there is no me without you.
A/N: Jade's take on Becks death. We had a what would we do if Jade died, now it's Jades turn. Feedbacks appreciative. Flames are for children.
Jade probably wouldn't have been able to believe that Beck was dead, you know if she wasn't in the car with him. They were on there way back from dinner when some damn moving truck decided to drive in the wrong fucking lane.
She remembers the squeal of Beck's truck as he pealed to the left and rolled downhill smack into a patch of trees. She remembers he had just enough time to scream her name ("Jade!") as the car began to flip over, his arm reaching across the seat in front of her in a pathetic attempt to protect her.
Jade doesn't remember how many times the car flipped over- she can just hear everything. She hears the metal of the car crumbling against the ground, the sound of glass shattering, is she screaming?, a pulsing pain against the right side of her head… its like a sensual over-load and she thinks that maybe she has some rare form of autism that hasn't been discovered because everything's so overwhelming and painfully loud.
It takes her a few minutes after they hit the trees to remember what happened.
My name is Jade West. My head hurts. There's blood on my hands. Im hanging upside down. Whats holding me up? A seatbelt. Click. Boom. Ouch that hurts. Let's see I have ten fingers…I'm in a car, it obviously crashed…what happened again?
She looks up to see a boy with beautiful bloody raven black hair and olive skin. Her heart stops.
"Beck" and her voice breaks and everything hits her in a wave of nausea as she crawls towards him, pieces of glass sticking out her leg. "Beck." she gently shakes his arm, and he doesn't move.
"BECK!"
/
She's unconscious at the hospital in a room that's not with Beck, by the time she comes to everyone is at her side, and they don't have to say anything because if all of them are here, that means there's no where else to be. (like with him)
They tell her Beck passed yesterday while she was sleeping. They don't tell her that they were all given the opportunity to say goodbye to him- that his parents are going to have him cremated.
She finds out anyway.
/
She doesn't come back to school for what seems like only a few days but in actuality its been almost a month. Tori and Cat have been splitting her homework and saying that Jade's been doing it. In all actuality she's never even looked at a book since Beck died.
Tori looks at her with these broken brown eyes, and every time she goes to open her mouth and say something she just ends up closing it and looking away. She gets as far as an "Im sorry.." before Jade cuts her off.
"Don't." Jade says face tight. "Just don't."
/
Jade sits in her room as she watches her phone vibrate from one end of the desk to the other. No matter how many times she looks at it, its just Cat or Tori and even once Andre. Her phones filled with text messages and voicemails, but never anything from Beck. He's the only one she wants to talk too.
/
"Hey Jade." Andre greets sliding down from his locker to where Beck's locker use to be- Jade's claimed the see-through locker as her own.
Jade doesn't say anything just gives off a simple nod, she doesn't talk much.
"So the girls, Robbie, and I are going to the movies, ya in?" He asks casually (no, not desperately or anything- she's…fine)
"I have something to do." she says quietly and it's so quiet and so unjade like Andre thinks he's going to have a heart attack because his heart is beating so hard against his chest.
"What?" he asks and he thinks he sounds skeptical, but he's really so stunned by the altered personality (but why should he be? beck died, you idiot)
"I'm…going to see Beck's parents."
She shuts her locker door.
/
"His remains need to be dumped or spread somewhere. Not sitting in your damn living room." Jade says harshly. She's not able to look at the purple urn on top of her fireplace because Beck cant possibly be in that thing.
"Who are you to tell us what to do?" Beck's mother spits, because lets face it- she never liked Jade anyway, and there's no reason to pretend anymore.
"He's our son." Beck's father says quietly. "He's always with us here."
Jade looks down at her hands balled into fists.
(breathe, you cant break down in front of them- breathe, jade, fucking breathe)
"He…" her voice wavers a bit and her visions blurring with tears and she's just so damn mad because your suppose to be holding it together.
"He wouldn't have wanted this." She says her arms trembling just so (don't notice, don't notice.)
"Jade…are you alright?" Beck's father questions leaning forward because he's afraid she might be having a panic attack by how hard she's shaking (This is the same girl with the violent tongue? Who would have thought?)
She shakes her head left to right as hard as she can (don't touch me, don't touch me) before exhaling slowly.
"He wouldn't have wanted this. Please." Her voice wavers when she says please.
His father looks towards his mother, before turning to stare towards Jade once more.
The best she gets is "We'll think about it."
(That answers not good enough)
/
Jade's phone rings as she's crawling into Beck's RV, his parents haven't touched it (must be to painful) and the scent of Beck is absolutely everywhere and its absolutely torturous. She strips from her black attire and throws on one of his big flannel shirts- and crawls into bed before answering her phone.
"What?"
"Hey Jade, the movie just got out and I was wondering if…"
"Whatever it is Tori, No. Just no."
"But…"
Jade sighed, she was to tired to deal with this- talking was like wasting breath, and the only words that were worth saying were lodged in her throat (I miss Beck).
"Im fine."
"But Jade." she hears Tori take a shaky breath before continuing "this was Beck."
She hangs up, runs to the bathroom, and pukes.
She thinks she feels a little better.
/
It's three months later when Cat finds out. She's changing in the locker room alone when Cat bounds in because she forgot something or another. She takes one look at Jade and screams dropping her book bag and taking a step back like Jades contagious or something.
"What?" Jade hisses (even though she knows what)
"J-Jade." Cats voice is trembling and her arms are shaking and (why is she such a mess?) tears are beginning to run down her cheeks. "I can see your ribs."
"Yeah so?" Jade says as if this is the most normal thing in the world, and…isn't it? Beck's dead. Who needs food? She never really liked meat anyway.
"That-that's not…" Cat takes another step back and now fear is beginning to circulate in her veins because Cat can ruin everything.
"Cat." Jade says (put your shirt on you idiot!) sliding her shirt over her head buttoning it up as quickly as she can (don't fumble with the buttons!)
"Wanna piece of Candy? It's peppermint." (Peppermints are to help with her breath, until she can sneak away and brush her teeth…but Cat cant know that right?)
"Ohhh candy!" Cat says taking a step closer, and now that Jade's shirts on (out of sight; out of mind right?)
Not quite.
/
Jade steals Beck's ashes a week later after she catches Tori and Cat walking hand in hand to the guidance counselors office. She doesn't have to know why they're going there to know its about her.
She ditches school, drives to his house, breaks the lock (parents are working, yeah for connivance) and grabs the stupid purple urn.
She thought she'd have more time to, you know, willingly convince them- but apparently not. In a matter of days Cat and Tori could have her in some psych ward with some weirdo's shoving fat down her throat. (No, thanks.)
She gets in her car and drives, Beck in the passenger seat. (kind of)
/
She gets out of the car, Beck's ashes in hand, black book bag slung over her shoulder. She doesn't bother to take the keys or to lock the car- she's not going anywhere after here.
She makes her way across the deserted beach and into the ocean. It's a long awkward walk with (don't get the bag wet, and most importantly don't drop beck). Jade goes out until she's waist deep in the cold water, black jeans clinging to pale skin.
"Beck" She whispers to the urn. "Here"
She opens it up before tossing the black powder into the ocean with her, and tears are cascading down her cheeks and he's finally free.
Jade watches as the black dust swirls around in the water, gradually drifting away from her.
"Jade"
She stares at the obvious hallucination in front of her, because Beck is dead you idiot. But she can see him clear as day, in his red flannel shirt, jet black hair, and soft olive skin. He stares at her with that same beautiful signature smile dancing over his features.
"Thank you"
Her breath hitches in her throat as she reaches into her black bag (oh no, its slightly damp at the bottom) and pulls out a pistol.
"We can finally be together again." She whispers black tears running down her cheeks and disappearing into the ocean as she points the mouth of the gun to the side of her head.
His hand glimmers against hers, his beautiful brown eyes coated with fear. She thinks it might be a silent gesture at 'don't' .She cant feel anything but warmth where his hand shines against hers. And that's more than enough.
/
"There is no me without you."
&She pulls the (god damn) trigger.
A/N : What do you think? Im actually fond of this one- but like I've said before, its *your* opinions that matter. So shoot me a review and let me know :)