Ok, so this was running around in my head for a while. I think it might have been because I was listening to AFI's Prelude 12/21 too much. This is my first Doctor Who fic, so please be nice. Read and review. And yes it is from the Master's perspective. This is just a one-shot.

WARNING: Please do not read if you wish to pretend that suicide does not exist. I am not writing this to say it is good. Cause trust me, it sucks to think in a way in which death is the only option. Suicide is bad. It hurts more people then just you. I am not using it just as a good plot. I would not do that with something that I struggled against. Just saying.

-SilverKelly

I do not own Doctor Who. Promise.

It Was Not Murder

This planet was falling. Falling and collapsing into the chaos I created. It would be perfect, just as I had planned. But I was starting to fall and collapse into chaos. My mind was slipping. I knew it was slipping. Slipping into insanity. I knew if, no when, I fell that all of this world will be gone. I will kill everything within this solar system. I was going to kill my lovely Lucy and the Doctor. I didn't want to kill either. I love Lucy. And the Doctor, he was the only one of my race left besides me. I didn't want to kill them, but I knew as I sunk I would either that or I would hurt them. I knew when I fell that the Doctor would kill me, or he would keep me almost like a pet, I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want that to happen. There was only one other choice...Lucy. I would have her kill me. If someone had to I would rather it be her. Lucy, my faithful companion, the only human being that actually mattered to me. She will kill me. Not the Doctor, never the Doctor.

Oh, that man. No matter how close I am to victory he rips it away from me. No mater how trapped I have him, he always wins. I know I cannot win. I know him. Of course I know him. Both children of Galifrey. He was my brother. And at one point my best friend. No, he was more then that. He was my brother. But war and ambition got between us as it always does. Now we are the last Time Lords. Our species dies with us. I will not kill him and I know he will not want to directly kill me. But he will keep me imprisoned. I cannot let that happen. I will not let my older brother beat me again. Never again will he beat me.

I was currently standing at one of the windows of the Valient. No one dared disturb me. Oh, the power. It would be gone too soon. Much too soon. I was staring down at my kingdom, planet Earth. I had to speak to Lucy. I had to tell her my plan and what I needed her to do. I glanced at my watch, 9 PM British time. That meant Lucy would be in our quarters. At this time of day she always was drawing. Her drawings were so life like. They were usually of the destruction of Earth. Some people might even find them terrifying.

I need to speak to her now. This couldn't wait. It took me no longer then fire minutes to make it to our quarters and find Lucy. She was seated at the desk with her beautiful blond hair up in a messy bun. She was leaning over her work so focused I walked closer to her till I was standing behind her, silently moving. I didn't want to disturb her. This is why I had fallen for this human lady. Her drawing looked almost complete; it was a picture of the Doctor in his cage. She had even captured the Doctor's broken heart in the picture. I watched her work, completely entranced. I watched her until she leaned back to admire her finished work. I would truly miss her.

I set my hands on her shoulders and kissed her head gently. "It is very well done, my love," I told her softly as I too admired her work. I spoke softly to keep from startling her. She glanced up at me with a distant smile. "Lucy, you love me, right?" I asked her as I held out my hands to help her up.

"Of course I do, Harry," she told me once she was standing facing me. "I don't see why you have to ask that, you should know that."

"I need you to do something for me. It is extremely important and you are the only I trust to do it," I told her. I kept her an arms length away so I could study her.

"Anything for you. What do you need me to do?" she asked me Oh, she sounded so innocent. So innocent and I was about to ask her to kill. I closed my eyes in pain at that thought I ruined her.

"I need you to stay by me no matter what happens. That is the first part. I also need you to help the Doctor when things start to get bad. That is the second part. For the third part I need you to kill me if the Doctor threatens to keep me as his prisoner. Or kill me if I ever hurt you so badly that you don't know what to do," I told her. As I spoke I pulled her to me gently. I held her tightly, never wanting to let go

"But why? Is there any other way? I don't want you to die, let alone kill you myself," she stated sounding weak and torn.

"My dear Lucy. I love you. I love you more then anything, please remember that. But I need you to kill me. The drumming in my head, it is getting bad. So bad it is starting to drive me mad. I know I will fall into a murderous insanity. I know I will end up hurting you, no matter how much I try not to. In killing me you save yourself and the world. I want you to live," I told her. I held her so close, I could feel her heart beating. I could feel her shaking. I felt a tear slide down my face, I rarely cried. I had no idea the last time I had cried. I think it might have been back on Galifrey before even entered the Academy.

Why can I never be truly happy? Why am I so cursed? Why was the drumming always there? The drumming, it was such a curse. Why was the Doctor always there? Why did I always end up hurting someone? All I wanted right now was a family. As I held Lucy I realized that was all I really wanted, a family with her. Nothing else. Just a normal family.

I could feel her shaking in my arms. I could hear her crying. All I could so was hold her tightly and rest my head on hers. She understood everything I was telling her. She was not dumb, no matter what anyone said of her. No, she was a hell of a lot smarter then most people gave her credit for. Neither of us wanted to move. I didn't want to let her go. I didn't know when I would be able to hold her like this again. I think we stayed like that all night.

The time came for her to kill me. I had fought to stay a live. Not going near her. Oh no, I fought the Doctor. I wanted to win this. I fought to win. I took him to Earth in an attempt to gain back my power. It didn't work, but I hadn't expected it to. I knew I would loose.

I stood there awaiting my fate. I couldn't run. I couldn't hide. That freak Captain had me in handcuffs. I watched the Jones woman point the gun at me. I knew the Doctor wouldn't let her. I glanced at Lucy. She had no weapon at the moment. She seemed to know it was almost time.

I stood there, asking the Doctor questions. Trying to figure out if my assumptions had been correct. And they were. He was planning on keeping me. He was planning on holding me prisoner. I did not want to be my brother's prisoner. I did NOT want that.

I had turned my attention back to the Doctor. I wanted to give Lucy the lack of attention she needed to kill me. I didn't want to see it coming. I was scared. I feared death. I always had. The Doctor knew that. I heard the gun fire before I felt the pain. It wasn't too bad. I had died before, always to regenerate. This time I was not planning on it. I had nothing to live for. The Doctor had taken everything, my power, and my empire. The drumming had taken my sanity, which lead to me loosing the one I love. What did I have to live for?

I grinned as I looked up at the Doctor. "Dying in your arms... happy now?" I asked him. I had completely lost it.

I could hear him begging me to regenerate. The words he said didn't matter to me now. "No," was all I said. I was not going to regenerate. I didn't want to. "I guess you don't know me so well... I refuse," I added as I grinned insanely up at him. He kept begging. And begging. He didn't understand. I had to spell it out for him. "And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?"

He was so angry and hurt. I could hear it in his voice. I felt so triumphant. At last I had hurt him. I had found a way to get to him. I had won. In the end I had won. And you know what? I just had to rub it in his face. I was the evil little brother, even if I was dying. "Heh... how about that? I win," I told him. I glanced at Lucy one last time before I let my eyes closed for what I hoped was forever.

Read and review, but please don't flame!

SUICIDE IS BAD! DON'T DO IT!