Kurt lay curled up in bed, arms wrapped around his legs. His stomach tightened as he held back his tears. When had he gotten so lonely? He had always been alone, and he knew he would be because he dared to be different in a small town. He was alone but he had never been so lonely before. It wasn't something he had noticed until he had walked into the choir room and seen everyone was paired up, even Mercedes had a guy at her side. That was when he felt something inside him break. It had taken alot of self control to not run out of the room, he hadn't even had the energy to fight when Mr. Shue gave Rachel the solo in one of his favorite songs. And as always either no one noticed or no one cared.

What had he done wrong? Why the hell was this all happening to him? Everyone complained about their problems but he would give anything to be in their shoes. No matter what they said they didn't know pain, maybe Quinn could sort of understand. They didn't know what it was like to lose your mom, live your life being harrassed daily and not being able to tell out of fear for your life, be the only out gay kid in the whole town. He had always let it roll off before but it was getting to be too much. He was alone, he was lonely and it had hit the point he was really f*cking tired of living. He finally let his tears flow unchecked, arms wrapped around his chest as if he was holding himself together.

Kurt rolled out of bed the next morning to go about his day as always. He got dressed, with a little less flair than usual, and was almost done doing his hair when a feeling of self hatred swept over him. Why the hell couldn't he have been born a different way. He didn't believe in god because he would have to be pretty cruel to make him this way, no one wanted this. Why couldn't he be someone else? He gripped the bathroom counter tightly and leaned over, breathing heavily, he would not cry, he would not cry, we would not f***ing cry, everyone would see if he had. Not that anyone really noticed him. He bit down on his lip until he broke skin and tasted blood. God for some twisted reason that felt good.

He walked around school in a daze, the tearing throb in his chest so painful he couldn't concentrate on anything else. Karofsky shoved him into the lockers, and damn he couldn't help but enjoy it, the physical pain a relief, a distraction from being torn apart on the inside.

For the first time in his life he left glee rehearsal. It was sickening, Rachel in Finns lap, Mike and Tina cuddling, Quinns head on Sams shoulder. Was that kind if simple contact, someone who just wanted to touch him, be near him too much to wish for? He dug his fingernails into the soft flesh of his palms, he had figured that part out, the physical pain dulled the internal agony. He went home early and found himself in bed crying again and hating himself for being so pathetic.

It wasn't just not having a boyfriend. It was Karofsky, brutalizing him because he was brave enough to be out. It was Finn coming in as the son his dad had clearly always wanted, driving a wedge between them when Kurt needed his dad most. It was the renewed aching reminder that his mom was gone, that she couldn't hold him and tell him it would be ok one day, like he so desperatly wanted someone to. It was his so called "friends" not seeing he was falling apart right in front of them. Most of all it was feeling like no one would notice if he suddenly wasn't in their lives anymore. His dad would have a son in Finn, Karofsky would go back to denying himself comfortably without Kurt flaunting his sexuality so openly, Rachel could have all her damn solos. Other than that he wasn't even a blip on anyones radar.

His phone rang and even though he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone he picked it up, stupidly hoping it would be just that one text from someone who was actually wondering if he was ok after he left so abruptly. It was Blaine.

Heyy Kurt-sie u wanna meet me breadstix

Blaine...the one person who could maybe make things better, even just for a little bit. Even if Kurt couldn't actually find the courage to tell him what was wrong. Maybe Blaine would actually, just maybe, notice on his own that Kurt was a long way from ok.

Suree Blaine-sie ;)