i have been debating for quite a while about posting this story. i already have 2 stories that i am focusing a lot on, as well as trying to finish up 2 others that are literally only 1 chapter from being complete. however, i have been struggling with this idea. trying to push it aside because of so many reasons. first, i don't want you all to think i'm avoiding or ignoring my other works because it seems as though i keep popping up with these new stories. second, i literally sat down at my computer and this came pouring out of me that i already have like a million chapters to it (not really a million) and i couldn't stop the flow. third and final reason, this is very unlike my other works. it's super dark, like really dark.

so with my rambling out of the way, i decided to post it because i am a writer and as a writer we like to share our creativity with the world (or the fandom).

WARNING: this story is a hard M. it deals with a lot of hardcore topics and perhaps may be unsettling for some of you. it deals with abuse (all forms), cursing (obviously) and a few other things that i would just say if anything like abuse is offensive to you i appologize or if it's uncomfortable i am sorry. reader discretion is advised.

side note: this is just the prologue, it may seem like i jumped right into things but i chose this excerpt for a reason and the first chapter will clearly explain the process of the story more thoroughly. so just give it a read, a chance and be honest in your review. thank you:)

Hush: Prologue

"You're too good for me Brittany." Santana yelled into the cold winter air. It was strange because even as the wind whipped around and it slapping her in the face like ice, her face was warm and she realized she was crying and couldn't remember the last time she cried. "I'm used and broken and hollow inside." She spit out pointing her finger into her chest to get her point across. "I can't give you what you want. Anything and everything that you deserve and all the things I want to give to you were taken from me a long time ago. I can't get them back. So do us both a favor and just go, leave." She screamed the last word so loud that it echoed off into the night sky.

"Santana stop it." Brittany pleaded and she tried to stay in control of the tears that were threatening her cheeks. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm not asking you to give me anything I don't want things from you."

"Then what do you want?" Santana shouted causing Brittany to jump a little at the volume but once she quickly regained composure she tried to think of an explanation, a reason, a want and she does.

"I just want you." Brittany told her factually and Santana's face fell slightly and her shoulder's relaxed and her mouth opened but only the hot air of her breath came out, like steam.

Without any other words Santana stepped to Brittany grabbing her hand and leading her up the walk way to her house. She pushed through the front door quickly dragging the blonde up the stairs. Once her bedroom door was shut she started removing the layers she had so diligently covered her body in. Brittany watched from the door as a coat fell to the foot of the bed and Cheerio track pants hit the floor. Santana turned to face her best friend and motioned to her body as though it were on display.

"This is what you want?" She asked and her tone was so bitter it sliced through Brittany like a shard of glass and she looked away ashamed. "Let me show you what it is that you get B." Santana hastily reached for the zipper to her Cheerio top and got it off in no time. "See this?" She asked loudly pointing to a small scar just above her left breast. If she hadn't have pointed it out in the light it would have gone unseen. "This is from sophomore year when I was drunk at a senior's house and some deliverance asshole thought it would be exciting to fuck me while holding a knife to my throat. Just as he came the knife slipped and he cut me." Brittany winced at the story and the words used to tell it. "Or how about this?" She turned to the side and pointed out a small circular scar just above the waist band of her Cheerio skirt. "This is from the summer of 9th when I went to Quinn's house while they were on vacation and I was not so warmly greeted by her creep of a neighbor. He head butted me knocking me out when I tried to fight him off and I came to when he thought it would be fun to put his cigarette out on me." She screamed and then unclasped her bra.

"San." Brittany tried to speak but her voice came out cracky and gargally. Santana's bra was thrown hard to the floor, the clasps made noise on the wood as it hit.

"Did I ever show you these?" She walked closer to Brittany and lifted her breasts showing the small scars from her 'summer surgery'. "This is summer going into junior year because I wanted power. I wanted to control my situations." She laughed roughly and hard and it was cold. "That didn't happen."

"Please stop."

"Oh, is this too much for you Brittany? Am I too damaged for you now?" She spit out but she wasn't waiting for an answer she was just on a rampage. She stepped back again and unzipped her skirt letting it pool around her ankles and she walked out of it. "Ever wonder why I never let you go down on me?" Santana asked her and her vision of Brittany was blurred by the tears. "Huh?" Brittany took this as a question in need of an answer so she shook her head. "Here." She pointed down to her hips and upper thighs. "Look." She screamed and motioned for Brittany to come closer and she did, tentatively. She grabbed Brittany's hand once she was close enough. "Feel this. You see." She guided Brittany's fingers over old scars, healing ones and ones yet to start healing. "I'm scarred, not just on the outside." She spoke softly this time letting her grip on Brittany loosen. "See you can't love me. I'm not the one people love. I'm just the one they pass the time with." She said and finally her hand drops completely from Brittany. "So please, just go. Go and stop making me feel things because it's too exhausting." She hung her head and waved the blonde off. "Stop making me want to give you things that I know I can't. Being around you just… reminds me."

"What?"

"When I'm around you I am constantly reminded of the moments I wish I could erase that I wish I could wash off of me and out of me. Whenever someone was touching me I wished it was you. I pictured your face because it made it easier to get through. And I blamed you when it was over because if I was with you, like with you then this wouldn't be happening to me." She fell to the floor hysterically crying. All of her words had literally tumbled out in sobs and her chest heaved to catch her breath. She looked quite like a small child collapsing after a tantrum. "I tried to hate you because of it and that's why I push you away. And I hate myself because of it. I hate myself." Her hair was a mess and she was completely distraught.

"That kid, yeah, he took my virginity but he took me right along with it too. The person I was supposed to be, the happiness I was supposed to have. I'm nothing and I have nothing to give. And each one after that kept taking bits and pieces and chunks of me leaving me with nothing to hold on to. So see, you can't love me. I'm unlovable. I can't give you anything." She paused. "Don't tell me this scares you, because… you weren't there when I had to lay there with my face pushed into the ground wondering if after this person is done with me if they are going to kill me. You never had to worry if your brother's friend was going to come sneaking into your bedroom in the middle of the night like he did the weekend before. You never had to worry if your parents could see it, could smell or feel it coming off of you. That you aren't their little girl anymore and that night of your mother's surprise party you were late because some jock had you bent over his mothers oak coffee table while you screamed inside because you wished you were somewhere else, someone else. You've never woken up not knowing where you are, but when you move you have this pain that's let's you know what had happened." She watcheed Brittany sniffle and try to fight the tears that had already been pouring down her face. "I can't make you happy Brittany. I don't know how. I'd let you down, I'd break you and I can't do that because, I could… I could fall in love with you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Brittany muttered. "I love you Santana." She sniffled and Santana shook her head.

"You shouldn't." She told her.

"But I do."

"How can I protect you when I can't even protect myself?"

"Let me protect you." She offered and Santana slowly lifted her head.

"At least… at least for a little while."

"How does forever sound?"

"How come she never told anyone?" Quinn asks sipping from her mug and tucking her feet under her. Brittany looks to her hands and shrugs.

"I'm not sure." Brittany admits broken hearted. "I think that maybe she thought no one would believe her." She lifts her gaze from her hands over to the mug that Quinn had her fingers wrapped around. "I mean, she kept it to herself for so long, that by the time she told me… she kind of already had…"

"A reputation." Quinn begrudgingly finishes her sentence and Brittany's eyes drop back down to her own hands again, unfortunately nodding with confirmation.

"I think that sometimes she thinks it made her stronger." She speaks up after the uncomfortable silence became too much for her. She can see Quinn tilt her head to the side in question out of the corner of her eye. "That keeping inside and holding on to everything they hadn't taken away from her, gave her power. That she could be in control. That she is in control." She finishes and finally let's herself look over to Quinn. Brittany can see the tears in her friend's eyes wanting to come tumbling down, but Quinn won't allow them to. They both know that Brittany isn't telling her so that she can feel sorry for Santana she's telling her so that she knows her.