A/N: Hey :) This is a fic I've been working on for quite a while! It was originally a one-shot but it started to get quite long so I decided to split it into 4 parts!
The plot is all down to Clai, so of course this fic is dedicated to her!
Hope you all enjoy this, reviews would be amazing, love you all!
Things you need to know: Set at the end of season 3, and Addison didn't have any man troubles at her time of departure! (So no Mark/Alex stuff!)
If we find that our vision is blinded
We should slow down and maybe we'll find it
Every heart just needs a little time to grow
If you go through a little bit of hard times
You should know that to fix it it'll take time
Baby hold on before we start to lose control
- Never Let You Go by Colbie Caillat
Never Let You Go
Part 1 of 4
~x~
Meredith lay next to Derek, both of them panting after their first round of sex that night, both of them staring at the ceiling.
"That was, amazing" Derek breathed.
"Yeah, incredible" Meredith replied with a breath, they dropped back into silence before Meredith said "You're lying"
"Yeah" Derek sighed "Well so are you….what the hell happened to us?" Derek said rolling onto his side to face her.
"I know" Meredith said looking at him "Derek, you know I love you right?"
"Yeah" he said with a small smile "You know I love you too"
"Yeah" Meredith whispered "It's just not, we're not working anymore are we, it feels like, it feels like, like we're just friends, who, sleep together"
"I didn't think this would happen" Derek said sadly, his thumb coming to her face and stroking her cheek "I thought, I really thought we'd work out"
"Me too" Meredith said quietly "So this is it, we're, we're broken up"
"Yeah, I guess we are" Derek said softly "But friends" he said squeezing her hand "We'll be friends"
"Best friends" Meredith smiled.
"Right" Derek smiled back "If I say something as your best friend you won't get mad at me right?"
"Um, I can try" Meredith said curiously.
"Do you like Addison? I mean do you, do you have feelings for her? Loving feelings?"
"What?" Meredith spluttered with a nervous laugh "Derek what, what the hell kind of a question is that?"
"It's just, the past month or so, I've caught you looking at her" Derek said with a small smirk "And it's a look, the kind of looks we used to give each other, I mean, I'm not saying it's not a little weird, and it's kind of, freaking me out a little because well, it's you, and my ex-wife and, that's wrong on so many levels but, I think, if you love her then, you can tell me, I won't get mad"
"Derek, you're being ridiculous" Meredith scoffed "And, and even if I did like her, it wouldn't matter anyway, I couldn't do anything about it, she's straight for one, and, and so am I and, and she's moving to LA tomorrow, it's not like I can, run after her or anything, that would be, pathetic and, stupid and, she's straight"
"You'll regret it if you don't ask" Derek said softly.
"Derek, there's nothing to ask" Meredith said with a slight groan "Stop it, please"
"Fine" he smirked.
~x~
5 months later.
"So, Addison's coming for that case today" Derek said as he walked with Meredith through the hospital.
"I know" Meredith said looking through the chart in her hand.
"And how do you feel about that?"
"What the hell are you my shrink?" Meredith said dryly "I'm fine Derek, I've moved on, she's in LA, she does not and will not ever know that I, had feelings for her ok? Because they're not there anymore, the feelings, it's all gone, I feel nothing, so you will say nothing ok?" she glared.
"Ok, ok" Derek mumbled.
"His CBC and liver enzymes are good" Meredith said closing the chart.
"Well that's better than expected"
"I know" Meredith nodded.
"Better doesn't mean good, I don't want you getting emotionally involved with these patients, I don't want you getting your hopes up" Derek said as they stopped in the middle of the walkway.
"My hopes are not up" Meredith smiled.
"Alright then Dr Grey" Derek said shaking her hand "Let's do this"
"Let's do this" Meredith smiled.
"Good, chart" Derek said accepting it from her, they both turned around and were instantly faced with Addison.
"Hi!" she said with a slight nervous laugh.
"Oh, hey" they both replied with a slight stutter, their eyes almost instantly connecting with the hand she had resting on a very visible baby bump.
"Hey!" Addison exclaimed pulling Meredith into an awkward hug and then releasing her.
"What, what the, what the hell is that?" Derek exclaimed, Meredith was too stunned to speak.
"Oh Derek, you're still as elegant as always" Addison smirked "I know I know, I should've told you but, it's been a hectic 5 months, Naomi worked her fertility magic on me"
"You, you used a sperm donor?"
"Yeah" Addison breathed "I'm giving up on men, you're all stupid, it's just me and my baby girl now, that's all that matters"
"It's a girl" Derek said with a smile "Well, I, I'm happy for you, if, if you're happy"
"I'm very happy" Addison said softly "So, how are you guys! And hey look I hugged you there, d'you see that I hugged you, you stole my husband from me and I hugged you, I, I mean I have grown, I have and uh, I can be happy, for the happy couple! Right? I'm all LA and, at one with myself, so I feel really, yeah"
"Ah we're um, that's not uh, we're kind of not, together anymore" Derek stuttered "We uh, we're friends though, best friends, which is good, right Mer?" he said nudging her a little.
"What uh, what?" she stuttered.
"We're best friends which is good right?" he asked firmly.
"Oh yeah, right, it's good" Meredith smiled "Cristina thinks I'm replacing her"
"She loves me" Derek said with a grin.
"Shut up" Meredith said dryly "I have rounds"
"And I uh, have to go, save a life now" Addison stuttered "See you later"
"Bye" Derek said with a small smile, as Addison walked away Meredith let out a shaky breath.
"You ok?" Derek asked warily.
"Yep" Meredith replied.
"You're not ok" he said softly.
"Derek, it's really none of my business what she does with her life" Meredith said with a sigh "She's happy, she's happy and she's going to have a baby and that's, that's great so, I'm gonna go and do rounds, ok?"
"Ok" Derek said squeezing her shoulder a little "Go on, I'll talk to you later"
"Ok" Meredith whispered before walking away, she headed straight for the nearest supply closet and let the tears she'd been holding back fall.
~x~
"You broke up with Meredith Grey?" Addison exclaimed as she stood with Derek on the walkway.
"We're doing a clinical trial together if that makes you feel better" he smirked "And I already told you, we're ok, we're friends, best friends, she's even joined forces with Mark to try and get me to go on this date with a scrub nurse, they even managed to get me to go on a date with Sydney Heron once, I still have nightmares" he said with a slight laugh.
"Seriously Derek" Addison sighed "This, this is Meredith we're talking about, I really thought you and her would, make it y'know"
"We lost it" Derek said quietly "Whatever we had between us, it just, fizzled out, we may have used each other for sex a couple of times…."
"Oh ew" Addison shuddered "Didn't need to know that"
"Sorry" he laughed "But other than that, we're done, she's kind of hung up on somebody else anyway"
"Really" Addison said raising her eyebrow a little "Who?"
"Erm…." Derek started "It's uh, nothing, nobody" he said quickly "Forget I said that"
"Derek, who is it?" Addison asked quietly.
"Addison, why do you even care?" he asked with a sigh, she merely looked down a little "Oh" he said simply "Oh my god"
"Look, it doesn't matter ok?" she said firmly "The likelihood of her being hung up on me is next to nothing, I'm pregnant, I'm having a baby, I don't have time to think about my messed up inappropriate, feelings, ok?"
"Yeah uh, ok" Derek nodded "Secrets safe with me"
"Ok then" Addison breathed "Well I'm gonna, go, do my job, I'll talk to you later Derek"
"Bye Addie" Derek smiled, as soon as she was out of sight he let out a groan "Well didn't that just get a hell of a lot more complicated" he muttered.
~x~
"You paged" Cristina said walking into Derek's office.
"Yeah uh, come in" he said sitting up a little "We need to talk"
"Oh what the hell happened now?" she groaned as she dropped into the chair in front of him.
"I, I found out something today, about Addison"
"Yeah, she's pregnant, we all know that" Cristina said rolling her eyes a little.
"Not that" Derek sighed "About Addison and, how she feels for Meredith"
"I'm listening" Cristina said sitting forward a little.
"She, she has feelings for her" he said almost disbelievingly "Like, like the kind of feelings Meredith has"
"Oh my god" Cristina said with a slight laugh "Seriously?"
"Yeah" he breathed "Should we tell her? Meredith?"
"No" Cristina said after thinking a little "No we, we shouldn't, I mean, Addison's pregnant, she's obviously happy, and Meredith wouldn't want to, mess that up, just, between you and me"
"Yeah, yeah you're right" Derek nodded "You're right"
"I'm always right" Cristina smirked.
~x~
"Hey, you're leaving already?" Meredith called out as Addison passed her at Joe's that evening.
"Yeah I have, a flight to catch so…." Addison breathed "It was good to see you Meredith"
"You too" Meredith smiled "And um, congratulations, on the baby, you're, you're going to be a great Mom Addison" she said softly.
"Thank you" Addison smiled "Come on, give the hormonal pregnant lady a hug"
"Should a hormonal pregnant lady even be in a bar?" Meredith smirked as she slipped off her bar stool.
"Shut up" Addison smirked back, Meredith softly wrapped her arms around Addison, the baby bump pressing against her.
"Promise me you'll be happy Meredith" Addison whispered.
"I promise" Meredith whispered back "Have a safe flight" she said as they pulled away.
"Thank you" Addison smiled "Goodbye Meredith"
"Bye Addison" Meredith nodded, she watched as Addison walked out of the bar before returning to her seat and ordering another drink.
"You're an idiot" Derek said simply as he sat down next to her.
"Wha...what?" she exclaimed.
"I'm talking about Addison, Addison. Adrienne. Forbes. Montgomery. Are you seriously letting her go? Because I swear to god Meredith if you let her run off into the sunset and back to LA…."
"She will be very happy" Meredith finished quietly "She is happy! She's having a baby Derek! A tiny little human. She does not need me to complicate her life, so please, can we just enjoy these drinks, and forget I ever said anything"
"Meredith…." Derek started with a sigh.
"Please Derek" Meredith said quietly "If things were different, I'd probably go after her, but things aren't different, I just need to move on, I need to forget her, so please, can you just help me forget"
Derek stared at her a little before letting out a heavy sigh "Joe" he called out "Can we get a bottle of tequila over here" Joe took one glance at Meredith and nodded, he took out the bottle and put it on the counter in front of Derek, Derek poured Meredith a shot, she instantly drank it back.
"Wanna keep drinking?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah" she breathed, he poured another shot which she instantly drank, he wrapped his arms around her in a soft embrace, his lips brushing against her hair.
"You'll be ok Mer" he said softly.
"I know" she sighed "If I keep drinking" she said grabbing the bottle of tequila, Derek just sighed, knowing that all he could do was sit back and watch her drink.
Part 2 of 4 to follow…