Team Gai is Fabulous

Gai is Gai

Blurb: A question is answered about Gai, and Tenten discovers a newfound appreciation for her sensei.

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Disclaimer: You never know, maybe I do own Naruto. And I write fanfiction about it because… no, there is no logical reason why one would write fanfiction for a series one already owns.

Tenten made a sound of disgust.

She'd used up all her pain relievers during a recent mission, and hadn't had the chance to re-stock. She would just have to grin and bear the dysmenorrhea during training today.

It was a little comforting to tell herself that Lee voluntarily bruised and bled to become a better ninja, and suffering was not the sole prerogative of women alone. Even Neji trained himself to the point of agony under the tutelage of Maito Gai and his uncle Hiashi. Pain was not the problem.

The kunoichi puffed out a breath and took a ready stance with her scroll. Neither of the boys, however, had her particular problem of worrying why her period was so irregular and so painful, why her mood swings made her so weepy and irritable before the onset, and whether it was something that could affect her potential to bear children in the future. She had no one to talk to about this kind of thing. Sure, they'd covered all the medical possibilities of her condition during kunoichi classes in the academy, and she could always go for a check up and ask the medics about it, but sometimes Tenten just felt lonely that there was no one she was close to that knew her well enough to simply comfort her and tell her being a female ninja didn't mean she was weaker during this time of the month.

"Tenten?"

Tenten froze at registering the voice immediately behind her. She'd blinked for one second, and the match was over. Gai had been in front of her, then suddenly gone. She'd lost.

The Green Beast clapped a hand to her shoulder. "Come with me," he ordered.

He noticed immediately her distraction. His student was going through the motions of a spar, almost like Lee while asleep. Even on auto-pilot Tenten could probably beat a lesser opponent, but training was for the exact purpose of preparing for stronger, not weaker enemies.

They sat on two tree stumps facing each other in a clearing a distance away from the training field. From the way she shifted on her seat, Gai could also immediately tell the cause of her distraction earlier.

"My youthful flower," he asked gently, "Are you currently suffering menstrual cramps?"

All of Tenten's mental faculties shut down.

Her sensei was bringing up feminine issues.

Her sensei was questioning her on a topic that was strictly a females-only discussion.

Her sensei was… he was…

"I'm sorry," Tenten blurted. She pointed at him, "I can't talk to you about something like that. You're a guy, Gai-sensei. And my teacher. And a guy. And," she said with finality, "A guy."

Gai nodded, expression soothing despite being repeatedly told his name and gender for no discernible reason, "But I am very in touch with my feminine side, Tenten. You can confide in me about anything."

Tenten's finger wavered, lowered. She blinked at him, "In… touch… with your feminine side?"

He smiled benignly. Blinked those eyes with the overlong lashes. Smiled with his too-white teeth. Raised his bushy, but extremely well-maintained eyebrows. "Very much so, my young student."

"You're- you're-," enlightenment dawned on her features. "Oh. Wow. Gai-sensei, it all makes sense now." She tilted her head, "So if I tell you icky female stuff, it won't make you squeamish like a regular guy?"

Gai grinned widely, "Nothing makes me squeamish, my dear."

"He's GAY?"

Tenten shrugged, smiling, "So what? He can still beat the crap out of any ninja we know."

Neji twitched, "Yes, but we're boys Tenten, you don't know how unsafe that makes us feel now." Young, nubile and untouched were not adjectives Neji wished to enunciate in his statement.

"Gai sensei may have whatever preference he wants," Lee said gravely, processing this revelation, "He remains well-respected and has never shown pedophilic tendencies either." He shrugged at Neji, "And you're hardly good looking enough to attract anyone Neji, so you shouldn't worry."

Neji glowered at the green boy as Tenten laughed.

Kakashi closed his novel and eyed his rival's students, who were appraising him seriously, "What?"

"Are you a homosexual, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi fell out of the tree.

He looked around wildly, sharingan activated, "Is this some kind of surprise attack?" His Icha Icha safely jammed into the deepest recesses of his hardest-to-reach pouch, "Naruto, come out immediately!"

It was an unfortunate choice of phrasing. The three ninja looked at each other.

"Coming out," Neji shook his head, "This is more common than I thought."

"Gai-sensei confessed to Tenten that he is very in touch with his feminine side," Lee explained to a confused Copy Nin, "Which led us to suspect that his rivalry with you may be a manifestation of some other relationship aside from the purely competitive."

Kakashi's face mask formed an 'o' shape where his mouth was notionally situated, "I see. So he pulled the 'gay' ruse on you too then?" His gaze slid to Tenten, "You were being squeamish around him, weren't you?"

At their stares, he sat more easily on the ground, waving a negligent hand, "Gai's not gay. He's just very open. And he gets a lot of ladies by implying he's effeminate. Makes them trust him and all that," he had a good laugh at their expressions, "Every ninja has a special technique. I've got my mask, Gai's got his gay thing going."

"Technique!"

Kakashi fixed them with a serious eye, "Every ninja needs to set himself or herself apart to get a date once in a while. Unless you're ANBU, then the mysteriousness of it all is a good enough enticement," he could barely keep a straight face, but he had to, for these young, impressionable genin, "You three already have a good thing going, Neji with the hair," he nodded at the traditional Hyuuga ponytail, "Tenten with the hair," he paused, "And Lee, with the hair."

He stood up, unable to continue. "Well, gotta go." He disappeared with a swirl of leaves. Kakashi could laugh long, loud, and hysterically, just not in front of other people. Yet another technique to keep the ladies interested.

Tenten didn't know if she ought to feel betrayed. She had poured out all her womanly troubles to her sensei, who had sympathized and given practical advice. It had been a very helpful and enlightening chat, actually. Gai really was open about any and all bodily functions, and there was no embarrassing him in that regard.

In hindsight, Tenten realized she should not have been surprised. Her sensei regularly discussed with her in detail the various effects her sharp, blunt and explosive weapons had on the human body, and together they pored over myriad illustrations of mangled and mutilated targets on the receiving end of each particular weapon she sought to master, with trips to the hospital and morgue to further her understanding of the ninja tools and their uses. Her team mates, being young boys, shared her sense of the macabre, and often accompanied her and Gai during these lessons. Tenten knew, deep down inside, and was sure that Neji did too, that their sensei was in fact, very, very cool. Sometimes.

For his part, Neji was relieved. Believing for a while that his sensei was gay had pushed him to dramatically increase his defensive skills, making him realize that with the correct incentive, one could very well go past one's limits. There was nothing like thinking that he had to defeat The Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha in order to protect his honor to keep him training till even the head of the Hyuuga clan wondered what had gotten into him. Hiashi had actually been concerned that Neji was lapsing into bitterness again about the curse seal, given the ferocity and desperation of the boy's self-training.

Lee was completely unaffected. He loved his sensei unconditionally, trained like a maniac anyway, and in his eyes, Gai's coolness was forever.

"My youthful students!" At the training field, Gai tossed two scrolls at Neji and Lee, respectively, "We are being assigned different missions at the moment. Neji, you are on Shikamaru's team. Lee, with Hinata's. Meanwhile, Tenten and I are on the same mission."

Neji and Lee nodded and left to rendezvous with their respective team mates. Gai turned to Tenten.

"I trust, Tenten my flower, that you are back in top form and are sufficiently recovered to take on this mission?" he asked kindly. Tenten beamed at him.

"Yes, Gai-sensei. And thank you," she wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him gratefully. Gai squeezed back briefly, but firmly disengaged himself after a few seconds. Strange, she thought, he was willing to hug Lee for hours.

He coughed. "You are welcome, Tenten. You are blossoming into your youth, and are a radiant and remarkable kunoichi. I am honored to be your sensei."

He gave the Good Guy pose. Instead of shrinking back, like she normally did, she smiled up at him. "And I'm honored to be your student." She slung on her scroll. "Shall we?"

As they set off towards the gates of Konoha, Tenten saw the flush on her sensei's face, a sign that he was very, very happy. Gai was always the one who cheered them on. Tenten knew he didn't need their approval, but even awesome teachers like him obviously loved hearing the affirmation come from his less demonstrative students.

Tenten grinned. In touch with his feminine side, crazy strong, and a gentleman. Any girl would be lucky to have her sensei for a date.

They flashed by the roof decks of the village, and a certain Copy Nin glanced up from his book as they passed.

"Hm," he noted Tenten's brilliant smile in Gai's direction, "So he's got another fangirl."

End.

A/N: Gai assisting Tenten with the facts of puberty is a well-loved plot gimmick. Hope this didn't seem too old hat.