo was unsure as to how long even that would last.

The sudden noise of Yomi's rumbling stomach interrupted his thought process. As though completely unabashed, she peered up at him earnestly and mumbled, "Dinner." It seemed as though she did little but mope about the apartment in his absence – meaning that she skipped meals if he was not around.

It was not unlike having a child to take care of. And perhaps she had really regressed to such a state. That would have explained her uncanny behavior. She was deceptively demure, contrary to how her personality had been beforehand.

"Ramen?" Shizuo suggested. Certainly he had no particular talent for cooking anything beyond simple noodles. And as soon as he received a nod from her, he started toward the kitchen. Although with Yomi tagging along on his heels, fingers still pinching at the fabric of his sleeve. Another consequence of the whole situation had led to her being exceptionally clingy.

When the ramen was done and they settled down at the table to eat, Yomi positioned herself beside Shizuo and kept a firm grip on the sleeve of his shirt with one hand, using the other to maneuver her chopsticks and gradually shovel noodles into her mouth.

"You gonna let go?" he asked, betraying no hint of annoyance.

After slurping another mouthful, she peered over at him and shook her head. "You'll leave... if I do."

"I'm not going anywhere." Without returning her gaze, he continued to shovel the noodles into his mouth even after saying that.

Yomi studied his profile for a moment, perhaps evaluating his sincerity, before finally releasing her hold on his sleeve. She appeared slightly dejected as she returned to her bowl of ramen. Perhaps she interpreted his words as rejection.

As soon as he finished his bowl, he stood up and started to head toward the kitchen. Almost as quickly, Yomi flew out of her chair and stumbled as she tried to chase after him, clutching desperately at the back of his shirt with trembling hands.

Shizuo held back a sigh as he glanced back at her. That obsessive worry that he was going to abandon her seemed to have her desperate not to let him out of her sights. No amount of reassurance on his part seemed to alleviate those fears. And certainly of all people, he was the most ill-equipped to be able to handle the problem of Yomi's insecurities. He was not even sure where to begin to start helping her in recovery.

Ultimately, however, he was growing accustomed to the constant echo of her footsteps behind him. As evening passed and night descended, she followed him even as he climbed into his bed. He was quite literally struck dumb when she crawled in beside him, curling up close to his body beneath the warmth afford by the duvet.

"What are you doing?" His tone sounded almost reproachful.

Yomi peered up at him with those dead eyes of hers, and dolefully said, "I want to sleep here."

Shizuo held back a sigh as he scratched at the top of his head. It wasn't as though he could just easily kick her out and send her back to the couch. But did she not have any self-awareness? Oblivious to relationships as he might have been, he was not entirely clueless to the meaning of sharing his bed with someone.

Wait – but since when did he start thinking of Yomi in that way anyways? Involuntarily, the sigh slipped through his lips and just as quickly he felt a hand against his cheek. At first he tensed under the unusually gentle touch.

"Is it... okay for me to be alive?"

The question caught him by surprise. Was that what she had been mulling over this entire time? Although, the more he thought about it, the more he supposed it only seemed to logically fall in line considering everything she had been through.

"Yeah," he finally answered, awkwardly patting her on the top of the head.

Her facial expression, which had momentarily been pained before, gradually softened as she cuddled up against his side. There was obviously more on her mind. He could see it in her eyes – other questions she wanted to ask. Yet they remained unspoken and in the absence of further conversation, he deemed it time to turn off the light.

The positioning in the bed was somewhat uncomfortable with her pressed so snugly against him. He could scarcely move an inch without squashing her in the process. Yet all the same, her presence brought a comfort and a warmth that he had never experienced before.

When morning came, breakfast was brief and they almost immediately set out onto the streets of Ikebukuro. Being around Yomi was surprisingly more lively than he had thought it would be. She had seemed to sleep peacefully by his side. And at this current point, she had a strong grip on his hand as they walked side-by-side.

"Where to?" he asked, having been left in the dark from the onset of this entire "journey."

There seemed to be a slight crease in her lips, a ghost of the smile that she had worn just weeks prior. "We'll have to take the bullet train to get there." She gave Shizuo's hand a squeeze as she peered over at him, seeming suddenly more plaintive. Perhaps the thought of visiting Hiro's grave weighed more heavily on her mind than he thought. No doubt that she still struggled with feelings of guilt.

"You're more talkative." That, at least, he had noticed.

Yomi cast her eyes to the ground as they continued walking. "You stayed by my side... even though you know... what I did."

"Yeah."

She peered back up at him, revealing the first smile he had seen since the whole incident took place. "I have felt really empty without Hiro this whole time. I still... don't know how to feel now that I know he's gone. And nothing I do can bring him back."

"It's not your fault," he reminded her solemnly.

Yomi seemed to ignore his words, whether she took them into account or not. "Shizuo, you'll stay by my side from now on, right?" Her eyes seemed to reveal her insecurity. That earnest side of her was not one he was accustomed to seeing. It was as though all the walls, all the outward layers that had kept him at arms length for so long had been stripped.

He turned his head away and rubbed at the back of his neck with the hand that was not linked to hers. "Yeah. I'm not leaving you." It was kind of embarrassing to say it outright like that, but he figured he should match her sincerity.

"If I have you then... I think I can be okay. If you say it's okay to live, then maybe I can find a reason why I didn't die with Hiro."

That declaration came as a surprise. He peered over at her curiously but she just seemed to maintain that gentle smile. Was he truly looking at the same Yomi that he had gotten to know this whole time? The whimsical, eccentric girl with no common sense? She seemed so... normal suddenly. No – vulnerable, perhaps, because this was the true person whose nature he had only gotten brief glimpses of before. The facade was largely broken but even he could sense the progress she was making at recovery.

Once they boarded on the bullet train and settled into their seats, Yomi placed herself closest to the window while Shizuo occupied the spot immediately beside her. And even here, she insisted on keeping their fingers entwined. It was particularly strange for him considering the odd looks the conductor gave them as they came on. No matter where he went – he earned attention for his height, his general ill-tempered disposition, and his blonde hair. For a change, however, he did not have a crooked cigarette butt protruding between his lips. Not that the train accomodated his smoking habits anyways.

Being packed in like sardines left him a little antsy. Perhaps because he had neglected to smoke that morning. The nicotine cravings left him shifting uncomfortably in his seat, which quickly gained Yomi's attention as she peered over at him.

"Smoke," he told her after receiving that questioning gaze for some ten minutes.

"Hm~ you mean you aren't going to bounce that habit? You're a lot more attractive when you don't stink of cigarette smoke."

A vein momentarily bulged from his forehead as his first instinct was to be annoyed by that remark. Yet he quickly recovered once he took note of the fact that the teasing tone so resembled the old Yomi. His critical glare received a quirked brow in turn.

"What is it? Did you suddenly think you want to kiss me?"

His immediate reaction was to withdraw his hand and turn away, but Yomi kept a firm hold on him. Despite his embarrassment at her odd behavior, she did seem to be a little more chipper than before. So he could not completely reject her.

And somewhere along the timeline of their trip, Yomi eventually drifted off. Shizuo only noticed belatedly when he felt a weight against his shoulder. As soon as he peered over, he caught sight of her sleeping face. He sighed to himself as she nuzzled against him.

For Shizuo the trip seemed endless. Yomi appeared to doze through the whole thing. It was not until their stop was called out over the loudspeakers that he finally saw fit to nudge her awake. Although trying to coax Yomi into peeling herself away from him proved difficult.

"Just a few more minutes," she protested in a low whisper, rubbing her face against his shoulder.

When their turn to disembark came, Yomi kept a solid hold on his hand – refusing to untangle their fingers. Shizuo similarly could not find the heart to pull away in the face of that small smile that occupied her lips while she was close to him.

"His grave is here?"

She gave a solemn nod as they walked together. The streets were fairly empty and it was certainly a rural town. Was this where she grew up? Part of him was skeptical – if she was being groomed as an heir to a large corporation...

As though reading his thoughts, Yomi piped in, "I didn't live here, but I was born here. My 'mother' lived here with Hiro." She seemed to use the term 'mother' loosely and spoke it with some measure of disdain. Obviously the bitter feelings that existed there had done little to dissipate even over the passage of years.

"She still live here?"

The dark-haired woman's lips grew taut as she shifted her gaze to something in the distance. That did not seem to be a subject she was keen on lingering on. Yet she did not entirely ignore it as she finally admitted, "I don't know. Probably."

That conversation died off quite quickly. Shizuo contemplated mentioning that they could pay a visit, but he got the feeling that Yomi had no interest in seeing her mother. They had come to this place for one reason and one reason alone: to see Hiro.

His burial place, coincidentally, proved to be in an even more remote location than the town itself. Together they were forced to climb a dozen steps. Yomi's face contorted in pain about halfway through as she pressed her hand to her side.

"Yomi–"

"Ignore it," she seethed back at him through gritted teeth. "It's not much farther." A brief glance at her blouse told him what he already suspected. The teal of her shirt was becoming discolored, turning almost black. It seemed that blood was seeping out of the wound that Shinra had sewed up. Had it not been long enough for it to completely heal? Although, Shizuo supposed, Yomi had prolonged her body's recovery through all of her reckless actions.

As much as Shizuo wanted to quietly go along with her wishes, he tightened his grip on her hand and came to a complete halt, forcing her to do the same. The questioning look she shot him went ignored as he hesitantly reached for her blouse. Although he kept repeating to himself that he only wanted a look out of concern for her health, he still found himself almost nervous as he gingerly lifted her shirt from the edge.

Whatever he was expecting, he did not see. There were bandages wrapped firmly around her abdomen. They, too, had been discolored by blood but it did not seem as excessive as he had at first feared. A glance up at Yomi earned him a prompt glare.

"It's not as bad as it looks."

"When we get back, go to Shinra."

"Yeah, yeah. Now let's go. I'll even let you smoke in front of Hiro if you want." Actually, until she had mentioned it, his mind had not wandered back to cigarettes.

When they arrived at Hiro's gravesite, Yomi seemed to be surprised to find that it had been recently cleaned and fresh flowers placed. It was not until this point that she finally relinquished her grip on Shizuo's hand and sank down to her knees. Her body curled up as she made for a bow with her forehead pressed against the ground.

"I'll go over there," Shizuo mumbled quietly, getting the feeling that she needed time to herself to reconcile with her own inner demons. He would just feel like he was impeding if he lingered.

He strayed just far enough from earshot while remaining close enough to keep an eye on her. Shizuo made a point to keep her in his peripheral vision as he dug out a cigarrete. Lighting the end, he finally found himself relax a little as he waited for her. Yomi almost seemed as though she was prostrating herself in front of the grave. Perhaps that was the only way she knew to repent.

At last, however, she did seem to straighten herself. He could see her lips moving though he could not make out the words. Yomi seemed to affectionately caress the stone before her. And perhaps he was mistaken, though it almost appeared as though tears had welled up in her eyes.

Eventually she wandered over to where he was standing. "We can go now, Shi-chan." Suddenly she had reverted back to using that annoying nickname.

"Finished?" he asked, prying the burnt-out cigarette butt from between his lips. He tossed it to the ground and crushed it beneath the sole of his heel before extending his hand out toward her, as though already predicting she would want to hold it.

"Hm? You're actually offering? That's new. I thought you didn't like hand holding, Shi-chan." Before he could pull away in embarrassment, she quickly grabbed his hand in hers and weaved their fingers together. "See? Isn't this nice? We're like a couple!"

"A... couple..." he echoed back thoughtfully, although there was a look of disbelief on his face.

"What? Do you like the sound of it? You want to be with me forever?"

Certainly she seemed to be coming back to her natural self, the way she was excitedly rambling off one question after the other. His subdued expression contrasted greatly with hers. All of the focus and attention left him disadvantaged, but rather than meet her expectations with rejection, he actually gave a quiet grunt, "Mm."

Yomi blinked back her surprise. "What?"

"Yeah," he reiterated, being a little more direct this time.

Rather than react with a blush as he would have expected from any normal girl, she chuckled and then grinned as she tugged him along. They started back toward the station. "That's really good, Shi-chan. You seem to have fallen for me already."

It was not until they were back on the train that Shizuo finally ventured the question that he really wanted to ask. "You feel better?" More to the point, he wanted to ask whether or not she would be alright. Certainly she had rapidly improved despite her initial silence and tendency to cling to him. But he wondered if this was another calm before the storm, or if the storm had already passed.

"I asked Hiro for forgiveness."

He stared at her sidelong. That was not the answer he had been expecting.

"Well, I guess he can't answer me, can he? But don't they say something about seeking forgiveness and you will find it?" That was not something he could answer, for Shizuo himself was not particularly religious. Still, Yomi smiled. "I think... I'll be okay. But I think I'd like to keep some distance from Uzaya." There was a noted absence of the "-chan" honorific that she had dropped off his name.

That much, Shizuo was relieved to hear. He also wanted to keep her as far away as possible from the flea.

"Oh, you're smiling!" she suddenly pointed out. "So, if I went to go see him again, would you be jealous? Would you chase after me? Hm?"

In consideration of the fact that she was nearly bellowing those questions out, leaning closer and closer to his ear, Shizuo promptly pressed his index finger against her forehead to shove her back. "You're noisy."

"You're not denying it~"

"Be quiet."

"What? Are you embarrassed now?"

He sighed in turn, hand now fully pressed up against her face to keep her from leaning any closer. For the excessive noise, they had already received the derisive glares of several of those sitting nearby. Even Shizuo, who was usually completely socially unaware of his surroundings, felt the weight of their gazes.

Somehow the situation seemed to resolve itself when Yomi settled back in her seat with a cat-like grin. She kept quiet for most of the rest of the ride, peering out the window occasionally. Shizuo in the meantime finally found himself able to relax in his seat when she was not talking his ear off.

By the time they returned to Ikebukuro, darkness had already started to settle over the city. Yomi was leading Shizuo along by the hand, this time skipping merrily while humming a tune under her breath. She had certainly recovered enough for him to resume questioning her sanity. But he found himself happy all the same.

"Hey, hey, why don't we have Russian sushi?"

Shizuo shrugged his shoulders in response. Where they went was largely inconsequential, as he was finding out. The most important part was being together. And that was something he had never felt prior to meeting Yomi. Nor something he had ever expected he would feel with her.

"Say, Shi-chan?" Suddenly she stopped at the edge of the bustling crosswalk, and she turned to him.

"Hm?"

She frowned and made a motion for him to lean in closer. "Hurry up," she ushered with a sense of urgency. "There is something I forgot to tell you earlier."

Having grown accustomed to this sort of behavior, he reluctantly leaned toward her, head tilted to give her his ear.

In a voice barely above a whisper, the warmth of her breath buffeting the shell of his ear, she said, "I love Shi-chan the most." The momentary shock he felt at those words was punctuated when she pressed her lips against his – in the midst of a busy intersection, in view of hundreds of people. Almost as soon as the moment was over, she pulled away with a smile and started to walk off.

Shizuo held steadfast like an anchor, not budging despite her attempt to drag him along. Instead, he managed to be the one who pulled her closer, clapping a hand down on her shoulder to stay her as he took the initiative and leaned in himself this time. It was awkward and clumsy – he realized – but he did not have much experience in kissing, either.

Almost as soon as he pulled away, he noticed that Yomi seemed to be completely spaced out. Until finally she seemed to realize what had happened. "Huh...? Shi-chan, did you just...?"

"Me too," he interrupted, scratching at his chin. "I also... love..."

Before he could even finish, she suddenly flew into him, throwing her arms around his torso while nuzzling his chest. "You finally said it, Shi-chan! I knew you had to like me, too. Now it's official. You can't take it back, you know?"

"Yeah."

It was, perhaps, the first time in Yomi's life that she felt truly whole and at peace. To be loved, to love – something she had never done before with anyone besides Hiro. And in the comfort of Shizuo's arms, she finally felt safe.

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story for this long. The ending has been a long time coming and I don't know if this is what I had expected when I started but I think, ultimately, I am pleased with how it turned out. I certainly learned a lot in the process. Thank you for those of you who reviewed, your feedback is invaluable. :)

Genuinely-Unique - Haha, that's what I am starting to do in other fandoms - less heavy stuff, that is. Thanks for mentioning this, actually, since I had not put much thought into it prior to you saying something. Once I finish up some of my other projects, I may make an effort to make some more light-hearted OC Durarara fiction. ;3