A/N: Hello world, I am new to writing fan fiction and even newer to Ouran. This was mostly written by me with the slight help from friends. I hope you like this story.

Warnings: Mary Sue Bashing, Gayli… Twilight Bashing, Implied Death, No Plot, Parody, Stupidity, No Beta.

Enjoy!

ODE TO MARY SUE

Once there was a beautiful young girl named Mary Sue. This girl, we shall call her Mary, was beautiful. So beautiful in fact that everywhere she went men would kiss the ground, sakuras sprung from the steps she took and animals would come up to her just to look at her beauty.

"She's like a goddess." Some would say.

"Maybe she's a reincarnation of Aphrodite herself." Why a Greek god and not a Japanese one? Because I said so, that's why.

She was stunning, sexy, lovely, enticing… I'm going to save my hand from falling off by stopping there.

Any who, her hair, a halo of the purest gold, circled her face. It was long, luscious, and straight as pins flowing just like the wind, even though the air is still. Her perfectly, perfect blonde hair never got greasy, messy, dirty, ratty, etc. Even if she were to come out of a brutal fight, she would come out flawless, without a speck of dirt on her slim, hourglass figure.

Ah yes, her slim figure, she can eat as much as she wants and not gain an ounce. Fast metabolism? Nope, it is all because of her perfectness. Is that a word?

Well enough rambling about her fabulous beauty, I should probably get on with the story.

She looks up at Ouran with her sparkling and captivating blue eyes. Oh, did I forget her eyes? Hehe, silly me. Her eyes are enchanting, mystical, and magical. The best part: when Mary gets mad, her eyes turn red, just like the fire from which she was born. Yet when she's sad, they turn a deep purple. Mary's eyes are breathtakingly glorious. Almost as if someone plucked two stars from the heavens above.

Oh, before I forget, I should probably mention her exotic birthmark that most likely won't show up again. It looks exactly like her pet dragon, Linus, and runs up her body like rope.

Anyways, I need to stop getting distracted by her loveliness.

Mary decided a few months ago, in her suburban, American town, that she would come to Ouran to meet the host club. Yes she knows of the host club.

She walks into the school, and as she does so, the men of Ouran start bowing at her godliness. Godessness perhaps? The male students start fighting for her beauty while the girls seem jealous of it. Silly teenagers.

She makes her way up the stairs slowly and finally makes it to the 3rd music room without breaking a sweat. She pushes the double doors open.

Rose pedals fly in every direction and Mary sees six men and one girl. Her dazzling blue eyes wander around the room. She notices a big guy with coal black hair that was dressed up in a suit of armor. On said man, there was a blonde haired little boy sitting upon his shoulders in a dress… wait what? The blonde haired kid was obviously the big guys older cousin. Obvious? Both of which are 18. But of course, no need to tell Mary that, for she already knew.

The red headed twins were also wearing suits of armors. The young cross-dressing female of the host club was wearing her uniform, as was the raven haired boy with glasses, simply for the fact that there was no need to dress up.

Then her ravishing eyes landed in the middle, on the tall blonde sitting in the chair.

He stands up gracefully and walks toward Mary.

"Hello princess, what brings you to the host club this fine afternoon." He questions, almost overdramatically.

"Hi," She speaks in fluent Japanese, "I came here for my enjoyment. I looked you guys up (how?) and instantly wanted to come here. But of course, I won't be attending Ouran, for I have already graduated college with a 4.0 at the top of my classes even though I am only 15.

"I am extremely" She continues "smart and know every thing like the twin on the right is Hikaru while the twin on the left is Kaoru. (She knows their names?) Haruhi is a cross dressing girl paying off a debt for breaking a vase. I know the rest of your guy's names but they are of little importance so there is no need to state them. I have flawless skin, hair, eyes, and body type. I'm so gorgeous that some people believe I am not human. I can speak 42 languages, all of which include… blah, blah, blah."

The host club just tune her out, and while doing so, one thought crosses all of their minds and they come to one conclusion:

"Mary Sue!" They announce in perfect unison.

Just then, almost as if it was randomly put there by the author, the tall blonde pulls out a gun and points it at Mary. BANG!

The noise rang through Ouran.

"God forsaken Mary Sues," The king mutters, "Can't authors see that they are disgusting creatures and are disgracing everyday fandom's."

The rest of the host club nod in agreement.

"Now all we need to do is 'fix' that Bella Swan character."

And on that last note, they all dispersed to retrieve their guns, ropes, matches, pitchforks, and knives. They hop on the kings private jet, yes even Haruhi. Why you questioning it. Are you the author? No didn't think so, and fly to Forks. I won't go into detail because I have to keep this pg-ish, but let's just say that much blood was involved.

There is no trace left of Bella, so Edward broke down and cried to death. The little blonde used his rope to hang Edward after he died, then the twins used their matches to light him on fire.

"DEATH TO ALL MARY SUES!" The king screams.

And with that, they spend the rest of their lives ridding the world of Mary Sues.

A/N: I did not just write that, holy crap, I cannot believe it. I hope you liked it. Flames will be looked at and laughed at, but please sustain from flaming, because every time you do, a new Sue is born from the fire your flames fuel. Two and a half pages is not to bad for me! Hope you Enjoyed it!