AN: This idea popped into my head and I can't get it out. Set in author's pov or whatever it's called.
It was a very sunny day, not a cloud in the sky and birds are chirping as the breeze is light but wonderful. The angels sigh and the devils groan, it was the day of Duncan's funeral. Even though Courtney Summerson hated no loathed who she called a man-whore neanderthal she still let a few tears slip knowing her former paramour has gone down to hell. She dressed up in a black dress that went down to her knees with a black ribbon around her waist, with black heeled shoes fishnet gloves on her hands and her hair in a fun she got in her car and drove off to the funeral.
Gwen Faven has also got ready for the funeral, she put on a black dress that reaches her ankles with black small heeled shoes with frilly fishnet gloves and her hair now just past shoulders flowing freely she got into her car and on her way to the funeral of Duncan Adam Evers, little did she know what she was going to encounter.
Once Courtney arrived she waited in a room and got a glass of a fizzy apple drink, his new wife who planned the funeral didn't like alchol very much and made it alcohol free. Courtney saw Gwen and her eyes immediatly glared, it's like it was natural. Gwen, noticing the former C.I.T went over to speak to her.
"What do you want?" Courtney asked the goth harshly.
"Believe me I know how you feel," Gwen told her. Courtney's face had a look of what looked like sympathy.
"Should have ran for the hills before he cheated," Courtney said to her before taking a sip of her beverage.
"I thought with me it'd be different, because our relationship was so unlike yours," Gwen confessed.
"You didn't let him have sex did you?" Courtney asked her.
"How did you know?" Gwen asked.
"It's all Duncan wants, I declined having sex with him and even more arguments arose," Courtney replied.
"Typical," Gwen mutters.
"So why are you here?" Courtney asks her, she's been asking a lot of questions.
"Why are you?" Gwen retorts.
"I asked you first," Courtney says.
"I was hoping to punch the slut's face," Gwen replies to the girl.
"I was hoping to either do that, or make peace with you," Courtney says.
"Oh," Gwen said.
"So who'd he leave you for?" Courtney asked.
"That slut over there," Gwen answered pointing at Heather, yes Heather.
"Typical, of course that slut of a bitch would spread her legs for him," Courtney says then glares at Heather. It's as if Heather has a scanner for when people glare at her she looks up and gives her the middle finger.
"I loathe her so much," Gwen says.
"Amen to that," Courtney says, then puts down her empty cup. Heather then came over.
"Hello B.I.T.C.H and slut how are you?" Heather asks.
"Gee you must be mourning his death," Gwen says sarcastically.
"The opposite," Heather says.
"Figures," Courtney said with an eye-roll.
"He ditched me for that whore," Heather said and pointed her thumb at a girl that is obviously younger then them, they were in their late 30's while she looked as if she was in her early 20's. She had perfect dark honey blonde hair with platinum blonde streaks and a perfect curvy hourglass figure almost all females only dream of having and what looked to be a F cup bust.
"What a man-whore," the three girls say in unison.
"And a pedophile," Gwen said.
"And a neanderthal," Courtney added.
"And a total loser," Heather finalised.
"Remember Total Drama World Tour?" Gwen asked.
"Best season ever," Heather said.
"The worst yet best," Courtney said.
"Duncan was the only good thing," says Gwen.
"We were all on the same team," Courtney mentioned.
"Sometimes all three of us got along," the queen bee said.
"Though it was always off camera," the goth said.
"Okay if we all proceeded to enter the funeral room in an orderly fashion we can begin the ceremony," the preacher said.
Everyone walked in and sat down, there were a couple of children, one of which wouldn't stop playing a DS.
"Please turn that down hunny," his mother asked. The boy obliged to his mother's command.
"Today we come together for the death of Mr Duncan Adam Evers," he began.
"Now when we think of his death we think-" the preacher was cut off.
"Yes! Finally!" The boy with the DS exclaimed.
"Amen to that," Heather, Gwen and Courtney said in unison.
"The exact opposite," the preacher said with great confusion.
"In fact his wife, now widow even decided-" the preacher was cut off.
"Yes dad I killed him! Can we throw a party?" The kid with the DS exclaimed.
"Alright dude!" The father exclaimed, it didn't take a genius to know it was Geoff.
"Geoff, Dan we are at a funeral," the mother, which had to be Bridgette scolded the two.
"Again we think the exact opposite," the preacher said with even more confusion.
"Chef you suck as a preacher!" Somebody shouted, everybody turned to see Chris McLean. Now that was a true shocker to them all.
"Shut up!" Chef said.
"Now in fact we think the opposite of-" the preacher knew he was going to be cut off, so that's why he needed it to make sense.
"Noooo!" Dan wailed. His mother then took the DS off him to stop him from causing anymore interruptions. Turns out Chef was wrong.
"Okay that's it somebody else come up and say a few words!" Chef yelled throwing his arms in the air. Gwen, Heather and Courtney stood up.
"Ahem but as usual I have to go first," Courtney said then walked up to the podium, people looked at her in shock.
"Ladies and gentleman, while you question why I'm here," she starts sounding sorrowful.
"Why are you friends with that fucking bastard!" She finished off yelling.
"He cheated on me with another woman, Gwen. The girl who took my world away from me, come on Gwen stand up show everyone who you are," Courtney teased and she stood up blushing.
"That is it," Courtney said before stepping down and Gwen walked up.
"While you may think you know why I'm here, I'm wondering why you're here," Gwen said.
"This fucking dick head cheated on me with a fucking bitch!" Gwen shouted.
"Come on Heather stand up," Gwen said and Heather stood up and glared.
"That it all, continue celebrating his death," Gwen concluded then Heather stepped up.
"I am truly sorry," Heather started looking down.
"That I ever trusted the fucking man-whore!" She shouted.
"The exes shouting is getting old," Chris McLean noted.
"You're old!" Heather retorted.
"Now that man-whore cheated on me with a fucking slut!" She shouted.
"Come on Jenny stand up," Heather said, the girl that was described before stood up.
"Take a good look at the slut everyone, girls keep your husbands locked up, boys keep your eyes away, and children don't grow up to be a slut," Heather says.
"We get it, Courtney, Gwen and you are jealous!" Chris McLean shouts.
"Die in a hole McLean," Heather says then walks off.
"Okay no more words," Chef said quickly before any more exes come up and call the next girl a slut.
"Okay now we get on to the important bit," Chef said.
After he spoke a long boring speech, Duncan's coffin thing was closed and people carried it out to the grave yard, it was burried and it's tomb stone read.
Duncan Adam Evers
1993-2025
The Greatest Man-whore to ever live.
"He deserves it," Heather says.
"Pfft, he deserves more," Courtney argues.
"I agree with Courtney," Gwen says.
"Now that you mention it, so am I," Heather says.
"The devils better kill him," Courtney says.
"To torture him the the max," Gwen adds.
"To burn him until he's nothing but ash," Heather concludes.
The three girl's exchange numbers and head their seperate ways, but not before taking a photo of them and Duncans tomb stone.
"For a funeral it really was a joy," Courtney says to her friends.
"I wonder if Geoff will throw that party for his son," Heather wonders out loud.
"I'd use that as a cover up to celebrate Duncan's death," Gwen says. They turn to see Jenny make out with any guy.
"Slut" the three say in unison.
"These were for Heather but she deserves them more," Gwen says bringing a carton of eggs out of her bag. The three grab four eggs each and egg Jenny until she runs away crying, then getting hit by a car. The three girl's laugh sadistically.
"Well in the word funeral is fun," Gwen says.
"I find that completely rude," Courtney said.
"I find that perfect, because this funeral was one of the best things that ever happened to me," Heather said, the three girl's smile at each other. The competition behind them and more maturity now that they have grown up. They all said their final good byes and parted, all thinking as they were driving home.
Best day of my life, my ex-boyfriend died. I got to meet those who I wanted to, became friends again and had fun. Now we all know why the word fun is in funeral.
The End.
AN: Like it? Love it? Hate it? Loathe it? Tell me in a review please.