"A heartbreak isn't as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling and the most painful thing is no one really hears except you."

Disclaimer: Alright, I'll say it one last time...Sunrise owns Mai HiME.

Chapter 19 - Happy End?

"This is going to be tough..." Natsuki said to herself after she was practically thrown out of the psychiatry. Why won't these stupid assholes let me see her for even a second?! Of course, she practically told me to never bother her again BUT that was before I knew that I had... feelings for her. Even Dr. Tenshii was cold like a stone and didn't even give me a chance to explain anything… Shit! I need to think of a way to get to her and let her know what's going on. But how… Brain, this is your newest challenge. You better work on something useful, you tardy little bastard! She was leaning against her bike outside of the hospital ground. She was far enough away not to make the guards suspicious, but close enough to have a good view on the building and its surroundings. Deep wrinkles studded her forehead, suggesting that her brain was doing some extra work. I don't have many options... I could try and commit myself to the asylum, but I doubt that they would take me. I don't think that Dr. Tenshii is that stupid. But then, she also believed me when I said that I had no problems. Haha, I am so clever at times! Natsuki was grinning like an idiot. If one of the doctors could see her, they would probably beg her to have a room at the institution. Anyhow, I need a plan now. She took a look at the clock. Shit, it's getting late... Wait! That's it! I'll wait until it gets dark and then sneak my way into her room. I used to do things like that all the time when I was a HiME. So, getting into a nuthouse shouldn't be any more difficult than hunting down the First District. She led her eyes wander to the big glass windows of the manor. But how on earth do I find the right room... Okay, there are still so many things to check out and to plan. Preparation, preparation...

The full moon came to Natsuki's aid as soon as the sun had fully set. Her pitch-black hair and her dark biker-suit were melting with the falling night. She tried to make her movements as smooth and catlike as possible... but she was a dog-person after all and so she ended up falling on her nose because of a sneaky little root that had wrapped itself around her foot while running through the forest near the garden of the mansion. Ouch! That hurt! If this is over I will definitely go back to exercising. The huge fence wasn't too far away and she knew she had to be careful now. She made her footsteps as soft as possible and tried to slow down her breathing. Ninja-Modus activate! She made a huge jump and got a good grip on the fence, so she was able to overcome it in one move. Her landing was not really graceful but silent. Looking to the left she could see the flashlight of one of the guards. She dodged behind the bench she had been sitting on earlier and waited for the light to point in a different direction. She was overly happy that she has correctly remembered about the little balconies in front of the windows. She wasn't really sure though if there was a way to climb up to the patient rooms but since this was an institution for people who willingly committed themselves to, she was lucky that the security standards weren't that high. She was sure she could make it to the upper rooms with a bit of stamina and biceps. Climbing up the wall, she was suddenly reminded of a movie she once had watched in her English class. What was its name again? Ah, I remember... Romeo and Juliet. That weird depressive guy was also climbing up to reach the room of this girl... That would make me Romeo and Nao Juliet... After more than twenty minutes and a lot of sweating later, she reached the row of balconies from the first floor. Right now, she was very happy that Nao's room wasn't higher up. Now she had to do the creepy voyeur-part and look through the glass of the different windows to find out where exactly the younger girl's room was. But she was lucky to make a strike on the second window. She was not a hundred percent sure, but the number of doors from the stairs was two if she remembered correctly and the view seemed to fit too. Natsuki was relieved to find out that her assumption of an open window was right. It was good since she had no plan B for this matter. She had just figured that since it was a warm summer night, Nao would at least leave one window tilted. That was enough for her to make her way inside the room. She had learned that trick when she used to make her way to different facilities ran by the First District. When entering the room, she was almost soundless. She was a bit proud of herself that things went so smoothly. Finally, some things are going right... But the hardest part is yet to come. Natsuki set her sights on the bed. She slowly started to approach the sleeping figure of Nao. While coming closer, Nao suddenly started to move and Natsuki was afraid that she had woken her up. But when she took a closer look she soon figured that the girl was only tossing in her sleep. She was now standing at the end of the bed slowly closing in the last meters. It must have looked like a creepy image but the older girl didn't care. For now, she was just standing there in awe of the beauty of the girl lying in front of her, who was breathing steadily. The moonlight fell on her peaceful looking face and made her pale skin look even more breathtaking. Watching Nao sleep made Natsuki bit by bit more confident of her feelings. She remained silent for a few more minutes and smiled down on the object of her newly discovered affection. When she was just about to wake the sleepy head, the younger girl suddenly started mumbling in her sleep.

"Nggh... no... don't... please... don't leave... " Her body started to struggle. "... Nats... ki... "

At first she was shocked because she thought that Nao was addressing her directly, but then realized that she must be a part of Nao's dream right now. She softly stroked along the younger girls cheekbone.

"Shh... Everything's alright now. I am here... " she whispered.

Nao opened her eyes. At first she could only see anything but a silhouette but her eyes soon got used to the darkness and the moon was bright enough to reveal the familiar face.

"Natsuki?!" She sat upright in bed now. "Am I still dreaming?"

"No, it's real. I am here..." Natsuki softly answered back.

"What are you… a fucking pervert now? And how the hell did you get in here?" Nao's sleepy, disbelieving mood changed to pure anger in an instant. "Damn you! I told you to leave me the fuck alone! Why can't you just simply stay away?!" As much as the younger girl tried to control her voice, she was not yet awake enough to conceal all of her feelings. At the end of her screaming her tone became shaky and her eyes watery. At first, Natsuki was shocked about the heavy reaction but soon got a hold of herself after noticing the cracking in her opposite's voice.

"Nao, listen to me. I'm here because of you..." Natsuki said.

"Now, what is that supposed to mean?! GO! LEAVE!" Nao shut her eyes tight, releasing some of the tears that had been building up. Her feet started to move frantically, almost kicking Natsuki while screaming at her. The whole scenario seemed to fit their surroundings quite well and Natsuki knew she had to silence the overwhelmed girl before anyone got suspicious of the noise. So she threw herself on the slender figure in bed, practically burying the girl under her body. Sadly, the action just increased the volume and so she put her hand over Nao's mouth to finally silence her.

"Just listen to me for a second, you maniac!" She was quite angry herself by now. But thinking of how to phrase her next words let all the rage vanish within a second. "I am here because..." She took a deep breath. "Because I finally realized what you mean to me." She pulled her hand away from Nao's mouth because Nao wasn't even breathing anymore when she heard the words.

Now the pink-haired girl wasn't so sure if she was really awake. This could also be a strange dream. The moon was the only witness of the unreal situation in the middle of the night. The position they both were in made it even more surreal. Nao was lying on her back not daring to make a move after Natsuki had placed her body on top of her. The head of the older girl was straight above Nao's since Natsuki was supporting the weight of her upper-body with her arms, so the stunned girl's head was practically captured between them.

"Nao... I think I'm in love with you... " Natsuki said with a serious voice.

"LIAR!" Nao screamed at her without hesitation. Tears started to burst out of her again. "WHY?! Why would you lie to me about such a thing?! Do you think this will help me to get well sooner?! You're horrible!"

Natsuki again put her hand over the younger girl's mouth and brought her head close while whispering.

"You are right. I was horrible..." She made a slight pause. "I never noticed how much you had been suffering because of me. How deeply it must have hurt you to see me with Shizuru… It might be too late, but I finally know why I couldn't stay away from you." The emotions were consuming Natsuki's mind and her eyes became wet while letting out all the long hidden thoughts. Nao mumbled something like: "This can't be real" into her hand. The body under her was shaking now. And so, she once more released the mouth of the younger girl only to capture it again, this time with her lips. At first, the younger girl was struggling against the kiss, but as soon as Natsuki had pinned down the younger girl's arms with her left hand, Nao gave up fighting. Nazsuki cupped Nao's face with her free hand and started to softly part the lips of the younger girl with her thumb, while gently pressing her hips down a bit more. The movements made Nao lose any remaining resistance. Her mind was blown away when Natsuki's tongue started to softly caress her bottom-lip. Feeling the erupting heat of the body above her finally made her moan into the kiss and let it become fiercer. Natsuki was taken aback by the power their lips set free and felt like losing balance but Nao encircled her waist and pulled her in even closer. Natsuki's heart was racing and so was Nao's. They could feel each other's heartbeat through their shirts while their lower bodies were almost too close to bear the feelings that the rubbing created. Their lips were insatiable and they couldn't bring themselves to stop until Natsuki finally broke the kiss for some much needed air. Their tears had dried during the episode of losing-your-mind-for-beginners and neither of them dared to say a word. While Nao was afraid that if she would say something, she might wake up and everything would disappear again, Natsuki was simply at a complete loss for words. This wasn't her first kiss with Nao, but it had completely blown her mind away this time. She was looking at the girl beneath her and had a pleased smile on her face.

"What are you looking at?" Nao said in a soft tone, smiling herself.

"You're so beautiful." Natsuki responded while stroking her hand along Nao's cheekbone.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" She was afraid of the answer but she had to know.

"No. This is real. Finally." The raven-haired girl leaned in for another kiss.

The sun was already rising when they got unbearably tired in each other arms, completely exhausted from the overflow of their emotions. Natsuki was snuggling her head into Nao's hair when she swung her leg on top of the younger girl's waist.

"Very possessive, aren't you?" Nao said playfully with a sleepy voice.

"Guess so..." Natsuki mumbled, already half-asleep.

Nao smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Natsuki. Sleep well."

The moon was gone and Natsuki was still there, lying comfortably in her arms. That was all she had ever wished for. She was content. For the first time in her life she felt complete.

When a nurse screamed them awake much too early, they both hushed her to silence and explained the odd situation as well as they could. Dr. Tenshii was called nonetheless, but she seemed to have a thing for the young ladies and let them get away with the forbidden action. She even agreed to the early discharge of Nao since it was obvious that both girls had finally solved most of their problems on their own. When Nao started to pack her things, Dr. Tenshii told her that it would take a few more hours before she could leave due to some needed paperwork.

"This sucks. I thought I could go whenever I wanted." Nao said.

"And I thought you were used to being patient by now." Natsuki winked at her.

"That's actually not funny." Nao said sarcastically.

"Oh, it would be if you could see your face." She started to laugh.

"Ne, Natsuki..." The younger girl's tone became serious.

"What is it?"

"Have you talked to Shizuru?"

The question hit her with full force and Nao didn't have to wait for a response to know the answer. Her eyes became sad, which cause Natsuki to clench her fists before speaking.

"Don't worry. I won't back out this time. I will talk to her right now. She needs to know... And you can't leave here right now anyway. I'll pick you up after I talk to her, okay?" Natsuki tried to sound as confident as she could, but the fear showed clearly through her voice. Nao walked over to her and embraced the girl she had waited for so long.

"It's going to be okay. Eventually. If she really loves you, she'll understand. She cares about your happiness."

"Thank you..." Natsuki said, returning the embrace. She slowly turned around and walked towards the door.

"Natsuki?"

"Yes." Turning around once more.

"You will come back, right?"

"Of course." She gave her a reassuring smile before leaving the room.

On her way to Shizuru's house, a thousand thoughts were racing on her mind. She had no idea how to tell the Kyoto-girl about her late discovered feelings for Nao. She loved Shizuru. That she was sure of, but somehow it was Nao whom she wanted to be with. She couldn't find any logical reason. It was only a feeling but she had learned that repressing feelings never worked. She wanted to be honest with Shizuru; she didn't want to lie to her. Even if she were to stay with Shizuru, she wouldn't be able to stand the painful feelings that burned deep inside of her while being at her side. I need to tell her... even if she'll hate me. When she arrived at the Fujino residence she was greeted by one of the attendants. He told her that Shizuru was in the garden and asked if he should call her in but Natsuki declined, saying that she would go to the garden herself to meet the older girl.

When she left the building, the fresh air that was soaked with the scent of flowers danced with her black strands. Her heart was starting to pound heavy when she spotted the chestnut-haired girl sitting at the rim of the fountain gazing at the sky, dressed in her favorite lavender skirt. Summoning every last bit of her courage, she walked over to the dreamy girl.

"Shiz…uru…" She stuttered. Damn, get a hold of yourself Natsuki!

Shizuru slowly turned her head around and greeted her with a breathtaking smile. It was one of those smiles that Natsuki had always loved the most. The sight in front of her let her knees become weak and made her heart beat even faster.

"You came back..." Shizuru said with a weak but happy voice. Her eyes were swollen.

She must have been crying a lot... Before Natsuki could say the reason for her visit, Shizuru spoke again.

"I can't believe that it went so fast... Everything was perfect and now... I mean how... How could this have happened? This can't go on forever... Every time when hope comes so close and I try to touch it, it fades and I am falling. I should have never started chasing it. As soon as I learned how to fly I couldn't get enough. But you can't fly without eventually falling, right? I wish I would have been satisfied with floating... I could have done that forever but now, I fly, faster and faster and I fall deeper and deeper without hitting the bottom. This can't be endless... You can't be endless..."

Natsuki had lowered gaze during Shizuru's speech. She tried to sound as cold as she could.

"You're right... We aren't endless... Before I knew you I never knew what love was and I doubt that I fully know it by now. But you were the one who breathed love into my heart and soul and made me open up to allow such emotions. But as much as I try to make myself believe that my place is right beside you, the more I fear it isn't what I want to do. There is something between you and me but after everything that had happened I believe it's not enough. I get the feeling that it is not good... for you or for me. It's like as if these emotions are too dangerous...

"Can you at least please be honest with me…?" Shizuru replied just as coldly.

"I am trying to..." Natsuki was completely insecure now.

"NO! You're trying to shift the guilt! It's not about dangerous emotions, it's about Nao! You're in love with her, right?" Shizuru was almost screaming and Natsuki was shocked to the bone.

"Shizuru, I..."

"Are you?"

"I don't know for sure... I think so... I mean she means a lot to me and right now I just feel that I want to be with her..."

"Rather than to be with me..." Her words were barely audible.

"That's not what I said." Natsuki said, trying to defend herself unnecessarily.

"But that's how it is..." She made a pause and inhaled deeply. "Tell me... Have I really lost you again?"

"Shizuru..." Natsuki reached out for the older girl but her hand was slapped away.

"Please... don't leave me. Please, don't tell me it's over... Please, don't let it be all in vain. We fought so hard... We've died before and we reincarnated. We can make it work again."

"I don't think I can... " Tears were forcing their way to her eyes.

Shizuru's voice became icy again.

"I won't beg you anymore and neither will I force you. But I need to hear from you that you don't love me anymore." Shizuru said.

Natsuki knew that her next words would be very important and she suddenly felt it hard to breathe. I love you, Shizuru... but I love Nao too... this thing just won't work... and I can't do this to you any longer. I have to lie... Please, forgive me...

"I don't love you." She said, paying special attention to look directly into Shizuru's eyes. Natsuki has never been a good liar, but this time it seemed to work. Normally, the older girl would be able to read her mind like an open book but with these words she broke down every last bit of the composed façade.

"Go." She said in a low voice but Natsuki didn't move. "Leave! Now!" Shizuru was almost choking on her screams because the tears had started to run down her face like waterfalls.

Natsuki turned away and started running away before her tears broke free. She ran and ran until she reached her bike. She didn't even bother putting on her helmet. She just kicked the engine to start and sped away. When the mansion was out of sight, she parked her bike on the side of the road and broke down under her tears. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I love you... But I cannot be with you... not now... not as long as it hurts this much... After she had calmed down a bit, she started to drive towards the clinic to pick Nao up. Nao gave her a worried look when she saw her crushed opposite She pulled Natsuki in for a warm embrace, who had a hard time repressing her tears. They didn't speak a word while they were driving down the main road to Natsuki's apartment. Nao knew that the older girl was wrapped up in thoughts and she didn't want to distract her even more from driving and so she patiently waited until they got into the apartment before she spoke to Natsuki.

"So, it was really that bad?" She stated carefully.

"Worse..." Natsuki replied in a pensive voice.

"Did you fight?"

"You could say that, yes..." Natsuki said, honestly. The emotions were clearly written all over her face and as much as Nao hated her next words, she knew she had to say them.

"Maybe you should try to fix it."

Natsuki was looking at her in shock but Nao soon made her thought clearer. "I mean you should talk to her again and try to explain everything. Both of you won't ever be able to make a clear cut if you two part with a fight."

Natsuki wanted to say something but Nao cut her off.

"You know that I am right, Natsuki."

Natsuki to admit that Nao's thought probably was correct, but she was afraid of facing Shizuru again.

Nao came over to her and gave her kiss as if she was able to read her mind.

"Be brave once more. For your sake and for hers." She encouraged her further. "I'll wait here for you to come back again."

Natsuki didn't even try to resist Nao's words any longer. She knew that everyone had been suffering because of her for so long and if she was able to ease the pain of Shizuru a bit, she would do it. She grabbed her helmet and kissed the younger girl goodbye once more.

When she rang the bell on the entrance of the mansion, she was greeted by two faces she would have rather not seen again. Shizuru's mother and Sandra were blocking her way. Both of them were sending death-glares at her. Despite the terrifying sight in front of her, Natsuki had bigger problems right no. She didn't hesitate to state the reason of her visit.

"I need to talk to Shizuru." She said with an icy-voice.

"I think you've already said enough." Sandra replied full of hatred but before she could go on she was cut off by Shizuru's mother.

"Kuga-san. I've never approved of the relationship you and my daughter had and I would be lying if I said I'm not happy about your decision to give her back her life. I am sure you understand that I can't let you see her. She's not in the best condition and I believe you're the last person she wants to see right now. So, if you would please make your leave." Natsuki now knew why Shizuru would always act so composed around everyone. Emotions weren't allowed around here.

"Fine. But I'll come to see her again." She said with a strong and confident voice.

"I'm afraid that isn't possible." Shizuru's mother replied with a smile.

"She's going back to Germany with me. Our plane leaves tomorrow morning." Sandra said just as confidently. Natsuki was so shocked that she didn't know what to say.

"I'm sure you understand that it's best for Shizuru to be as far away from you as possible at the moment." Shizuru's mother said.

"Sure…" Natsuki felt completely beaten.

"Good. Farewell Kuga-san. You know the way out, right?" The last sentence wasn't really a was so shocked about what had just happened that she turned around like a zombie and walked away. Maybe they are right... maybe this is the only way... maybe she can only find happiness somewhere without me... She got on her bike and drove back to her apartment where Nao was still waiting for her.

Meanwhile in the Fujino-Mansion, Shizuru's mother and Sandra had decided that it would not be a good idea to tell Shizuru that Natsuki had been there to see her again.

"I'm so glad that you said yes to the idea of going back to Germany with me. Believe me, everything is going to be all right. I promise. With time you'll get over it and I'll show you how to smile again." Sandra said in a joyful tone trying to cheer the Kyoto-beauty up a little.

"Of course..." Shizuru replied in a monotone voice.

A few hours later the mansion was standing silent and dark in front of the forest. Everyone was asleep. Only the huge clock in the main hall and the upcoming storm outside were sending signs of life through the rooms. A sleepless girl was slowly walking to the window of her balcony. Only one candle was breaking the endless darkness. Chestnut strands were falling down on her shoulders when she sat down on the sill. Her eyes were empty.

Fight and reign, wash away, all the colors in dismay. The ground gave in; the sun is hiding behind the world... And there is thunder… and there is lightning… and none of them are you… only plain emptiness accompanied by deafening silence… words… hollow and dull, echoing through my head in an infinite loop. And there is rain… endless and heavy rain… endless… but not for me… not for us… no, not us… you and me… Are you listening…? Listening to the rain…? Can you feel the raindrops…? Do you watch their downfall…? Can you see me fall along with them...? Fall from grace…? Fall from everything… fall for your words… fall for your smiles… fall for your lies… Can you see me too when I again, fall into you…? And I fall and I fall... so deep without ever hitting the ground…Pouring down on you without ever hitting your heart hard enough… Only leaving little cracks and marks here and there… but there is hope… Your heart is not made of stone… I guess I was just not the right kind of rainfall but you are not lost… No, you are safe. So let's pretend for a while. You're the love and I am the madness… Wouldn't it be lovely, Natsuki? Wouldn't it? Why won't you answer me anymore? Did I put too much on the line? Believe me I would take it back. But how to fix a ripped out heart? Can't you help me out for a little while? Are you too busy searching for these angel eyes high above? But there are none. They don't exist. Nothing but pitch-black skies interrupted by flickers of lightning. Like sudden strikes of hope only to wither away in the next blink of an eye. Just like your love. Only a temporarily bliss in my colorless world.

So tired... Won't you sing me to sleep? Don't worry, I won't tell… I won't ever ask again… Wandering… step by step… such a silent road into your world. I was there… I was… I know it… it has to be true… this wasn't an illusion… I could feel you and you could feel it too, right? RIGHT? Hush… hush… don't make a sound… there's no need to worry anymore.

I shall close this window to shut down my soul. To keep out the flickers of hope. To end this dream of you and me.

Yes, and I shall live on in your thoughts… in your words… and I breathe in and I breathe out another pill three, four… Breathing in, breathing out always so calm and steady, elegant nonetheless.

To die as I have lived. This so like me. All the movements, so gentle and slow… Or am I already getting dizzy? No, not yet. There are still some left. Calm and steady. Calm and steady.

I failed again. The great protector is nothing more than a mere failure… A slave of love, a malfunction of emotions like cracks in a glass so perfectly flawed.

In this world or the next. I always thought that way. I promised to protect you. I promised to save you. I always said I would die for you. I always knew I would die for you… and this is me keeping my promises. I'll die for you… for you to be free… to let you go… I've waited for so long… so long… but you didn't come back… you never will… you don't love me…

Isn't my heart supposed to stop beating instead of racing? I can do this right? Right, Natsuki ? Even if you're not by my side I can do anything. I am not giving in this time. Still not finished. Don't stop now. I am almost there. It's so dark. So dark, Natsuki... My dear Natsuki… So pure… So perfect… Natsuki, are you there? Can't you see? I'm invisible. My ears are ringing. So loud. Gravity… Emptiness… So loud. I can't feel your rain anymore.

Beat, breathe, beat, breathe... beat beat beat... silence. And she closed her eyes with a last little lie on her lips. This is the way it should be.

The End.

A/N: And this is it...I know that so many of you will hate me right now. But this story is and was a Drama. I poundered with the ending quite a bit but I wanted to have the people stay in character and in my opinion this is what Shizuru would do, if she would think that Natsuki's words are final. I just can't imagine a Shizuru, who lives a normal life without Natsuki. I know that this is not a happy ending and I am sad that this story is over but I have to say that looking at the story now, there is a huge potential for making a third arc. There are still many question left unanswered (on purpose? who knows ;-) ) I am not sure if I should make it Triology given the fact that it already has 43 Chapter o.O But the idea of how Natsuki will react and cope with the circumstances is very intriguing...Maybe switching places with Nao in the Nuthouse...Is she even possible to be with Nao now? Who knows...who knows...I let you guys decided. If you want me to final shut up, this story shall end here. If anyone is interested in a third arc, let me know and I shall continue the story.

Either way, I want to thank all of my readers for keeping up with me and my story and for encouraging me to write something like this. I've always enjoyed your reviews guys.