I'm not sure whether this is a one shot or heading towards a multi chapter. Let me know what you think.

Takes place directly after Lucas jumps in 9:8

Ruth couldn't bear this. Knowing that Harry had… She couldn't even voice the thought. Not even to herself. She didn't even glance at Tariq and grabbed her coat. She was going home. She didn't need to think about Harry dying without her ever having had the courage to tell him how she felt. It was as though the bottom had dropped out of her world completely and she couldn't stay on the grid a second longer. To be in a place that he should be but never would be again.

"Ruth," Tariq called after her. She ignored him and continued to the pods. She normally liked the young Techie. But not today. She stepped into the pods and the whirred as she left the grid. Today she would be no good to anything except the bottle of merlot she had in her kitchen.

It took her a while to get home because her thoughts kept drifting to Harry. Harry committing treason for her. Harry being pushed off of a building to his death. Harry smashed on the pavement… Whenever that thought came around she forced her eyes shut and tried to erase the images from her mind. She unlocked her door and immediately opened a bottle of wine that was thoughtfully waiting for her.

Half an hour later she had started on a second bottle. The phone kept ringing but there was no way she was going to answer it. It had to be someone from the grid and nothing they could say would make her feel any better. She was in a grief beyond words. So Ruth got up and unplugged the phone to make the annoying ringing noise stop pounding through her alcohol soaked head.

Twenty minutes after that her doorbell rang. She ignored it, hoping that whoever it was would get the message and vanish into the night. They didn't. On the fourth ring Ruth got up from the sofa grumbling to herself.

"In case you didn't get the message, I want to be left alone!" she said loudly throwing the door open. It was Harry.

"I'll just go then," he said in an infinitely tired voice.

"No!" Ruth shouted quickly. She took a longer look at him, realising that he was on her doorstep. Alive. Then she fainted. Harry lurched forward to catch her before she hit the floor. After a very stressful day he didn't have the strength or the energy to carry her so he set her on the floor gently, entering her house and closing the door behind him. By the time he had done that she was coming around.

"You're alive," she said as her eyelids flickered.

"Yes," Harry replied simply. "I would have called you but you weren't picking up the phone."

"I had visions of you smashed on the concrete," Ruth said. "Do you blame me for not being in a particularly talkative mood?"

"No," he murmured quietly. He reached out to brush a tear away from her cheek. One she hadn't even realised she had shed. Ruth could feel the warmth of his skin and knowing that he was alive and with her, crouched on her landing floor filled her with such a powerful relief that she couldn't hold back the tears. The devastation she had imagined so clearly had been avoided. Harry drew her into his arms. Needing to hold her and unwilling to be restrained, as was his normal behaviour towards her. She cried into his shoulder, feeling such comfort that he was holding her.

When the tears stopped she was aware that his face was only inches away from hers. His arms hadn't loosened their grip on her and she felt safe, something she hadn't felt in many days. Ruth turned her head and lightly kissed Harry's lips. He kissed her back but only for a moment. Ruth looked so confused and hurt when he let her go.

"Not now," Harry said in a kind voice, tucking her hair behind her ear gently. "I can tell you've been drinking and you're emotional. And I don't want to take advantage, not when you're like this. It isn't fair."

"But…" Ruth started. Harry stopped her by putting a finger on her lips.

"I don't have super human restraint, Ruth," he said with his eyes sparkling. "So I am going to go before I do something that you might regret when you're sober." He got up and she followed as he opened the door.

"Thanks for not dying on me," Ruth said in a small voice.

"I could say the same to you," Harry said. He intended to give her a goodbye kiss on the cheek but Ruth turned her face so he kissed her lips instead. It was a good minute before they broke apart.

"I am going to go," he repeated, breathing heavily. Ruth didn't bother arguing with him. She smiled and nodded as he vanished into the night. As she closed the door behind him she touched her lips softly, still feeling his kiss there. She felt a little hollow when she remembered the last time she had done that. When she was leaving on the dock. But this wasn't an ending, she reminded herself. This was a brand new beginning.