Starting Over

Kazuha~

Darkness. Just like my dream, I was engulfed in darkness the moment I awoke.

My heart was racing, shards and whispers of my nightmare came and left all at once, I grasped the bed sheets for support and my breath hitched uncontrollably.

I let out a sob I didn't know I was holding in, realizing the wetness on my cheeks. I closed my eyes to shut out the darkness. But there was only more. I couldn't escape it.

A sudden shift in the corner and I snatched up the sheets, realizing that I was not alone.

Terror, surprise, shock, fear made my body rigid and my eyes searching.

"W-Who's there?" I bit my lips to stop quavering; I tried, in vain, to search for an object to defend myself with. It was so dark, and I was so scared.

My eyes adjusted themselves to an unfamiliar room lit with moon light. Fear and horror again filled my head with dread.

"You're up." The shadow slid across the room into the moonlight. Tall, dark, and the last person I wanted to see.

And just like that, I was hit, once again, by a torrent of events and emotions of what seemed like seconds ago. The hatred, anger, disgust and shame overwhelmed me, and I began to shake uncontrollably, my head void of any coherent thought whatsoever.

"D-Don't be scared. I, um, I didn't mean to surprise you… I just…" I couldn't see him through the angry tears. I clenched my teeth.

"Why are you here?" It came out weaker than I thought, almost a whisper, I start shaking violently.

"…Are you feeling alright? Do you need some water?" He dodges the question nervously, still unmoving in the same spot as before.

"Where am I?" I search around for an oil lamp. He shifts in his spot and inches closer. I push myself against the bed, aware of his every move.

He paced around the bed to rummage through a desk, finally, a weak yellow glow ignites around his hands and he sets it on the bed stand.

He sits beside the bed and hands me a cup of water. I stare at his outstretched hand, and he puts it down beside me.

"You're…you're crying." He sounded concerned. His voice was thin and small, almost afraid. He seemed so desperately like a child.

I looked away. What the hell was he doing here? Was this his final repertoire? To mock me after humiliating me and acting like a self-obsessed ass?

"Where am I?" I repeat my question with more strength, taking a good look around.

It was a big room, and airy. The high, domed ceiling draped with green silk and satin. The sheets were also green and soft. I noticed then what I was wearing, a simple white night gown, I clutched the sheets closer.

"…You're in my room. I, uh, I didn't want you to be disturbed…" He fell silent. And the silence was deafening. He looked down while I looked anywhere but at his face.

I got up, struggling to get my legs over the bed. Suddenly, he grabbed me by the hand and I spun around in surprise.

He let go as soon as he saw me turn around and looked away awkwardly. "I, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for yesterday…" He looked up. "And for the way I've been behaving towards you."

This left me genuinely speechless. First, that he would apologize, out of all possible scenarios; second, that he would expect me to believe him after all of this.

"There's no need to apologize, Crown Prince, your highness has been the epitome of kindness ever since I've arrived." I spare him a bitter smile to the end. There's no use fighting now, it's over, he wins, I'm leaving.

I get up to go once more, but he grabs me again, and this time he doesn't let go.

"I don't think you understand, I, I am truly sorry."

I shake off his hand.

"You're sorry? You're sorry. Don't you think it's a little too late for that, your highness? Or do you really expect that I'll agree to that contract of yours? If anything, you should be glad, your highness. Because I'm leaving, I'll go. You'll never have to see this despicable face again, isn't this what you wanted? Didn't you hate me from the beginning?"

The explosion of accusations lefts me breathless, and I stared at his pained expression, searching for the mockery, the scorn, but I saw nothing. It left me confused.

"I'm truly sorry, Kazuha, I am. I, I don't know what I can say to salvage this, and I don't know how you'll believe me. But I… trust me in that I didn't set up the contract, I didn't know about it…'til yesterday. Please. Believe me. I didn't know." He voice dropped. So thin and weak it sounded like he was cornered. A little child.

The voice in my head screamed 'It's a trick. He's lying.' I remained in silence, studying his slow, uneven breath and trying to calm my own.

"So. Why are you telling me this now? Why apologize now? What do you want from me?" It came out harsher than I had realized. A demand, rather than a question. I wish he would look at me in the eyes so I can see what he's thinking, see the trickery or malice that I had been so sure of.

It seems that it caught him by surprise, because his stormy eyes looked into mine and almost mirrored my confusion and frustration.

"I… I don't know." He said, "I'm sorry."

I sat there, in silence. And it surrounded us with its cold hostility. I looked blankly into the darkness.

Frankly, I didn't care anymore. I don't care what he thinks or what he's trying to redeem by apologizing. I'm tired, I'm worn out from this responsibility and this burden of a forced union that I want no part of. I'm sick of this constant alien environment that I have to adapt to and survive in. I hate being at war with my values and what I really want. I suddenly find myself missing my mother.

God, I don't even remember what she looks like.

"You're trembling." He put a hand on my arm. I nodded numbly. He wrapped a sheet around me in silence. "I want to you to go somewhere with me."

I look at him, his eyes so stormy and his hair so black, he looked like a prince.

"Fine."

…

..

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Heiji~

We rode side by side in the silence. The darkness was frozen around us and the only sound was the soft padding of our horses. It was quiet and calm, but I was a mess of frustrations and confusion.

My eyes often roamed to her framed figure beside me. Wrapped in a blanket, she looked rather detached, staring at nowhere in particular. I wished I could know what she was thinking. Every time I caught myself staring at her, I turned away, feeling rather foolish.

What did I want from her? It came out of nowhere, the question that was so unexpected and unprepared for. I stole another quick glance at her. She didn't seem angry anymore, but somehow that made me more disturbed than before. What DID I want from her? Had I wanted her forgiveness? I had never planned my apology; it just came like a hurricane after I saw her tear-stained expression. What was I trying to do? I don't understand myself. But what I do know is that my plan is irrevocably destroyed. I don't know how I even came up with the idea. I cringe at the stupidity of it, and somehow my purpose even seemed childish. To escape from this marriage by driving her off, and somehow that's supposed to achieve my long-sought freedom? Why center the blame on her, when my parents were truly the manipulators of my demise? Why didn't I listen to Kudo when I had the chance…

I looked up from my reverie and we were close, I reared my horse to the left while she followed. We padded on the plains in silence.

What seemed like an eternity after, we arrived, and I leashed our horses at the trees while we continued our journey on foot.

It slowly ascended in my field of view, that peak of green.

And then, surely as the sun, it came into our view. The tall, green, paradise that I've escaped to for the last 10 years. My little haven, an apple tree, standing alone in the vast fields surrounding it.

"This is it." I announced. She said nothing, but continued to follow me.

I felt my hands around its cool bark and looked up into its thick leaves and branches. I had discovered this when I was 7 and ever since, it had become my little utopia to which I would bring my everyday troubles and thoughts. It calmed me, as I hope it would today.

I swung myself up on the branches and secured my footing when I looked down.

"Here, grab my hand." I reached down to her, standing there looking rather stunned and reluctant.

I pulled her up and continued to climb until I found that usual spot where I would sit. I looked around for another spot to settle in. Strangely, the fact that I had never brought anyone here occurred to me as I found another branch to sit on.

She sat, looking around, and waited, looking at me.

By now, there were streams of light in the sky ahead of us, and through the thick canopy of the leaves, we couldn't see anything. We had arrived in perfect timing.

The minutes ticked by, and slowly the sky lit up. Orange, red, and purple filtered through the leaves as we were hit with the sunrise. The space glowed with hue. I soaked it in, watching her reaction. Within seconds, the first rays of bright sunshine hit the plains and danced through the leaves. It looked like heaven every time.

"It's beautiful." She managed to whisper, looking in awe.

"When I was smaller, I would come here every day. Climb the familiar branches and enjoy the sunrise. It's my little getaway." I said sheepishly.

She turned to look at me then, with the lights dancing in her eyes. She smiled ever so slightly.

"Thank you."

She looked like an angel.

…

..

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Hey, it's Yoyo here.

So sorry for the late update. School is one hell of a divergent from what you actually want to do. In fact, I've had the chapter swimming in my mind for a long time, but never had the time to sit down and write it.

Thank you guys for the support and advice, I hope this chapter's a little less confusing than the last, and more satisfying.

It was a shorter one, I thought about adding more POV's, but again, because I think it's important, I left it there.

Hopefully, I'll update more frequently, but with the new semester coming up, I'll have my fingers crossed.

Happy Lunar New Year! I hope you guys had a nice Christmas and New years as well.

Thank you as always,

Yoyo