Nothing's Broken-Chapter 15

This is going to be it for this story. I don't think I've ever written anything this long, I'm more of a write-it-in-one-sitting person who doesn't write one-shots if that makes any sense. Just a random piece of information: while I was writing this I listened almost constantly to "Rain" by Jon Heintz. (Ironically, that was one of the songs that was at the ending of an episode in Season 2 I believe.) I know it's random but the music I listen to really influences the mood of the story I write...wait until a story I put some of my angsty stuff on, you'll know it when you see it. I still don't own anything from the show. Oh, and I'm not in Canada, thus I don't really know the geography, so I may have drastically over/underestimated the time it would take to get where they're going...haha, I'm not going to give it away, you need to read it for yourself!

They had been driving a few hours in silence now. Greg had insisted on driving when the left Headquarters and Spike was honestly glad that he had the time to think. He was actually, upon Greg's suggestion, writing some of this thoughts in the small notepad that he kept in the glovebox. The ride was smooth and traffic was light at this time of night so Spike was relatively uninterrupted in his frantic writing. The hours went by and the only noise was Greg's cell phone as Ed called to check up on them. Greg had pulled him aside as they left the building and informed him of what happened in the locker room. Ed had wanted to come along and it didn't seem like he would take no for an answer until Greg reminded him that one of them needed to start recruitment trials in the morning. Ed had reluctantly backed down but he had been calling pretty much every hour since they'd left.

It was almost midnight when Spike fell into a restless sleep. He was mumbling to himself and Greg was able to tell he was having a nightmare. Greg pulled over as he considered waking him up and his phone vibrated again.

"Hey Eddie." He whispered into the receiver, still watching Spike carefully. "Yeah, he's been asleep for about 40 minutes, I think he's having a nightmare, I was going to wake him...I don't know, I don't want him to be afraid if I wake him though. Yeah, we're almost there, I don't know if I want him going out there in the middle of the night though, maybe we'll wait until morning..." Spike began yelling out. "Got to go Eddie, I'll call later." Greg hung up the phone and put a gentle hand on Spike's shoulder. "Spike? Spike buddy, you're okay, it's only a nightmare, Spike..." Spike's eyes shot open and he sat up quickly, activating the child lock on his seatbelt. He struggled against the safety feature breathing heavily as sweat rolled down his face. Greg had already unbuckled his own seatbelt and was trying to help Spike out of his. "Spike, relax buddy." Greg repeated as he finally found the clasp and Spike's seatbelt released. He jumped out of the car and walked slowly to the hood of the car. The road was dead silent and dark, the only light was from the headlights that Greg had left on. Greg got out of the car and went to stand next to Spike, who was leaning on the hood.

"Sorry Sarge," He said after a moment of taking deep breaths.

"Don't apologize Spike." He said as he placed a hand on Spike's shoulder. They stood there for a few minutes as Spike took deep breaths of the cool air. It was almost 1 AM by the time they were getting back in the car. Greg looked at Spike. "You hungry? We passed a dinner about five miles back and I need some coffee." Greg had barley noticed how exhausted he was until he sat back down in the driver's seat. His adrenaline had been pumping since he'd encountered Spike in the locker room but it had since tapered off and he was not overly confident in his ability to drive for much longer without some caffeine or sleep.

"Yeah, I can go for something." Spike said. He was hungry and coffee definitely sounded good but he also realized that Greg needed to rest. "I can drive if you want." Spike offered.

"No, I'm fine, a little coffee in my veins and I'll be good as new." Greg smiled at Spike as he turned the car around and got back on the road. It's not that he didn't trust Spike to drive, he knew that the suicidal gestures were in the stress of the moment and that he would never purposely do something with Greg in the car but he didn't want Spike to drive being so emotional. They found the small roadside dinner and went in. They were the only people besides the waitress at the odd hour of the night.

"Can I have a cup of coffee, black, and...the breakfast special please? Eggs over easy." Greg asked the waitress with a smile. She nodded, returning the smile and looking at Spike.

"Um...can I get a coffee, one cream, one sugar and...um..." He flipped through the pages of the menu, "...the pancake stack please."

"Sure sweetie." The waitress replied as she took their ticket to the kitchen and returned with their coffees. They sat quietly for a few minutes looking out the window into the calm darkness of the early morning. Greg took another sip of his coffee.

"How you doing Spike?" Greg asked quietly. They hadn't said a lot since they left the SRU but Spike seemed to be calmer than he had in their other meetings that week. Spike nodded.

"I'm...I'm here if that makes sense. I mean..." Spike struggled to find the words. "I'm more in the moment than I have been in a while but I'm also kind of not in the moment. I just...I keep thinking about what this means and what going back to the SRU means...that is if you still want me..." Spike looked up at Greg.

"Are you kidding, of course I want you, we need you Spike." Greg said confidently. Spike knew he was being sincere and he smiled a bit at the sentiment. The smile brought back the guilt though and Spike's mind began to reel. Greg saw it coming and acted quickly. "Spike, look at me." Greg said firmly as he saw Spike getting lost in his head. Spike's eyes met Greg's for a moment. "This is okay, this is good, you're happy about your merit and your skill and where that has gotten you in your life. You don't need to feel guilty about who you are and what you've made for yourself." Spike kept eye contact with Greg the entire duration of his reasoning. "You hear me Spike?" Greg asked seriously. Spike paused for a moment and then nodded slowly.

"Yeah...I hear you." He cautiously let himself smile. The gesture seemed almost unfamiliar to him as his face twitched slightly.

"That's the Spike I know." Greg said, a smile also on his face. Their food came and they ate quickly, neither realized how hungry they were until they started eating. They had multiple cups of coffee and were getting ready to leave at about 2:30 AM.

"Drive safe." The waitress told them as she collected their bill. They nodded and started walking to the car.

"You sure you don't want me to drive a little?" Spike asked. "You should get some rest." There were bags forming under Greg's eyes but he took a sip of the coffee he got to go.

"Spike, I'm fine. Maybe we can switch off for the way home." Greg offered. He knew that Spike would keep asking and keep feeling guilty if Greg didn't let him help out. Spike nodded and got back into the car, pulling out a map.

"Okay, looks like we should head north by northeast." He pointed a road out to Greg.

"Alright, looks like we'll be another hour or so." Greg said as he started the car. Spike nodded and pulled out the small pad of paper again. Greg saw him flipping through almost half of the book to where he had left off. "Wow," Greg said as he glanced over at the notebook. "that's seriously impressive Spike." Spike smiled slightly.

"Yeah, once I got started it kind of just kept coming out." Spike shrugged.

"That's great. My mind is a lot like your's Spike, things go around and around over and over and thinking becomes the enemy for a while. My mind is one of the reasons I think I turned to alcohol way back when," Greg paused for a minute and glanced at Spike, he was listening intently. "it was a really bad thing, hard to get away from, but writing stuff down really helped me get things straight, keep things manageable." Spike nodded.

"I can see how, it's really helping." Greg let the ride return to silence again to allow Spike to continue writing. It was nearly 3:30 when Greg's phone began vibrating in the cup holder again. "Eddie!" Greg moaned in a jokingly frustrated tone as he turned his signal on to pull over.

"I'll talk to him Sarge." Spike said as he flipped open the phone. "Hey Ed." The volume on the phone was turned up and Greg was able to hear the shock in Ed's voice.

"Spike," He paused realizing that he sounded far too surprised. "How you doing? How's the drive going?"

"It's going pretty quick, not too many people on the road at...almost four in the morning." Spike smiled slightly. There was relief evident in Ed's voice when he spoke.

"I'm glad to hear your voice Spike."

"Well I'm a little surprised to hear yours, have you slept at all tonight, Ed?" Spike asked.

"Nah...didn't really seem worth it. By the time I finished going through the potential recruit files it would have been pretty pointless to go home and come back here to drill them at six. I'll take a nap on the bench press." Ed said jokingly.

"Okay, well you do that Ed." Spike said as finished up the conversation. Greg glanced over at Spike as he returned the phone to the cup holder.

"He never left Headquarters did he?" Greg asked with a smile.

"Nope."

"God, he's turning into me." Greg said with a laugh. Spike smiled as he turned back to his writing.

They drove another hour or so, it was nearly 4:30 AM and Greg was growing tired again. Fifteen minutes and then I'll say something. Greg thought to himself. They had to be close, it was a long time since they left the SRU and though they'd gone a bit out of their way before they picked up a map it shouldn't be much longer. Just as Greg was about to put on his signal to pull over again, he saw it. Spike was still absorbed by his writing so Greg gently nudged him. "Spike, look." He said as they pulled into a parking lot.

It was still dark, sunrise wasn't for another hour, but the light of the moon reflected off the waves and created an eery ye calm glow over the beach. Spike had a solemn smile on his face as he opened the door of the car and heard the gentle, repetitive sounds of the waves crashing. He leaned out the car door and untied his sneakers and took off his socks. He grabbed the pad of paper and put a pen behind his ear as he started walking slowly towards the ocean. Greg took off his shoes and followed a few feet behind Spike. The tide was coming in so Spike sat in a spot about thirty feet from the water. Greg, after some consideration, sat even with him but a few feet away. They sat in silence for a while until the night passed over them and they were able to see an orange glow on the horizon.

"You know why I wanted to come here?" Spike asked as he kept his eyes fixed on the sunrise.

"No, but it's beautiful." Greg replied, also looking at the sliver of orange light.

"You know when I went to check the...the land mine, to see if I could re-pin it, how Lou and I talked?" Spike asked. Though Greg couldn't see him completely, his voice sounded heavy, like tears were coming to his eyes.

"Yeah,"

"He...he was telling me about the ocean...how much he loved the ocean." Spike paused for a minute and took some deep breaths. "He said that it was the greatest feeling, just being rocked by the waves...f...feeling like you've..." He paused again and took a few more deep breaths. "feeling like you've come full circle." Spike finished. The sun was about halfway over the horizon as Spike tore the sheets of paper he'd written on out of the notepad. He took off his shirt slowly and stood facing the breaking waves.

He walked slowly, deliberately, into the cold water. It didn't feel cold to him though, it felt right. He waded out as far as he could and then ducked under a breaking wave. He swam out a bit further, still grasping the now wet pieces of paper. After he was past the break he positioned himself laying on his back, floating, gently being rocked by the waves. Tears rolled down the sides of his face as he began talking. "Lou, I'm sorry I didn't listen more when you told me about this." He took a few deep breaths and spit out the water that had flown into his mouth. "I get it now, full circle buddy." He paused and floated for a few minutes, rocking in the waves, careful to avoid floating into the breaking point. "I wrote this...well it didn't start out as a letter...but it ended up being a letter to you." He said as he let go of the papers in his hands. "I'm going to tell you now, I'll not going like your replacement, but I'll try hard not to hate them." He floated there for a long time, he wasn't keeping track but when the sun started to glare in his eyes he figured that it had to be later in the morning. "Listen Lou, Greg's got to be worried sick, the water's cold and I didn't exactly tell him what I was going to be doing out here, so I have to head back now but...but I want you to know that you're right...I'm going to be okay."

He waited another moment and began to swim back to the shore. As he got himself to the shore line Greg ran to his side, a towel in hand. Spike gladly accepted the offer and smiled at Greg. I'm going to be okay.

Not the short chapter I thought it would be, but I gave you a happy ending, gosh I must have lost some of my cynicism with age, I never wrote happy endings before. Sorry that my timeline is probably way off for this chapter, like I said in the beginning, I don't know how long it would take to get to a beach from where the show is filmed, so suspend your disbelief on that detail. To you people who have reviewed, I sincerely thank you, I really do appreciate the feedback and I really love hearing your responses. I can't wait to hear what you think about the end, I didn't exactly know where to end it, but this felt right. I've already got plans for a Sam story and a Greg story and I had a Lou story (pre-death, obviously) but I'll see where I head next, I'm thinking Sam. On that note though, I've really been neglecting my homework and Plato is beckoning. Don't really expect anything new until mid-next week when I'm caught up with my classes (unless we have a snow day); but if you review I'll get back to you sooner. Thanks so much for reading this, I hope it lived up to everyones standards and wishes!