Warnings: No real sex, but plenty of imaginings.

Author's Notes: This one-shot was written for The Big Bang Contest. The title is being borrowed from The Maine's "Kiss and Sell" but this one-shot isn't inspired by it. This one-shot has been my main project since August, and I can't believe I finished it! I'm so excited to finally be done, and especially with that ridiculous word count! Also, I obviously don't own the songs that I mention. But! I do own the valedictorian speech. I wrote that for my high school graduation and it fit here, so I used it to save some time and thinking.

Disclaimer: All Twilight characters herein are the property of Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

The definition of love according to is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

Simple, right?

Wrong.

Love is pretty much non-definable. It's abstract. It's a feeling that you can't describe. That's why there's, like, twenty-eight different definitions on .

Seriously. Go ask people what they think love is, and chances are, everyone will give you a different answer.

"Love is what I feel for my parents."

"Love is what I make with my boyfriend."

"Love is what I call my friends."

"Love is just a word."

And it's true. Love is just a word. A damn powerful word, but a word all the same.

So, why do we let it rule a huge portion of our lives? Why is everyone "looking for love?" And, what kind of love are we looking for exactly? Do we want sex? Do we want someone we can count on? Do we want someone to take care of?

That's where it gets complicated. Especially when the person you love feels a different kind of love for you.

For example, I'm in love with Emmett Cullen. I want to be able to kiss him whenever I want. I want him to hold me and take care of me. However, Emmett loves me like a sister. He protects me. He beats up boys unnecessarily for me. He kisses me on the forehead and ruffles my hair.

It makes me want to scream.

The worst part is, I'm an amazing actress around Emmett, and sometimes I don't want to be. It's just habit. Like, "Oh, Emmett's here. Better stop thinking about him without his shirt off, and tell him he's gay while I'm at it, so he continues to think of me as a guy with boobs and no penis."

The absolute best thing that Emmett's ever said to me was after I punched him in the nose 'cause he said I had a huge ass. Which wasn't at all true.

"Dude, you hit like a girl," he said. He said it like it was an insult.

"Dude, I am a girl," I replied.

He snorted. "Not really, Bella. You look like a girl, but you sure as hell don't act like a girl."

I punched him in the nose again, this time breaking it. He didn't have any smartass comments about that punch.

Despite the fact that I'm nothing more than a tomboy sister to him, he really is a good guy. He's caring and loyal and kind. He's got a good heart, and he's really responsible. He's smart, sort of, and he can go from acting goofy with me to acting serious with his sports team. He's perfect for me.

The big moment came for me around Emmett's seventeenth birthday. I mean, I'd had a huge crush on Emmett before that, but Emmett's seventeenth was the moment where I realized that it was more than a crush. Emmett's seventeenth birthday party, or lack thereof, made me realize that I was legitly in love with Emmett.

December 2008

"Bella, I think I'm ready," Edward told me over the phone.

"Ready for what?" I asked as I typed my ass off. I had a History essay that was due in two days.

"To come out of the closet," Edward replied. "I mean, what's the point in putting it off any longer? Most people probably figured it out by now. I don't exactly exude manliness or anything."

"Seriously? You're ready?" I said. "Good for you, Edward. I'm here for you, by the way. If you need someone to hug, or someone to squeal with when Jasper Hale reveals his secret crush that he's had on you since he got here."

Edward laughed. "I really doubt that Jasper Hale has a crush on me." He paused. "That would be pretty awesome though, huh? Imagine... Jasper Hale and I, together. We'd be the hottest couple in school."

I snorted. "Yeah, I don't know how people didn't figure out that you're gay."

"Just because you've known since forever ago," Edward retaliated. "God, I can't believe we made out."

"You grabbed my tits, too," I pointed out with a grin. I loved making Edward squirm.

"God, don't remind me," Edward groaned. "It's so embarrassing."

"You're hurting my feelings," I pouted mockingly.

"Sorry, B," Edward replied cheekily. "If I had to touch anyone's tits, I'd touch yours. They're nice and big and firm–"

"You have my permission to go back to pretending you're disgusted by me," I interrupted. "So, how do you think you'll go about this coming out of the closet thing?"

"Haven't really thought about that," Edward admitted. "Should I stand up in the cafeteria and yell, 'I'm gay!'?"

"That's probably not the greatest way to go about it," I replied with a chuckle. "I don't know how you'd do that. Tell a couple of people? Fuck, I don't know. This is hard."

"I know," Edward said. "Anyway, I'll call you later, or talk to you tomorrow or something. I've gotta finish this damnable essay."

"Me too. 'Night," I murmured.

"Oh, and P.S., Alice and I were thinking of getting Emmett a gift card to Sports Chek for, like, a hundred-and-fifty, or something," Edward said before I could hang up. "You want in?"

"Sure, whatever," I replied with a sigh.

Edward chuckled. "Oh, Bella, you lovesick fool."

"Shut it, Eddie," I growled, using his least favourite nickname.

Edward just kept laughing as I hung up on him.

Did he always have to bring up my stupid crush on stupid Emmett? Honestly...

The next day at school, Edward acted like he always did. He didn't tell anyone anything, but he did act more like he did when we weren't at school. He even told Jessica that Mike wasn't his type. Jessica didn't quite get it, but everyone else did. Most of them knew already, I guess. Edward was pretty flamboyant.

Some people didn't know how to react, especially the guy's he had Phys. Ed. with. Mike Newton, Tyler Crowley, and Eric Yorkie started calling him a fag and shit. Edward had to hold me back from going and crushing their skulls.

The news spread like wildfire after that. By the next day, the entire school knew that Edward was gay.

Lots of guys were going out of their way to make Edward feel like shit for being honest with everyone. Girls flocked to him and asked them, and I quote, "to be their new gay best friend."

I was so angry I could've exploded. People didn't just treat Edward like that. He was still the same fucking person he was two days before. People in Forks were so frustrating.

The real breaking point was when Jasper, Edward's crush, asked if he pitched or received, and then laughed like a fucking asshole. Emmett was standing behind him. I thought Jasper was going to suddenly collapse from the glare that Emmett was burning into the back of his head.

"What the fuck did you just say, Hale?" Emmett asked in an unusually calm voice, especially when you looked at his face.

Jasper immediately stopped laughing. He looked fucking terrified.

"Uh, nothing, Em," he stammered. "Sorry, buddy, it was, I was just–"

"You're a fucking prick, Hale," Emmett ground out, clenching and unclenching his fists. "I hope you're fucking proud of yourself for being a complete asshole."

Internally, I was fist pumping. On the outside, however, I was still glaring at Jasper.

"Come on, Edward," Emmett grumbled, throwing his arm around his younger brother's shoulder. "Let's go home." He looked over his shoulder to give Jasper another glare.

I followed them outside to the parking lot.

"You okay, Edward?" Emmett asked once we got outside.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Edward replied. "I wasn't expecting anything less. I was prepared for this kind of reaction."

"Emmett, I thought you were going to fucking kill him with that death glare!" I exclaimed. "Seriously, if looks could kill, that look wouldn't have just killed Jasper, it would've cremated him."

He cracked a smile at me. "Thanks, Bell. And thanks for taking care of Edward, eh?" Emmett ruffled Edward's perfectly imperfect hair playfully. "You'd kick anyone's ass for him."

"Damn straight," I replied with a smile.

Emmett's birthday happened to fall on a Saturday this year, so Carlisle and Esme were going to let him host a party. Like, a legit party with booze and everything. The entire school was looking forward to it.

Imagine their surprise and disappointment when Emmett announced that he wasn't going to host a party for a bunch of assholes.

Saturday night came, and Alice, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, and I drank and watched movies. Emmett said it was the best birthday ever.

In all the time I'd known the Cullens, they'd never really acknowledged Edward's sexuality. I was the first person that Edward told he was gay, and that was right after we tried kissing each other. He told Alice next, because they were twins and shared a "special bond," or whatever. Then he told his parents. I don't think he ever really told Emmett. I'm 99% sure Esme or Carlisle informed him of the fact.

I fell, I mean really fell, for Emmett when he stuck up for Edward that week. That fucking horrible week that I would never live again if you gave me a million dollars. Emmett acknowledged Edward's sexuality and he defended it. He was a knight in shining armour, and he wasn't saving me, he was saving my best friend, his brother. Nothing could sing "hero" more than that to me.

Emmett was the guy of my dreams and I couldn't help falling in love with him.

Another school year was starting. Edward, Alice, and I were juniors, Emmett and Jasper were seniors. This was the year for changes, if I was willing to go through with them.

Because, after this year, I wouldn't be able to drive down the road to the Cullens house and see Emmett's face anytime I wanted. After this year, the chances of me ever telling Emmett how I felt were slim to none.

This was the year. It had to be.

We started school on August 31st this year, which felt like it was later than every other year. I was okay with that. Summer could last as long as it wanted.

The first week blew by. It was a blur of pep rallies and sheets and curriculum outlines and catching up with school friends.

Labour Day weekend was kind of a big deal around Forks. Every night of the long weekend had a party. It was a celebration of completing the first week of school, or some shitty excuse like that. I didn't care, as long as I had somewhere to go on the weekend. I'd rather put up with drunken nerds than sit at home and watch Cops with my dad.

Friday night was the party at Stanleys. Jessica's older brother, Alex, was one of the very few people that graduated last year that decided to stay in this shithole. He was kind of weird and creepy, and he always hit on Alice. He was short with dirty blonde hair, and he was sort of pudgy. Like a manlier version of Jessica, with different hair and glasses.

Anyway, we all went there. Emmett, Alice, Edward, Jasper, and I all went together in the Cullen minivan, which we nicknamed Lady Guinevere, just for shits and giggles. Besides, every vehicle needed a name, especially the vehicles with as much class as Lady G.

Edward and Alice helped me get dressed, because apparently I'm a fashion retard. I don't know what's so wrong with jeans and t-shirts, but I guess it's not okay anymore. Alice did my makeup and Edward did his. Ha, just kidding. Edward would never pull an Adam Lambert. Guyliner wasn't his thing.

The party turned out to be shitty. Everyone was hammered, except for Edward and me. So we ditched like the cool kids we are.

And we made an epic list – jokingly, of course – on how I could get Emmett to be mine.

"Well, obviously you have to make him jealous," Edward said as we sat on the old swings at the park. "That's, like, a must. If you want a guy, you have to make him jealous."

"And after I make him jealous, I have to play hard to get," I continued. "It's also a must. Get him to notice me and then make him work for me."

"Yes, of course," Edward agreed with a smirk. "God, we need to start watching more '90's movies. We'd have a plan by now."

"They make it look so easy," I murmured with a grin. "Oh, oh! I could try to do stuff that he does. Like, have the same interests as him."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me. "Hate to break it you, Bell, but you're not made for sports, and that's all that Emmett does."

"I could run," I muttered begrudgingly.

He snorted. "Yeah, and use up a puffer every mile."

I pushed his swing away from mine half-heartedly. "Shut up."

"Okay, okay..." Edward thought about some more things to add to our list. And then he burst out laughing.

"What? What do I need to do?" I asked.

"You could, uh, seduce him," Edward suggested, wiggling his eyebrows and grinning.

I groaned, my cheeks warming. "Yeah. Or not."

"No! It'd be perfect! Emmett's a doer, not an observer. The best way to get his attention is to show him, Bella."

"Whatever," I grumbled with a roll of my eyes.

"Or," Edward continued, "you could just tell him."

"No," I replied immediately. "That's out of the question. I have to make him be interested in me at least a little bit before I go balls deep."

Edward snorted again, and I smacked him for being immature.

"Only one way to find out," Edward murmured with a kind smile.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this," I muttered to Edward as we walked towards our English class. "This is dumb. Why're we doing this?"

"It's not dumb," Edward chastised. "We're getting you your dream man, even though I haven't the slightest idea of what you see in him. He's an idiot and he stinks. Really bad."

I rolled my eyes before saying, "I don't think it's gunna care if I date Jasper. Seriously. And! Alice is, like, in love with him. I'd be a bad friend if we went through with this."

This time Edward rolled his eyes at me. "First of all, Emmett will notice. Secondly, Jasper's been head-over-heels for you since our freshmen year. Thirdly, Jasper treats Ali like his little sister and–"

"Hey, Emmett treats me like his little sister," I pointed out. "Alice could have Jasper."

"Well, too bad for Alice," Edward mumbled. "She'll understand. Besides, it's not like you're getting married to him. You'll just date for a while. Make out in front of Emmett. Whatever it takes to make him jealous."

I sighed. "Fine. How am I gunna get Jasper to ask me out then?"

"I'll take care of everything," Edward assured me. "Just look pretty and say yes and be prepared to make out with him, 'kay?"

"Okay," I sighed. What the hell am I getting myself into?

Edward was magical. Jasper asked me out during our lunch period. I was impressed, to say the least.

Jasper walked up to me like a man on a mission. I was already sitting with Emmett and Alice, eating my mom's sad excuse for a sandwich.

"Bella?" Jasper asked.

"Mhm?" I replied through a mouthful of Cheez-Whiz and white bread.

"Do you wanna go to a movie in Port Angeles tonight? Maybe get some supper before?" he asked, the determined look still on his face.

I heard a fork clatter onto the table behind me. I hoped it was Emmett's.

"Um, yeah, sure," I replied after I swallowed. I somehow managed to smile and continue with, "Sounds like fun."

Jasper smiled and looked extremely proud of himself, and even leaned down and pecked me on the cheek and whispered "thanks" in my ear.

"I'm gunna go grab something to eat," he said. "Anyone need anything?"

"No thanks," I replied with a smile.

"We're good," Emmett said from behind me.

Jasper nodded, still grinning, and went to get in line for some food.

Edward came into the cafeteria looking like the cat that ate the canary. He sat down beside me and held up his fist for me to bump. I rolled my eyes and smiled while I bumped his fist.

"What the hell was that all about?" Emmett asked, scowling.

"Jasper's always had a crush on Bella," Edward said before I could even think about answering. "You know that."

"Yeah, but I didn't think he'd ever actually get the balls to ask you out," Emmett replied. "He's such a chicken shit when it comes to you, Bells."

"I didn't even know he liked me," I admitted, my cheeks warming a little.

"I'm, uh, I have to go," Alice announced, leaving her tray behind as she hastily left the cafeteria.

"I feel so bad," I murmured, looking down at the table.

"Don't," Edward whispered. "I'm talking to her after school."

"What're you two whispering about?" Emmett asked.

"None of your business," Edward snapped.

Emmett rolled his eyes at me, smirking. I shrugged my shoulders apologetically.

Supper and the movie with Jasper was nice. Easy. Something I could definitely get used to if I was willing to let go of Emmett.

But, I couldn't let go of Emmett. I could have a good time with Jasper and let him kiss me and hold my hand, but in the back of my mind, I was always thinking, Does he notice this? Does he hate it that I'm with his best friend? Did he just see us make out? Did he see how Jasper grabbed my ass?

I felt bad for basically leading Jasper on and preventing Alice from pursuing him, but Edward kept assuring me that it would work out.

Except it didn't. Emmett encouraged Jasper to take good care of me. He told me to tell him if Jasper tried to make me do stuff I didn't want to.

One drunken night during Thanksgiving, I let Jasper take my virginity, and I was happy that I did. I couldn't have asked for a more considerate person to experience it with. And maybe I wasn't in love with Jasper, but I did love him. A part of me would always belong to Jasper and, on some level, I would always have feelings for him.

But he wasn't Emmett.

Emmett was out for blood after word got out that Jasper and I did the deed.

"Did he hurt you?" he demanded.

"No! He was...perfect," I told him, blushing. "Just fuck off, okay? It's none of your business."

"The fuck it isn't," Emmett growled.

Was that jealousy? Was he mad that it wasn't him that I had sex with?

"You're my little sister!" he exclaimed, shattering my suspicions.

"No I'm not!" I snapped.

"Close enough," Emmett scoffed.

"Whatever," I replied. "Just leave him alone. Or else I'm going to tell him about your obsession with his mom."

Emmett glared at me. "Fine."

I nodded and left to complain to Edward.

Rosalie Hale, Jasper's mom, was easily the hottest mom in Forks. There was no denying it. Hell, she was hotter than most of the girls in high school. She had Jasper when she eighteen with Jasper's dad and Mrs. Hale's husband, Jack.

Obviously every guy in Forks wanted to bone her. She was hot. She was older, more experienced.

Emmett went a little bit further than fantasizing. He talked to her and got to know her pretty well just by going ten minutes earlier to pick up Jasper.

He thought he was in love with her. I was the only one that knew, because for some sick reason, Emmett only trusts Jasper and me when it comes to romance. And since Jasper only moved here a couple years ago, I've heard it all. The first time he kissed a girl, the night he lost his v-card, Lauren Mallory, and now Mrs. Hale. It was some kind of sick torture, and I hated that he felt like I wouldn't have an opinion on the shenanigans he got into with other girls. It literally broke my heart every time he talked about his latest crush.

Edward and I agreed that jealousy wasn't working. Emmett barely blinked whenever Jasper and I kissed in front of him.

So, I broke up with Jasper in January, after finals, and told him I felt bad because Alice really, really liked him, probably more than I ever could.

And it was like a light switch in his brain.

Jasper and Alice started dating two weeks after we broke up. I didn't even feel the slightest sting about it. I was too damn happy for Ali. If she could get the guy that thought of her as his younger sister, then I could get Emmett.

"Avoid him like the plague now," Edward told me. "Don't even look at him in the hallways."

"That's going to be incredibly hard," I muttered. "Like, ridiculously hard. We just worked on college applications for him last week, and we were completely normal. Why the fuck would I just drop him all of sudden?"

Edward shrugged. "He doesn't need to know. He'll wonder about it, and while he's wondering about why you're avoiding him, he'll be thinking about you. Maybe he'll finally be able to put something together."

"Maybe," I said slowly. "Okay, I guess we'll try it."

So I avoided Emmett. If I went to his house, it was when he was at Jasper's, drooling over Mrs. Hale. If Emmett stopped by my house to watch an NHL game with dad, I was either locked in my room or somewhere else.

I thought it was working, too. He asked Jasper what I was doing all the time. He complained to Edward and Alice. He even phoned the house a few times after he realized I wasn't going to answer his texts or phone calls to my cell.

But, after he put in a couple days of effort, he let it go.

It didn't work.

"So are you going to try out for the hockey team now?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"Hockey started in, like, September," I replied. "And I can't skate."

"You could run with Em," Edward pointed out. "He runs damn near every day. Sometimes outside and sometimes at the gym in the rec centre."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I could. What time does he usually run at?"

"Seven in the morning, I think," Edward said. "I don't really know. He's usually already showering by the time my alarm goes off."

My eyes bugged out of my head. Running at seven A.M.? Not the best time of day for me. Seven A.M. hardly exists for me unless I'm not getting home on the weekend until that time.

"Well, I guess it's worth a shot," I muttered.

Edward snorted. "I can't believe you're going to do physical activity, even if it is for the person you're in love with."

"People do crazy shit when they're in love," I told him with a shrug and a smile before I started laughing at the cheesy line.

"Please don't ever say that again," Edward said with a laugh.

The next morning at 6:45 A.M., I went to the rec centre to meet up with Emmett to go on a fucking five mile run.

"You sure you can keep up?" Emmett asked with a grin while we stretch by the treadmills.

"Probably not," I admitted. "But maybe eventually. I'm pretty competitive, you know."

Emmett just smirked.

It started out okay. Ten minutes breezed by. Twenty minutes later, I was still okay. By mile number two, I was ready to pass out.

"You okay, Bells?" Emmett asked, not even a fucking hitch in his breath.

"Fine," I wheezed out.

Fuck, I need my inhaler, I thought.

I stopped the treadmill, said, "Water", and sprinted to the women's change room. I dumped my bag out and grabbed my inhaler, shaking it as quickly as I could before putting it to my lips, pressing the top, and inhaling my meds. I inhaled twice before the weight finally lifted from my chest. Asthma's a bitch.

Ten minutes had passed since I left the treadmill. My body was still a little shaky from not being able to breathe, but I was generally okay. I grabbed my water bottle and took a long drink before heading back out to run again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Emmett asked, his face concerned. "You took a while in there..."

"I went to the bathroom," I replied, shrugging like it was no big deal, like I didn't almost suffocate.

"Oh, okay."

We finished running by quarter to eight.

"Thanks for coming, Bells," Emmett said with a smile after we were finished packing everything up. "It's nice to have someone to run with."

"Yeah, well, thanks for putting up with me," I replied with a weak smile. "I definitely need to get in shape."

Emmett laughed. "I'll see you at school."

I could barely lift my arm to wave at him, but I managed.

The running continued. Every morning at seven A.M., I was running with Emmett. For now, we were staying inside, but Emmett said he liked to run outside in the spring. Maybe by then I'd be able to do five miles without practically passing out.

Even though we spent the additional 45 minutes per day together, we barely talked. Most of the time Emmett had his iPod in, and so I started listening to mine. We were in the same room, but we barely acknowledged each other, besides hellos and goodbyes.

I continued sneaking into the bathroom to use my puffer because, fuck, 45 minutes was a long damn time for a non-athletic asthmatic to run.

"Maybe you need to step it up," Edward said after I was finished complaining. "What's the other thing on our list? Seduction, wasn't it?"

I flopped down on Edward's bed, already dreading the idea. "No, I can't do that, Edward. That'd be... I can't."

"C'mon, Bella," Edward whined. "You've already come this far. You've got everything to lose; might as well go balls to the wall."

"Fuck you," I muttered. "Fine. How shall I seduce your older brother?"

"Buy some Victoria Secret. Put it on. Let him catch you in a state of undress," Edward suggested.

"That sounds complicated," I said.

"Honestly, Bella, it's like you don't even care anymore!" Edward exclaimed.

"I do! I really do, it's just that I don't really feel like being rejected while I'm in lingerie," I mumbled, my cheeks heating. "It'd be ten times worse than being rejected with my clothes on."

"If he rejects you, I'm going to flip out," Edward replied. "He's such a freakin' idiot, though. I mean, who falls in love with a MILF? Honestly. Stupidest boy in the world."

"Tell me about it," I murmured.

By the weekend, I had a brand new stock of lingerie to impress Emmett with. The five of us, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I, were watching movies at my house on Saturday, and I was going to try my damndest to make Emmett see that I'm a girl that he could fall in love with.

Emmett showed up early; earlier than we had planned. He ran up the stairs and sat his ass down in my bean bag chair, turned on my Nintendo 64, and starting playing Super Mario Bros. without even saying hi.

"Hello to you too, Em," I muttered, hanging up my dress for grad in my closet.

"Hey, Bells," he replied. "Came over early to play Mario. Edward was pissing me off and Jasper is with Alice, so I couldn't go to his house and stare at Rose."

"Glad to know I'm second place," I whispered to myself, biting my lip.

Finally I pulled out my Victoria's Secret bag. I could work this. A little impromptu kept a girl on her toes.

"Hey, Emmett?" I asked, opening the bag and pulling out a red panty and bra set. "Do you think this would look good on me? I mean, you've seen my in a bikini. And there's a guy from camp..."

Emmett glanced at me once and then looked back at the TV before doing the head whip back to what I had in my hands.

He quickly looked back at the TV, his cheeks turning pink. "Um. I don't know, Bells. I, uh, yeah."

I smirked and folded them, putting them in my underwear drawer.

"What about these?" I asked, scowling at the thong that Edward picked out. Of course he would pick out a thong...

Emmett didn't even chance looking at me this time. "Mhm."

He didn't look at me again for the rest of the night. At first I thought it was because he was embarrassed to be attracted to me like that, but after the third hour of him avoiding me, I figured out that it was because he was just embarrassed. His "little sister" shouldn't be showing him lingerie, after all.

The final plan Edward had was for me to tell him how I felt, and just hope for the best. Edward and I had a sleepover before the fateful day. I needed my best friend now more than ever, and he was wonderful. Even though I was trying to date his older brother, he was supportive. He helped me pick out the perfect clothes, helped me with my makeup, helped me practice what I was going to say... I couldn't have asked for a better best friend than Edward.

The next day, I felt like I was going to be sick. Thankfully I knew Emmett was going to be home. He had a baseball game on Sunday, so he wouldn't leave the house, or have anyone over. He mostly just hung out with his family, or me and Jasper, on the days before games.

Edward and I drove to his house, and I kept freaking out. I wiped my clammy hands on my jeans constantly. I was sweating like a fucking pig. I felt like I was going to pass out.

I couldn't do this.

"I can't do this," I told Edward after he parked his car in the garage.

"Bella, honey, you can do this," Edward reassured me, grasping my hand in his, smiling. "Emmett's an idiot if he doesn't realize that you're the best, the only girl for him. You two are, like, perfect for each other."

I sighed. "What if he doesn't see that, though? I've always been the younger sister."

"Only one way to find out, Bella," Edward said. "Now go. Hurry before you start hyperventilating."

I shot him a thankful smile and walked into the house. I could hear him playing video games in the living room. He was so vocal, even when he was by himself.

"Shit, shit, shit," Emmett was chanting when I entered the living room and sat down beside him on the couch. "If I fucking die, I'm gunna punch a hole right through that screen."

I snorted. "Yeah, and then you'll face the force of Esme. I wouldn't do that if I were you."

Emmett shot me a grin and a quick glance. "Yeah, you're right, Bell. Thank God you came here to talk me out of my insanity and possible death."

I laughed nervously. "Actually, I have a little more to talk to you about, if you're willing to pause the game for a while."

Emmett immediately paused the game and gave his full attention to me. I bit my lip and looked down at my lap.

"C'mon, Bell, you know you can tell me anything," Emmett said, putting his hand on my shoulder and sliding it down my arm to grab my hand.

I looked up at his caring face and almost lost it. I could lie. I could most definitely lie my way out of this. I could say that I was worried about...I don't know. Camp, or Mike Newton, or... Fuck. Might as well get the most embarrassing moment of my life over with.

"Emmett," I began, "how do you see me?"

His eyebrows came together at the question. "What do you mean?"

"Like, when you think of me, what comes to mind?" I rephrased.

Emmett looked stumped. He continued to hold my hand while he thought. "I don't really know. Um. I guess I think of how clumsy you are." He grinned and I rolled my eyes. "How you always have the best jokes to tell. How you usually don't care what people think of you. How much you've grown up." Emmett shook his head, smiling. I thought I saw his cheeks turn a little pink. "You're my little brother's best friend. You're my other little sister. The non-annoying one that I can handle for more than five minutes at a time."

I felt defeated before I even started.

"Why?" Emmett asked. Then he grinned. "Is this a game? When you think of me, what comes to mind, Bell?"

This was my chance.

"Um, well, I guess I automatically think meatheaded jock." He playfully punched me with a laugh. "But, seriously, I guess I think of... How kind you are. How you're always there for the people you love. How you're always there for me, even though I'm not related to you." Thank God. "How annoying you are when you get protective, like an older brother." I sighed. "How much I wish that you would open your eyes to what's in front of you instead of chasing after a woman that's twenty years older than you. How much I wish you could just see..."

"What're you talking about, Bell?" Emmett asked with a scowl.

I sighed again. "Emmett, have you ever even looked at any other girl besides Rosalie Hale in the past couple of years?"

Emmett shrugged. "I've gotten action here and there, mostly when I'm drunk though. Why does it matter?"

"Because Rosalie Hale will never, ever be yours!" I exclaimed. "Sure, it's funny when an eighteen-year-old guy bugs his buddy about how hot his mom is, but you aren't supposed to fucking fall for her! That's ridiculous, Emmett! She's married, for Christ's sake! She's in love with a man her own age. A man she produced a child with. A child that happens to be your best friend."

Emmett scowled. "What-the-fuck-ever, Bella. You wouldn't understand. You're just a kid."

"Fuck you, Emmett," I retaliated. "Just a kid, my ass. I'm, like, a year younger than you. Just because you're a senior and I'm a junior does not make you any smarter or better or wiser than me, you jackass."

"Bella, she told me she's not happy with her husband," Emmett replied, letting go of my hand and moving away from me. "She's not happy with him anymore."

"She. Won't. Leave. Him," I told him, gritting my teeth. "She's a fucking cougar. She'll fuck you behind her husband's back, and then make you look like the asshole if you ever get caught. Are you seriously considering this, Emmett? 'Cause then you're not the guy I've known all my life. You're certainly not Carlisle and Esme's kid if you're even thinking about doing shit like that. They raised you better than that."

"Fuck. You," Emmett growled.

"Grow the fuck up, Emmett," I scoffed, standing up. This did not go according to plan. I hardly ever fought with Emmett. I think the last time we'd fought was when he broke my Beyblade when I was in grade four.

"Well, what do you suggest I do if I'm not supposed to chase the girl of my dreams, Bella?" Emmett asked sarcastically. "Just settle for someone less than what I want?"

"Emmett, you're in love with the idea of Mrs. Hale," I replied. "You don't know her, at all. You know she has a pretty outside and that she occasionally talks you up when no one else is around. How do you think Jasper would feel if he ever heard any of this shit? What about Edward? Or Alice? Or your parents? Or Mr. Hale? For God's sake, you think with the wrong head. Like, all the time."

He finally had the decency to look ashamed. "I don't even know how to date a girl, Bell. I can do casual. But, I don't think I'll ever love someone again."

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "You can't be serious! You don't fucking love Mrs. Hale, Emmett. You obviously have no idea what love is. You're feeling lust. You want to fuck Mrs. Hale, like you do with all the rest of your casual flings. You don't want to marry her. You don't want to have kids with her, even though she would be ancient by the time you even got around to that part. She's your fantasy, not your reality."

"Well, what the fuck is love then, Bella? Do you know?" He made it sound like I had no idea. Well, he was in for a fucking shocker.

"Yes, I fucking know," I replied. "Love is when you'd do anything for the person. If they're hurt, you're hurt. If they're happy, you're happy. It's like there's a string attaching your hearts, and every single emotion that the other person feels, you feel it, too. You're connected. All the time. Whether you want to be connected or not. Whether the other person knows you're connected or not. It's involuntary. You don't pick who you fall in love with. You feel all achy inside and the butterflies never go away. Whenever the person touches you, you light up like a candle, and if they hug you or kiss your cheek, it's a forest fire. You can't control them, the reactions you have. You stick with them regardless of the horrible and gross things that humans are capable of. You don't see the person in a better light; you see them as they are. Good looking, bad looking, athletic, geeky, whatever. You accept them. Everything about them, even their bad traits. Even if they think they're in love with someone else."

"And how do you know all this? From some fucking book?" Emmett asked, acting all superior, crossing his arms and arching an eyebrow at me.

"No, I know this because I'm in love," I told him, tears starting to form in my eyes. "And I fucking hate it, because the guy I'm so desperately in love with doesn't even acknowledge the fact that I'm of the opposite gender, other than to make sure other guys don't touch me. The guy I'm in love with thinks love is lust, and he's so fucking frustrating that I could pull every fucking strand of hair out of my head. But, I still love him. I'm here for him, whether it's to talk about some fucking MILF or to play videogames or to talk about the future. I'm here, Emmett. Through thick and thin."

"Wait," Emmett managed to get out. He covered his eyes with his hand, his other hand stuck out in front of him to make sure I stopped talking. "Shut up. Don't say that shit, Bella. Don't wreck this. Don't make this weird."

I sighed. Yep, great idea, Edward. How about I just give my heart to Emmett personally so he can rip it apart in my face? Yeah, that's totally how I wanted to get my heart broken. Up close and personal.

"I really didn't want to do this, but this was the last thing I could do," I continued, regardless of Emmett's protesting. "I've loved you, like actually loved you, since your seventeenth birthday, when you cancelled your party because Edward had just come out of the closet at school, and everyone was a bunch of dicks to him. And then, on top of that, you supported him the entire time. You weren't ever ashamed of him. Not once. That's when it became real for me. Sure, I'd crushed on you for years. Mostly because I couldn't crush on Edward, because I'd always known he was into guys." I laughed briefly, some tears being jostled out of my tear ducts and onto my cheeks.

"Edward and I made this plan when we ditched the party on Labour Day weekend," I continued. "It was the 'Seduce Emmett Plan.' None of it worked. You didn't even bat an eyelash at my attempts. I tried making you jealous by dating Jasper. You didn't give a shit. You just told Jasper to take care of me. I felt like such a bitch for dating him for so long because Alice really liked him then. She knew it was just a ruse, but Jasper didn't, and I had to...do things with him."

Emmett opened his mouth at that point, probably to say something about Jasper fucking me, but I held up my hand.

"I'm not done. I tried playing hard to get. That's why I always had 'plans' when you wanted to hang out after Jasper and I broke up. The only reason I started to run was to show you that we had the same interests, even though I made a complete ass of myself." Emmett grinned briefly at that. "The runs we do every day? They fucking kill me. I've been going through puffers like Kleenexes."

"Bella," Emmett groaned, looking pained. "I told you not to run if your asthma was acting up."

I rolled my eyes. "Hello? I was trying to make you see we'd be good together." I blushed before I explained the last step in the plan. "I even tried seducing you that one time. But you never even noticed." Emmett started blushing, too. "You avoided me when I showed you my lingerie. Do you have any idea how frustrating that was for me?"

"Bell, I'm sorry, but–" Emmett began.

"I'm just like your sister," I finished for him. "I understand. I tried telling Edward that after I couldn't get a normal reaction out of you when I paraded my new bras and thongs. He thought this would work, and I didn't want to take away any of his fun." I stood up. "Sorry, Em. Thank God it's the end of the year, eh? You won't have to see me much this summer. I'm going to camp until the end of July, and you're moving in August, aren't you?"

Emmett nodded without looking at me.

"I guess I'll see you at grad then," I murmured. "See you, Emmett."

I walked out the door before I broke down.

Emmett

Bella had left me with a lot to think about. But once I started thinking about it, I realized there wasn't much to think about at all.

Rosalie wouldn't ever be mine. I didn't even really want her to be mine, if I thought about it. What the fuck would I do with a thirty-eight-year-old girlfriend? I was going to university. I wanted to experience life, not be chained down to a MILF with a son the same age as me.

As much as I would love to tap that, once again, Bella was right. I wasn't raised to act that way. It was so selfish, if I thought about it. Jasper would fucking hate me. Mr. Hale would probably kill me. And my parents... My fucking parents would probably disown me. And Bella... Well, I knew where she stood.

She loved me. She fucking loved me, even though I'd talked to her about fucking Rose, and told her about all my conquests. Even though I farted around her and left the toilet seat up in her bathroom.

If that's what love was, then it must take a lot of patience and, well, love. Because I'd put Bella through a lot of shit since my seventeenth birthday. I'd treated her like my kid sister ever since I'd started high school, and it got worse once Bella finally grew into her body. She didn't have bad teeth or boobs that looked too big for her body anymore. She filled out nicely. She was gorgeous, and everyone knew it. Including me.

But, could I ever see Bella any other way than as a sister?

It would be hard to get over that feeling, the one where I felt like I was responsible for her safety. When we went to the same parties, I stayed sober and made sure she didn't get too drunk or get in with the wrong crowd. I didn't even do that for Alice, but that was mostly because she could take better care of herself than Bella. Alice was feisty; Bella was easygoing, especially once she's started drinking.

I had to admit, I've looked at Bella and zoned out. She did have a rockin' bod. Even I couldn't deny that. She's naturally slim, but she got her mom's rack. Renee's rack was still perfect, and she was forty. Fuck, if Bella looked like Renee when she was older...

What the fuck am I thinking? Bella's untouchable for me. How fucking weird would it be to kiss her? Those pouty lips... I need to fucking stop. She got my mind in the gutter.

Originally, I'd been dreading leaving for school. Maybe it would be a good thing now. I could get away, Bella could get over me, I could get over Rosalie... Yeah, going to B.C. would be perfect for me right now. The best thing was that I would be too busy to come visit on random weekends, and Edward, Alice, and Bella wouldn't be able to visit me either. They all had jobs and lives in Forks.

Awe, fuck, who am I kidding? Of course Edward and Alice would come visit me. And, they would most definitely bring Bella. Because Bella was pretty much family.

That's right, I told myself. Bella is pretty much family.

Pretty much, but not completely

Fuck my life. Now that Bella had planted the words in my head, all the pent up emotions and fantasies were all I could think about. It was seriously like my brain could only focus on her. Even when I thought about how hungry I was, or what songs I should put on my next CD.

And it wasn't even like this was new to me, either. Bella was a huge part of my life. She'd always been there for me. She helped me pick out my tux for prom, she helped perfect my resume for my job at Newton's, she helped me apply for college... Honestly, I don't know how I would've been this accomplished without her. She ran with me even though her asthma was fucking horrible at this time of year. She was like my fairy godmother, except she was younger than me and incredibly good looking, and she didn't grant me wishes. She was just there for me. All the time.

I wondered if Jasper knew that Bella used him to make me jealous. The thought made me a little smug. I didn't necessarily hate the fact that Jasper dated Bella for... Holy fuck, they dated for, like, five months. It didn't seem that long at the time. Probably 'cause I was so caught up in lusting after Jasper's mom and the football and hockey seasons.

Bella said they did stuff. That thought made me wanna beat the shit out of Jasper. He knew better than to talk about her with me while they were dating, so I never got any of the dirty details. Now that I thought about it, I kind of wanted to know. Edward mentioned something about Bella and Jasper being incredibly loud one time after my eighteenth birthday party.

Right. He said that they fucked in his room. He was so pissed off. Not because of Jasper being naked in his bed, but because Bella fucked him in there. All I could say was, "At least it wasn't mine." I'm more thankful for that now than ever.

Jasper always brags about how good he is at going down on girls, too. Ugh, he most definitely went down on Bella then. He really liked her and went a little emo when she broke up with him in January.

The worst part was knowing that Bella only did it to make me jealous, and all I did was cover my eyes and ears while they were around me. Would I have been jealous if I'd paid the least bit of attention to it? Maybe... I don't know... Probably not. I would've been the protective older brother and told Jasper to watch himself. And then I'd act like Bella was still completely virginal and go on my happy way.

That was the thing, I really hadn't thought of Bella in this way until now, when she basically threw it all in my face. Things started falling into place after that. She stopped hanging out with me in hopes of me realizing that I needed her more than I thought I did. I thought she was just avoiding me because I'm best friends with Jasper, and I was freakishly obsessed with his hot mom and hung out with him all the time.

She became "athletic" for me, too. The running... I didn't give it a second thought. I was just grateful to have someone somewhat in shape to run with. Bella could kind of keep up with me, but I slowed down a little when I realized she was wheezing like a fucking smoker going through withdrawal. But, she didn't mention her asthma, so I didn't either.

When she showed me her lingerie... Well, okay, that sort of worked. I mean, I'd acknowledged the fact that Bella was pretty hot, maybe one of the hottest chicks at school, but I'd never given it a second thought. But, when she started pulling stuff out of her Victoria's Secret bag, I had to focus really hard on my video game so I wouldn't say something completely inappropriate. I thought she was just showing me as a joke. 'Cause Bella doesn't wear stuff like that. I refused to believe that my Bella – that's right, my – wore shit like that underneath her jeans and t-shirts. It was too much for my brain to handle.

Anyway, I had a fucking horrible boner by the time she was done. I jacked off in the shower as soon as I got home that night. At first, I was picturing Rosalie in those things, but pretty soon, my daydream turned into Bella wearing those things. And sucking my cock. And being underneath me. And showing me her beautiful tits.

Yeah, I'd seen her tits before, about two years ago. She was still growing up then, and they looked phenomenal. I couldn't imagine how great they looked now. Actually, I could, I just refused to. Because after I jacked off to her that one time, I swore I would never do it again. I couldn't just do that. It would ruin too many things. First off, my brother was her best friend. He probably wouldn't appreciate that very much. Secondly, Bella was one of my very good friends, and I was willing to give that up for more. And thirdly, Bella was too good for me as of now. Way too good for me.

Thankfully, Bella had backed off since she blew up on me, so I didn't hang out with her at all. We had a week long break before our graduation ceremony and the grad party at Jasper's house.

All I did during that week was sleep in until noon-ish, think about Bella, eat, go to Jasper's (or whoever's house), and think about Bella while drinking. I had to figure out what the fuck I was going to do about this situation before she left for camp. Seriously. I didn't need to be stressing about this for another fucking month. It had only been a few days and I was on the verge of ripping my hair out due to frustration.

I didn't know what the fuck I was feeling. Was I just thinking about Bella this way because she brought it up? Or was I thinking about her this way because I had been thinking about her this way for a long time and just hid it?

God, I didn't fucking know. And I didn't wanna ask anyone for advice either. I needed to figure this out for myself.

Of course, I hadn't thought about my younger brother. I hadn't really talked to him since the Bella fiasco, but I could tell he wanted to rip me a new one. He glared at me. All the time. When I went down stairs to grab Advil, he was glaring at me over his cereal. When I went to the bathroom in the morning, he was leaning against his doorway, glaring at me. When I went downstairs to watch TV, he'd follow me and glare at me the entire fucking time. Edward was not impressed with how things panned out.

I wasn't particularly impressed either. I didn't know if I actually wanted to date Bella or anything, but I missed her. She was always around before, and now she never came to our house. Edward and Alice always went to her place to hang out. It seriously sucked that I was losing my friend over this. I hated it. It made me wish Bella'd never had those feelings for me at all. Things would be so much easier without her feelings. I could continue pining harmlessly after Rosalie and Bella could continue to be my friend and tell me off for having a ridiculous crush on Jasper's mom.

Edward finally cornered me on the Thursday afternoon of my break. It was the day before our grad ceremony and shit, so I didn't wanna look too horrible by going out and partying too hard, so I was just having a couple of people over at our place to watch movies and have a couple of drinks.

"Did you invite Bella?" Edward asked me after I was done telling Mom my plans for the evening.

I scratched my neck uncomfortably. "No, I, uh, haven't talked to her since Saturday."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I knew that, idiot. I've been with her ever since the whole thing. You know, she feels fucking horrible for the whole thing."

"So do I," I mumbled.

"Come on," Edward told me, nodding his head to the living room. "We're talking about this."

"I don't want to," I grumbled half-heartedly as I followed my brother into the room.

"Yes you do," he sighed. "Now, tell me everything."

"I don't even know where to start," I said, sitting down in Dad's Lazy-Boy.

"Well, do you like her?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," I groaned, rubbing my face with my hands. "This is all so confusing. Like, I honestly didn't think of Bella in that way until she talked to me about it. I mean, besides the time she showed me her shit from Victoria's Secret, I hadn't thought of her as anything more than another sister."

Edward smirked. "You liked that, huh? I knew she probably didn't see you getting all nervous and shit. I knew you'd have some kind of reaction that. And since you didn't beg her to stop, I assumed it was because you had to jack off to her."

"You're such a little shit," I grumbled. "Why didn't anyone tell me? Christ, I had no fucking idea until Saturday."

"Don't blame us because you're fucking blind," Edward replied. "Plus, Bella's a damn good actress when she's around you. You can't really blame anyone for you not being able to tell how much she loved you. Sometimes I even second-guessed her feelings, and I've known about them since forever."

I huffed. "Well, little bro, what the fuck do I do?"

"What does your heart tell you to do?" he asked with a smile. Little fucker wouldn't give me a straight answer if I begged him to.

"I don't know!" I exclaimed again. "I don't have any fucking idea what to do, Edward. I just... I need to think, but it's taking too damn long. What if I figure out that I want Bella in two weeks, when she's gone already? Then what? She'll probably hook up with some hot counsellor and laugh at me when I tell her I want her when she gets back."

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me and smirked. "Something tells me that you already know what you want, you're just scared to actually want it."

"You know that means absolutely nothing to me, right?" I replied flatly.

He shook his head and stood up. "Emmett, I love you, but sometimes I wonder if you were dropped on your head when you were born." Then he walked away without saying anything else.

Well, what in the bloody fuck did that mean?

Surprise, surprise. Instead of actually paying attention to the movies that my friends and I watched, I thought about Bella. Even Jasper could tell something was up with me.

"What the fuck have you been thinking about all week, dude?" Jasper asked after everyone else left.

"Nothing," I lied. "I guess just stressing about actually being done high school, you know?" That wasn't really a lie. I was stressing about being done high school.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Jasper replied sympathetically. "As much as I hate Forks, I'm not ready to head off to uni and start all over. We were kings here, you know?"

I nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow, man," Jasper said with a clap on my back. "Don't try to look better than me." He winked and left me alone with my thoughts.

My mom practically dragged me out of bed at eleven.

"You need to get ready!" she exclaimed while I laid in bed while she attempting to drag my fat ass off the mattress. "Emmett, pictures are at two! And you need to eat and shower and get ready and phone your grandma! Get your ass out of bed!"

"Mom," I whined, "stop swearing at me!"

"I'm sorry, honey, but you need to wake up!" she said, giving up on trying to move me. "If I come back up here and you're not in that shower, I don't even know what I'll do. Make you wear a bowtie and dance with me instead of your women."

"My women?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh, I don't know, Em," my mom scoffed. "Just get up. Or face the consequences." She perked up. "I'll unleash the twins on you."

"Fine, I'm up, I'm up," I groaned, sitting up in bed. I did not want Alice and Edward to help me at all today. In fact, if today didn't have to happen at all, that'd be sweet.

My mom smiled at me and left the room, closing the door quietly behind her. I fell back onto my bed and groaned, rubbing my face with my palms.

Today was going to suck. Big time.

After I was finished in the shower, Mom brought out the tux I was renting for the big event. In Forks, grad was more of a dress-up event than other towns. The girls wore big gowns and lots of fake diamonds; the guys wore suits. It was just the way it was in Forks.

Edward and Alice were both ready soon after I was. Edward was wearing a pair of black pants and a dark grey shirt with a fucking bowtie. Alice was wearing a yellow sundress. My parents were dressed in the same dress-up clothes they'd worn for the past five or so years.

"Let's get this over with," I grumbled as I walked towards the garage.

We all piled into the minivan and headed out to the farm yard Mrs. Jones was taking my pictures at. My mom was freaking out over documenting the entire day. I was surprised when she decided to get rid of the video camera that was supposed to follow me around all day.

"You're my baby, Emmy," my mom cooed when I tried protesting all this extra shit. "My first baby to graduate from high school. Let your mom have her fun, okay?"

And, of course, I let her have her way. I finally found out where Alice got her puppy dog eyes from. Moms were even deadlier than hers.

I got pictures taken by myself. I got pictures taken with the family. I got pictures taken with my parents together, and then separately. I got pictures with my siblings. I got pictures with Dad and Edward. I got pictures with Mom and Alice. It was a fucking gong show.

When we were finally finished doing our family photo shoot, I got an hour to relax. I went into my room and laid down, attempting to have a quick nap before the real madness began. 'Cause once it started, it wouldn't finish until the early hours of the next morning.

Problem was my mind wouldn't shut off. I couldn't even enjoy my own fucking grad day because I was so wound up over a girl. A girl. I hadn't ever gotten worked up like this over a girl. Fuck, I didn't think I'd ever gotten this worked up. Bella had crawled into my brain and set up camp there for good. There was nothing I could do to make myself stop thinking about here. It was useless to even try.

So, I did what any other creepy teenage boy would do: I creeped up her Facebook page.

Her status said "Isabella Swan is so proud of all of the 2010 graduates. Congrats, everyone!" A whole bunch of people she was going to camp with wrote on her wall in the past week or so. Most of them were girls, but there were a couple of guys, too. I paid more attention to what the guys said.

One of them, Jacob Black, wrote, "Hey, Bee! Are you stoked to come back to camp as a counsellor finally? I know I am. It should be sweet to finally be in charge, huh? Well, have a good last week at home, and then get ready, 'cause you're gunna have a summer full of me! You'll love it, I know you will. ;) Love, Jake."

"Jake" needed to check himself before he wrecked himself.

I checked the time and made sure my door was locked before I started looking through all of the pictures Bella was tagged in.

Alice thought it'd be cool to put every single picture of us up on Facebook, so there were some really young Bella pictures floating around. I started from the end of the pictures she was tagged in and worked my way to the more recent ones.

She was always cute, even as a kid. She looked pretty much exactly the same, just older, more mature. I laughed at all the pictures of us from when we were around thirteen or fourteen. The days where we thought getting out of control drunk was the cool thing to do. Bella had a mouth full of braces, as did Edward. Alice and I were blessed with perfect teeth, but bad eyesight. We both still had to wear glasses back then. We were a quartet of nerds.

Eventually Bella and Edward's teeth were fixed and Alice and I ditched the glasses for contacts, but we still looked pretty much the same, just a little less dorky. Alice grew way back in grade six and then stopped. Bella grew slowly, and stopped at 5'3. I shot up like a fucking beanpole when I got into grade ten and within a couple of months of hitting my growth spurt, I bulked up. Edward never really got passed the awkward skinny-and-tall stage. He was a lanky kid that had as much muscle as a piece of spaghetti.

Then there were the recent pictures, where Bella really turned into a gorgeous girl. She stopped wearing baggy clothes to hide her curves and decided to show them off instead. Her body was fucking hot, and the clothes she wore now showcased it. She let her hair grow out a little bit, and it started to curl naturally. She had these huge brown eyes that made her look sexy, but innocent at the same time. And when she smiled... Her whole face lit up. She was ten times more gorgeous when she smiled.

God, I had it bad.

My pants were extremely tight by the end of my creeping session. I checked the time. I still had half an hour before I had to go get my class picture taken. I chewed my lip while I contemplated my options. I could hop in the shower and get this shit taken care of and just tell mom that I wanted to make sure I smelt good for the banquet and ceremonies. I could yank my chain really quick on my bed, but that could end badly. Or I could just ignore it and hoped to hell that it went away before I had to leave me room.

Fuck it. I was taking a shower.

I pulled all of my clothes off in my room so they wouldn't get damp from the steam that would definitely be coming out of the shower.

My mind was in fucking overdrive as I waited for the water to warm up. A million images of Bella were flying through my mind, my dick getting impossible harder than ever before.

When I finally got into the shower, I grabbed some shower gel and squeezed it onto my hand and then immediately latched on to my dick, groaning at the friction I created. I was going to cum so fast it would be embarrassing.

After only five pumps and one image of Bella slowly removing her bikini, I finished. I leaned against the wall and caught my breath, my dick growing harder already again as I began to think of Bella in the shower with me. Her dark hair turning even darker under the water, her eyes burning into mine, her tongue darting out to lick her lips, her body slick and wet under my hands... Fuck, I was gunna cum just as quickly as I did before.

Sure enough, another orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks after less than a minute. I decided that was enough for one day. I got out of the shower and dried off, trying to think of everything except for Bella naked and/or in certain situations involving my dick in some part of her body.

Once I was back in my tux and smelling good again, I went back downstairs to hang out with my family. Now that some – okay, a lot – of the tension was out of my body, I felt like I could enjoy the day a little more.

Bad idea on my behalf.

Bella was in the living room with Edward, watching a re-run of If You Really Knew Me, a show on MTV, Edward's favourite TV show. He even applied for Forks to get Challenge Day, but our school was too small to get on.

They were holding hands while Bella wiped away her tears and Edward watched with a grimace. The kid that was sharing his life with the group was a gay kid that got ridiculed by the jocks of the school. Typical. Most jocks were completely cliché here, too, just like on the TV show.

I'd never forget the day Edward finally came out at school. The news spread like a fucking disease. Jessica Stanley caught on first, and then her big mouth spread it around the entire school. Not that I gave a shit whether people knew or not. It was just the shitty way Edward was treated after that pissed me off. Even Jasper was an asshole, and he'd known Edward since he moved here and hadn't had a problem with him before he found out that Edward was gay.

My temper was incredibly short for a few weeks after that.

Bella told me that was when she knew that she loved me, when I stuck up for Edward. She and Edward had always been oddly close, like some force of nature brought them together. They knew what the other one was thinking and feeling. They knew when to talk and when to just be there. It was so weird. And if Edward wasn't into guys, I knew that those two would be together. They were soul mates. If they weren't soul mates, I don't know what soul mates were then. I had never seen a closer bond than the one Bella and Edward shared.

So, I wasn't surprised when Bella told me she felt...passionately about what I had done for Edward. She was more protective of him than her dad was of her, and that was saying something. Chief was crazy protective of Bella.

Instead of going in and cracking a joke to make her feel better, I went into the kitchen and grabbed some vodka, pouring three shots.

"Come do shots, Edward!" I called, downing one immediately after and refilling my glass.

I heard Edward sigh and say, "C'mon, Bella." before coming into the kitchen, holding his best friend's hand.

"Hey, Bells," I murmured, my eyes taking her face in. She looked tired, sad. Not like my Bells at all.

"Hey, Emmett."

She never called me Emmett, it was always Em.

Fuck. This was bad.

We drank a couple of shots before Mom was yelling at us to get into the cars and to the community hall so I could get my pictures taken and they could all sit down for supper.

I drank with my classmates and reminisced and got pictures taken with almost everyone. We all smiled and the girls cried while the guys laughed at them for being emotional while secretly wishing they could cry in front of everyone, too.

We were all terrified, but ecstatic to finally be done.

Our class entered the hall in a single file line in alphabetical order before sitting at the head table to eat and listen to our teachers talk about our days at Forks High.

After supper, we had about half an hour before the ceremonies started at the school. Rosalie came up to me and gave me a hug, kissing me on the cheek and telling me how proud of me she was. She smiled seductively at me and lingered too long, but I didn't feel anything. If anything, I was creeped out. She was Jasper's mom. She was hot, but she was Jasper's mom.

Dad gave me a beer and told me he was proud of me. Alice was hanging out with Jasper's family for a while, and Bella was hanging out with Edward. Even though I was busy and being bombarded with questions about what I was doing in the fall and the like, I found myself searching for Bella the entire time. And once I found her, I'd stare, willing her to look at me. She never did.

The ceremonies passed quickly. Our valedictorian, Amber Johnson, gave her speech, making the girls cry and the guys smile watery smiles. All I could do was stare at Amber, who looked stunning in her emerald green dress, her blonde hair pulled up away from her face, and her glasses replaced with contacts.

"'Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end,'" Amber started, quoting our grad song, which was Closing Time by Semisonic. "We've closed one chapter in our lives. We're beginning to write the next chapter already. When one door closes, a window opens. The window of opportunity is wide open for us, and we're all jumping through that window without abandon. And even though the fall is scary, the end result will be satisfying.

"Thank you's are most certainly in order for our successes. Thank you to our parents for putting up with us. You helped us study in elementary school, tried to control us when we were reckless teenagers, and began to trust us as we grew into young adults. Without you, our successes wouldn't be as sweet. Without you, we wouldn't be determined to try our hardest. Thank you for everything.

"Thank you to our teachers. We wouldn't be graduating if it weren't for all of you. You taught us how to write, read, and do math. We've learnt almost as much as our brains can take. You've dealt with us when we were hyped up on sugar and you've dealt with us when we didn't dare say a word. I think we're the only class that remains almost completely silent during class for the most part. And, I know for our teachers, that was almost as frustrating as not being able to get us to shut up. Thank you for helping us become successful.

"Our class is incredibly close, and hopefully we will remain this close in the years to come. Thank you, and congratulations to the graduating class of 2010."

She gave the audience a winning smile and got hugs from her friends before sitting back down. We all got awards. I got the award for sportsmanship and the most improved math grades, which got me $250. I wasn't complaining.

One of the girls put together a slideshow. I let Edward and Alice pick out my pictures, so this was going to be a surprise for me.

There were pictures of me as a baby. In one of them I was in a diaper and Grandpa's old cowboy boots, which earned me some laughs. There was also a picture of me dressed up like a girl, thanks to my older cousins, the Denalis. There were pictures of me holding Alice and Edward. There a couple of pictures of me playing sports. A picture of Dad, Mom, and me at UBC during spring break.

There were pictures of me with Jasper. And finally there was an entire page of Bella and I. It seemed like it lasted forever. There was the picture of Bella and me at the beach at La Push. Her and I making funny faces. Me giving her a piggy back ride after she sprained her ankle at a party.

There was a picture of us that I'd never seen before. We were at Lake Crescent. Bella and I were sitting on the bench on the beach, our backs to the lake. Bella was smiling widely at the camera, and I was just staring at her, my eyes focused on her smile, my smile impossibly wider than hers.

We looked like a couple. I looked like I was head over heels for her.

Fuck, I was head over heels for her.

I glanced back at Bella, who was gaping at the screen.

It switched quickly, showing my cap and gown picture, everyone clapping and cheering for me, the class hero and clown.

The ceremonies finished off with some pictures and lots of hugs. Edward and Bella, the lucky fuckers, took off to our house after congratulating our class and getting one picture with me (with Edward in the middle, the attention whore). I wanted to follow Bella and tell her how I felt, or tell her that I understood; that I loved her, too.

But, like a monkey in a cage, I was paraded around. I had teachers to thank, parents to hug, pictures to be taken.

Finally, at ten o'clock, my mom dragged me away from my football coach, who was a little drunk, if I wasn't mistaken, to take me home to get changed for the little grad party Jasper's parents were letting him throw.

I got to the house and greeted all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I gave Grandma Cullen a kiss on the cheek and Grandpa Platt slapped a hundred dollar bill into my hand with a grin.

Once I said hello to everyone, I escaped to my room and hopped in the shower for the third time that day. I was too tired to even conjure images of Bella to jack off. I just leaned my head against the wall of my shower and closed my eyes, letting the exhaustion and confusion take over for a couple of moments. Why now? Why couldn't I have figured this out years ago, when we still had time to establish a solid relationship? Why couldn't she have told me before? Why couldn't I have figured it out before? So many fucking variables...

"Hurry up, fucker!" my cousin, Garrett called from my room. "We wanna party!"

I huffed, but got out of the shower and changed into my jeans and t-shirt that read "Class of 2010: Don't Think, Just Drink." One of the girls in my class had them made for all of us. At least they were lime green, and not pink like they were for last year's graduating class.

After I was done cleaning up all of my crap so people could stay in my room, I went downstairs. Garrett, who was two years older than me, gave me a beer with a grin and a clap on the back.

"Hey, we're all just as surprised as you are," he told me, still grinning.

"About what?" I asked him, my brow furrowed.

"You graduating from school," he replied with a laugh, flinching after I punched him in the arm. He froze and stared at the door to the living room. "Who's that?" He nodded towards the door.

I turned around and saw Bella talking to Edward and Alice with a smile on her face. She must've brought stuff to change into, because she wasn't in her dress anymore. She was wearing a pair of jeans, her red Converse shoes, and a black, extremely tight sweater. She was twisting the lid of her bottle of water with her right hand while she talked.

"Oh, uh, that's Bella," I mumbled, drinking half of my beer.

"Bella? Bella Swan?" Garrett asked with a surprised laugh. "Wow, she got hot since I last saw her."

I almost knocked the fucker out.

"You hittin' that, Em?" Garrett asked, still staring at Bella.

"What? Oh, no," I replied quickly.

"You totally wish you were though," he laughed. "Probably could, too, if she still has that crush on you."

"You knew about that, too?" I asked loudly. "God, I feel like I was the only one that didn't know!"

"Dude, you were the only one that didn't know. You're completely clueless when it comes to Hells Bells," he replied with a grin. "But, if you're not interested, I might try and swoop in. She's so fucking hot."

"No!" I exclaimed. I coughed. "I mean, you probably shouldn't."

Garrett raised an eyebrow at me. "So, you are hitting that then."

"No," I sighed. "I..." I didn't wanna sound like a pussy and say I loved her. "I think I'm going to tonight."

"Really?" Garrett asked, a grin back on his face. "Good on ya, dude. You're one lucky fucker. That ass... Mm, mm, mm."

"Shut the fuck up, man," I said with a chuckle, pushing him lightly.

"What? It's true! I'd take a bite of those apple bottoms," he continued with a shake of his head, his eyes still glued to said apple bottoms.

"Dude! Seriously!" I pushed him again, making him laugh and push me back.

We grabbed our beer and joined the rest of the party. I could feel Bella's eyes on me as I walked across the living room to sit down with Garrett and his sister, Maggie. They bugged me about becoming a Canadian and asked me the usual questions.

"Are you excited or nervous?"

"What're you taking?"

"What the hell is that anyway?"

"What kind of job could you get with that?"

"What's the drinking age in B.C.?"

That last one would only come from my cousins, though.

"Okay, whoever wants to come in the first vehicle, let's go," Bella called from the door.

I immediately got up and walked over to her. "You're not drinking?"

Bella's eyes widened, probably because I was over there quicker than anyone could answer and because it was the first time I'd talked to her since she told me how she felt.

"Um, no. I'm leaving for camp tomorrow. I don't really wanna be hungover for a four hour drive."

"Oh," I replied. "Well, I'll come with you." I looked behind me and said, "Shotgun!" before going outside and getting in Lady G and putting in the CD I made especially for this night. It had all the oldies-but-goodies on it.

Born to Be Wild played while everyone else that was going early piled into Lady G. Garrett, Maggie, Edward, Alice, and Bella all got in the van.

Everyone sang along to the oldies-but-goodies CD and I tried to work up the nerve to talk to Bella about what the hell was going on in my head. But, I pussied out (like a boss).

Instead of talking to Bella, I got extremely drunk with Jasper. When Jasper ditched me to go make out with my younger sister, I retaliated by hitting on his mom and feeling up his older sister, Charlotte.

Five A.M. came very quickly. I saw Edward cuddled up with Riley Biers, Jasper's cousin that just came out of the closet. When Jasper told me that, all I did was raise my eyebrow. He blushed and said sorry again, for the millionth time. I wouldn't ever let the fucker live that down.

Alice was probably spending the night with Jasper.

I was still making out with Charlotte and grabbing her enormous tits.

"Emmett, can we please go?" Bella sighed, tapping me on the shoulder. "It's already five, and we still have to try and get Edward away from Riley, which will take a solid fifteen minutes."

"Shut the fuck up, Bella," I mumbled against Charlotte's lips. "I'm busy."

"Charlotte, don't you have a fucking boyfriend?" Bella asked loudly. "I remember Jasper mentioning something about a boyfriend in California. Peter or something?"

Charlotte gasped and pulled away from me.

"Oh my God," she began chanting, running her fingers through her hair. "Peter! I can't – I'm going to throw up.

And she promptly threw up on the ground next to my feet.

"Fuck," I growled, standing up. "I'm going to the van."

Bella smiled smugly and then turned to go try to get Edward to come home.

I tried my hardest to not pass out. Bella and I had to talk. I wanted to yell at her for making Charlotte freak out. I wanted to yell at her for ignoring me all night, even when I tried making her jealous. I wanted to kiss the shit out of her and take her to bed with me and beg her not to go to camp.

Fuck, I'm messed up.

After what seemed like an hour, Edward climbed into the backseat of the van beside Garrett. Maggie had a bucket in her hands and her head was in it. Garrett was passed out with a couple of hickies on his neck. Good night for them, I guess.

"Oh my God, Bella, I think I love him," Edward gushed. "He's so perfect. He's quiet and funny and oh my God." Edward smiled widely. I gave him a high-five. I was proud of the guy.

"I'm happy for ya, bro," I told him honestly.

"Thanks, Em," Edward replied, still smiling like a goon. "I'm just gunna pass out now, let you two talk."

He closed his eyes, automatically relaxing. He snored after thirty seconds. That's when I knew he was actually gone for.

"So, what the fuck was with you reminding Charlotte she had a boyfriend?" I asked. I guess I was going with yelling at her for making Charlotte freak out.

"You're joking, right?" Bella asked. "She has a boyfriend, Emmett. Grow up. Don't be an asshole."

"Yeah, well, he wasn't here, was he?"

"No, because he had to go to his grandpa's funeral in Alabama, you fuck," Bella replied angrily. "You're such a fucking douche. Not that I'm not placing all the blame on you. Charlotte's a bitch for doing that to Peter. He's a nice guy."

"So you've met this Peter then?" I asked, automatically flying from defensive to offensive. I was one jealous, pathetic loser. "Maybe I could take Charlotte and you could pick up Peter."

Bella's mouth snapped shut. Her eyes narrowed and she took a deep breath. I hit a button. I was going to get my ass handed me verbally.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow when you're sober, because if we start this right now, I'll rip your teeth out one by one, you fucking asshole," Bella replied in her angry-calm voice.

"Whatever," I scoffed before passing out to the sounds of Thriller.

The next morning, I woke up at 9:03 and thought, Am I graduating today?

And then I remembered. And then I ran to the bathroom to throw up.

"Why am I such a douchey drunk?" I groaned into the toilet.

I wiped my face on the back of my hand and then began brushing my teeth vigorously, trying to get rid of the sour liquor taste in my mouth, along with the taste of shame and guilt.

When I walked back to my room, I double checked to make sure nothing was going to surprise me before I dumped my body back into bed. There was no one in my bed, but Garrett was passed out on the couch and Maggie was curled around her bucket, which was half-full.

The next time I woke up, it was one in the afternoon. I felt a little better physically, but I felt even shittier emotionally. I made out with a girl that has a boyfriend. I yelled at Bella for being a good friend and trying to make me stop.

"Where's the fucking gun, bro?" Garrett groaned from the couch. "I'd rather die than try to make myself feel better."

"I hear that, man," I croaked. "It feels like someone hit me repeatedly with a two-by-four in the forehead and then made me drink bleach."

"We did do some shots of that stuff... That gross stuff."

"Don't even say the name," I told him. "I'll throw up if you say it."

He chuckled and then groaned again, which made me laugh and then groan.

It was going to be a rough day.

Edward came in the room, looking happy as a fucking cow in a pasture.

"You're awake? Good! Come say bye to Bella," Edward said.

"She's leaving?" I asked, barely able to lift my head off my pillow.

"Well, she's going home to pack and spend the rest of the afternoon with her parents. I think she said she's going to leave by five at the latest."

"'Kay," I mumbled, trying to convince my body it had the strength to haul my ass out of bed.

After I pulled some shorts on – I didn't bother with a shirt because I knew how much Bella liked my chest – I went downstairs, following the smell of bacon and pancakes.

"We'll see you in a month, Bella," my mom said, hugging Bella goodbye.

Edward, the lucky fucker, would probably go spend the day with the Swans, so he was shovelling food into his mouth.

"Yeah, expect me on your doorstep on the first of August," Bella told her with a smile before glancing up at the clock. "I'd better get going."

"Without saying bye to me?" I asked, coming down the final steps of the stair case.

Bella looked up at me without shock or a smile or even a hint of emotion. "I was planning on it."

Ouch.

"Let's go outside and talk," I murmured, heading towards the front door.

I heard Mom ask, "Why isn't he wearing a God damn shirt?" and Edward reply with, "He's trying to woo her, Mom. In his own idiotic way, he's trying to win her back."

Bella sat down on the steps and I sat beside her.

"Listen–" I began.

"No, you listen, Emmett," Bella interrupted. "I've been nothing but a good friend to you all these years. And as soon as I tell you how I really feel, you start acting like a douche. I was just trying to save a little bit of us last night, but you fucked up. So, way to go. Don't expect me to come running back into your arms ever again."

Well, that shit just made me angry.

"You are a cock block and a bitch, Bella," I ground out. Oh my God, I'm going to completely fuck this up if I keep letting my temper get the best of me.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Emmett," Bella replied sarcastically. "Your sexual needs really should be my top priority." That's right, my dick piped up. "Stop being a selfish brat. I had a long day. I wanted to go home. You were just one of many obstacles."

"Why're you such a bitch?" I wondered out loud. Oh my God! the rational part of me squeaked. I'm fucking this up seven days from Sunday!

"Emmett, I had every right in the world to be a bitch to you that night. I drove you there, I let you drink your face off with Garrett and Jasper, and then you had the nerve to yell at me for trying to save you from being the asshole that makes out with the girl with a boyfriend? Go fuck yourself, you selfish prick," she spat in my face.

Next thing I knew, my lips were pressed to hers. And it's the best fucking thing in the world, even if she's too shocked to respond.

My lips are moving against hers, my hands are gripping her shoulders, and oh my fuck, are those tears in my eyes? Yeah, they are.

Bella starts responding just as hungrily as me. Her tongue pries my lips apart and she tangles tongues with me, her hands gripping my curly hair as tightly as she can.

Best. Kiss. Ever.

But then my brain got the best of me. She's leaving. She's pissed at me. I'm leaving for the fall.

What makes me think this will ever work, as much as I want it to?

I pulled away and wiped the tears away before Bella could open her eyes.

"What?" she asked breathlessly.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered, standing up. "You have to, uh, go." I leaned down and hugged her...and then started kissing her again.

This time she pushed me away, her eyes full of hurt and pain.

"Do you want to try this or are you too scared?" she asked, her hand flat against my chest, tears welling in her eyes.

I hung my head in shame, because as much as I loved her, I was pussying out, like I always did when it came to taking risks.

"That's what I thought," she whispered before getting up off the steps. "I hope I don't see you before you leave, but chances are I will, so I guess I'll see you in August."

And just like that, she was gone, maybe forever.

Jasper decided to have one last party before we all had to head off to university. He was going to Texas, I was going to Vancouver, and we really just wanted an excuse to get drunk one last time with each other.

Texts were sent out, booze was purchased by Mr. Hale, and Jasper and I started pre-drinking at four in the afternoon. We sat outside on the Hale's deck, catching one of the rare days where the sun actually shone for more than a couple of hours.

Edward and Alice came by a little later and we started up a game of beersby to kill the time. Alice made us some burgers a little later on and force-fed us. She didn't want us to ruin the party by being completely plastered at seven.

I went to go take a piss behind the shed in the backyard when I started eavesdropping on Jasper and Edward's conversation.

"...and Bella's gunna be here tonight," Edward told Jasper excitedly. "She didn't know whether she'd be able to make it home, but she just texted me and said she was unpacking and then coming over."

My mouth fell open, my pants unzipped, my dick still hanging out in the open. Bella was going to be here? What? What was I going to do with myself? How would I even be able to interact with anyone else knowing that she was in the same general area as me? Fuck, I was definitely not ready for this. At all.

Alice handed me another burger when I came back onto the deck. I ate it while I thought about Bella. Why couldn't I just get over her? Ever since grad, I'd just avoided thinking about her, and it had been working. I really thought I was over her. She was kind of out of sight, out of mind for me, I guess. But, now that I knew I'd be seeing her, I was a mess again.

My little sister sat down beside me and gave me a sympathetic smile and a pat on the arm.

"This is your only chance, you know," she murmured quietly. "You're either going to fix things or you'll lose Bella."

"I know," I said, my voice rough. Just the fucking thought... I couldn't lose Bella.

"Just tell her, Em," Alice said. "I can guarantee she'll forgive you in a second and you guys'll be happier than ever."

My brow furrowed. "It's not that easy, Al."

She patted my arm again. "Trust me, it is." Then she got up and bounced over to Jasper, sitting herself down on his knee.

Edward handed me another beer from our cooler and sat down beside me. What was this? Sibling advice day? Christ.

"You okay, bro?" he asked, cracking open his own beer.

I nodded and shrugged my shoulders at the same time.

"I thought I should warn you," Edward started in a cautious tone. "She's... She's not going to be the exact same as when she left."

I snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."

"No, you don't get it," Edward continued with a shake of his head. "She kind of moved on already. She, uh, she found someone at camp."

My heart fell right down to my ass and then rocketed back up into my throat. My palms tingled. My heart raced. I scowled at the deck.

"He's coming tonight, too," Edward finished quietly.

I stood up abruptly. "Well, that's just fucking great. Who does she think she is anyway, inviting random people to our party?" I went into the house, forcing myself to close the door quietly, when all I wanted to do was slam it.

My hands went into my hair automatically as I sat down on the couch in the living room. How could she? How could she think it would be okay to bring home some random dude and bring her to one of our parties?

Fuck, how could she think it was okay to move on without talking to me first? Didn't she ever take my feelings into account? God dammit!

I stood again and began pacing the floor, still running my hands through my hair. This wasn't fucking fair. This was supposed to be the night that I could make everything right again. That I could finally buckle down and tell Bella how I actually felt instead of continuing to deny it all just because she was a year younger than me.

How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I grow a pair when she first told me? I could be dating her already. I could be... I could be her boyfriend. She could be my girlfriend. We could be together. Forever. Like it's supposed to be.

"Emmett?" Alice called. "Where are you?"

"Living room," I replied, my voice practically a growl.

She entered the room, her big blue eyes full of sympathy for me. She came over to me and hugged me around the waist.

"I'm so sorry, Em," she whispered, her cheek resting against my stomach.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. "Me too, Al. Me too."

"Life has a funny way of working out, huh?" she murmured.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Yeah, it does."

We walked back outside to find that a couple more people had already shown up. Eric Yorkie, Mike Newton, Lauren Mallory, and Jessica Stanley were playing beersby against each other now. And Edward... Edward was hugging a petite girl with brown hair and brown eyes tightly.

The only girl that I'd ever loved this much in my entire life was finally home.

I had to hold myself back from running over there and picking her up into a hug and kissing the shit out of her.

You could be doing that, but you're a fucking idiot, my mind reminded me.

I was such a fucking idiot.

They finally pulled away from one another and just grinned at each other like idiots. Bella had her hands on Edward's cheeks and his hands were holding her hips. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought they were dating. But, they were just telling each other everything in silence, like they usually did. Getting reacquainted after not seeing each other at all during the summer.

Alice squealed and took a running jump at all. Bella managed to keep her footing – barely – while Alice hugged her as tightly as she could, her lips flapping at a million miles an hour, talking about all the boring shit we accomplished this summer.

Bella took it all in stride, like she always did with Alice. I had to give props to Bella for being able to put up with my little sister this well. Lord knew I didn't have that kind of patience. I couldn't stand Alice when she was talking that fast.

The two of them started walking towards me. That's when I noticed the giant following them. He was tall, taller than me, and muscular. He was extremely tan and had dark hair and eyes. He was smiling, so he didn't look as intimidating as he could've been. He grasped Bella's free hand and started to walk beside her instead of behind her. Bella didn't shake him off. She just looked up at him and smiled quickly before turning back to listen to Alice.

I was ready to kill something. Or someone. A very specific someone.

"Hey, Emmett," Bella greeted cautiously. Quietly. "How are you?"

"Hey," I replied, my voice surprisingly collected. "I'm okay. How are you? How was your summer?"

It was like I was on auto-pilot. All I wanted to say was, "I love you" over and over again.

"It was fun! I'm glad I went."

"That's good." I love you.

"Did you do anything exciting?" she asked, her hand still engulfed by the giants.

"Not really. Just had some last minute fun as a kid." I love you.

"Oh, Jesus," Bella exclaimed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "I didn't introduce you two. Emmett, this is my, um, friend, Jake. Jake, this is Emmett, Alice and Edward's older brother."

I damn near growled at the fucker.

"Nice to meet you, Emmett," Jake said, smiling and holding out his hand for me to shake. I reluctantly took it. "Bella's told me so much about you and your brother and sister."

"All good things, I hope," I said with a tight smile, letting go of his hand and shoving my clenched fists into the pockets of my jeans.

They both laughed. "Of course."

"Well, have fun in Forks, Jake. I know it seems like it would be hard to find anything to do, but it's not so bad if you know the right people."

"I'll try, and thank you."

I nodded. "Talk to you two later, then, I guess."

With that, I turned on my heel and walked towards the people that just walked in to the party, welcoming them and trying to act like I was happy. Trying to act like I was just trying to have one last good time before I left the country to go to college. Trying to act like seeing Bella with Jake wasn't killing me.

I ended up sitting my ass down in a lawn chair and drinking my face off with anyone that sit with me. I reminisced with the people I graduated with and gave advice to the kids that were still in high school.

"Don't hold back," I told a bunch of guys I played football with. "Don't let anything or anyone get in the way of what you want."

I needed to take my own fucking advice. Jake was just an obstacle I had to get around to get to her. Just a bump in the road. A detour. I could deal with a detour. It just meant I'd have to work my ass off. I always liked a little bit of a challenge.

Finally, after three hours and about twelve beers, I got back up, swaying slightly as the alcohol hit me. I made my way over to Edward, who was talking to the giant and Bella.

"Bella, can I talk to you?" I slurred. God, how did I get so drunk?

She grimaced, but agreed, leading us away from the groups of people in the backyard. We finally settled on the front steps, where there was no one but us.

"I missed you," I told her, leaning my head back against the wall of the house.

"I missed you, too," she replied, not looking at me.

"Probably not as much as I missed you," I teased. She grinned and glanced at me for a second before looking back down at her lap. "But, seriously. It sucked not having you here this summer."

"Yeah, I missed home a little while I was gone," she admitted reluctantly.

"Just a little?" I asked. I would've been homesick out of my mind.

Bella avoided looking at me. "What do you want, Emmett? Did you pull me away from the party just to ask me how my summer was?"

"No, I have other stuff to say, I'm just really fucking nervous," I murmured, rubbing the back of my neck. I let my arms flop down into my lap and I sighed loudly. "I tried. I really did. I tried to convince myself it was just lust. That I only felt this way because you're extremely good looking and you opened my eyes to the fact that I'm, in fact, not related to you.

"Truth is, though, I think I've always felt this way about you. I just didn't know how to label it. It's tough, y'know? Feeling this way about someone you've been told your whole life that you should only be friends with. Everyone always said I was so lucky to have a girl like you as a friend. You're fun and not dramatic and easy going. You're everything that a guy wants. At least a guy like me."

I sighed again, begging Bella silently to look at me. "I guess I just wanted to tell you that I figured out that I've been in love with you all along." Her eyes snapped to mine and she opened her mouth, her eyes flashing with anger, but I held up a hand, silencing her. "When you admitted all of that stuff to me in June, I didn't know whether my feelings were legitimate or not. I didn't know if I was just feeling that stuff because I didn't want to hurt you or if I was feeling them because I actually felt them. And then you left, and I figured out pretty quickly that was it was very real. I actually figured it out grad day, when all those pictures of us came up in the slideshow. I wanted to tell you, but I pussied out."

"Are you done?" she snapped. I nodded in defeat, waiting for her to ream me out for being such a fucking idiot. "You couldn't have figured this out earlier? Or maybe fucking wrote me a letter once you figured it out? Even phoned me? I had my cell phone, and you knew that, you twit."

"I just...I thought you'd want some time away from me, too," I replied. "I would've wanted time away from you if the tables were turned, to sort myself out, see if I could move on easily or not. I'm not the greatest guy for you, Bella. I'm moving in a couple of weeks. All the way to Vancouver."

"I wouldn't have cared," Bella said fiercely, her eyes filling with tears. "We would've made it work. I trust you, Emmett, and I know you trust me. It could've lasted. I could've applied to Vancouver, too, and I would've visited every chance I got."

"You're talking in past tense," I pointed out warily.

"Yes. I am," Bella whispered. "I made myself move on, Emmett. Jake, he's good. He's a good guy. And he makes me smile."

I nodded, closing my eyes and hanging my head. She kissed the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry you didn't figure this out before, Emmett," she murmured, her thumb brushing across the apple of my cheek. "I'll always love you."

"I love you, too," I mumbled in reply, my eyes searching hers for any hope in hell of redeeming myself.

She smiled, a tear slipped over her eyelid and down her cheek. I put my hands on her waist and tugged on her belt loops, forcing her body closer to mine.

"Just one more time," I begged. "Just let me kiss you again."

"Okay," she whispered, her eyes fluttering closed, completely trusting me.

I moved forward slightly, brushing my lips against hers, the electricity zapping me. I pushed against her more firmly, moulding myself to her, my tongue grazing over her bottom lip and slipping into her warm mouth, seeking out her tongue. She met me eagerly, her hands gripping my hair and pulling me as close as she could. My hands gripped those belt loops like my life depended on it. Like I could keep her here forever if I tried hard enough.

A car started behind us and she jumped away from me. My eyes searched her eyes. They went from lust to love to guilt. She stepped away from me, grasping my hands and pulling them away from her belt loops.

"I'm so sorry," she choked out before she bolted.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

I put my head in my hands and played the kiss over and over again. God, it was a great kiss, maybe even better than the first one. It was like she knew what I wanted to do. Our tongues didn't poke each other. She didn't have a bunch of salvia in her mouth. We were just perfect for each other. End of story.

I wish.

Eventually, I passed out on the Hale's doorstep. I woke up about an hour later, feeling a little more sober before, and even more depressed. I attempted to get her back and I failed. I lost her.

The party was in full swing by then. Jake was still there so that meant Bella was around here somewhere, too. That calmed me slightly, knowing that she didn't completely ditch me. I grabbed another beer and joined in on the game of beersby that some of my old classmates were playing.

My eyes wandered, looking for Bella. I couldn't find her, though.

"Hey, Jasper?" I asked as he watched us play the drinking game. "Do you know where Bella went?"

"She's in the house talking to Alice, I think," he replied.

"Okay, thanks."

I didn't barge in there and demand her attention again. That wouldn't solve anything. I couldn't force myself into her life anymore. She needed to come to me now. The ball had been in my court for so long, but now it was back in hers. She knew how I felt. She needed to make a decision. Hopefully it was in favour of me.

Alice and Bella came back outside twenty minutes later. They were both grinning. Alice sat down next to Jake and Bella sat down on Edward's knee, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her temple.

I tore my eyes away from them and drank my beer. I was pissed off. I felt so left out. They were all so close, and I was always on the outskirts of their little group. I was only there for them when they needed a ride to a party, or someone to protect them from the bad guy, or when Bella decided that she loved me.

Fuck, they used me and I didn't even know it. I loved them all so much that I didn't give a shit.

Well, not anymore. They'd miss me when I was gone. I couldn't protect them all the way from Vancouver. I couldn't love her all the way from Vancouver. Could I?

In that moment, it made sense to me to try to break all ties with them. I didn't go up to them and say, "Fuck you all." but I did the next best thing.

I started making out with Lauren Mallory, a girl I dated for a couple of months in freshman year.

For one thing, I was pissed off at my anger-induced epiphany, and for another, Bella wasn't with me. She was with the giant. I needed to move on, too.

Lauren was just too easy. She was there and she was slutty. What more could I have asked for in that particular situation?

We were talking about the good old days when she used to give me blow jobs in bathrooms and when I used to finger blast her through her panties, and then next thing I know, we're making out like we're fourteen again. It was sloppy and completely uncalled for, but it was what I felt like I needed in that minute.

I hung out with Lauren for the rest of the night, making out with her, groping her hot body, doing practically anything to distract myself from the fact that I completely blew my chances with Bella.

At the end of the night, when Danielle, Lauren's little sister, practically had to drag Lauren away so she didn't do anything stupid, I found myself alone. Again. Jasper and Alice went inside long before I did, and I didn't even want to know what the fuck they were up to. Bella and Edward must've left long before I even thought about leaving.

Since I didn't have time to drink due to Lauren, I was pretty sober again. It was already four A.M., and all I wanted to go home and get into bed so I could sulk for the day.

I ended up going into the house and sleeping in the living room, curled into a little ball on the couch.

"Wake up, loser," Alice cooed in my ear, poking my cheek. "Let's go home. I wanna shower."

"Mkay," I replied, following my little sister out into her car and passing out again on the ride home.

Next time I woke up, it was three in the afternoon and Edward was in my room, jumping on my bed.

"Wake up!" he yelled in my ear.

"I'm awake, I'm awake," I groaned, swatting blindly at him. "Le'me alone, Edward. I wanna pout by m'slef."

"You're not allowed to pout today, dear Emmett," he told me, flopping down on my bed. "Bella's having a welcome home party, and she broke things off with Jake last night. Dude was heartbroken, but Bella said she had to do it. And then she left after you started making out with Lauren. Time to make things right, brah!"

"Fuuuuuuck my life," I yelled into my pillow. "Why didn't you tell me! I would've avoided the skanky whore. I probably would be with Bella right now! Mother fu–"

"Shut up, Emmett," Edward interrupted. "Shower. Get dressed. We're leaving in half an hour.

About forty-five minutes later, we were at the Swans house for Bella's "Welcome Home" barbeque.

Bella immediately grabbed my hand and led me into the house, up to her bedroom.

"Fuck you," she said first of all, slapping me. "You're such an idiot for getting with Lauren last night."

"I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, grabbing her wrist before she could hit me again. "But, you said you moved on, and that shit hurt. So I tried to forget."

"I know," she murmured, dropping her hand. "I'm sorry, too."

"We okay?" I asked, stepping closer to her, grabbing her belt loops.

She nodded with a hesitant smile. "We're okay."

"Are you gunna be my girlfriend or what?"

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes, but said, "Of course, you big idiot."

I grinned down at her and caught her lips with mine.

And we still fit perfectly together when I was sober.

So, this is probably the last thing I'll post for a long ass time. It took me a solid four months to finish this puppy. It's over 18,000 words. I loved writing it, and I could write more, but I'm not going to. This is the end of this particular story.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to the Big Bang community on LJ for putting this on!

lib6