Be Yourself

Chapter Thirteen: ... and I'm gonna be in trouble

Raven

"Alexander." My breath had vacated my chest. What was he doing here? Why did he have to stand on my back porch?

"Raven." His velvet voice rang through my entire body, my cells standing on edge. It was true; he was back and he as there right in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I thought to reach out to touch him, but I was more afraid what would happen if he reached out to touch me. What would I do? In some ways I felt relief in his presence but in some ways the sudden appearance made me uneasy. Why was he back? What could he possibly want with me?

"Raven, I'm sorry to drop by like this." His eyes were dark, serious. He came with purpose. His body rigid. "I really don't want to bother you."

"Then why are you here?"

"I needed to warn you about Luna and Jagger."

"How do you know-"

"They're my friends from Romania." He gave me a pointed look. As if I should know what that meant. "Although I wouldn't necessarily call them my friends, but my parents are friends with theirs."

"So, what's our point? Did you just come here to warn me about them?" I shook my head. This didn't make sense. Jagger and Luna definitely gave off an uneasy vibe, but it wasn't like it was anything that I felt the need to guard myself over. "Have you been here this whole time?"

He remained silent, crossing his arms over his chest. His face usually gave way when he was lying, not that he ever truly lied to me in the few months we were together, but with him I usually knew where I stood. We had clear boundaries and my affection for him was unbounded. Now I felt like there was a stranger in front of me, some dark man with beautiful eyes and a beautiful soul that now guarded it from me, the person that once had the concentration of his affections.

"Where have you been, Alexander? Have you really been in Romania like you said?" I shook my head. "I don't even know if you told me you were going anywhere, just that you had to go." My voice trembled, my hand gripping onto the sliding door hand. "Why did you even leave at all?"

"No." His voice was quiet, but it spoke volumes over the quiet night. A simple reply that sunk my heart and left me wondering what in my life was true.

"Where have you been?"

"We've still been in the mansion. I was surprised that you only came once since ... you thought we left."

"What was I supposed to do? Go there, see that everyone was gone, and cry forever on your front porch?" I shook my head. "I had to move on, Alexander. I was forced to move on."

"I see." His eyes remained on my face. He didn't need to see the light pink pajamas in order to know that something about me was different; the dark circles that rested under my eyes from left over eyeliner was long gone, my eyelashes only darkened by mascara. My lips were a blush, pink color. The kind that looked natural, not the black or purple or dark red that I occasionally wore. There were things about me that had changed in his absence. Things that we were both all too aware.

"It's wasn't going to sit around for you." I crossed my arms, mirroring his stance. "I didn't expect you to do the same."

"Yeah, but I haven't been with anyone since." His voice was disapproving, but there was a decorum that would stop Alexander from saying exactly what he wanted.

"It's different. You stayed cooped up in your house and didn't get to talk to anyone outside of you family. I had to continue living among other people. I couldn't give up my life before you decided to move on." I took a breath, clearing my head of all the reasons that I had to cry. I couldn't show tears. "You left me and I was allowed to move on. You don't get to tell me what to do anymore."

"Raven, I never told you what to do." His expression softened, his eyes soft. "I just knew it wouldn't be fair to continue on as we were when I was running away from my past."

"Are Luna and Jagger part of your past?"

"Yes." His eyes bore into mine and I had to take a step back. His voice had finality and an edge of severity to it. What could Luna and Jagger have done aside from knowing his family? Why was he here and why did they follow?

What are they doing here, then?" I asked.

"They heard that I was dating you. Our parents-" Alexander cleared his throat. "Mine and then the Maxwells - Luna and Jagger's parents - always wanted Luna and I to, uh, get married."

"Like an arranged marriage?" My head grew dizzy.

"Yes."

"Okay. But we're not dating anymore."

"I know. And they should know now, too, since you've been hanging out with Trevor."

I flushed. Suddenly I wondered how much Alexander had seen me with Trevor, if he saw me in the backseat of Trevor's truck the other night. "Well, when are they going to leave if they know I think you're gone?"

"They might know that I'm still here, but it's difficult to say. I try not to make myself known, but since we all only are allowed to leave at night, I have to be careful."

"Is it safe for you to be here right now?" I asked.

He glanced behind him into the wooded area. The night felt colder around us.

"Maybe I should go." He shuffled his feet towards the end of the porch.

My heart lurched at the thought of losing him forever again. "Wait." I stepped out the door, our bodies now only an arm's length away. "Will I see you again? I have more questions."

"I'll try and come back. I don't know how soon, but I'll let you know." He gave me a small smile, the smooth teeth and the sharp canines causing my heart to jump, transporting me back to a time when I fell hard for that smile. "Keep yourself safe and away from the Maxwells."

I went to say something, to call after him, but he left before I could blink. It seemed like a fever dream; the guy I had been on my way to being in love with reappears before my face just to leave again. I thought that this would never happen; that Alexander would be eternally gone from my life, due to stay in Romania with his family. Now I found out he's been here this entire time and he only came back to the surface to warn me about Luna and Jagger. Something weird was going on here behind the scenes.

Also, Luna and Alexander? What was that? Did he really expect me to take that sort of news well? Is that why she had been so happy to see me with Trevor even though we didn't know each other. Is that why she imposed herself on my date? Just to know how it was going. I had to go back inside and lie down. This was too much. My brain needed sleep.

I went back inside and locked the sliding door behind me and drew the curtains. It had to look undisturbed in the morning; if anything seemed off, my parents would assume I snuck out again. Even though now I don't have a nocturnal boyfriend to wait for.

I trudged up the stairs, attempting to limit the heaviness of my footfall. I lowered myself onto my bed and pulled out my phone. Would Alexander's phone number still work? If he never left for Romania, perhaps he still has cell service. Although, I tried to call him a couple times when he left and it said the number was unavailable, so maybe he changed his phone number or just cancelled the number altogether. Next time I would ask him. That is, if there is a next time.

The text message from Trevor sat on my screen; it had only been ten minutes since he sent me his goodnight text. My stomach churned as I read the gooey text wishing me the sweetest dreams and a handful of kisses goodnight. It was spoiled by the intruder. I couldn't focus on Trevor anymore, the love bubble and sweetness that his actions had on me were now popped, forced into the warped world of Alexander Sterling and the Maxwell siblings. Now, I had to shield Trevor and whoever else from their destructive path while discovering what they wanted with me anyway.

I put my phone on the bedside table and pulled my covers over me, shifting to face the window beside my book shelf. The night was pitch black outside; I could hardly make out the shape of the trees on our side lawn. Before I felt there were eyes peering at me from the outside and now it was my time to watch. I wouldn't be able to sleep for a while and if Alexander hovered, I would make sure that he knew I was also watching.

I thought about playing music or something to put in the background, but I knew it would fall into white noise and it wasn't worth draining my phone battery any further. So, I stared into the night, waiting for something to change. Or brown eyes to show up from the branches in the distance.

At some point I heard Billy Boy get up from his bed and pad over to the restroom. The toilet flushed a minute later. No water ran and soon his body weight made the bed creak. Gross. Men should really wash their hands more often. Just because you only peed doesn't mean that you shouldn't wash your hands. I'd argue that means you should wash your hands double.

The sky grew a gray haze and I knew I would be way too tired to be productive at school. It was probably nearing three or four o'clock in the morning; a couple of cars had already hit the road, including the person doing the mail route.

My parents' 5:30 alarm went off and soon the hallway light bled under my bedroom door; in another hour they would come and wake up me and Billy Boy. Hopefully they would see the dread in my eyes and allow me to stay home. I don't think I would be able to pull off a fever at this point, but perhaps sleep deprivation would let me stay home. Besides, Luna, Jagger, and Alexander shouldn't be able to get me in the daylight. The fact that the sun started to break through eased my feelings. They wouldn't be able to go outside in the next half hour. Plus, with the growing amount of traffic, they wouldn't want to put themselves in that vulnerable position of being trapped in the day time.

My phone buzzed beside me, either a message from Becky or Trevor saying good morning and telling me something that happened in the middle of the night. I should probably tell Becky what happened; she would understand the significance of Alexander's appearance. She would know all of the memories that I was forced to recount in my head as I stared into my yard. All those late night dates where we snuck into the cemetery or were stared at by the older people around town; being the only gothic couple certainly gathered looks from the carbon copy blonds of Dullsville.

Now, I modeled their appearance. The faded skinny jeans that were a true denim rather than black and ripped. The short skirts that actually brought some color to my legs. The light-colored shirts. The fact that most of them had sleeves, but not the long, tattered ones that I had become accustomed to. I missed layering and my tank tops that got me in trouble with administration. The skull decorations that sat on top of my bobby pins or necklaces was now reduced to simple bows or sparkly accessories. I now had more rose gold rings than I would have even sneered at a year ago. I was changing into a different person and at times I felt that maybe it was going through my system entirely, but it was times like these where I really questioned exactly what my motivation was.

Why did I change? Just because of Alexander? Because I was depressed that he left me. There was no reason why I had to spend that much money in order to do it. Sure, my parents helped out; my mom hesitant yet elated that I switched up my style. Her little bird growing up, evolving her fashion sense beyond the dark eyeliner and clunky dark aesthetic.

"Hey Raven, it's time for school." Speak of the Devil. My mother's head creeped through the doorway. She face already had the make-up she wore for work, the mascara and clear, brown matte lipstick. "Are you ready to go, baby?" Her eyes raked over my body, still slumped in bed. "Or at least ready to get up and get dressed?"

"I don't feel well." I sniffled for effect, but I was positive that it wouldn't have any effect on my mother. She had been weary of me calling out of school since the fourth grade when I would fake illness so I could stay at home and watch old horror movies all day.

"Are you running a fever? Sore throat? Anything?" She frowned, her voice sympathetic yet stern.

"No." I coughed. "Nothing like that. I just had a really bad dream last night, so I don't think I'm awake enough to go to school. I'd probably fall asleep on my way over there."

She hummed. "Let me go check on your brother and talk with your father; I'm inclined to have you go to school though."

She closed the door behind her and I shut my eyes. I neared the edge of dreams; cloudy, heavy eyes and a numbness where I wouldn't be able to move my fingers or toes without stirring consciousness.

"How ya doing, pumpkin?" My father's voice infiltrated my thoughts.

I stirred, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I didn't say anything.

"Your mom says you're not feeling well?" The bed sank under his weight. His hand landed on my calf.

"Hmm." I tried to sound disapproving. That I could communicate to him that I would be better off lying in bed for the next six hours.

"What's going on, Raven?"

"I had a bad dream last night and I wasn't able to go back to sleep."

"Did you get any sleep at all?"

I shook my head.

My father sighed. His hand patted my leg once, two, three times. He sighed again. "Do you promise it's not because you're trying to get out of an exam, project, or any other assignment?"

"I promise." My voice came out groggy. "You can contact all of my teachers; the homework is mostly done and in my book bag."

"Okay." His voice softened. "If we let you stay home today, do you promise that you'll go to school tomorrow? We can't make this a habit, Raven."

"I promise." I shut my eyes. "Sleep now. School tomorrow."

"All right." My dad gave my leg one last pat before standing up. "I'll take your brother to school today and let your mother know. She'll probably be back around lunch time to check in on you."

"Okay." I rolled onto my other side, away from the window. I pulled the covers over my head, shielding myself from the sunlight and creating a warm dome for my body.

I heard the door click shut to my bedroom. And again, I was by myself. My breath made the situation under the covers humid, but it lulled me back to sleep and brought that haziness that I longed for. Enough sticky heat and comfortable stuffiness to edge out the intruding thoughts of Alexander and the other vampires now in my life. Enough to let Trevor's angular face and sweet messages to bleed around the edges. Enough to let me travel back to the a dreamland where I could totally be alone with my thoughts.

~Traven~

When I woke up, it was still light outside. The humidity under my blanket caused my hair to grow damp and my body to smell. I needed to take a shower. My bed sheets had grown slightly damp.

I rubbed my eyes, adjusting to the time. I grabbed my phone. It was 2:13; school was almost out. I had a handful of missed messages, mostly from Becky and Trevor.

Becky had sent me a message asking where I had been and if I was ditching school. As if I'd tell her if I was. Or maybe I would; depends if I wanted administration to know where I was.

I had four text messages from Trevor. One from the start of the day where he texted me good morning, a second where he looked for me at school, a third during lunch saying how he missed me with a picture of his puppy dog face. The fourth text asked if he could see me after class.

My heart pulled. The part of me still encompassed in the love bubble remnants wanted to meet up with Trevor and have him hold me; comfort me without knowing why I was upset. The other part of me needed to understand more about the Maxwells and more about Alexander. He was still in the old mansion on Benson Hill. I knew I had to see him and I couldn't wait for another couple months for him to visit me. Something fishy was going on and I had to be the person to find out. I would go out right before sun down and break into the Sterling's place. I don't think I could wait.

(A/N: Exciting, eh? Well, this is as far as I got in my Nano writing, so the uploads might be a bit sparse as I write the next few chapters. I think it will take a more exciting turn of events? This is turning into a genre that I'm less experienced in (supernatural, suspense, etc.) but I think it will be a fun process. So, let me know what you think and if you have any ideas of what's the come.)