"Nooooo!" Cosmo screamed overdramatically, latching onto the fairy's overcoat. "You can't do this to us! You can't do this to me! What am I s'posed to do if I have no job? What will I tell my family? You can't do this to me! I have a wife and three kids!"

"You do not have three kids—" Wanda began.

"—PLEASE! HAVE MERCY ON ME!" the green-haired fairy cried.

The third fairy, a rather contemptuous man holding a clipboard, backed out of Cosmo's grasp and smoothed his suit back into place. "Mr. Cosma, I do believe that you are jumping to an extravagant conclusion. It is not my place to discharge anyone from their job. Rather, I am here to take a survey."

Cosmo blinked. "Ooh, a survey? I love those! It's like a world where the food never ends… or the free refills."

The man with the clipboard cocked an eyebrow. Wanda shook her head.

"That's a buffet, idiot," she stated flatly.

Cosmo frowned. "Oh. Well, then… whada we have to do?"

"Simple," assured the fairy, glancing down at his clipboard, "and it should only take a few minutes. I'm going to ask you two a series of questions concerning your jobs as fairy godparents."

"Is this a teeest?" Cosmo asked apprehensively.

"No, it's not a test. The questions will be completely opinionative. I would like you both to answer them as truthfully and thoroughly as possible." he peered out from over his clipboard. "Easy enough?"

Cosmo crossed his arms over his chest. "What's in it for us?"

"Easy enough," Wanda replied, ignoring Cosmo, "what would you like to know?"

"Alright—well, first things first, we'll make sure that the facts are straight…" the man turned a page his clipboard over. "Your two are Cosmo and Wanda. You have a son named Poof, and a human godson named Timothy Turner."

"Yes."

"Good, good," he flipped through a couple more pages. "And this Timothy lives with his parents, doesn't he?"

"Who else would he live with?" Cosmo asked.

"Hmm, it seems I've a couple details missing from these papers," commented the fairy. "Bear with me here. What are the names of Timothy's parents?"

Cosmo scoffed. "Hah! That's easy! Their names are—"

He stopped talking abruptly. The fairy with the clipboard gave him an expectant look. Cosmo turned to Wanda anxiously.

"T-tell him their names, Wanda," he said, imperatively and uneasily.

Wanda furrowed her brow thoughtfully. "I'm thinking," she said.

A minute passed.

The man glanced at this watch. "Any day now?" he spoke up.

"Ummmm…" Wanda frowned. "I'm not… sure…"

The man regarded them both with an odd look, a bit incredulous. "So, you've lived with them for how long, yet you don't know their names?"

"Well, it's not live we've ever asked them!" Cosmo snapped defensively. "It'd bet you a million dollars they don't know our names, either!"

"Cosmo, they don't know we exist," Wanda pointed out.

"So you see my reasoning!"

"Might I just write down 'null', for their names?" suggested the man.

"What kinda name is that?" Cosmo asked.

"They have names," Wanda said, "and we know them. Or, at least, we used to… I'm not exactly sure how they've slipped my mind," she admitted.

"Well, think logically. You do it better than me—oh I know!" Cosmo exclaimed in an epiphany. "What does Timmy call them?"

"… Mom and Dad?"

Cosmo's cheery disposition faltered. "… darn it."

"You know," Wanda began, "I seem to remember Timmy's dad's name starting with a D."

"David?" Cosmo suggested. "Dave? Davie? Dahvid? Don? Donald? Darryl? Douglas? Dwayne? Dick?-"

"Okay, maybe not."

"What about his mom? Isn't her name, like… Will… or something…"

"I would think not, seeing as 'Will' is a man's name…"

"Willa… Willamina… Wilma… Wilma, isn't it?"

"Well, then. What would Timmy's dad's name be? Fred?"

"Now that's just silly Wanda- I think his name starts with a C."

"I don't think his mom is named Wilma, either. But I think you are right about it starting with a W."

Cosmo tapped his chin. "C… Co… Cornelius… Cos- Cosmo!" he exclaimed. "Cosmo and Wanda!"

"No, those are our names."

"… oh right. Darn it. But I'm getting closer, aren't I?"

"Theodore… Ulysses… Victor… Wendell…" Wanda droned tediously. "How many times have I gone through the alphabet? I feel like I'm repeating names."

"Hugh, Stu, Lou," Cosmo grimaced, "I think it rhymes with 'Hugh'. Sue. Rue. Wu?"

"It's not Wu. You know, I think it starts with G."

"Goo?"

"No, I mean Timmy's mom. And it's kind of interesting… Geralda?"

"I thought you said it started with G."

"Geralda does start with G, it's Spanish—"

"You two are absolutely terrible, do you know that?" the man with the clipboard groaned, rubbing his head. "It's been an hour and we haven't even gotten past the first question."

"You ask hard questions!" Cosmo exclaimed. "And Timmy's not Spanish!"

"Gemma, Georgina, Georgette… huh. What other names start with G?"

"IKE!" Cosmo screamed, grabbing and yanking Wanda by the shirt. "Ike!"

"… what?" Wanda blinked dazedly.

"His dad's name is Ike! And his mom—TINA! Her name is Tina! Ike and Tina!"

"Ike and Tina Turner," the man with the clipboard said aloud dully.

"YES! Ike and Tina Turn… oh. DARN IT!" Cosmo raised his fists in dramatic frustration.

"Maybe it's something completely obvious that we're just missing," Wanda theorized bleakly. "Like Bob and Ann. Tom and Mary?"

"Ken and Sally. Todd and Jen."

"Ron and Debra. Paul and Jane."

"Um…" Cosmo frowned, "Ferdinand… and Laverne. Marcellus and Yvette."

"Hermes and Yasmine, Napoleon and Esmeralda…"

The fairy with the clipboard broke in suddenly, "You know what?" he asked. "I think I'm done here. Thanks."

Wanda looked up and over at the man in confusion. "But… you haven't asked us any survey questions yet."

"I think I've already learned enough about you two that I really don't have to," the man said. "Really."

"Now, wait a minute—" Cosmo started.

"Oh, would you look at that, I have to go. Thanks again, you two, for your time and… uh, contributions."

With that said, the man hastily poofed away.

Cosmo glanced at Wanda. "Gee… I wonder why he was in such a hurry."

"I don't know," Wanda frowned, "but how long have we been here? I'm hungry."

Cosmo grinned. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"An all-you-can-eat buffet?" Wanda supposed.

"With free refills!"

"Yeah!"

And then they both laughed and poofed away, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

an: whoa you actually read this far? kudos to you, man