Historical humor. Misunderstanding ensues (with a little help) when America purchases some islands from Denmark.

Disclaimer: Hetalia's not mine.

March, 1917, Washington DC

"Today is the big day, hm?"

America finished buttoning his jacket up, brushing off some of the dust. "Yeah! Uh, why are you here? Aren't you guys kind of busy?"

France grinned, spreading his arms in a friendly gesture. Or possibly just wanting a hug. "Look at you, buying land. Our little boy's all grown up."

"I'm not your little boy..." America rolled his eyes. "And this is hardly the first time I have purchased land."

"No..." France's eyes twinkled. "But this is special land."

"Oh, come on..."

"You do know about the ritual, right?"

Stupid France and his jokes. America turned away, studying his hair in the mirror. "There's no ritual."

"But of course there is! I would know, I myself sold him one of those, long ago."

"I don't think-" America jerked away when France appeared at his side. "What?"

"I can't believe they didn't tell you about the ritual." France shook his head, standing close enough for his hair to brush against America's cheek. "You do know why he's selling them, right?"

America swallowed. "Because the Danish West Indies aren't profitable for him anymore?"

"Do not be silly. Now let me tell you about the ritual..." And France leaned over and whispered in America's ear for a good long while. A blush spread across the young nation's face, and he was alarmingly red by the time France trailed off with a chuckle and backed away.

"You don't really do that," America sputtered.

"I'm afraid it is true," France said with a wink. "You had better get going. Everyone must be waiting for you."

"W-wait!" But France gave him a shove toward the door. "But, I..."

"Go on!" France made shooing gestures. "Do not disappoint your boss!"

Wincing, America pulled the door open and hurried in. There were three others in the room, and they looked up expectantly as the last member of their little party arrived.

"Good. We can get started," America's Secretary of State said. He turned away from the nation and got down to business. America slunk past him and settled into the chair beside Denmark, trying very hard not to look at him.

"Hey, pal!" Denmark clapped America on the back. "Thanks for doing this! I could really use the money."

America tried to squirm away from his hand. "R-right. Money." He tried to banish France's voice from his head. "So... so when this is over and the deal's done..."

"Right!" Denmark grinned.

Oh god. He agreed!

"Uh. Are you okay?" Denmark's grin fell slightly. "You're looking a little pale."

"Just worried!" America said. "About, you know, everyone else, and Germany, and..."

"Hey, don't think about things like that! This is a happy occasion." He winked.

Oh god! France was right! America threw a desperate look at the two men finalizing the deal. They expected him to go through with the ritual!

Denmark's grin had faded entirely. "Look, if you don't want to go through with it..."

All eyes in the room turned to America. Feeling panic rise, he shook his head. "No, no, it's okay. I'll do it. If that's what it takes, I'll do it..." He was a hero! He could suck it up and do this.

He sagged in his chair as the others turned away again. Well... He glanced over at Denmark, at his unruly blond hair and bright blue eyes, at his physique under the long coat, at his strong jaw and easy smile. If America had to go through with this, he supposed he could do a lot worse.

"It'll be okay." Denmark patted America's shoulder. Easy for him to say.

It felt like no time at all passed before the money was transferred and the deal was finished. The Danish West Indies became the Virgin Islands of the United States. America took a deep breath. He could do this. Denmark had done it with France. England had... Well, England hadn't bought his from anyone, had he? No matter. Ignoring the other two men, America scooted from his chair to Denmark's lap.

The tall Dane blinked, jerking back in his chair. "Wh-wha-" Whatever he was trying to say was cut off by America's mouth on his.

This wasn't so bad. So far. It might have been better without an audience, but no matter. America rested his hands on Denmark's shoulders and deepened the kiss. Denmark's mouth tasted kind of like hops. America felt clumsy, not having kissed many people in his life, but the other nation seemed to be enjoying it so perhaps he was doing all right. The real test would be what came next.

America pulled back slightly to suck in a quick breath. Denmark took that opportunity to place a hand across the younger nation's mouth. "Not that I'm complaining," Denmark said with a lopsided grin, "but what's going on?"

"The ritual," America said. "We have to do this, right? And... you know. Because..."

Denmark stared blankly at him.

"For god's sake, America," the Secretary of State muttered from behind him. "The Virgin Islands is just a name!"

"There's no ritual," Denmark said, nodding in agreement. "I mean, there doesn't have to be."

"But..." America chewed on his lower lip. "But didn't you and France...?"

"Nooo. France just sold me the island. We didn't do anything." Denmark laughed. "As if either of us were virgins then! And..." He laughed harder. "You don't seriously think England was...!"

America felt his face heat again. Damn you, France. "No..."

"And..." His laughter came to an abrupt halt. "Ohh. Wait. Does this mean... you...?"

America slid off his lap. "Shut up."

"I can't believe this!"

"Shut up."

"I can't wait to tell Nor and the others!"

America stormed out of the room. Unsurprisingly, France was long gone. America wondered if it would be possible to declare war on France while still siding with the rest of the Allies.

Historical Stuff:

Most of the Virgin Islands were settled by the British in the early 1600s, with the exception of St. Croix (French), and St. John and St. Thomas (Danish), with St. Croix being purchased by Denmark in the 1700s. Poor economy and natural disasters in the 1800s made the Danish West Indies miserable and not very profitable to Denmark. It was agreed to sell them to the US in 1867, and that finally happened with the Treaty of the Danish West Indies in 1916-17 for $25 million, and they were renamed the Virgin Islands of the United States. The US was mostly interested in them as wartime strategy, fearing they would be seized by Germans as submarine warfare became big in WWI. Fun fact: the US declared war on Germany 5 days after the island transfer was completed (not France XD).