Authors Notes: W'sup guys? I entered a contest about some of the horrors of Valentines Day for guys. Could be any game, movie, etc. etc. so I knew I had to go with one that had excellent character development in the games and something I was very familiar with. Ace Attorney worked. This story is set after Investigations. This is just meant for some fun. If you enjoy it I'd love a review.

Disclaimer: Ace Attorney is not mine. Only the story, not the characters or anything.

Blind Date

2:32 P.M.

District Court number 3.

"Very well. I see no reason to further prolong this trial. The court finds Mr. Quercus Alba. . ."

GUILTY

"That is all. Court dismissed."

The crowd noise almost covered the sound of the gavel banging once on the judge's bench. The bailiff placed Quercus Alba under arrest as a man dressed in a crimson jacket, cravat, and carrying a briefcase labeled 'evidence' strode out of the courtroom swiftly. He would up in the prosecutors lobby, smiling victoriously at the day he'd had.

"Mr. Edgeworth!" Edgeworth turned to see his assistant Kay Faraday come running towards him. "You were brilliant in there!"

Miles Edgeworth took one of his slick bows with a half smile on his face. "Thank you Kay."

"His defense attorney was incompetent. He looked so bad in there."

"It wasn't his attorney's fault Kay. Quercus Alba really was guilty. There was no way for him to be found otherwise with all the evidence we have against him."

"Yeah." The peppy girl looked to the right quietly for a second. Edgeworth knew how much bringing down Alba had meant to her.

"Anyways," she perked back up "You do know what's in a couple days, right?"

Edgeworth thought for a second. Let's see, it was Februrary 12th. He knew the department was having a golf tournament next weekend, but he didn't know Kay would be interested.

"Really?" Edgeworth asked curiously, "I didn't know you were in to that."

"Well of COURSE I am." Kay grinned. "ALL girls are."

"ALL girls?" Edgeworth asked shocked. . .Weird, he didn't realize the female species liked golf so much.

"Well, I think most girls do anyways. It means a lot to us." Kay responded.

"It does?" Edgeworth was shocked.

"Well yeah. . .It's pretty common knowledge that Valentines Day is big for girls."

Wait, Valentines Day?

. . .

Ahhhhhhhhh. . .

"So Valentines Day is coming, and you're looking forward to that?" Edgeworth asked her.

"Uh-huh." Kay smiled. "Who's your valentine this year?" By now the two had made it out to Edgeworth's Car. Getting in, both continued their conversation as Edgeworth started to pull away from the courthouse.

"My valentine? Kay, I'm far too busy with work right now to pursue any of that nonsense." Edgeworth replied calmly.

"Oh come on Edgeworth, everyone gets out in the dating world here and then. When was the last time you gave a girl some kind of valentines present or took her on a date?"

Edgeworth thought about it. Never, really. He was far too busy preparing to become a lawyer that he hadn't really considered his love life.

"Er, a year or two ago." Edgeworth lied.

"With who?" Kay asked, not buying it.

"I forget."

"Liar."

"And you know that because?"

"Because guys don't forget the names of girls they care about." Kay answered confidently. Miles had no answer. They sat in silence for the rest of the drive. Miles got to his office and let Kay in. Kay sat on the couch playing with Miles' Steel Samurai figurines while Edgeworth took off his court outfit into a more casual sleek vest and cotton shirt.

Edgeworth knew Kay wasn't satisfied with how the conversation had gone though. Miles decided to say one more thing to put her mind at ease about it so he could get back to work again.

"Kay, right now I'm far too busy with work to be thinking about romance." He figured that would do the trick. It was reasonable, it would get her off his back. Or so he thought.

"Hey, I have a challenge" he heard. It had come from Kay's voice when he wasn't looking. He knew he wasn't going to like this.

"Challenge? Edgeworth asked hoping this wasn't going to be something un-fun.

"Yep. You have to go on a Valentines date with one girl. Any girl. You must have dinner with her, be polite, show her a good time, the works. And it has to be romantic and Valentines-ey. Got it?"

Edgeworth laughed. The notion was ridiculous. A random date for Valentines? Surely she couldn't be serious.

"Kay, I'm sorry, but I just don't feel like it and am too busy. Maybe next year." He replied smiling a bit.

"You have to." Kay responded a little upset now.

"And why?" Edgeworth asked trying to end this quickly.

"If you don't I'll throw "Little Thief" out of this window to the ground. It'll smash and you'll never get to use it for your cases again."

"URRKH!" Edgeworth was shocked at Kay's determination. "Little Thief" was a tool Kay had to reconstruct crime scenes with. It had proved incredibly helpful and was often the deciding factor in a case.

"You wouldn't do that." Edgeworth responded showing no weakness on the outside.

"Try me." Kay coldly replied.

Edgeworth had to admit, she seemed very determined. But why? Just because Edgeworth's love life had no spark right now? Why should she care if he had someone he was romantically involved with. He knew the Gumshoe was very happy with Maggey, Wright was in a relationship with some girl he met in college, and so on and so forth. But Edgeworth just didn't have time for those things right now. Yet one look at Kay made him realize that on the 14th, he was going to have to MAKE time. At least for one date.

"Fine Kay, you win. One date." Edgeworth gave in.

"YES!" Kay happily cheered. "Thank you Mr. Edgeworth, thank you, thank you, thank you. You'll be so happy when you go on the date. And then romance will blossom, and you'll get married, and kids, and then they'll be lawyers, and then I'll be "auntie…"

"KAY!" Edgeworth kinda yelled, a little exasperated. Possibly it was from the stress of the trial but he was in no mood for this.

"Sorry." Kay apologized. "But I'm glad you're doing this Edgeworth. Alright, call any girl. And remember, pick someone you like. No cheating! I gotta go."

"You're leaving?" Miles asked.

"Yeah, I'm meeting a friend that I met at the courthouse today. She and me are so similar. It's spooky." Kay giggled.

"Oh. . .alright, bye." Edgeworth said goodbye confused. The door slammed behind him as he thought about what had happened. Who would he call? He didn't really have anyone he liked that much. Maybe Rhoda Teneiro? Naaaa, Miles was sure she wouldn't accept. Clearly she didn't have any feelings for him. But, then who? Maybe a nap would help him out. Edgeworth laid down to rest, hoping dreams would give him some kind of idea of how to get out of all this.

6:48 P.M.

Wright and Co. Law Offices.

Phoenix Wright sat on his piano bench. He plunked a few notes trying to learn the instrument in front of him. He found that "Chopsticks" wasn't too hard to play once you got the fingering down, although it was less of a song, and more of an exercise. He could hear noise coming from two girls down the hall meaning that Maya and her "new friend" were back from getting burgers. Both girls came into the room.

"Nick!" Maya chanted getting his attention. "Meet my new friend, Kay Faraday!"

The two exchanged polite greetings. Phoenix didn't really care until he heard Maya say "She's Mr. Edgeworth's assistant!"

"Really?" this caught Phoenix's attention.

"Yep. He's talked about you. Says you're good." Kay happily told Phoenix.

The conversation went between the three for a couple hours, with nothing of real importance being discussed. It was then Phoenix got a call. The Steel Samurai theme played alerting him that someone was calling.

"Hello?" Phoenix asked.

"Wright. It's me, Edgeworth. I need a quick favor."

"Edgeworth?" Phoenix asked out loud causing both girls in the room to become alert.

"Listen, Kay, my assistant, she's forcing me to go on a date this Valentines Day. She says I have to go with one person I like on a date."

"And. . .you chose me?" Phoenix asked, awkward and uncomfortable.

"NO!" Edgeworth answered shocked at the thought. "I need YOU to find a girl for me."

"Um, what?" Phoenix asked surprised. The girls both quiet listening.

"I can't do this Wright. I'm just not comfortable with this, nor do I have an idea what to do. But you've been on dates, and I know you know a lot of nice girls. Can you please do me a favor?" Edgeworth pleaded.

"Um, okay." Phoenix asked still confused.

"Thanks Wright. Just, set up a date with me and a nice girl this Valentines Day. I'll give you money for flowers, chocolate, whatever you need. Just, please set this up for me Wright, and I'll owe you big time."

Having Edgeworth owe Phoenix a favor could come in favor for future trials. "Alright, you got it Edgeworth. I'll call you tomorrow to let you know the details."

After finishing the conversation the two hung up. Phoenix turned to Kay and Maya. He explained the conversation to both of them. Kay however, was not happy.

"So, he thinks he can CHEAT his way out of this?" Kay asked in an outrage.

"Wow, I didn't realize romance was so hard for Mr. Edgeworth." Maya asked worried about him.

"Don't feel pity, he deserves none of it. He can't even ask one girl out on a date. ONE GIRL. ONE DATE. ARRRGH!" Kay yelled frustrated.

"Why are you even giving him this challenge?" Phoenix asked.

Kay thought about it for a second. "I dunno, it's just that so many people are happy in love. He is satisfied with work, but he's just not completely happy yet. I can see it in his eyes, he's not enjoying life as much as he could be."

"I wish we could play some kind of prank on him or something. Just to liven him up." Maya smirked.

The lightbulb had come on. Phoenix suddenly brought the corners of his mouth up in a grin. "I know what we can do." He giggled. He started to laugh harder at the thoughts that were coming in his brain.

"What?" Kay asked quizzically.

"Here's the plan." He whispered to the girls. The other two also started to giggle at hearing Phoenix's idea for Edgeworth.

"Oh yeah, this'll be a date to remember." They evilly laughed.

February 14th

6:53 P.M.

Tres Bien.

Edgeworth had been here a couple times. He sat in a side booth. The wall was to his right, at the opposite end of the table was a place for his date to sit. Edgeworth was dressed normally, but he had a corsage on him. Asking Wright for help hadn't really been a measure he'd wanted to take, but he wasn't really one to ask women out.

"Edgeworth." Miles turned around to see his spiky haired friend standing there. Phoenix Wright stood with flowers and a card in an envelope in his hands.

"Wright, those are for me to give to my date?"

"Yes. Here." Phoenix handed him the items.

"Will you please tell me who's coming now?" Edgeworth asked. Wright had refused to say who he'd picked for Edgeworth's date on the phone yesterday.

"Don't worry about that right now, we don't have time. Listen, I'm gonna be at that table a few rows away. If at any time you feel nervous, just leave to go to the bathroom. I'll see you get up and follow you. You can tell me what's happening in there." Phoenix quickly explained.

"The bathroom? We aren't girls Wright, we don't go to the bathroom together."

"Just do it, alright?"

"Fine."

"Give her the flowers, and remember. Be a gentlemen."

Edgeworth was sure that he'd be fine in that regard. Edgeworth had grown up learning how to "be a gentlemen" properly. He'd be fine. Heck, Edgeworth was even a little excited. Maybe it would be a couple of the women that he'd met years ago. Rhoda Teneiro, Adrian Andrews, Ema Skye? Frankly, no matter who it was he'd be fine.

"EDGEYPOOOOOOOOOO!"

Except for maybe her. . .

The noise had come from behind Miles. The noise haunted him in his dreams. No matter where he went it always seemed that she would be there, ready to annoy him as best she could. "What is she doing here? She cannot be allowed to ruin my date." Edgeworth thought.

"Edgeypoo, it's so good to see you." The woman sat down in front of Edgeworth. Edgeworth sat with his mouth hanging open slightly. The woman was at least 70, possibly 80. She was old, had plenty of wrinkles. Was wearing a little black dress which she should NOT have been wearing at her age. Way too much makeup and lipstick, and her white curly hair was still as Edgeworth remembered it. Edgeworth once had a dream that this woman was his wife. Edgeworth had woke up in cold sweat and didn't fall asleep for the next 32 hours.

"Edgeypoo, say something. It's me, Wendy! You remember me dear!" Wendy Oldbag gleefully talked to Miles.

'What am I going to do? I have to get rid of her. What did Wright say to do in case I got nervous? Uh, right! Go to the restroom.'

"I GOTTA PEE!" Edgeworth suddenly blurted out as he jumped up and briskly walked to the restroom. He quickly threw the door open to the men's room. The door behind him opened as Phoenix Wright came in after him.

"Whoa, don't you think saying "I need to use the restroom" would be better than "I gotta pee?" Phoenix asked surprised that Edgeworth lost his gentlemanly composure for a second.

"Wright, what am I gonna do? My date will be here any minute and it's gonna be terrible because she's there! And she'll ruin ev..."

"She's your date." Phoenix interrupted Edgeworth.

". . ."

". . ."

"You're kidding, right Wright?"

"Nope. Wendy Oldbag is your lovely date for the evening."

"Wright, this is madness. What have you done? I thought you were going to get me a GOOD date? I trusted you!" Edgeworth started to become angry.

"Any Kay trusted you not to cheat at your little promise." Phoenix calmly retorted.

"What? How'd he know Kay specifically wanted ME to do it?"

Edgeworth quickly went used some logic. He figured if Kay was meeting a friend, and somehow that translated to Phoenix figuring out what was happening. Wright wasn't the type to make friends with random girls and invite them to dinner in such a small time period. . .But Maya was."

"ahhhh."

"Wright, I won't stand for this. This is ridiculous. I'm NOT going on a date with that woman." Edgeworth said firmly. "I have my pride."

"Kay said you'd say that. So she told me to remind you that "Little Thief doesn't want to be smashed." Or something like that.

"GRRRR, Little Thief. I forgot about that. She wouldn't really destroy it, would she?"

"It's one date Edgeworth. You can get through it."

"True. I can do this. I'll have dinner with her for an hour and then go home. Simple."

"Fine Wright, one date. But you owe me, understand?" Edgeworth replied.

"Understood. Now get out there, a gentlemen wouldn't keep a lady waiting." Phoenix giggled a bit.

Edgeworth bit his tongue. He returned to see Wendy sitting on the bench. She had the flowers Phoenix had given Miles clutched to her chest and she was reading the Valentines card. Miles sat down hesitantly.

"Oh Edgey, this card is so romantic. It reminds me of my younger days, when I was in school, oh and this was before I met you, and two boys were…." Edgeworth tried to drown out the noise that was coming from her lips. He knew he wouldn't have to do a lot of talking this date.

"And then you buy me this card, oh and the message to me in it about how you have been dreaming about me and how you think I might be a girl you could settle down with!"

Edgeworth smiled as she continued to talk. "Yeah Wendy, I've been having dreams about you but not the good kind, and about settl…

Wait, what was that last part?"

"Er, Ms. Olgbag." Edgeworth interrupted.

"Oh Edgeypoo, you know to call me Wendy by now." Oldbag winked at Edgeworth.

"Wendy, might I see that card for a second?" Edgeworth asked ignoring the wink as chills went down his spine.

Edgeworth looked into the card to read the most horrifying poem he'd ever seen.

Dear Wendy, when I see you my world is so nice.

To my love life you always are adding some spice.

And in my dreams, you are there, comforting me.

I want to be with you forever, my dear, sweet Wendy.

"Terrible poem, but I think she liked it." Edgeworth thought upset.

"You know," Oldbag started making Edgeworth jumped. She had slid around the table to the same booth he was on. She was sitting mere inches from him.

She continued, "I think men who can admit their true feelings to a woman in poetic form are super sexy." Edgeworth could feel his cheeks burn. Wendy was getting closer. Across the room he could see a man in blue with spikes cracking up behind his seat.

"er, thank you Ms. Oldbag." Edgeworth tried to keep his composure. "Stay clam, don't panic. . ."

Then Edgeworth felt something. Through his anxiousness he could feel flesh against him. On his knee, moving up his thigh. Was that. . .a hand? But then, that meant that. . .

. . .

"Oh mother of pearls no. . ."

Edgeworth dove under the table. He knew he was dirtying his crimson suit but frankly, he did not care. As long as Oldbag got her freakin' hand off of his thigh he'd do whatever he had too.

"I need to wash my hands!" He mentioned as he sprinted past Oldbag running for the bathroom. He panted as he stood over the sink. Wright was on his heels a second later.

"Dude, what happened there?" Phoenix asked surprised.

"She. . .was. . . . . .stroking my knee. . ." Edgeworth barely got out.

". . ."

". . ."

"I gotta admit, that's nasty." Phoenix frowned a little disgusted.

"I can't do this Wright. This is inhumane."

"Listen, it's one date. Just hurry through it, but be gentlemanly. Okay?"

The two went through strategy. Edgeworth exited to see Oldbag sitting still. Food was on the table when he arrived meaning Oldbag had ordered for him. Steak. He was happy, Wendy had made a good choice. Despite the rough start Edgeworth found that dinner was going well. Oldbag went on and on about her childhood and the life she wanted to have. Edgeworth found out that by drowning out her voice he could get through. In an hour nothing too bad had happened and Miles was about ready to get out of the restaurant and end the date.

"Edgeypoo, can we get one of those?" Oldbag suddenly asked with her eyes practically lighting up.

Edgeworth turned to see a chocolate cake with rose petals on it being served to a couple across the restaurant. The cake read "Always be Mine."

"Why not? I see no harm in it." Edgeworth said without too much hesitation. He ordered one and the two waited for the cake to be brought.

"You know Edgeypoo, I've always dreamed about eating a cake with my man. But instead of us both eating, we feed each other romantically as we gaze into each others eyes. Will you please do that for me?" Wendy asked.

Edgeworth was not at all comfortable with this, but he knew this day was almost over. If he got through this, he'd be good in Kay's eyes. "Of course Wendy." He put on a fake smile.

The waiter brought the cake. Sliding over to Wendy's side of the booth, Edgeworth grabbed one of the two forks. The cake was specially for Valentines Day. Any other day and he wouldn't have had to go through this.

The two locked arms and brought their arms around each other one more time. It was a little hard to do, and Edgeworth found it was impossible for him to be able to move his hand to her mouth because her arm was in the way.

So their mouths were going to have to come to the cake on the fork. Wendy moved her face forward to the fork. She refused to take the bite until Miles did the same. With a silent sigh Miles moved his face to the fork. As the two took the bites of each others forks he found that their noses brushed together. Miles almost threw up on the spot. Oldbag almost fainted from delight. Laughter could be heard from a certain defense attorney a few rows away.

One bite would not satisfy. Oldbag kept taking more and more bites that way, with Edgeworth and her faces far too close for Miles' liking. Phoenix could be heard cracking up but he did his best to stifle the laughter. About halfway through Edgeworth could feel Oldbag's second hand come up to Miles' chest. It made Miles uncomfortable to say the least. By the last bite Miles could have sworn he was about to black out from the inhumanity of the situation. But as the last morsel was downed he happily sighed. It was over.

"That was so sweet. Both the cake and the romantic-ness of the situation. Shall we leave now?" Oldbag asked sadly while getting up.

"Yes, I believe so." Edgeworth replied trying to stay calm on the outside. He looked to the exit. Phoenix was leaving ahead of them. Miles caught a glimpse of some black box in his right hand. "What is that anyways?" he thought.

Phoenix turned around one last time. He held up the box and winked at Edgeworth.

Miles peered at what Wright was holding. "Is that a. . .camera?"

"Wait, a CAMERA?"

Phoenix winked again while shooting Egdeworth a thumbs-up and walked outside briskly.

"I KNEW HE'D GO TOO FAR!" Miles screamed, his voice raising an octave or two. He gave chase. He made it outside only to find the lawyer was gone.

"Edgeypoo, what's happening?" Wendy came running after him worriedly.

It was too late. Wright was gone. Miles gave up, there was no way to catch him now. He'd deal with him later. For now, end the date. It was over, he could go home now. Or so he thought, until. . .

"Edgeypoo, I took the bus here. Can you give me a ride home?"

"Why me? What have I done to deserve this?"

"Why of course!" Edgeworth found himself saying regrettably. Minutes later, the two arrived at Miles' red sports car.

"HOLD IT!"

Miles turned abruptly. A masked figure stood there. They had a knife.

"GIVE ME YOUR PURSE!" The figure yelled to Oldbag. Wendy cowered behind Miles in fear. Miles could tell the voice was female.

"And you!" The female voice turned to Edgeworth. "Don't be a hero, okay?"

"Wait, that voice. . .Is that. . . .No, no way. . . .KAY?"

"After all, I'm just a little thief. I wouldn't want you, a big strong protector like you to smash me." The girl said.

Miles stood dumbfounded.

"AHEM, I'm a LITTLE THIEF. I WOULDN'T WANT TO GET CRUSHED AND SMASHED, NOW WOULD I?" The girl yelled at Edgeworth.

"Little Thief? Not wanting to be crushed and smashed?"

"ahhh. Nice Kay, very nice. . ."

Wendy threw down her purse to the ground at the burglars feet.

"Er, thank you." The female said without looking at it. She kept trying to send some kind of signal to Edgeworth. One he picked up quickly.

He sighed. "Must I really do this? Fine, here goes nothing. . ."

"STOP THIEF!" He yelled. "You will NOT terrorize or steal from my lovely date this evening, or EVER. UNDERSTOOD?" Edgeworth sent an icy stare towards the masked Kay, albeit not because he was acting for Wendy.

"Oh wow. . .such. . .a powerful control over the situation! And the masculinity to protect his lady! Sorry mister! DON'T HURT ME!" With that, the figure ran away without touching the purse.

"That was pathetic." Miles groaned.

"EDGEY-POO! YOU PROTECTED YOUR LADY!" Oldbag leaped into Edgeworth in a tight embrace. Edgeworth stifled a groan and quickly broke the hug and picked up Wendy's purse for her. The two got in the car and began the drive.

"Weird. . ." Oldbag mused.

"What is it?"

"For some reason I have two tickets to a play tonight. I don't even remember buying these?"

Edgeworth knew what happened instantly. It was basic logic really.

"Kay, how could you? You really want me to take her to a play TOO?"

"We should go together." Edgeworth politely asked begging the heavens that she'd say no. He prayed, he mentally was on his knees asking anyone who might hear to have mercy on him and let him out of this one.

8:55 P.M.

Playhouse Ticket Booth

"Welcome to the county playhouse. Dating couples on this special Valentines Day get a soda and popcorn free while the play is going on. Oh, but I can tell that you two aren't…"

"We're on a date tonight." Wendy Oldbag proudly proclaimed to the 18 year old man taking the tickets. She said it loud enough for everyone in the near vicinity to hear.

The college kid looked at the two for a minute. "You two are on a date?" He asked shocked.

"Indeed." Miles muttered.

"You. . .with her?"

"Yes."

". . ."

Miles lowered his voice to a whisper now. "You'll understand when you get to be my age."

"I hope I never have to." The kid gave Miles a weird look before giving him the coupons for the snacks. The two entered the theater hand in hand, receiving chuckles from others they passed. After getting the snacks and entering the play reluctantly, they two sat together.

"What's this play?" Edgeworth asked not entirely sure.

"Romeo and Juliet." Wendy answered.

"Of course it is." Edgeworth mentally hung himself on the spot.

The play consisted of anything you could expect. Wendy jumped into Miles' arms during the fight scenes. She held him close during the romantic scenes. During the death scene she began to sob and asked for him to cuddle and comfort her. The play could not have ended sooner. As the couple left he heard many jokes about the two as he hurriedly scuttled her out of there. Wendy was still a little weepy, but was better. The two got into Miles car once again. This was the worst night of Edgeworth's life.

"Almost done, we're heading home now. ALMOST DONE. . ." Miles was livid now. If anything else disgusting, or creepy, or embarrassing happened this night he might lose his cool. To the prosecutor in the cravat, not being relaxed and calm was unacceptable and unfamiliar.

11:17 P.M.

Dark Daylight Retirement Home.

"It was a great night Edgey-poo." Oldbag smiled as the two stood on the top step in front of the retirement home.

"Great? More like painful." Edgeworth wanted to blurt out. "I had a wonderful night." He said instead.

"Miles, please stay in contact with me. Come visit me, and take me on more dates."

"Fat chance."

"Of course Wendy. It'd be my pleasure." He lied.

"And well, I haven't had that much fun in so…"

"WENDY? THAT YOU? YOU WITH THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS?"

"SHUT UP AGNES, I'M BUSY HERE!" Wendy yelled back at the female voice Edgeworth had heard from one of the windows. "A catfight between senior citizens? Oh joy. . ."

"Well, I should go now. Good night Edgey-poo."

"Good night Wendy." Edgeworth drew in a quick breath. It was over. Finally it was over.

Oldbag turned towards the door for a second. Then abruptly, she turned around and pulled Edgeworth in close.

"WHAT ARE YOU…?" he didn't have time to finish. Oldbag planted a HUGE kiss on his lips for a moment. Edgeworth inwardly screamed. He could feel the wrinkles from the face of Wendy pressed up against him. The makeup she had on was smudged against his face and her hands moved around him to pull him in a tight embrace. Escaping would have literally meant pushing her away, and possibly to the ground.

Oldbag finally ended the passionate kiss. She pulled away giving Edgeworth a flirty look as she went into the building. Edgeworth felt like he wanted to die on the spot. The worst moment of his life had come. No, not a single moment had been worse. Edgeworth didn't even hear the noise of running feet in his agony.

11:37 P.M.

Edgeworth's office.

"In local news, pharmaceutical sales are skyrising, why you may need to look elsewhere for medications."

Edgeworth would never admit it to anyone, but that was his first kiss. Edgeworth's first kiss was with Wendy Oldbag. The knowledge of that would haunt him forever. Edgeworth might have preferred to be eaten by some kind of Shark before what happened tonight. The moment wouldn't leave his mind. The night was a disaster.

"LA scientists have discovered that brushing your teeth may cause…."

Edgeworth couldn't focus on the news. Not tonight. The worst night of his life? Miles was fairly sure it was indeed. How could it have been worse? The date was a disaster to him. He didn't enjoy any of it, and what did it accomplish? "Valentines Day is a horrible holiday." He decided. "It's just meant for girls to expect you to do something for them, and if you don't do it well enough you're a big disappointment. What a stupid holiday." Miles was angry, hurt, confused, sad, and disgusted all in one. Nothing, no NOTHING could make this night worse.

"And in recent news, 2 time local "Prosecutor of the Year" winner Miles Edgeworth has found a steamy new Valentines Romance, but you'll be shocked to find out who it's with and the video of their late night make-out session. Details at 11."

EXCEPT.

FOR.

THAT!

The End.

Authors Notes: Wow, what a weird story that came out of my imagination. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Oh well, it's down on paper. Message to girls, don't expect too much from guys on Valentines this year. For so many guys it's hard to really find something special to do with a girl and we have no idea how to make it nice for her. Be kind to your guy this year on Valentines and don't put too much pressure on him to deliver. Guys, good luck making it special for your sweetheart. Hope it turns out better than it did for Edgey. To Megaman1998, this is my entry for your "anti-Valentines Day story." I've exceeded the word limit, so if I'm disqualified that's fine. I just couldn't bear to take any of this out. I wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and I'm probably way over the limit. Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed it. I'd love reviews. Thanks.