Odds and Ends

A Crash Bandicoot Fanfiction by Chicflick

"Great. I get to go halfway across the globe to babysit some damsel in distress. Best day of my life," muttered the cocky orange hero, known as Crash Bandicoot himself.

"Stop complaining. She's only a few years younger than you, and she's a lot more mature," Coco Bandicoot, his sister, said.

"So, why am I going to North America again, playing 'bodyguard?'" he asked half-heartedly.

"Well, first of all, she doesn't know any combat moves or anything. She can't really put up a fight if Cortex came and captured her or something."

"Pfft. Puh-lease. Why would Cortex want to catch such a weakling who has to have a bigger person come up and protect her?"

"Well, the girl isn't strong, I'll give you that. But things Cortex tried to do on you won't work any other being in the world—except for her. Do you think that she would be able to stand up to the hypnotization that Cortex tried to put you through?"

"…No. Hell, I couldn't get through it while lookin' awesome. That prissy female wouldn't last a whole seven minutes in heaven, let alone two seconds in that stupid machine."

"Well, I figured this whole thing out when Cortex got quiet for a while. I didn't know what to do, so I tried hacking into his computer mainframe. I couldn't get through everything, so I took what little information I had, downloaded it into my computer—"

"Can we get to the point, Einstein?"

She growled. "I used a Relic you got and took a look into the future."

"Whoa! Let me guess, I was still as handsome as I am now, and Father Time has failed to age me."

"No, Crash. The girl was the general of a robotic army. She was what brought Cortex to success in world domination. She had the strategies of battle that every other general would only dream of realizing; therefore she never lost a single battle."

"Heh, then she didn't fight me."

"Actually, Crash, she fought you. In fact, she fought you first because you were the first to rebel against Cortex. And you didn't win."

"Oh. Well, in that case, I guess I should learn better tactics."

"Crash! This is serious! You need to go up there and prevent Cortex from getting a hold of her!"

"Sure, sure," he nodded with a dismissive flip of his hand.

"I'm not kidding! You need to understand this can turn into a crisis!"

He exhaled. "Fine. So, if I'm going into a world chucked-full of humans, won't they be a little bit shocked to see a walking, talking bandicoot?"

"That is why," Coco walked over to a medium-sized box and picked it up. She then walked back over to Crash and handed it to him. "I have these."

Crash then opened the box to reveal a helmet and a leather jacket. Puzzled, he put them on. Surprisingly, the helmet was a nice fit, along with the jacket. To no surprise, they were both black, so he had the biker appearance.

He walked over to a large computer monitor that was turned off, and marveled at his reflection. "Good. Now I get to complete my dream as a cross-country motorist. Hooray. Although I will admit, I still look pretty good, and I could pass for a member of mankind."

"Yeah, sure, whatever it takes to get you over there. Don't ever take these off in public, okay? Now, take your tricycle and get into the Transportation Chamber."

"It's a motorbike!"

"GO!"

Kate Clark was staring at the clock. Waiting. Why won't time just hurry up, she thought.

She was at work, a small grocery store in a small town in the large state of Arizona. Kate was an twenty-year-old girl, with a rental college dorm. She was considered an overachiever, so she went to college free.

She was short for her age, really. About five foot four, approximately. She had deep red hair; pulled back into a bushy style she called the "Bunny Tail". It was a cross between a bun and a bushy ponytail. She had grey –green eyes, and wore little make-up, besides some blush and mascara. She wore an olive green shirt and a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, and a pair of black canvas tennis shoes with white laces.

Kate was a stubborn, cocky young adult. She didn't show emotions in public, but wasn't a quiet person. She had plenty of friends, although her constant sarcasm made her a bit of an annoyance. But she was loved anyway. Good stories have good endings, right?

Only one more minute and she was free to go home…

"Kate!" a man's voice shouted from afar. Said girl barely acknowledged the call. "Hey, Kate, I was wondering you could do me a favor. You see, I-"

8:00 p.m.

"Sorry, Brian, but its closing time. I'll do it tomorrow, whatever it is," she said, and strode out the door.

She walked down the parking lot hastily. She was heading to her car, a Chevy Nitro with a silver exterior. Was it expensive? Yes, yes it was.

Kate was standing in front of her car, trying to find the right key to her car. She was about to get to the right key when, they fell from her hands and onto the ground below. Muttering a few profanities to herself, she picked the keys up and tried again.

At last, she found the right key and shoved it into the lock. As the car made the click of being unlocked, she caught something in the reflection of her car window. It was large and started to glimmer in the night's moon. "What the—"

Suddenly, a huge arm extended from it and grabbed Kate. She yelped at the brute force of the metallic hand, and it brought her to face a strange man at the top of the robot. She struggled to be free, but she then saw how high she was from the ground, and halted her actions.

"Hello, young girl," said the freak in the glass dome. "How is my future minion doing today, hm?"

"What?—who the hell are you?" she said. "Let me go!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, my sweet. I am Dr. Neo Cortex, future ruler over the Earth." He stated. Kate stared at him. He had black hair in only certain spots; the top front, and left and right sides right above his ears. He had a goatee, yellow, hideous skin, and wore a lab coat and black gloves. The most noticeable thing on his face was an "N" tattooed onto his forehead. Kate figured that "tattooed" wouldn't be the right word; it looked like a big metal piece implanted there.

It was obvious this oaf wasn't from around here.

"You should either join a tanning booth or a circus! Let me go! I can't stand to stare at that grotesque skin tone," she said.

He growled, and mumbled something like, "someday these fools will be kneeling at my feet". Kate, who was not one to start panicking in intense situations such as these, figured that she was going to be stuck here for a while. She got into the most comfortable position she could muster in the hand of a giant robot, and let out a long sigh.

How I could not see that robot in the first place, I'll never know, she thought.

Crash's vision stopped swirling, and discovered he was in a small alley, grasping onto his bike. He took a look at his surroundings, and closed the visor to his helmet. He got onto his bike, and started the motor. Then, he sped of into the street, dodging the few cars, and riding into a country road.

Being an experienced driver on the motorcycle, he had no trouble passing the cars. What the problem right now was:

How the world is he going to find the one girl in this town?

Crash knew what she looked like; short, red hair in an up-do, wearing a green shirt and skinny jeans. Still, he was unprepared, because he didn't know where she lived or worked. He figured he could ask the locals, which could possibly work.

He saw a grocery store up ahead, and decided to stop there and ask for directions. He pulled to a stop in the parking lot, and found out it was closed.

"Can I help you?" Crash was startled by the sudden voice, and whirred around to see a middle-aged man.

"Uh, yeah. Do you know of a young girl named Kate? She has red hair, she was wearing a greenish shirt, and she has a pony-tail," the bandicoot asked.

"Well, you're in luck! I have an employee who is just as you described!"

"Great! Which way did she go?"

"Well, I'm not sure. You see, her car is still parked here. I didn't know if I should call the police or what."

"Well, I'll handle it from here. Thanks for the info."

"No problem!"

And with the farewells, the two split paths, the man getting into his car and heading back to town, while Crash was still standing in the small parking lot. He had very little information, and the girl was nowhere to be found. What if Cortex already got to her? That would be bad.

He knew that this road only leads back to the city and out to the country. Since the girl was probably not in the former, he knew that she had to be out in the country somewhere.

So, as Crash finished his hypothesis, he got back onto his motorcycle and sped into the road.

Kate was staring off into the distance with a stern look of annoyance on her face. That madman was babbling away at how he will rule the world and how the people will bow to his feet. Why was he kidnapping her, though? What did Kate ever do to cause this?

Maybe it was cosmic payback for running over the headmaster of her college's cat. Meh, that old bag of catnip probably wanted to die anyway. Everyday he was forced to wear a cone on his head, the poor thing.

"So that is why, I have chosen you to be my general in my new robotic army," the Cortex guy said.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," she muttered.

"You weren't even listening to me, were you?"

"Heh, how long did it take for you to figure that one out, Doc?"

"Grrr… You are just like infernal Crash, always mocking and defying me."

"Uh, I'm not one to correct people, but I think you kind of screwed up your sentence. Crash is a verb. Jeez, I thought you were a doctor."

Hm, maybe she, not knowing who Crash Bandicoot is, isn't such a bad idea… It might keep her from rebelling with him, he thought.

After about five minutes of complete silence, Kate spoke up. "You know, I wasn't planned to be kidnapped by the Terminator. Where's John Connor when you need 'im?"

Suddenly, she heard a motor coming from below. "Sorry!" a male voice shouted up. "Ol' Johnny couldn't make it today! How about a replacement?"

Cortex, who acted like he had just heard an animal dying (or it was about to die in a few minutes according to him), looked down from his glass dome to see a biker right beside his robot. Wait, was it that pest? It certainly sounded like it.

"Well, I, for one, don't like to be trapped in the giant metal hand of a robot rocketing down the road. So, yeah. A little help would be nice," Kate shouted back at him.

"You fool! You cannot save her! The robot is indestructible!" Cortex shouted.

"Really?" the biker said. "Well in that case," he took a box-like object and got his motorcycle closer to the machine. He then latched it onto the stem connecting the torso of the robot to a pair of large wheels. "Let's test your theory."

Cortex realized that it was a bomb, and accidentally released his grip on the girl. Luckily for her, the biker was there in an instant to catch her. He swiftly moved her to the backseat of his motorcycle, and sped as far as he could from the machine.

Cortex was bluffing when he said his robot was indestructible. Very quickly, he arranged for his protective dome to transform into an escape pod. At the press of a button, the capsule took to the skies, heading for its designated target, a newly built space station.

"Curses! I will eventually overpower you! I will kill you!" he said as he was spiraling into space.

"Good luck! You're going to need it!" the biker said.

After the madman disappeared, the girl spoke up. Actually, she had to shout so her savior could hear her. "Hey! Thanks! I owe you one! By the way, what's your name?"

"My name?"

"No, I was talking to the bike," she said. Crash almost grinned and could tell immediately that he was going to get along swell with such a suave girl like this. "Yes, your name!"

"Well, I'm…"

At that moment, he could've sworn he saw a weird creature that looked like a cross between a rabbit and a deer. What did they say they were? Jackalopes! That's right!

Wait, that gives me an idea, he thought.

"My name is, uh, Jack! The name's Jack, mate!"

"Ooh, you talk weird. What are you, Australian?"

"Good guess, Red!" Jack said, and the two sped off into the horizon.

A/N: Well! I hope you liked the first chapter of Odds and Ends! I know the name sucks. Oh well. Shout-out to Bandi-cute—thanks for letting me use the personality you use for Crash!

Oh, in the future, I will continue to use the Jack for Crash when Kate is around. The odds are you will only see him as Crash when he is thinking, alone, etc. In the end, well, I can't tell you. I guess you'll have to keep reading!

—Chicflick—