Hey, ya'll.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been busy in therapy, playing with dolls and reenacting my childhood. Trust me, it wasn't pretty…

Anyway, this is sort of parodying stuff, sort of pointing out societal flaws, and sort of serving as a source of advertisement for various commercial enterprises.

Also…

THE FIRST DISCLAIMER EVER!

I do not own any of the following:

Harry Potter, J.K Rowling, the Disney corporation, POM Wonderful, Morgan Freeman, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, the Beatles, Radiohead, Superman, Target, and then some. However, I do own Delilah. Yeah. I own that bitch.

Everybody shares Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way.

…you're all my nubbins…

It was a dark age.

Things were being thrown out of open car windows. Pizza parlors were ravaged by zombies. American television dominated the lives of every citizen to ever walk the Earth that had an IQ below two hundred.

So began the great age of government control.

So began the birth of the resistance.

…

"Draco, what the hell is this?" asked Bellatrix, reading the manuscript with her super-special reading glasses on. "I mean, lovely wordplay and all, but honestly, where is this going?"

"It's kind of a story about how idealistic government turns out to be a total pile of shit," said Draco matter-of-factly. "Ready to advertise? Okay, kids, get ready:

Wow! Twilight Sparkle will totally hook up with Princess Luna, am I right?

You thought you knew My Little Pony before, but that will all change. Now, the new spinoff, Lesbians are Magic, will rock your brony world! WOAH! Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie? DJ PON-3 and Rarity? DERPY HOOVES AND CADANCE?

Think about the boners! THINK ABOUT IT!

Well, that settles a part of the advertisement. Was that any good, Bella?"

Bellatrix furiously slipped her vibrator back into her purse. "No," she snapped angrily, her hair a mess. "God, you're such a slut! Um. Anyway. Draco. Guess what?"

"What?" asked Draco. "Are you having an affair with my father?"

"Um…no. But, err, wanna kidnap One Direction and torture them?"

"Not worth the effort, honestly. I'm all for more Gaga torture, though."

"We've kind of overdone that."

"So? It's entertaining. Our reviewers seem to really dig that."

"Don't say dig."

"Why?"

"Just because."

"Can we please torture Gaga?"

Bellatrix sighed. "Okay."

…

In some fancy, ridiculously expensive hotel room…

Taylor Kinney, utter fucking douche bag who stole my future wife, boredly (why isn't boredly a word? It should be a word. Eh) smoking a cigarette, was totally unaware of his girlfriend, who was in the process of being tied up by our lovable heroines.

"Man, what a douche bag," said Draco through his leather S&M mask. "Shut up, Gaga. We need to torture you so we can get more reviews for our dry, totally out of character humor."

Bellatrix looked up thoughtfully. "Hey, Draco…we haven't been through a sex scene yet."

The bound Gaga let out a muffled shriek.

…

Lucius squealed. "No way! You actually brought Lady Gaga into my manor in order for me to have sex with her and then marry her so Narcissa can marry Hermione and fulfill her body inflation fantasies?"

"Well, yeah," said Draco, dragging the body bag into the drawing room. "Who's ready for some hot vaginal sex?"

Everyone screamed in delight, and Lady Gaga was pulled out of the bag.

Narcissa went first.

Carefully, she parted the legs, instantly hypnotized by the rainbow vagina of happiness and delight. "It's so…shiny," she whispered, poking it lightly. Gaga moaned and tried to wriggle away.

"That's enough! It's my turn!" shouted Voldemort, dancing forward. He violently smelled her hair and ate some. "OMG! It tastes like cotton candy!"

Okay, so maybe I should've been more discreet in the beginning, but I don't care. Look, everyone! Sex!

Suddenly, there was a really epic sex scene that left all of the characters coated in semen and rainbows. By the looks of it, everybody had been impregnated to some extent, and Lady Gaga was shivering in the corner, her eyes enormous while she rocked back and forth.

..

"Definitely not our best chapter, but I guess that's okay," said Draco. "I mean, we still have a T rating."

"True," said Bellatrix. "Hey, Draco."

"What?"

"Penis."