Isn't it a violation of the Georgia sodomy law for the Supreme Court to have its head up its ass? ~Letter to Playboy magazine, February 1987

AN: Jammin out to Alex Carpenter's (AKA the Remus Lupins) Bowties are cool! I know… I've been gone forever! But in my defense…. Actually, I don't really have a solid one. I could tell you about my two doctor who fics I've been working on, only one of which is up, or I could tell you about my fucked up REDICULOUS AP summer work… Or I could simply beg for forgiveness.

So my offer for appeasement is a chapter that is roughly double the length of my normal chapters. Forgive me? :3

btw, who likes my new border? I think it looks like a doily.

AN2: Btw, there's gonna be a word in this chapter that Remus doesn't catch. More than once. This word, or lack thereof, will be represented like this. (*) Part of the reason is because I haven't decided yet what word should go into the blank. Another reason is that idiocy/partial deafness is funny right here, and the last is that I felt like it. Teehee.

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When he opened his eyes, he found himself face to face with one Lily Evans. Noticing that he had woken up, she punched him lightly on the arm and tutted at him.

"What the hell is your problem?" Remus opened his mouth to reply, but she interrupted him. "No, I don't want to hear it. Everyone has been worried sick about you Remus! Sirius said something about a potion, but he was rather hysterical. So I'm assuming this potion had something to do with your odd behavior." He opened his mouth again, but was once more interrupted by Lily as she continued to rant.

"And I really hope you can explain to me why on earth you grabbed my" this particular word he was unable to make out (*), "last Friday!"

"Lily I-"

"I told you Remus, I don't want to hear it! There is absolutely no excuse for your behavior! Did I tell you yet that Sirius is hysterical? Well he is! He's making a huge mess of your dorm. Sirius keeps smashing things, and Potter's going bald trying to fix what he's breaking! Meanwhile, Peter's already gained ten pounds since this morning because of his so called 'comfort food'! And I failed a test this morning! In Herbology! Herbology Remus! And it's all! Your! Fault!" The livid red head punctuated each word with a jab from her wand, and small appendages were protruding from his skin where she'd poked him.

Whilst she continued her rant (something about Sirius turning Frank into a thong in anger), Remus studied his surroundings. This was a part of the castle he'd never been to before, and, as it was very pink, he assumed it must be the girl dormitory. He was laying on what must've been Lily's bed, and it was a proper Gryffindor red and gold.

The other girls had apparently been trying to be feminine and house spirited at the same time by charming their room to be pink and yellow in the place of red and gold. In Remus' opinion they had definitely failed. He grabbed Lily's wand, stopping her mid rant, and charmed the décor of the room back to its original state.

"What did you do?" She squeaked, indignant. Remus sighed.

"I simply changed the room back to its rightful state. It was an abomination like that. Honestly, who would ever think that pink and yellow could pass for house colors?" Lily laughed.

"You're completely right of course. They'll just change it back though." Remus nodded silently, then added a charm to make his spell permanent.

"There. Now am I forgiven?" Lily looked at him gravely.

"I forgive you Remus, but the others…. I don't know, they're pretty mad. Nice wand work though. Now give it back." Remus silently handed back her wand, wondering what had happened. Was Sirius this angry about the kiss?

"Lily…" Remus mumbled cautiously, "Do you know why they're angry with me?"

"What do you mean "do I know?" Of course I know! You grabbed my" This word, once again was indistinguishable to Remus (*), "last Friday! And I wasn't the only one! You've been grabbing girls all week!" Remus had the decency to look ashamed.

"Though, of course, the vast majority didn't mind…. But that's not the point!" Lily said, blushing slightly and becoming slightly flustered.

"But… Isn't that better for everyone? That I've been after women and such?" Lily looked at him strangely.

"Well, normally, I'd tell you that as your friends, we love you and support you either way, and if you want to be a man-whore, then you and Sirius can go out and bugger all the sleazes in the school, but that's not the only change Remus." When her friend showed no sign of recognition, she continued.

"You've been a right prat, you know that? You've been going after girls (I've already told you that bit); skipping lessons; when you do show up, all you do is draw pictures of naked women on the desk with your wand. And of course you make them permanent. The professors can't get them off! You've been assigned thirty two detentions this week, thirty two Remus! Potter and Sirius had to try very hard to worry about you rather than be jealous of you breaking their record. But I digress. You haven't shown up to a single one! Well, actually you did show up for one with Filch. You told him he was a filthy squib, then you hexed him and ran off."

Remus just looked at her. There was no way he'd done those things. And even if he had, his friends would have been proud, not angry. What did he do?

"Lily, you know as well as I do that that wouldn't be enough to make my friends angry. They've done those things themselves. Don't you remember when Sirius magicked that nude picture of Bathilda Bagshot onto Dumbledore's podium in the great hall? They never got it off. They had to replace the podium. Why are they really angry?"

Lily hesitated. "Well, I don't know everything," She stated, "but I do know you've been being a real asshole to Sirius; you tried to beat him up. I don't know why though. Potter's really pissed because you keep smoking in the dorms. I've heard him screaming about that at least five times today alone." Remus groaned. Smoking once around James Potter was enough to be hexed and ignored for a week. Plus a black eye on a bad day. Remus lifted a hand to his face and was surprised to find no damage. He quickly assessed the rest of his body and found himself to be whole, but achy. Lily laughed.

"I've already healed you, idiot. Would you like to know how bad you had it?" Remus nodded with some trepidation, and Lily started listing his injuries with a sadistic sort of glee.

According to her, he had gone after each Marauder in turn, after losing his temper with them. Of course, being the smallest (with the exception of Peter), and relatively fragile, he was quickly subdued, and accidentally crushed several times. Sirius' first punch had broken his nose, blacked his eye, and crushed the bone plate underneath his eye. Remus winced as he thought of the enormous hand that must have been crashing into his face.

He'd also sat upon Remus' chest, and Lily told him he'd had several fractured ribs. Remus' bones were rather brittle because of his transformations every month, and broke easily. He was probably lucky they were only slight fractures. Apparently the bruising Sirius had given him was too huge to quantify.

From James, Remus had received another black eye and a bruise on his cheek and neck. James had sat upon him too, but, being a seeker, and therefore much lighter than Sirius, James had only bruised his chest slightly.

And Peter (who knew?) had slapped him across the face so many times that he'd bruised both of his cheeks, and across his arms where he'd grabbed him.

And boy, could he feel it. But it did make him wonder how he'd made Sirius so angry.

Lily continued chattering away about the more gruesome details of his injuries while he tried his hardest to remember the details of what had occurred during his alter-ego's reign. What had Sirius called him then? Romanus?

"-Forced us all to call you Romulus-" Ah, that's what Sirius had called him, Romulus.

He tried his hardest to remember, but all he could call to mind were anguished yells and shouts. The only words he could make out were 'faggot' and 'bastard'. Sirius must still be angry about the kiss and told the others. That's why everyone was angry with him.

While he was thinking this, he heard angry shouting from the stairway to the girl's dormitory.

"Lily Flower!" Came the voice of James Potter from behind the door. "Could I please come in?"

"Go to hell Potter," was Lily's only response. Remus' snickered. Same old Lily; she'd probably forgotten herself and thought he was coming to 'woo' her.

"He's probably here for me Lills."

"Lilyyyyyyyy let us innnnnn!" Peter's voice echoed through next.

"Only if you three promise to behave! No beating Remus or rooting through my panty drawers!"

There were three murmurs of ascent from behind the door. Lily stood up from her perch beside Remus on her bed and unlocked the door.

Three teenaged forms burst through, all looking disheveled, dirty, and worse for wear. They managed to tangle into each other and fall in a heap onto the floor in front of Lily's bed. Forgetting they were mad at him, Remus let out a loud laugh at his friends as they each struggled to get to the bed first. Lily grinned at him and they shared a moment of fondness for his three struggling friends.

Sirius finally won the battle when Peter transformed into Wormtail and scurried out of the fray. Immediately, Sirius transformed into Padfoot and started licking Remus' face, excitedly barking, jumping and wagging his tail.

Remus laughed, "Geroff Padfoot! Haha, that's gross! Down Padfoot!" He laughed happily while the dog continued barking and slobbering all over him.

Once he'd properly freed himself from Sirius' doggy breath, Lily leaned over to whisper conspiratorially into his ear.

"Don't worry, I've already told them you've changed back." Lily had been playing dumb the entire time so she could surprise him with his friends once he woke up.

"They don't hate me?" He asked Lily.

"We could never hate you mate! You mean way too much to us." James grinned, having overheard his conversation with Lily.

"We missed you like hell you stupid prat!" Squeaked Peter from his position underneath and in between James' legs. He was still hiding from Sirius.

Sirius, still in Padfoot mode was curled up into his side, and his reassurance of friendship was a gentle lick to the palm of his hand.

"I thought you guys hated me." Remus looked up at all of his friends, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"We could never hate you. Romulus… He was a prat. But we love you." James proceeded to recount the story of how exactly Remus had gotten so beaten up. He told him about the smoking, the cussing and the rolling around on the floor.

Then Remus told them about his potion while stroking Sirius' furry head absentmindedly. After about twenty minutes he heard a gentle snore come from the animagus' mouth. Well, he decided, he'd talk to Sirius when he woke up.

Gathering the sleeping dog into his arms, Remus fell into an easy sleep on Lily's bed, still too tired to move.

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AN: Well, what did you think? Drop me a line if you liked this chapter! It was a little slow at first but that's how I wanted it. I like it. But now I'm not sure what I want to do. There was MORE I wanted to do with this story, but I really do think it's good just like this too. I'm debating between making this the end, continuing, and making a sequel. Either way, I'm not planning on clearing up the romantic issues any time soon. Because I'm evil. Thanks again for reading (please review). Para out! XD