(A/N): So, I wrote this. *Slaps self for terrible opening line* I mean, obviously, I wrote this. Yeah. Not much else to say, I guess. Pretty cool. At least, I think so. Anyway, read on my awesome people. Read, review, ENJOY! =D

Disclaimer: I keep on saying "Disclaimer" out loud. Now, it doesn't sound like a word. Kinda like little. Say "Little" out loud a hundred times. Doesn't sound like a word, does it? Anyway, no matter how many times you say "Glee," it still won't belong to me!

I'm elite.

Honestly, you couldn't find a straight guy who acts as straight as me.

Another straight guy, I mean. Because I'm totally straight.

I'm a jock. And a damn good one at that. I'm tough football stud; I can get any tail I want.

I'm subtle; I don't chase after every person with boobs and a skirt.

I'm even nice to the gay kid! Because, I mean, everyone knows that the biggest homophobes are the ones in the closet.

I stare at girls. Even when no one's watching! Ifthat ain't straight... hell, I don't know what is!

Honestly, I can pluck any lady's heartstrings in one date.

I can act so in love with a girl, it would shock her to find out that I wasn't.

I'm seriously the most elite guy at acting straight that there is.

I mean, being straight; I have no reason to act! Because I'm straight!

Sure, I died my hair... but, like I said, it was to look cool.

Yeah, I know who Faith Hill is, but that's because she has a smokin' body.

I'm not gay.

Not at all.

Not even slightly.

There's absolutely no room for argument.

There can't be.

Because I'm straight.

I have to be.

(A/N): Yeah, so, in case I didn't make it blatantly obvious, this is Sam's POV. If you didn't catch that, you should probably either: A.) Watch more Glee (because you don't know him), B.) Look at the category where it says that it's about Sam, or C.) GO TO A DOCTOR BECAUSE YOUR BRAIN IS FRIED FROM ALL THAT LSD!

I mean, what? Anyway, please review! *Lesser-Than Three*