Why you shouldn't drug Russia ever

By Otaku no Baka or Fujoshi

Hahahah I have NO COMPUTER besides one that I got from ebay and it randomly crashes/dies/etc. Name any one of them problems. Why? My charger for my Toshiba laptop is dead so I have to buy a new one and I haven't yet since the website doesn't make them anymore XD (100 dollars for a new one at Radio Shack?)

So in the downtime been drawing but meh kinda down due to boyfriend issues and other problems =_=; So here is random stupid ass one shot until I can fix my computer and actually get motivated to draw again. Damn coloring...

Also want to thank my reviewers for reading my weird and wack stuff as well as Cake-error for putting up with me being random and doing a decent job on betaing. For any other errors or language errors on past stuff that readers mentioned I am working on it. It's going to take a LONG ASS TIME at this rate though.

GO READ TropicanaLemonadeOnASunnyDay's STUFF NOW. Russiamerica good shit. There. If anyone else want me to shout out fics/names/etc. pm me cause today is lazy day.

Warnings: Sleep sex, PWP, America being a perverted ass.

I don't own Hetalia or what America used on Russia in this derp.

"Um…America, would you like to go to the bar with me?"

Alfred F. Jones paused at gathering his papers and regarded the shorter nation in front of him. England held his hand to his face and had gone into what Japan would probably dub his 'dere dere mode,' complete with a blush and bashful embarrassed look.

Before he could reply Russia, the local nation creeper, snuck right into the conversation. "Ah, hello comrade! I overheard that you were attempting to go to an establishment to get...wasted, da?"

America watched as how England's expression changed dramatically; his lips puckered in as if he sucked on a lemon and his massive eyebrows merged into one line. It looked like he was trying really hard to keep up his gentlemanly persona. "I'm sorry, Russia but this is going to be myself and America only."

Russia only wrapped an arm around the British nation and leaned in closer, the temperature changing dramatically. "Ah, but I want to come with you two so I can witness dear England getting drunk under the table, da?"

America ignored how England bristled like a cat and started to rant, Russia standing there with that stupid grin still on his face but adding jibes every now and then. The blond contemplated the idea of the Slavic nation coming, he could finally do that thing and...hm.

"Alright, I'll go but I need to make a stop before we get there." Both nations paused, England with a stupefied look on his face and Russia with only a raised eyebrow. America shrugged and continued to clean up his papers and briefcase.

"What the bloody hell are you drinking soda for?"

America slurped down his pop, picked up at their stop at McDonalds along with the cheeseburger and fries. He didn't really have to answer his former mentor. After the karaoke fiasco with the Asian nations from last year that resulted in Japan walking around in only his sumo underwear and a tie on his head, Korea in a thong and a sailor outfit, and China with pigtails and wearing a lolita goth outfit, all of them singing the Pretty Cure theme, America decided to never drink or start drinking anything, ever.

Sure he occasionally drank during the ages but he never got drunk ever. His morals and beliefs stood against it.

"And why the fuck is Russia passed out from only drinking a bottle? You spiked it didn't you?"

England, very much plastered after a few shots of rum, gestured wildly at the passed out, snoring Russian nation with his head on the table next to an empty bottle of vodka.

America paused as he tried not to laugh while he was drinking. He did indeed spiked Russia's drink, putting a roofie in, but it was difficult finding the right measurement since he knew from experience that Russia was immune to a lot of inhibitors and black magic. He had to find the strongest one and modify it to his tastes.

The blond rose out of his seat after finishing off his A and W and flung one of Russia's arms around his shoulders. "I think I'll take Russia back to his room and come back and drink some more Arthur." He gave off a small smile that he knew would make England putty in his hands.

England blushed and felt certain parts of his body heat up, and not from the alcohol. He nodded and watched as America dragged the cold nation up and out the door.

America grinned and licked his lips like a stalker. He finally had Russia where he wanted him!

Since he first met him all those decades ago he wanted to do something with the Slavic nation, but was cockblocked by an overprotective England, too many morals, as well as political matters. He was just waiting for Russia to ravish him during the Cold War, to explode and take his little virgin body.

So one day America just said the hell with it all and decided to put it under 'paying the commie bastard for mind fucking all those years ago,' even though they were borderline friends/allies now. No he just needed an excuse so he could go ahead and bad touch Russia and still be the hero after the act.

Yeah...bad touch big bad ol' villian Russia and finally see what's under that coat...'Heh.' The blond slurped up the drool that ran out of his mouth and tossed Russia on the floor to his hotel room. He started to untie his tie and take off his bomber jacket, grinning like a lecherous old man.

"Ahhh...hhhh.."

America shut his eyes. Glasses perched on his nose, as sweat dripped from his face.

He was hunched over, pushing and thrusting his member inside of the comatose body under him.

It was difficult to take off Russia's coat so he only took off the man's pants and prepared him to the best of his knowledge. Thankfully that the drug had relaxed him before he pushed inside of the hot ass, balls deep. God, he thought that Ivan would be cold but he was bristling warmth surrounding his dick and ohhhh...

"Fuck, going to come so soon." Russia's legs were hooked over his shoulders, his scarf and hair tossed like an halo. American leaned over and ghosts his lips on the passed out nation under him, licking and almost wishing he could kiss the man right now...

The blond groaned as he came inside, filling up the man's anal walls with sperm. America panted and gasped, hands running through those soft pale strands, not feeling how the body under him was stirring awake again.

"OW!" A fist connected with his jaw and America felt himself being violently pushed off. He watched as Russia wobbly got to his feet, a glare in his eyes, until he paled and covered his mouth.

The blond winced as he heard retching even before the cold nation got to the bathroom and decided to make his escape, shakily getting his pants on and trying to find his bomber jacket. Before he made it to the door a pipe was impaled into the wall next to him with a clank.

"Amerika where do you think you are going?" Russia swished some of his flask of vodka and spat out the bile and nasty taste from his mouth as he stumbled out the bathroom. America paled and tried to get out once more, running down the hallway with a pissed off nation behind him.

"AHHHHH!"

Russia smirked as he pounded into the body under him, groaning every time those walls clung his cock and attempted to push it out.

He caught up with the American and broke down the door to his hotel room, dragging him to the bed and ripping off most of his clothes. The stupid blond was unfortunate that his superior immune system rid him of most of the drug so he was somewhat sober, only riding on adrenaline and instinct.

This was a gleeful moment so he decided to take off his coat on a whim, leaving him in only his scarf and woven shirt.

Of course the blond didn't go down without a fight but it was indeed a prize when he managed to hold both of the American's hands with one hand and prepare him with the other. Since the American wanted to have sex so badly, why not?

"You are very tight Alfred." He felt the shiver that went through the blond. "I had assumed that your mentor bad touched you along with that French nation already." Mm this one might be a keeper. America was one of the few nations who went toe to toe with him so it would be a thrill to see him like this often, submissive and wanton.

"No...No...and yo...you're too big! Take it out! Take it out it hurts!" America wailed as he tried to push back but was only encouraging him. Damn why him? He really wasn't trying to enjoy how Russia was starting to hit his good spots now, making his cock throb and bringing him closer to completion.

"Nyet, you fit like...a glove." Russia groaned and felt around, squeezing the young man's cock between their bodies. He ran a hand through the sunshine hair and felt Nantucket, seeing the blue orbs widen and his breath hitch. "Hm…" He laughed and continued to stroke it, hearing America's pleads more broken and his moans more vibrant.

"Mor...More! I want to come again!"

"America?" England heard a commotion, like a fight, along with his former colony's wails so he decided to follow it to his room and stood there gaping at what he saw. His poor boy was under Russia getting thoroughly fucked into the bed.

Russia paused but glared while America panted, wiggling and trying to fight off his feelings of lust in desperation.

"Brother! DAD, HELP ME!"

Britain licked his lips without realizing he was being called 'Dad' and tried to fight back the rage building in his body. He was the one that wanted to take the nation's virginity first, like a ripe fruit, so he kept him from all the other perverted countries until today. He wanted to get America wasted and bring him back to his hotel room so they could romp in the room having hot drunken sex and have hot morning sex later on. Fuck that Russia to bloody hell!

'Maybe I can still join in and...'

"KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL."

Maybe not.

Omake

"..."

Germany paused at how America wobbled into the meeting room late, Russia right behind him whistling.

England came in later on, hungover and hissing at anyone who came near.

Alfred was hurting all over, his body covered with what he assumed were 'hickeys,' and his lips puffy and red from being kissed and bitten. God, why the hell did Russia molest him and make out with him in the elevator and leave him hanging? He couldn't even jizz in his pants, dammit. So he sat down with an erection, not paying attention and still hurting from yesterday, ass stinging.

Russia meanwhile was drinking vodka, halfway drunk already and not really caring. His business part of this meeting was over and he was officially on vacation, paperwork already done from that stupid terrorist attempt. It took months and months of effort on his part and seeing the people of his motherland with his boss before it all smoothed over and they decided to randomly nuke countries.

'Fufufufufu, I have something planned for you little one.' So America wanted to play games just like in the Cold War again? Fine so be it. He was going to use some 'potions,' of his own, especially one that would make the young nation horny as a cat in heat. Nothing dangerous but stuff to make the blond very uncomfortable.

He wrapped an arm around the young man's waist, who groaned and half heartedly attempted to get away. Russia met England's bloodshot hungover gaze in a challenge and knew it was going to be a hidden war from now on.

Meanwhile Japan watched in interest and knew he had to call Hungary, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, and a few others soon.

America used a combination of Chloral hydrate and Flunitrazepam, a type of Rohyphnol and the other a sedative.

Pretty Cure is from the anime show Pretty Cure and the theme is really...girly and out there.

Don't...ask...