-1~Hello! This is my first Kick-Ass story, so I'm kinda nervous 'bout it. I've watched the movie more then a normal person should and own only one comic (Sadly, it's the second one in the series. Couldn't find the first.) This is based after the first movie, but Red Mist's name is still Red Mist (Cause I feel uncomfortable writing his new name :P). Anyway, I really hope that all characters keep their movie personalities intact and that Delilah is not a Mary-sue.~

BTW Disclaimer- I do not own ANYTHING! *Weeps*

Chapter One: Anything But Ordinary

"Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby."
-Avril Lavigne

" White house, blue house. Green house, my house." I thought to myself as my dad drove down the row of houses " My new house is beige. Plain , boring, beige...I'd rather live in the green house. Massachusetts at least had colonial looking house. "

"Delilah, welcome to your new home!" My father said pulling into the drive way "Isn't just…What would you kids say these's days? Rad? Radtastic? Radarific? "

"Yea, dad, it's…Um, it's radtastic." I said sarcastically.

The grown man grinned widely, as usual oblivious to my sarcasm "I absolutely knew you'd like it! You plant some flowers in front, or paint the shutters neon green, or the whole house if you want. Put stripes, polka dots, zigzags, squiggly do's, swirls and twirls whatever you want to! Transform this dangerous dungeon into a enchanted castle one would see in their dreams!"

I should probably introduce us. My father is Jasper Augustus Quinzel. He's a 34 year old single father with more gray hair's then my Grandpa Jack and he's 60. He's mostly a inventor, but that doesn't really pay the bills, so he uses in degree in cooking to work at 5 star restaurants. There's a great debate going on in my family as to which one of my parents I look more like . I have my mother dark brown, my dad's blue eyes, my mother full lips and my dad's long face.

"There's a huge basement I could use, so you can TWO rooms to yourself, Princess."

I grimaced when he called me "Princess". My dad is , to say the least, eccentric. If he were a cartoon character, he'd definitely be Belle's dad from Beauty and the Beast. What was the old man's name again? Maurice?

"You're going to love New York, Banana."

If you haven't guessed it, my name is Delilah Quinzel. Actually, it's Delilah Harleen Quinzel, but I never tell that to anyone. Harleen was my mother's name, who left us when I was one. Yeah, harsh right? Someone should give her the "Mother of the Year" award. My poor dad was so distraught, that's probably way he's so gray already.

Then again, I'm sure my antics don't help with his gray hair. I'm prone to getting into fights, tripping up stairs, and the occasional Chemistry-experience-gone-wrong. You know, the big boom-bang with shattered glass. So I spent a lot of time in hospitals in Boston. Also, let's add the fact that I am a curvy 17 year old girl, who supposedly has attractive features, which draws in the attention of many a men.

"Delilah? Delilah!" My father voice jolted me out of my thoughts " Come on, and help your poor old man with these boxes!"

~Five Hours Later~

I had done my research, I won't lie. I've memorized almost every road, street, ally and block of New York. Why, you might ask? I needed to find a comic book store.

Yea, I know it's a bit ironic. Two-thirds of my name is Harleen Quinzel, AKA Harley Quinn, AKA the Joker's little pet. Plus, the Joker is one of my favorite DC villains. So sue me.

"Atomic Comics…" I thought to myself "This sounds promising. It's got comics and coffee, what else does one need, besides maybe beignets. Maybe if I get a job here, I can get discounts and add them to the menu!"

I opened the door, hearing the bell ding, walked inside and look around. There were more comic books then I've ever seen anywhere in New England, a group five teenagers and a pre-teen looking girl, and a really snazzy dressed pale guy standing next to a really…large man. I couldn't tell if he was cute or not, only being able to see the back of his head. Not that it mattered much to me, I'm not really the best judge of things like that.

On one side of the store I could see a sign that said "Get Your Kick-Ass and Hit-Girl comics here!" Who in the hell are they? I mean, they sound sort of familiar. Kind of like some sort of parody you'd watch on Monty Python's Flying circus. I like the one where they talk about kicking the beggar and the one misses .Anyway, I had no clue what to do with myself and I guess it was evident on my face.

"Excuse me?" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned around and saw one of the teenagers that had been sitting in the corner booth. He had light blue eyes like mine and obnoxiously curly honey brown hair.

"Umm...Hi?" I said holding my hand out "I'm Delilah Quinzel."

The teenager laughed " Quinzel? Like Harley Quinn?"

I laughed nervously "Yea… What's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Dave." He said holding his hand out " Dave Lizewski. You want to sit with my friends and I? "

I shyly looked over at the table and could see all of the friends looking at me, obviously listen onto the conversation I was having "Umm...Sure. Why not"

We walked over to the table and Dave introduced me. I was literally bombarded by a geeky looking guy with a bit of a nasally voice "Hello, I'm the awesomely amazing Todd Peters and this…guy… is Marty Duke."

Marty shyly waved at me "Hi."

Dave rolled his eyes at the geeky boy "This is my girlfriend Katie Deauxma and her best friend Erika Cho."

The two girls smiled at me then continued reading their magazines "And this Mindy Macready."

The preteen girl looked up at me and gave me a half-smile "Your not from around here are you?"

I gave a curt laugh "As if you weren't already listening in on me and Davey, New England, born and somewhat raised. More specifically, Massachusetts."

Mindy's smile grew, obliviously finding my subtle rudeness funny. She scooted down the down, making room for me to sit "You and me will get along just fine."

I sat down next to Mindy and Dave sat back down net to Katie. He looked up at me " So, you read comic books, huh?"

"Yes sir! I'm a huge Deadpool fan, with a little bit of Batman, Scarlet, Green Lantern, Thor and Uncanny X-men mixed in. I try to mix it up once in awhile, but usual it fails. I'm like a creature of habit."

-Dave's P.O.V-

I watched as Todd made a face at Delilah's choice of comic books "Deadpool's a bit harsh for a girl, don't you think?"

Delilah made a face right back at Todd "And what if they are, hm? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't enjoy blood and guts like a guy. Boobs or balls it's all the same."

I nearly spat out my drink when she said that. Todd and Katie looked mortified, Erika and Marty where holding back laughter, and Mindy was smirking . Behind Delilah I could D'Amico pausing at the front door, obviously staring at Delilah and I wanted to smack that stupid, damn smirk off his face. The great thing about coming out of retirement is that if ever me and Mindy run into Red Mist, I can kick his ass all I want.

"So Davey," Delilah's voice broke me out of my trance "Who was that dude you were trying to blow up?"

"…What?"

She rolled her eyes "The pale guy dressed in the snazzy get-up? You looked like you were trying to make his head explode. Like the one guy in Accepted. Except he actually did make something blow up. That's a underrated movie."

Todd looked over at her "He's Chris D'Amico. His father was a mob boss."

Delilah furrowed her eyebrows "Was a mob boss? What happened to him?"

" He killed another superhero named Big Daddy and tried to kill Kick-Ass. But Hit- Girl saved them, they confronted D'Amico's dad and killed him."

Delilah eyes visibly looked sadder " That's sad… Poor guy."

Mindy looked over at her angrily " Poor Guy! Delilah, his father was a killer! The guy killed innocent people and his son is sure to follow in his footsteps!"

Delilah held up her hands in surrender "Good golly, Miss Mindy. Okay, okay I get it. Chris D'Amico; bad. But c'mon, you don't feel the least bit sorry for him?"

Katie shrugged her shoulders "She has a point, Mindy. You and Dave both know how it feels to lose a parent."

Delilah nodded her head "I know what if feels like, too. Except, I don't know if my mom's dead… She just left."

There was a awkward silence after her sentence. We all sat there for a moment before Delilah started laughing, really loudly. I was really starting to question her sanity "What the hell are you laughing at?"

"My phone's vibrating. Hahaha!" Delilah choked out "It tickles me. Ha!"

Delilah's Diary: Day one

Dear Diary named Eustace-

It's strange to think that tomorrow morning, I'll wake up somewhere that isn't Massachusetts. No more Peregrine falcons or waking up and seeing the Massachusetts Bay, instead car horns and gas…Ew… I've luckily made some friends my first day here. Katie and Erika are the closes thing to 'girly' that I'll probably ever know, but they are both really nice. Marty totally has a crush on Erika. He's so cute with his chubby wittle cheeks and his wittle chunkyface.

I think Todd might also have a crush on me, that or he just likes to stare at chick's boobs. As for Dave and Mindy, I feel as if there's something their not telling me. Their both fantastic and I like them both. But it's like the two have some overwhelming secret. I have a theory that may somehow involve that Chris D'Amico guy ,who once you get a good look at him, he's actually really…hot…But alas, I have no luck with the male species whatsoever.

I found a black cat on my way home from the comic book store today. I decided to take it home with me. I know Dad won't mind the fact I pick up a stray. If anything, he'll applaud me and give me a raise in my allowance for being a civilian. I've named her Ivory ,for irony's sake, and she is currently playing with a loose string on my shirt. ..Anyway, until later days Eustace.

Love and Fireworks,

Delilah