I just remembered I was supposed to post this thing. Anyway, this is just the beginning of something I wrote at midnight while bored. Sorry if it's short. Chapter 1: The introductory Prologue.

"Hey, hey~! I'm South California and this is my brother, North~" A girl with (an) outrageously fake: breasts, blond hair, lips, and tan; bounced like her little chihuahua that was sitting next to a man with long brown hair in a pony tail.

"Hey." He nodded raising his hand. He refused to look at his scarcely dressed sister, she was only in a miniskirt and tubetop with heels.

"Now, along with our true blue American friends, we are going to show kick off our special show called..." She paused for dramatic effect before throwing her hands in the air and squealing, "THE NOT-SO UNITED STATES!"

And at the very second she yelled those words, a can rolled into the room and encasing the room in white smoke. Only a distinct coughing sound and people falling could be heard.

"Did we get 'em?"

"Hell if I know. The gas is still up."

"Vent it then."

"Hold on, hold on..." A door opened up and the smoke cleared, revealing three people, with gas-masks, standing around the passed out California's.

"Uhhh, guys, I think the camera is still rolling." The only black one pointed out while pulling off his mask. The other two took off the masks, one of them trying to nudge a camera-man awake.

"Well, we didn't think that part through."

-bzzt-

"Does this thing even work? It hit the floor pretty hard." Feet walked infront of the camera lens with one of them picking it up.

"It says it's rolling." A male's voice said pointing it at a girl and an olive skinned man.

"Well then. For all the viewers, this is a ransack. A farce, a crashing, whatever you will call it, but this little show isn't for introducing you to the 'important' states-" The girl stated with a thick coat of sarcasm and a slight southern drawl. She had a farmer's tan and cut-off shorts with her white tank-top showing off her arms. "-this is for the states that don't get as much air time as say, New York. Or that dimwit and her brother behind us."

"We are the south." The male said with a grin. "And we are calling the shots."

"I'm Arkansas, the natural state. Or you can call me Sam." She tossed a red-brown pigtail over her shoulder and grinned a cocky grin. Dark freckles moving with her grin.

"And I am Louisiana, the creole state. Do call me Jacques though." He said with a wink. He was barely taller than Sam, and had hair like dark honey. Arkansas stared at him utterly confused.

"Yesterday you said you were the pelican state."

"And now it's creole." He shrugged.

"Ok then... Whatever. Anyway, and this is..."She took the camera and turned it towards the other man.

"I'm Mississippi the magnolia state. You can call me Wayne." He had a polite smile and stood up straight. He was in simple white shirt and jeans.

"Wait, where are the others?" Arkansas asked, the camera looking around the room with her.

"They couldn't come, remember?" Wayne said in response.

"WHAT?"

"Don't drop the cam-!"

-bzzt-

"Honestly we did this for them and they can't even show up!" The camera was tilted sideways and aimed at the step up to the chairs like any other generic talk show.

"Sam, calm down."

"Not now Jacques!"

"SAM!"

"Sorry..."

-bzzt-

"So what do we do now?" The camera was still focused on the ground.

"I dunno." A cell-phone buzzed.

"I gotta take this..." Jacques got up and walked to another part of the studio, far enough so that even the camera couldn't pick up what he was saying. He walked past the camera and looked down. "Hey look, it's working again."

-bzzt-

"So we had to put it on a stand for now, but none the less we are filming." Arkansas shrugged as the camera was on a stand, pointing at all three of them. "So what was that call about?"

"Umm..." Before Louisiana could respond, they found out for themselves.

"Hey y'all~!" A woman with teased up blond hair, blue eyes, and big (and real) breasts crammed into a tiny Dallas, Cowboys Cheerleaders uniform.

"You." Arkansas hissed out standing up. Louisiana reached for her lower back and pulled the knife she had hidden from her.

"Easy now Arkansas." Mississippi stood up trying to calm the woman down.

"Yeah, no need to be so hot headed little piggy." She said with a lilt and a smile.

"What did you just say?" She said with eerie calmness. Blondie walked forward, stopping infront of Sam.

"I said, 'No. Need. To. Be. So. Hot. Headed. Little. Piggy.'" She had a huge grin and poked her nose with every word. Arkansas growled and tackled her.

"DIE BULL BITCH!" She screamed tackling the cheerleader. Arkansas had her pinned and reached for her knife.

"Where is my goddamn toothpick!" Jacques waved it and Sam jumped for it, just to be caught by Wayne. "LEGGO! I'M GONNA F*CKING KILL HER!"

-bzzt-

"Ok then. Now that Arkansas is subdued, this is Texas." Louisiana propped up the drugged and wall-eyed Arkansas on his shoulder. Texas fixed her poofed up hair and adjusted her breasts before acknowledging he said her name.

"Hey there. I'm the lone star state. But you can just call me Mary-Ann-Sue." She said with a bouncing grin.

"Suithing." Arkansas slurred out. Texas gasped and pouted, crossing her arms.

"Where is Austin?" Mississippi rubbed his temples as the woman applied even more hairspray to the mess she called a tease.

"Oh, my brother couldn't be here." She smiled and scooted up next to Louisiana.

"Why?"

"Because the writer is a lazy -aaaaaaaaaah!" A random trap door opened underneath her, sending her falling down.

"Thanks Wolf." Jacques called out.

"This is the only time you get any interaction with me."

"Alright then." Wayne said rubbing his hands together.

"So this turned out... a little different than we anticipated. Sorry to all the viewers who wanted to see Alabama, Missouri, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Oklahoma. You will have to wait until the next 'talk-show' chapter." Jacques said bouncing Arkansas back up on his shoulder.

"But foh now, thish is zeh best you get." Sam slurred again.

"Either way. Welcome to 'The Not-So United States' and we hope you enjoy the show."

Yes that is exactly what I wrote. And for those who might question the toothpick bit, look up the Arkansas Toothpick. It's a short step down from a Bowie knife. Meaning it is a heavy knife x3. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this odd intro and will enjoy the story. I didn't see many fic's of the states themselves so I made this. Now enough of me rambling. Review and get a cookie. Sayonara bye bye.