Coming Home, Coming Out

It was late evening; streetlights shedding rainfalls of light onto the dim street, set against a darkening mauve sky.

Mari stared out at the sky, picking out the specked stars cowing against the glare of the city lights and revelling in the nostalgic comfort of being home; the place and room she had spent so much of her earlier years.

She glanced behind her. The room was tidier now. In the half gloom there were no lurking piles of heaped clothes lumped on the floor or stacked towers of books; she had been at college far more than home recently after all, and having a college roommate had made neatness a more ingrained habit.

"Tea Mariko," she heard her mother call in a crisp voice, though it had become a fraction higher over the last few years. Mari smiled. Some things never changed though; her mother's kindness and dedication in looking after both her and her brother had remained a constant and warming factor for as long as she could remember.

"Coming!" She called back. A few years ago the quieter Mari might not have called at all but simply mumbled before stumbling along to the kitchen. Mari checked her hair, or rather the hair Akko had styled for her when they last met, in the mirror and then walked over to the door, framed in a golden rim; the carpet soft beneath her bare feet.

I wonder what we're having?

She opened the door, squinting as light from the hall ran into the room and her eyes adjusted to its glare. Sniffing she caught a spicy tang mixed with the wholesome undercurrent of noodles.

Probably a chicken chilli udon. I wonder what Akko's eating tonight? I hope it's nothing too unhealthy. It's been tough keeping her on track diet wise whilst we've been apart, although not as hard as it could have been.

She blushed as she reached the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the kitchen come dining room, remembering Akko's admission that she was finding it far easier to stay focused on eating healthily now that she had Mari to think of; but Akko had been staying at her mums whilst on her Vocational Course and working part time at a local hairdresser salon and old habits die hard.

The table was already laid with food when Mari entered; two places laid for her mother and herself. Her father was working late tonight and had requested his tea be kept warm for later. Her brother was going out with school friends to the cinema and so was eating out.

"Ah Mari, there you are. It's all done so just take a seat."

Mari's mum was darting between the kitchen counter and table, putting the finishing touches to the meal and adding a few sauces. Her shiny dark hair was tied back into a ponytail with a dark blue ribbon and she wore a white summery dress beneath her blue and white kitchen apron.

Food steamed from two large bowls on the table in a collage of red, blacks and orange upon beds of creamy noodles. There were black noodle chopsticks to the right of each bowl; the bowls facing each other across the table. Mari took the seat nearest the living room, with her back to it whilst her mother wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, hung up her apron and slid into the seat opposite.

"Iditakimasu!" They both said in unison with heads bowed before picking up the chopsticks and tucking in; the aroma of spice and seafood whetting their appetite. For five minutes neither spoke as they concentrated on tucking into their food, but as their stomachs settled in satisfaction their eating slowed and conversation crept in.

At first it simply touched on news from college and home, comfortable subjects requiring little thought: One of Mari's friends from her old school had set up as a dentist nearby; Aunt Minna had moved north to a care home in the mountains and the neighbors next door had changed again. From Mari came tales of College: Of mishaps; her friends there and how she felt her finals had gone, which was quite well. Inevitably though, given that academia had run its course, Mari finally found herself on the end of a more searching question.

"So what do you plan on doing next Mari?"

Mari sighed, picking at one of the last stray noodles in her bowl; not out of nervousness, just unsure of an answer.

"I don't know yet," she said, glancing up at her mum. "I have a few ideas but I need to discuss..., to think them over." Mari chided herself a little for the slip, but then it was only a minor one. Her mother made no comment, standing up and gathering the bowls.

"Fair enough, don't think too long though Mari. You need to be applying for jobs soon. Do you want desert?"

"Um," Mari replied. Her mother, having placed the bowls in the stainless steel sink, went over to the fridge and removed a fruit salad in a large glass bowl covered with clingfilm.

"Cream?" She asked, placing the glass bowl on the grey marble work surface and moving back to the fridge.

"Yes, please," Mari said, watching her mother take the cream from the side door and sending the white fridge door swinging shut with a soft click.

Deftly Mari's mother removed a couple of smaller porcelain white bowls and, with the aid of a pair of metal tongues, transferred the fruit salad to the bowls in green, yellow and red clumps. Next she opened the carton of cream and poured it into the bowls, before taking two new pairs of chopsticks from a slide draw beneath the sink and turning round; slipping one of the bowls over to Mari with a pair of gleaming black chopsticks reflecting the room in their surface.

"Thanks!" Mari said happily as her mother took her own bowl and chopsticks from the counter and sat down opposite. As Mari's mother sat she asked,

"One thing I haven't heard is any mention of a boyfriend. I know you don't like to talk about it when your father and brother are around but is there anyone who caught your eye at College?"

Mari froze with chopsticks in mid descent to a chunk of pineapple. Her hand trembled slightly and her heart sounded awfully loud. She and Akko had somehow managed to avoid telling anyone about their relationship aside from Sugi and Tamamin, a year ago, and also a couple of very close friends on their respective courses since then. They'd discussed when to tell their parents and agreed soon, but somehow soon had always felt like a long way off.

Forcing herself to calm down Mari captured the pineapple piece deftly between her chopsticks. After all there was no real need to panic, yet.

"No, there was no-one who caught my eye at College," she said as she put the tangy, sweet chunk into her mouth and chewed on it.

Her mother sighed and, looking up, Mari saw sadness in her mother's eyes.

"I do worry that your fathers paranoia about you dating has made you a little too reserved, Mari. Have you even tried dating anyone?"

"Ummm..." This was not going well. She stared at her salad, unsure how to respond.

"You know I know a few nice lads who've asked after you whilst you've been away. As long as you don't say a word to your father I'd be happy to pass their names on to you?"

Hating the feeling of disappointment and misguided helpfulness being aimed at her by her mum Mari found herself blurting out,

"It's okay mum, really. I already have someone."

A chunk of apple smeared with a river of cream dropped back into her mother's bowl; Mari's gaze fixated on where it would have landed.

"But I thought you hadn't found anyone..."

"...at College," Mari finished her mums questioning sentence. "I've been seeing someone since High School."

Mari returned her gaze to her own bowl, aware of the blush spreading over her face. She snatched an apple slice from the left side of her own bowl and shoved it into her mouth, chewing vigorously.

It took a while before Mari's mother spoke again, sounding a little hurt.

"Well that's great, but it would have been nice if you could have told at least me before now. I mean I haven't even met him have I?"

Clearly Mari's mum was running though a list of potential people in her head. Mari kept chewing the piece of apple; only the skin was left now.

"Was this where you were going when you said you were going to Akko's? Was she covering for you?"

Well more like covering me, Mari thought as she managed to gasp a 'no'. She finished chewing the skin and swallowed. Maybe if she didn't say any more her mother would lose interest. Maybe...

"Mari, how far have you actually gone with this guy?"

Mari drew a deep breath, her face burning and her eyes finding her salad an increasingly interesting source of study. She couldn't even bring herself to pick up any more food as images of Akko's body smoothly pressing against hers, Akko's warmth and how Akko made her feel flashed through her mind and along her skin.

"You haven't actually gone all the way with him have you?"

I wish I was Akko right now; she's actually good at lying. I can't even half lie to my mum.

Mari's silence and red face was all the confirmation Mari's mum needed to substantiate her fears.

"Unprotected?" She asked worried.

Mari clacked her chopsticks nervously and almost dropped them into the salad.

"Mari," her mother said, but now infused with a mixture of unbearable sadness and disappointment. Her mother had insisted on telling her a couple of times before and also during College about the dangers of sleeping with a guy unprotected.

Mari felt herself shifting uncomfortably.

Why am I so afraid to say it? Can it be any worse than what my mother is thinking of me now? No! I just need courage to stand for what I believe is right. I have no reason to be ashamed.

"It, we didn't need protection," Mari managed to gasp.

Bother, that doesn't help.

"Mari..."

Thinking of Akko gave her the courage to look up and face her mum as she clarified the situation.

"Mum we're both girls."

Mari's mum's eyes widened and she took a deep breath. Then she returned to eating her fruit salad steadily with furrowed eyebrows. Unsure how to react Mari did the same, glad for the chance to collect her own thoughts.

"Akko?" Her mother asked after two mouthfuls.

Mari glanced up but her mother's eyes were unreadable. Mari nodded and returned to trying to capture a particularly smooth chunk of pineapple with a splodge of cream near the top.

"Are you, I mean are you sure about this Mari?"

Thank goodness for an easy question.

"Yes." Her voice rang out steady and firm.

"But have you even tried dating another...I mean a guy?"

Mari sighed. Well a bit more truth coming out now didn't really matter.

"Yeah I did. Back at school after I confessed to Akko and got turned down. I tried to forget her by dating a really nice guy who asked me out."

"And?" Her mum's eyes focused intently on her again making her uncomfortable, so she glanced away to the right.

"And I just couldn't feel anything for him. He took me out to the fireworks and tried to kiss me but I couldn't."

"You couldn't?"

"No. It felt so wrong. So I ended up accidentally slapping him instead."

That elicited a small snort of laughter from her mother, who then scratched the front of her hair with her left hand, looking bothered.

"God knows what your father's going to make of this."

Mari stared at her mother in horror, a new wave of adrenaline flooding her system.

"You're not going to tell him are you?"

Mari's mum blinked at Mari's terror and she gave a weak half smile.

"Not for now. But I will have to soon if you don't mention it, which you should if you're serious about this relationship, right? Does Akko-san's mum know?"

Mari let out a sigh of relief and shook her head, starting to feel glad for the first time that the conversation had cropped up. Her mum was right and at least she'd have time to prepare herself to tell dad.

"I see. Well can I suggest that you bring it up with her in the near future too. And perhaps Akko-san can come round for lunch on Saturday. I think your brother will be out doing something then but your father should be around."

Mari gave a small smile and nodded as she finished the last of her salad. Right now she just wanted to go clear her head and assess what had happened.

I've told my mother I'm gay with my best friend. I've actually told her!

She avoided thinking too much on the fact she'd also implicitly told her mother they'd already slept together.

Luckily it seemed her mother wanted some time to think as well as she gathered up the bowls, put them in the sink and turned to face Mari.

"I'll want to talk things over with you a bit more Mari, if that's okay, but right now I just need time to think over things. This...has been quite a shock."

Mari's eyes widened, seeing a side to her mother she had rarely glimpsed; someone more vulnerable and unsure. It was a little scary, especially considering she was part of the cause of it. Nodding Mari rose from the table.

"Okay, thanks for the food oka-san."

"You're welcome," Mari's mum said with another faint smile before turning back to the sink and switching on the taps. Mari shoved her own wooden chair under the table and walked out of the room, eager to escape the cold linoleum beneath her feet.

I can't blame mum for worrying though, it is something that will trouble her and dad for a number of reasons. Its part of the reason we've been so reluctant to tell our parents: No children, naturally at least; no big wedding, in the traditional sense; the stigma. In many ways our love isn't convenient, but the alternative of a loveless relationship with anyone other than Akko would be a living hell compared to those difficulties!

Her steps quickened as she went up the stairs and into her room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Moonlight spilt onto the bed and an outside streetlight slung a more sickly orange light against the back wall. It was light enough to see well after a few seconds of shutting her eyes and Mari threw herself onto her bed having done so.

There she withdrew her pink cell phone from her right pocket, holding it above her head as she switched it on and unlocked it; the sparkly tassel hanging from it gleaming in the glow from the mobiles screen, lighting up Mari's face with its ghostly light.

There were no new messages since Akko's earlier text about meeting up the following day. Mari quickly began typing a new message, black characters appearing in a blur on the white text box; outside she heard someone laugh and considered pausing to get up and look, but she had to tell Akko the news.

She smiled as she checked the text.

Akko's always been the one whom I've told things to first.

The text read:

'Hey Akko guess what? I just told my mum about us :o She started quizzing me about b/fs and it kinda came out :s Luv Mari xxx'

She hit send and saw the green bar push across to full before the screen flashed her current credit. She clicked okay and rested the cell by her left side, only having to wait a minute for the cell to vibrate.

'Wow! No way! How did she take it? Are you ok? Want 2 come over? x3x'

A flurry of tapping later Mari hit send again with the following message:

'I know ;) She was ok, kinda shocked. I'm gd, but tired – will talk 2morrow as need sleep xxx

Mari levered herself up and walked over to the curtains, pulling the light green cotton across to shut out the outside; there was no sign of whoever had been laughing. Behind her, her phone started buzzing on her bed like a trapped insect.

"Hai, hai," she muttered under her breath happily. This message simply read:

'Kay, see you 12 2morrow – have missed you so much! Sweet Dreams ;) Xx'

Mari chuckled and felt familiar warmth spread through her, gentle and stirring unlike the embarrassed blushing of earlier. She typed a final message to Akko:

'Me too! So much! Sweet Dreams :)

She watched it disappear then placed the mobile on the square, smooth wooden surface of her bedside table in front of her bedside lamp; she flicked the push switch to activate the lamp so she could find her pajamas, casting a gentle pink glow about the room.

Once they were found, clothes changed and toiletries dispensed with Mari wrapped herself beneath her warm, fluffy quilt and began drifting off to sleep.

Whatever we must face I know in Akko I'm strong enough. No-one else could ever make me feel the way I do when she's with me. I love her so much! So, so much! Just thinking of her and being apart makes my heart ache to be beside her. I wonder how much longer it will be until I am – more permanently at least? And how tough will it be for us in the years to come?

At any rate it doesn't matter. I will put in the effort to make it work and I know she's the same, because nothing in this life is worth anything near the bond and happiness we share.

Her eyes slipped shut and sleep stole away any further thoughts, replacing them with an array of surreal and colourful dreams in fleeting existence; to be forgotten as quickly as they appeared.

I've left this down as in progress as, although it was going to be a one-shot, I might well add a few more Chapters to it although not sure how soon I'll manage it atm; but hope you enjoyed this Chapter in any event :)