******
Impossible Circumstances
by TigerBabe
******
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humour.
I'm *very* sorry for how long it's taken for me to update, but as I put in my bio to let you know, I've been so busy at college, and I've had so much work to do, including alot of stuff due in just two weeks now! So, in otherwords, I'm knee deep in work! Fortunately, the first half of chapter came to me when I had a 9 hour train journey... and oh, how much fun that was, LOL... and then the rest has been in the workings for a week or two... lemme tell you, college just drains in inspiration out of you... I've also actually managed to get a fair bit down for Fellowship of the Fangirls, but that needs a fair bit of work (and actually needs to be typed up) - so I'm hoping to have that updated soon aswell...
******
With the planning well underway, Aragorn was finally starting to look forward to the wedding. Of course, that vile, disgusting, ugly monstrocity of purple velvery and pink floral lace that both Galadriel and Legolas had had the nerve to call a dress kept the thought of "maybe this isnt such a good idea after all," fresh in his head.
Aragorn stared at the dress. But the dress... well, actually, he wasnt sure whether or not it was staring back at him; the horrible thing looked as if it was alive, or at least posessed - some of that lace trimming sure looked like eyes. He sighed and averted his gaze (which was definately a good thing to do; much more staring at that thing and he'd go blind). He looked instead at the door, behind which everyone as waiting to see how the dress fit... or possibly to mock him, he wasnt sure.
Giving up on his ideas of escape (which he'd already attempted. He almost got all the way out of the tiny window of the dressing room, before Haldir and his brothered shoved him back in and locked it. Apparently Galadriel had taken into consideration the possibility of Aragorn running off, and placed guards outside the window), the future King picked up the dress. Giving off one last shudder of disgust, he began to get changed.
******
~On the other side of said door~
******
"Whats taking him so long?" Legolas asked.. well, whinged is more accurate. He'd been in a very childish mood today. And no kids like to be kept waiting.
"He's only been in there five minutes, Legolas! And the first three of those were spent trying to push him back in after he got stuck in the window frame trying to escape..." Noting the glare coming from the pregnant Elf, Boromir stopped talking.
******
~Back inside the Dressingroom~
******
Aragorn had finally stripped down to his underwear, and was contemplating how on earth to approach the daunting task of actually getting that dress on. He picked it up and looked at it.
"Mm, shouldnt be too difficult," he muttered to himself, as he began examining the dress, looking for a way to get it on. All the layers in the dress made it rather difficult to find the correct way to pull it over his head. After a couple of minutes, he gave up entirely, and had a look at the corset instead (made specially to fit him, of course). After a few head scratching moments, he gave up on that aswell.
"Legolas!" he called through the door.
"What? Are you ready yet?" an irritated voice came though to him.
"You you be a dear, and give me a hand please?" Aragorn asked in a sweet voice as he opened the door carefully, just enough to grab Legolas's wrist, and pull him through into the dressingroom.
Legolas took one look at Aragon standing there in his underwear, pointing at the dress with a bewildered expression on his face, and did what any normal, irritated, pregnant male Elf would do. He burst out laughing.
Aragorn glared it him. "It's not funny," he ground out.
Legolas sniggered. "Of course not," he coughed to stop himself from laughing. "What are you after help with?" he asked, putting his, 'I am a serious Elf, oh yes' voice on.
"I cant figure out how I'm supposed to get into this dress," Aragorn answered with a blush on his cheeks (oh yes, Rangers blush, but only when they ask really, really, REALLY stupid questions).
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's easy Aragorn! Stand here," he said pointing to the middle of the room. He picked up the dress and unlaced the back of the corset, and skirt. "Arms out," Legolas instructed as he moved to slip the dress up Aragorns arms. He pulled it round, and then went behind Aragorn. Pushing him gently, he made Aragorn stand with his hands on the wall, as he pulled the corset tight, and laced it up. He then began to fasten the skirt. After tying the red ribbon on the back in a large bow, he stepped back, letting Aragorn know he was done.
"That was quick," Aragorn commented. "How did you know how to do that so quickly?"
"I have a couple of sisters," Legolas said with a shrug. "I can also do makeup, and style hair. Talking of which, there's gonna be ALOT to do with your hair," he finished with afrown as he closely studied Aragorn's hair.
Aragorn backed away with wide eyes, "Like what? You better not think about cutting it..." he said in a panicky voice.
"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of 'wash it', but now you mention it, cutting it would be quite a good idea..," Legolas paused for a second before continuing, "But anyway, everyone's outside, and we dont wanna keep them waiting! You look great!" Legolas said in a gushing voice.
Before Aragorn could say anything else, Legolas whipped open the dressingroom door, and pushed Aragorn out into the waiting crowd.
******
A stunned silence filled the room as Aragorn stood there, glaring for all he was worth at the gathered people. They all shared quick glances before turning back to Aragorn, to comment on the outfit.
"Well, uh," Boromir started before his words dried up.
"Yeah, definately," Gimli nodded.
Merry glanced sideways at the dress "It's very..."
"Different," Pippin finished.
"I would've said, 'very purple'," Sam interupted.
Frodo shook his head, "There's too much pink for you to say that, Sam."
Aragorn glared.
Legolas bounced out of the room behind him, and flashed his winning smile at everyone. "Doesnt he look great!?" he Elf said happily.
Everyone stared at him like he had two heads.
"Uuh, yeah," Frodo said, afraid to disagree with Legolas, just in case.
Everyone turned and stared at Frodo.
"What?"
"Nevermind," Boromir said. Turning back to look at Aragorn, he winced slightly. 'Nyargh,' he thought, 'what kind of devilry can create such a vile thing, and then call it a dress? Nyargh.'
Pippin, being the brave Hobbit that he is (or possibly just being stupid, your call), decided to inspect the dress closer. He took a few steps forward, and had a good look at the dress. Reaching out, he felt the material (or at least, some of it - there were a few different types used in the dresss). "What's it made out of?" he asked wearily.
Galadriel decided to answer. She'd been observing everyone's reactions - she'd already seen the dress; she had to commission it specially, as no dress makers this side of Mordor would make a dress *that* ugly without having a Sorceress to force them. So she knew exactly what it was made of.
"Well, Pippin, that piece you've got a hold of there is some fine Mirkwood silk, some of the best there is," she gestured to the side of where he was standing, "That bit there, just next to your hand, the other side, yeah, there, that's some lace, got it from Rohan a couple of centuries ago," she went on to describe a few other materials, including a couple that no-one else had even heard of. When she was finished, she asked if anyone had any other questions.
"Aye, I've got a question," Pippin said, looking up at her, "... are the bridesmaids dresses gonnae be like this?"
Galadriel laughed, "No, dont worry Pippin, the bridesmaids dresses are going to be in usual Elvish style, Mirkwood silk again, and some lace, but none of the other materials, and they're going to be shades of blue, is that okay?"
Pippin, and Frodo, let out audiable sighs of relief, "Thank the Valar for that," Pippin muttered, "That will be great!" he said, more loudly so everyone could hear him, "When do we get to try them out?"
"Well, they're still being made, they should be finished by tomorrow hopefully, then the Wedding itself can take place in 5 days time," she said, turning to Legolas and Aragorn, "Is that acceptable to you?"
Legolas nodded enthusiastically, and Aragorn nodded in a much more defeated looking way. Poor Ranger.
Aragorn looked up at Galadriel with pleading eyes, "Can I go get changed now?" he asked.
"Mm, okay, but be quick about it, we have other things to sort out, aswell as research into the matter of Legolas's condition," she told him quickly.
Legolas snorted, "I'm pregnant, it's not 'a condition', it's a perfectly natural thing."
Galadriel looked over at him exasperatedly, "It's only perfectly natural when it's a woman who's pregnant," he said.
Legolas blushed a little, "Oh yeah."
"Yup, and I'm off," Aragorn said, hopping into the dressingroom, leaving everyone standing around outside.
Just after he stepped into the room, and locked it behind him, he heard footsteps running toward the door.
"Lady Galadriel, Prince Legolas!" Haldir's voice came shouting at them as he approached at quite a high speed.
"What is it?" both Legolas and Galadriel turned and asked at the same time.
"I've just found out some information about what, well, about how Legolas, y'know, got pregnant," he said, gesturing wildly at the pregnant Prince, with his eyes wide, and out of breath.
"Speak quickly!" Legolas said - well, almost shouted. It was the first possible lead he had come across so far, so he was quite interested. Behind him, it sounded like someone had fell over in the dressingroom - which, was actually true; Aragorn had been changing, and slipped and fell when he heard what Haldir said. He was just a bit shocked though, he wasnt hurt, so dont worry.
"Well, my, uh, friend, yeah, my friend came over to me when I was standing on guard outside the dressingroom window," Haldir said rapidly, "he said that he'd heard some information at the bar we go to," he paused and blushed furiously.
"Which bar?" Legolas asked.
"Lothsilivren[1]," Haldir mumbled in reply.
Legolas looked a little confused, and looked at Galadriel.
"Lothsilivren is a gay bar, though I dont know why Haldir is blushing, everyone knows he practically lives there," Galadriel said with an unlady-like snort.
Haldir continued to blush.
Legolas laughed a little, before continuing, "What information did you hear?"
Haldir looked around, and frowned, "Should we not wait for Aragorn to come out of the dressingroom?" he asked.
"Nah, dont worry about him, tell me," Legolas said.
"Well, this is what I heard..."
******
TBC, 'cause I'm evil. Mwhahahaa!!
[1] Lothsilivren, Sindarin, means 'Glittering Flower'.
Impossible Circumstances
by TigerBabe
******
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am but a poor student, who lives off beans on toast. Suing me would be pointless... unless you want to deprive me of my beans on toast.
Authors Notes & Warnings: Slash (A/L) resulting in male pregnancy (lol!), and some bad language. Proof of the fact I have a warped sense of humour.
I'm *very* sorry for how long it's taken for me to update, but as I put in my bio to let you know, I've been so busy at college, and I've had so much work to do, including alot of stuff due in just two weeks now! So, in otherwords, I'm knee deep in work! Fortunately, the first half of chapter came to me when I had a 9 hour train journey... and oh, how much fun that was, LOL... and then the rest has been in the workings for a week or two... lemme tell you, college just drains in inspiration out of you... I've also actually managed to get a fair bit down for Fellowship of the Fangirls, but that needs a fair bit of work (and actually needs to be typed up) - so I'm hoping to have that updated soon aswell...
******
With the planning well underway, Aragorn was finally starting to look forward to the wedding. Of course, that vile, disgusting, ugly monstrocity of purple velvery and pink floral lace that both Galadriel and Legolas had had the nerve to call a dress kept the thought of "maybe this isnt such a good idea after all," fresh in his head.
Aragorn stared at the dress. But the dress... well, actually, he wasnt sure whether or not it was staring back at him; the horrible thing looked as if it was alive, or at least posessed - some of that lace trimming sure looked like eyes. He sighed and averted his gaze (which was definately a good thing to do; much more staring at that thing and he'd go blind). He looked instead at the door, behind which everyone as waiting to see how the dress fit... or possibly to mock him, he wasnt sure.
Giving up on his ideas of escape (which he'd already attempted. He almost got all the way out of the tiny window of the dressing room, before Haldir and his brothered shoved him back in and locked it. Apparently Galadriel had taken into consideration the possibility of Aragorn running off, and placed guards outside the window), the future King picked up the dress. Giving off one last shudder of disgust, he began to get changed.
******
~On the other side of said door~
******
"Whats taking him so long?" Legolas asked.. well, whinged is more accurate. He'd been in a very childish mood today. And no kids like to be kept waiting.
"He's only been in there five minutes, Legolas! And the first three of those were spent trying to push him back in after he got stuck in the window frame trying to escape..." Noting the glare coming from the pregnant Elf, Boromir stopped talking.
******
~Back inside the Dressingroom~
******
Aragorn had finally stripped down to his underwear, and was contemplating how on earth to approach the daunting task of actually getting that dress on. He picked it up and looked at it.
"Mm, shouldnt be too difficult," he muttered to himself, as he began examining the dress, looking for a way to get it on. All the layers in the dress made it rather difficult to find the correct way to pull it over his head. After a couple of minutes, he gave up entirely, and had a look at the corset instead (made specially to fit him, of course). After a few head scratching moments, he gave up on that aswell.
"Legolas!" he called through the door.
"What? Are you ready yet?" an irritated voice came though to him.
"You you be a dear, and give me a hand please?" Aragorn asked in a sweet voice as he opened the door carefully, just enough to grab Legolas's wrist, and pull him through into the dressingroom.
Legolas took one look at Aragon standing there in his underwear, pointing at the dress with a bewildered expression on his face, and did what any normal, irritated, pregnant male Elf would do. He burst out laughing.
Aragorn glared it him. "It's not funny," he ground out.
Legolas sniggered. "Of course not," he coughed to stop himself from laughing. "What are you after help with?" he asked, putting his, 'I am a serious Elf, oh yes' voice on.
"I cant figure out how I'm supposed to get into this dress," Aragorn answered with a blush on his cheeks (oh yes, Rangers blush, but only when they ask really, really, REALLY stupid questions).
Legolas rolled his eyes. "Oh, it's easy Aragorn! Stand here," he said pointing to the middle of the room. He picked up the dress and unlaced the back of the corset, and skirt. "Arms out," Legolas instructed as he moved to slip the dress up Aragorns arms. He pulled it round, and then went behind Aragorn. Pushing him gently, he made Aragorn stand with his hands on the wall, as he pulled the corset tight, and laced it up. He then began to fasten the skirt. After tying the red ribbon on the back in a large bow, he stepped back, letting Aragorn know he was done.
"That was quick," Aragorn commented. "How did you know how to do that so quickly?"
"I have a couple of sisters," Legolas said with a shrug. "I can also do makeup, and style hair. Talking of which, there's gonna be ALOT to do with your hair," he finished with afrown as he closely studied Aragorn's hair.
Aragorn backed away with wide eyes, "Like what? You better not think about cutting it..." he said in a panicky voice.
"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of 'wash it', but now you mention it, cutting it would be quite a good idea..," Legolas paused for a second before continuing, "But anyway, everyone's outside, and we dont wanna keep them waiting! You look great!" Legolas said in a gushing voice.
Before Aragorn could say anything else, Legolas whipped open the dressingroom door, and pushed Aragorn out into the waiting crowd.
******
A stunned silence filled the room as Aragorn stood there, glaring for all he was worth at the gathered people. They all shared quick glances before turning back to Aragorn, to comment on the outfit.
"Well, uh," Boromir started before his words dried up.
"Yeah, definately," Gimli nodded.
Merry glanced sideways at the dress "It's very..."
"Different," Pippin finished.
"I would've said, 'very purple'," Sam interupted.
Frodo shook his head, "There's too much pink for you to say that, Sam."
Aragorn glared.
Legolas bounced out of the room behind him, and flashed his winning smile at everyone. "Doesnt he look great!?" he Elf said happily.
Everyone stared at him like he had two heads.
"Uuh, yeah," Frodo said, afraid to disagree with Legolas, just in case.
Everyone turned and stared at Frodo.
"What?"
"Nevermind," Boromir said. Turning back to look at Aragorn, he winced slightly. 'Nyargh,' he thought, 'what kind of devilry can create such a vile thing, and then call it a dress? Nyargh.'
Pippin, being the brave Hobbit that he is (or possibly just being stupid, your call), decided to inspect the dress closer. He took a few steps forward, and had a good look at the dress. Reaching out, he felt the material (or at least, some of it - there were a few different types used in the dresss). "What's it made out of?" he asked wearily.
Galadriel decided to answer. She'd been observing everyone's reactions - she'd already seen the dress; she had to commission it specially, as no dress makers this side of Mordor would make a dress *that* ugly without having a Sorceress to force them. So she knew exactly what it was made of.
"Well, Pippin, that piece you've got a hold of there is some fine Mirkwood silk, some of the best there is," she gestured to the side of where he was standing, "That bit there, just next to your hand, the other side, yeah, there, that's some lace, got it from Rohan a couple of centuries ago," she went on to describe a few other materials, including a couple that no-one else had even heard of. When she was finished, she asked if anyone had any other questions.
"Aye, I've got a question," Pippin said, looking up at her, "... are the bridesmaids dresses gonnae be like this?"
Galadriel laughed, "No, dont worry Pippin, the bridesmaids dresses are going to be in usual Elvish style, Mirkwood silk again, and some lace, but none of the other materials, and they're going to be shades of blue, is that okay?"
Pippin, and Frodo, let out audiable sighs of relief, "Thank the Valar for that," Pippin muttered, "That will be great!" he said, more loudly so everyone could hear him, "When do we get to try them out?"
"Well, they're still being made, they should be finished by tomorrow hopefully, then the Wedding itself can take place in 5 days time," she said, turning to Legolas and Aragorn, "Is that acceptable to you?"
Legolas nodded enthusiastically, and Aragorn nodded in a much more defeated looking way. Poor Ranger.
Aragorn looked up at Galadriel with pleading eyes, "Can I go get changed now?" he asked.
"Mm, okay, but be quick about it, we have other things to sort out, aswell as research into the matter of Legolas's condition," she told him quickly.
Legolas snorted, "I'm pregnant, it's not 'a condition', it's a perfectly natural thing."
Galadriel looked over at him exasperatedly, "It's only perfectly natural when it's a woman who's pregnant," he said.
Legolas blushed a little, "Oh yeah."
"Yup, and I'm off," Aragorn said, hopping into the dressingroom, leaving everyone standing around outside.
Just after he stepped into the room, and locked it behind him, he heard footsteps running toward the door.
"Lady Galadriel, Prince Legolas!" Haldir's voice came shouting at them as he approached at quite a high speed.
"What is it?" both Legolas and Galadriel turned and asked at the same time.
"I've just found out some information about what, well, about how Legolas, y'know, got pregnant," he said, gesturing wildly at the pregnant Prince, with his eyes wide, and out of breath.
"Speak quickly!" Legolas said - well, almost shouted. It was the first possible lead he had come across so far, so he was quite interested. Behind him, it sounded like someone had fell over in the dressingroom - which, was actually true; Aragorn had been changing, and slipped and fell when he heard what Haldir said. He was just a bit shocked though, he wasnt hurt, so dont worry.
"Well, my, uh, friend, yeah, my friend came over to me when I was standing on guard outside the dressingroom window," Haldir said rapidly, "he said that he'd heard some information at the bar we go to," he paused and blushed furiously.
"Which bar?" Legolas asked.
"Lothsilivren[1]," Haldir mumbled in reply.
Legolas looked a little confused, and looked at Galadriel.
"Lothsilivren is a gay bar, though I dont know why Haldir is blushing, everyone knows he practically lives there," Galadriel said with an unlady-like snort.
Haldir continued to blush.
Legolas laughed a little, before continuing, "What information did you hear?"
Haldir looked around, and frowned, "Should we not wait for Aragorn to come out of the dressingroom?" he asked.
"Nah, dont worry about him, tell me," Legolas said.
"Well, this is what I heard..."
******
TBC, 'cause I'm evil. Mwhahahaa!!
[1] Lothsilivren, Sindarin, means 'Glittering Flower'.