'Ramen,' Naruto thought sadly as he chewed. 'I wish I had Ramen.'

Team Eight and Naruto were sitting in a tree well away from the Kamizuru's expected angle of attack. The Konoha Shinobi were taking a moment to eat a meal. Unfortunately, they could not use any fire. The risk of giving away their position to the Kamizuru was far too great. So, the Gennin were chewing on ration bars.

It was a famous joke in Konoha that if Ibiki couldn't break someone, the next step was to feed the prisoner ration bars.

"Naruto-san, have any of your Shadow Clones dispelled?" Shino asked.

"Nah, I've still got all of them out there. That means no sight of either those Iwa bastards or the Bikōchū," Naruto whispered. He wasn't sure why he was whispering. He had five squads of Shadow Clones patrolling the area and the team had Hinata's Byakugan. The area was quiet.

"Keep us informed," Shino stated.

"I will, but it could be more than just my Shadow Clones," Naruto responded.

"What do you mean, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked. She was grateful to have something to take her attention off the foul-tasting bar.

"Well…I kinda set some surprises for our Kamizuru buddies. Some variants on some of my old pranks," Naruto admitted, but his voice was uneasy.

"Smart move, Naruto," Kiba said approvingly. Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Thanks, it just doesn't feel right using some of the setups I used to get laughs out of people back in Konoha to, hopefully, kill Iwa nin," Naruto voiced his uneasiness.

Team Eight nodded mirthlessly. They had all killed before. It was an inevitable fact of their lives as shinobi. However, none of the children truly relished the thought of the mass scale killing their current situation required.

This was only their second war, after all. However, Orochimaru's Invasion had barely lasted a day. Naruto and Team Eight had been on edge and fighting for three days now.

"We should move soon. The Kamizuru are likely using their insects to search for us," Shino stated. Hinata was about to support Shino's idea when a loud slap shattered the silence of the tree.

"I'm an idiot!" Naruto growled as he pulled his palm away from his face. "We're fighting guys who use bugs! I'm an underling of Gama Oyabin!"

"Who?" Kiba asked while silently agreeing that, yes, Naruto was an idiot at times.

"Gamabunta! The Boss Toad! I've got my name on the contract right next to the Yondaime!" Naruto explained excitedly.

"Toads?" Shino asked in a small and distant voice. Naruto didn't recognize Shino's distress and continued.

"The toads!" Naruto shouted, and once again, did not realize Shino's growing distress. "I mean, with all the bugs we'll be seeing, it'll be like an all you can eat buffet for the Toads! This might get me out of trouble with Gama Oyabin for accidentally summoning his kids when I was fighting Orochimaru!"

"Good idea, Naruto!" Kiba growled excitedly as he pounded his right fist into his left palm. "That'll really turn the tables on those Iwa bastards!"

Shino suddenly groaned and nearly fell out of the tree. Hinata caught her teammate before Shino could fall off the branch.

"Are you alright, Shino-kun?"

"Yes, Hinata-san," Shino responded neutrally. He turned his attention to Naruto. "Naruto-san, if you summon the…toads…I ask that you speak with them."

"About what? I mean, they are definitely going to kick ass!" Naruto questioned Shino.

Shino took a moment to compose himself before speaking again. "Naruto-san, toads are voracious insectivores. I am…" the Aburame heir paused, "concerned that they may consume the Bikōchū in addition to the Kamizuru insects."

"Oh…" Naruto verbalized his realization. "And we don't want your bugs caught in the buffet. I'll talk to Gama Oyabin about this."

Naruto leapt down from his perch and closed his eyes. He wasn't looking forward to this part of summoning the Boss Toad.

'Listen Furball, I'll never forgive you for anything. Your little rant in the hospital was just the latest bullshit you've pulled. But I know that you're a creature that loves destruction. Give me a bit of chakra and you'll get some destruction,' Naruto thought a bit darkly.

The Kyūbi did not respond, but Naruto felt the familiar and somewhat unwelcome sensation of the demon's chakra entering his system. Naruto bit his thumb and went through the hand-seals necessary for the Summoning jutsu. The familiar charred seal spread across the ground as Naruto brought his hand down to the ground. There was a massive puff of smoke, followed by a quiet, feminine eep.

"Hinata! Why did…" Kiba groaned in annoyance that his female teammate would faint so easily. Naruto really hadn't done anything that impressive, had he?

'Wait…Hinata didn't faint…' Kiba thought quickly. He turned to his left and saw that Shino was lying on the ground, unconscious. "Did Shino just faint?"

Hinata looked away from the slowly dissipating chakra-smoke. "He…did. Why would he do that?"

"GAKI!" A voice boomed through the forest. Kiba and Hinata stared in awe at the figure that had materialized from the cloud.

"H-hello Gama Oyabin!" Naruto shouted nervously as he stood shakily on the Boss Toad's head.

"I can't believe you summoned me to…" Gamabunta was about to rage about Naruto summoning to another god-forsaken forest, but the wind shifted and he caught the fourth most wonderful scent in the world. "an all you can eat buffet! You are the best subordinate I've had in a long time!"

"Thank you, Gama Oyabin!" Naruto shouted as he tried to balance on the Boss Toad's head. "Uh, about the whole 'all-you-can-eat' thing…"

"What is it gaki? Don't tell me you decided to prank me. I'd stomp you flat if you ever thought of pulling something like that!" Gamabunta roared.

"I would never prank you, boss!" Naruto promised. "We need your help to fight the Kamizuru."

"Kamizuru, eh gaki?" Gamabunta asked. Naruto nodded vigorously. "Well, that changes things…I think the Great Toad Sages will want to speak with you. Sorry about this, gaki."

"Sorry about whaaaa!" Naruto tried to ask, but it quickly transitioned into a startled yelp as Gamabunta's tongue wrapped around him and dragged the young man into the Boss Toad's mouth.

Gamabunta heard Hinata's panicked cry and looked down. "Don't worry 'bout your boyfriend, Missy. I'm just taking him back to Mount Myōbokū the fastest way possible."

Hinata could only nod nervously at the legendary leader of the Toads. 'Is it really necessary to swallow Naruto-kun?' "P-please return with N-Naruto-kun as q-quickly as possible. We, we will need his help against the Kamizuru."

"You'll get more than his help. The Toads will be coming back with us. Don't die on me! I'll need someone to teach my sorry excuse for a subordinate how to respect his bosses!" Gamabunta said with authority. The conscious members of Team Eight could only nod at Gamabunta as the great toad disappeared.

Meihui and Kenta sat in their room and reviewed their notes. The historical information they had uncovered would be a valuable source of national pride. Uzumaki Naruto would be a powerful symbol…

If they could find a way to convince Naruto to leave Konoha without invoking the wrath of Tsunade.

"We cannot leave until Naruto returns," Kenta said after a moment. Meihui looked up and stared at the old samurai in confusion. "We cannot leave because I promised Uzumaki-sama that I would introduce him to the basics of Samurai swordsmanship. Kenjutsu, as shinobi call it."

"Why would you do that? I thought we would discuss any attempts to endear Naruto-sama to Whirlpool," Meihui said sternly.

"I am old," Kenta admitted after a minute. It was the simplest way to explain it. "My life…my life will one day come to an end. As a warrior, there is only one path to immortality. I want to pass my techniques and style to Uzumaki Naruto. That boy…"

"What about Uzumaki-sama?"

Kenta leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. "He'll reshape the world, whether as our Daimyo or a shinobi. My name would live for generations."

Meihui gave the old samurai an odd look. The samurai chuckled as he felt the confused glare fall upon him. "Don't mind me, child. I'm just an old man indulging in a moment of vanity."

"Quite." Meihui didn't know how to respond. So, she decided to change the subject slightly. "How will training Naruto in swordsmanship help our cause?"

"I will only have time to teach Naruto the barest of foundational techniques. If he wishes to learn more, he will likely seek me out," Kenta said as he poured himself some tea. "Unfortunately, he will not physically seek me out. He'll probably try to set up an exchange of letters. We may have to find another way to get Naruto to visit Whirlpool."

"We have not failed, Kenta," Meihui pointed out.

"I never said we did. We've actually accomplished a great deal more than I thought we would. I only expected to observe Uzumaki-sama, not make contact with him," Kenta agreed.

Meihui nodded and the room fell silent for several moments. "Do you believe that? That Uzumaki-sama will change the world?"

"I have never believed in something so completely," Kenta replied. "That boy…You can practically feel the weight of destiny on his shoulders."

"GHAGH! BLAKABAH!" Naruto yelled incoherently as Gamabunta opened his mouth. The boss toad unceremoniously spat the latest toad summoner out of his mouth. Naruto landed on the edge of a large table and skidded a few feet…before falling in a simmering pot. "Yeaoooow!"

Naruto loudly swallowed a bit of the contents of the pot and found himself experiencing one of the strangest cravings of his life. He was wishing for a ration bar.

"Ah, I might have put too much spice in that batch," an elderly woman's voice said from beside Naruto. The young ninja, who had landed on his back, opened his eyes and stared at the toad who had spoken.

"Just a little," Naruto said facetiously as he mimed a bit with his arms.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed it, Naruto-chan. Oh, where are my manners? I am Shima. Welcome to Mount Myōbokū!" Shima played the role of the gracious hostess very well.

"Uh, glad to be here," Naruto struggled to regain his composure.

"Yes, it is been so long since we've had guests! Are you here for sage training?" Shima asked.

"Sage training?" Naruto followed up Shima's question with one of his own. Sage training sounded awesome.

"My subordinate isn't ready for sage training yet. We're here to get some back-up. The entire Kamizuru clan is about to come down on his team," Gamabunta explained.

Shima tapped her chin. "They are hornet-wielders, are they not?" Gamabunta and Naruto nodded. "Dear! Could you get my coat? We are going shopping."

'Shopping?'Naruto thought in confusion.

"For what dear?" Another toad asked from a nearby door.

"It seems Naruto-chan and his friends have run into the Kamizuru," Shima explained.

The newly arrived toad was just as old as Shima. Naruto was surprised to see that the green toad had hair. That was odd. "The Kamizuru, eh? Does that mean we'll finally have that tempura again?"

"I don't know what I'll do with you, Fukusaku-kun! Always thinking of food!" Shima huffed.

Naruto had always heard the term 'old married couple', but had never seen what it was actually like. It was kind of funny. He was about to ask about when they were leaving when Gamabunta, who had somehow snuck off, returned with two other enormous toads.

"We need to get back to my friends!" Naruto shouted to interrupt the brewing argument.

Fukusaku and Shima nodded at each other. "Naruto-boy is right," Fukusaku stated simply.

"Well, we can't let his friends be hurt now can we?" Shima asked rhetorically.

"Uh, before we go…" Naruto's tone was thankful, but he was being cautious. "Shino, one of my friends, is an Aburame. You all know about their bugs right?"

Fukusaku nodded. "Of course! We have fought alongside Konoha long enough to recognize the Aburame's allies."

"That and they've been bred to taste like crap," Gamahiro, a large toad with two swords strapped to his back, mentioned offhandedly.

"I don't think Shino would want to hear you insult his bugs," Naruto said indignantly.

"Actually, the Aburame would probably be thrilled to learn their breeding attempts were successful. If the Destruction Bugs taste horrible to predators, they are less likely to get eaten," Shima explained.

"Oh, cool," Naruto made a thoughtful noise. "So, can we go and save my girlfriend and my buddies from Iwa now?"

"Dear, did you grab my coat?" Shima asked moments before Naruto, Fukusaku, Gamahiro, Gamabunta, Shima and Gamaken disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Naruto-kun's clones are engaging the Kamizuru. The clones are trying to herd them toward traps," Hinata reported as she watched the running battles with her Byakugan.

"Naruto's managed to get a few of them," Kiba reported dryly as he sniffed at the air. "Akamaru and I can smell fresh blood on the wind."

"Unfortunately, Naruto-san can only buy us time. As impressive as his strategy is, we are all lacking in the resources to confront the Kamizuru directly," Shino stated.

Kiba patted Akamaru on the side. "We really need to get moving. Those bastards are eventually going to whittle down Naruto's clones. Besides." The Inuzuka flashed a feral grin as he spoke. "We're not only a tracking team. We're an ambush team. All of our jutsu are designed for quickly overwhelming our enemies."

"Kiba-kun is right," Hinata agreed. "We have the advantage if we stick to ambushes. I'm sure Naruto-kun will return soon with the toads."

Shino felt a shiver down his spine at the mention of the toads. He was now firmly convinced he had acute ranidaphobia. In other words, toads scared him out of his mind. "Y-yes, and I lit the beacon Tsunade-sama provided us. Konoha should also be sending reinforcements."

"So, it's settled, let's go fight a war," Kiba said with forced bravado.

"Before we go, Kiba-san," Shino interrupted. "Do not forget we have a prisoner to guard."

"Ah crap, I forgot." Kiba pinched the bridge of his nose. "So, who can we leave to watch the Iwa bitch?"

"This is a dilemma," Shino reluctantly agreed.

Hinata breathed a sigh of relief. "I think we have a solution."

Team Eight turned to face Hinata and saw as a trio of Naruto-clones emerged from the underbrush. One was holding his hands in an attempted sphere. "Uh, Shino, got anything to hold a bug?"

Shino nodded. "I'll need to make sure it is the Bikōchū." The talking clone nodded. Shino approached and peered into Naruto's hands.

"It is the Bikōchū," Shino said in disbelief. "How did you find it?"

The lead clone rubbed the back of his head after handing the Bikōchū to Shino. The Aburame heir placed the legendary bug into a secure carrying case. "Well, it's a long story, but the short version is that we had just led a bunch of Kamizuru into one of the traps. As we were rummaging through their gear for intel, we saw the Bikōchū come out of this gap in a tree. There was this really large bird, though."

"What does a bird have to do with anything?" Kiba hissed. He didn't mean to sound hostile, but dang it! They were in a war-zone and Naruto's clone was telling the story with its creator's usual vigor.

And volume.

"The bird tried to eat the Bikōchū, duh," a clone in the back rolled his eyes as he answered Kiba.

"Yeah, like my bro is saying," the lead clone cut in. "This huge bird tries to swoop in all 'raaagh'!"

The clones were giving a 'full body retelling' and gesturing wildly. At one point during the explanation, a clone flapped his arms as if they were wings. The lead clone continued the retelling. "So, it got really close to the Bikōchū and I punched it in the face."

"You punched a bird in the face?" Hinata asked in surprise.

"It gets better! We don't have to eat ration bars now!" the clone exclaimed. The third clone, who hadn't spoken, held up a very, very large bird.

"Clones…" Shino began. "We need someone to stay and guard the prisoner. Also…do you know ways to prepare food without drawing attention to your location?"

"Maybe smoke it with a cover? I'll think of something while I'm guarding the prisoner," the lead clone pondered. Team Eight nodded in agreement and headed out to the war.

Kamizuru Toshiro was growing increasingly frustrated. His clan was being defeated by teenagers and clones of teenagers. Unless Konoha had sent a group of geniuses to humiliate the Kamizuru. He growled at the thought.

'I wouldn't put it past those condescending assholes of the Leaf,' Toshiro thought angrily.

The Iwa Chūnin used his chakra to climb one of the many nearby trees to get a better look around. The attacks by the blond-haired clones had slackened a bit. Toshiro didn't like the sudden change in the pattern. It implied an impending attack. Toshiro and his two distant cousins prepared themselves for the attack. They waited for what seemed like an hour before deciding the attack wasn't coming.

"If there is an attack, it's not happening here," Toshiro growled. "Let's move out."

A muffled scream drew Toshiro's attention to the rear of the formation. "Renji!" Toshiro called out for his cousin, but he couldn't see anything over the thick underbrush. That fact told Toshiro everything he needed to know.

Renji was gone.

"Renji?" Yasu cried out for her brother. She did not have any time to wait for a response as a Konoha Genin appeared in the midst of the two shocked Kamizuru shinobi.

Toshiro recovered his wits, but it was not fast enough. A young Konoha ninja and a white dog flickered into view directly in front of the Kamizuru ninja. The younger man shouted "Gatsuga!"

It was the last sight Toshiro ever witnessed. The Konoha team slipped away into the forest before clan reinforcements arrived. The Kamizuru didn't even find enough of Toshiro to bury.

Roughly a half-kilometer away, an exhausted Team Eight had practically collapsed. "W-We can't keep this up much longer," Kiba admitted.

"Hinata, what is the maximum range of your Byakugan in your current state?" Shino asked.

The Hyūga heiress closed her eyes to reduce the strain on her nearly-overtaxed Bloodline Limit. "If I push myself, I could possibly see close to four miles."

"How much strain would it put on you?" Kiba asked his friend in concern.

"Right now…a great deal…"

Kiba growled at Hinata's declaration. "Where the hell is Naruto?"

Kurobachi was recovering in the main Kamizuru camp. He could not believe how four teenagers who were likely only Genin had completely outclassed the elite of his entire clan!

'Our grandfather…the Shodai Tsuchikage…I am glad he is dead so that he could not know the shame of our defeat here...'

As if the universe wished to accentuate the clan's crushing defeat, a series of crashes knocked Kurobachi from his cot. The injured shinobi stumbled out of the tent. He took in the horrific sights unfolding all around him and nearly wept. Three massive summoned toads and the blond Yondaime Hokage wannabe were running rampant in the Kamizuru camp.

"I was just supposed to reconnoiter the camp, you know," a smooth, but bored voice said to Kurobachi's left. "However, my favorite knucklehead seems to have decided to end this little war on his own."

Kurobachi turned to face the source of the voice. 'I didn't think our situation could be any worse…now…Hatake Kakashi has entered the fray…'

"I'll be willing to accept your surrender and keep Gamabunta-sama and my student from wiping you out…" Kakashi suggested with a grin. "It'd be a shame for a clan with such good taste in porn to be wiped out."

'It isn't enough to beat us…They want to steal our porn too?' Kurobachi mourned. This was easily the darkest day in the clan's history.

The Aburame Clan, Naruto, Kakashi, and the other Konoha reinforcements arrived at Team Eight's position shortly after securing the last of the Kamizuru. Gamahiro and a large number of Aburame and Naruto Shadow Clones remained at the camp to guard the captured Iwa Shinobi.

"Uh, sorry that took so long…Evidently Time-Space Ninjutsu can be sketchy…" Naruto apologized. "You guys…You all aren't hurt are you?"

Shino shook his head. "I am not severely injured, but my hives have been depleted."

"I'm…I'm exhausted," Hinata admitted. "My chakra reserves are very low."

Akamaru simply flopped down on his belly and huffed. Kiba laughed weakly, "What he said."

Kakashi smiled behind his mask. Team Eight and Naruto had performed incredibly well. They had succeeded in their primary mission and responded to a fluid and dangerous situation like seasoned operators. The Copy-nin was looking forward to their debriefing. Kakashi only gave cursory attention to the young ninja as they explained where they were holding their few Kamizuru prisoners and the Bikōchū. The Jonin, and oft-rumored Hokage Candidate, was thinking of how he was going to word his Official Recommendation for Promotion.

The kids certainly had earned it.

Author's Note: Those Edo Tensei lessons have paid off! You can thank NostalgicWithLove and kitsunescythe for their interest in this fic. NostalgicWithLove really got me to buckle down and finish the chapter. kitsunescythe helped keep me pushing to get this beta'd and uploaded! Thanks to my awesome beta, ChewieCookies for everything.

And now, a fic rec: NostalgicWithLove has written a new take on Rose Tiger's "Prince Naruto" challenge called The Orange Daimyo of Uzushiogakure. Go read it. It is awesome!

Hopefully, the next update won't take Three years.

Unrelated to this fic note: Just a reminder! I have a poll on my profile about which fic from my 2014 Plot ADHD Asylum will be a full fic. I'm also going to flesh out a few points about that poll.

1. REVIEWS COUNT AS VOTES

2. I also count PMs as separate votes.

3. I've decided to take the top 3.

I could take the top 4 if there continues to be a tie for 3rd place.

Next up on the update queue looks like Dichotomy of the Soul with Chains of the Kindred and A Matter of Destiny having substantial progress achieved on them!