There must be tons of these fics around, but just give it a try.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.
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Writing is supposed to help, right? To get your thoughts in order and all that. Okay, so here goes nothing...
Things I Hate About James Potter
# 1: I hate his stupid, cocky smirk. I mean, it's like his bloody trademark! A girl can't even smirk around here without being accused of being in love with the prat and copying him – puh-lease, like that's ever going to happen. God, it makes me feel like stuffing chilli into his mouth or something – the really, really hot one – Bhut Jolokia, right?
# 2: I hate the fact that he's bugging me so much that I'm sitting around, thinking about Bhut Jolokia chilli, when I'm supposed to be doing the tons of Transfiguration homework that McGonagall's assigned us.
# 3: I hate that he's so good at Transfiguration, when I have to read up and practice like crazy and still not be able to Transfigure that bloody porcupine into a pin cushion. While he breezes through the practical even though it's the first time he's doing it, because, of course, the great Mr. Potter has skipped all the previous classes.
# 4: I hate that he keeps using those stupid pick-up lines on me, some of which are so obviously Sirius'. I mean, look at today's example – If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Excuse me?
# 5: I hate the fact that he's never going to give up on me, no matter how many times I threaten to hex him to the next millennium, or no matter how many times I do actually hex him. Even though it's kind of cute at tim- I mean, Alice thinks it's kind of cute at times... but come on, Alice thinks everyone is sweet and nice.
# 6: I hate that he keeps calling me 'Lily-flower' all the freaking time! I am not a flower, and being showered by lilies on my birthday does not make me one, even though I smelt pretty goo- ahem, gross, I meant gross.
# 7: I hate his smell. It's this really musky, guy-ish, nic- I mean, nauseating smell. Yeah, James Potter has a revolting, sickening, ghastly and nauseating smell. Not that I've been sniffing him – the guy practically throws himself at me all the time. Did I mention that he's desperate?
# 8: I hate how he has waaay too much energy in the mornings. And the afternoons. And on the Quidditch pitch. And at nighttimes. I mean, it's like he's on caffeine 24/7.
# 9: I hate how he's so annoying and infuriating all the time. I don't have words to describe his infuriatingness – which isn't even a word, by the way – which means he's also ruining my vocabulary.
# 10: I hate how he and the rest of those idiots that the whole school calls the Marauders play that stupid game every night in the common room – 'Time to make Lily laugh!' And I hate how I always end up laughing anyway.
# 11: I hate his hordes of screaming rabid fangirls, and how they always give me the evil eye when Jam- I mean Potter, refuses to go out with them. I mean, I'm the victim here. I didn't ask for his stupid attention.
# 12: Merlin's pants, I hate how he manages to charm everyone with boobs (except Alice and me, of course), starting from Professor McGonagall to Moaning Myrtle! I heard she actually let him hide inside her toilet when one of their (numerous) pranks went wrong, and Filch and his repulsive cat were after him.
# 13: I hate him for stealing my underwear in third year, no explanation required.
# 14: I hate him for hanging out with Sirius Black and turning the rest of the population insane; the guy is a certified nut job! I mean, he's stuck posters on bike parts on his wall! And I only know about his posters because Remus invited me in. Once.
(Alice just peeked over my shoulder, and is currently reading this list. Yes Alice, I'm completely sure that I was not stalking Ja- Potter. And I'm only writing this so that I can be sure of why exactly I hate him. ...or something like that.
Ahem. Moving on.)
# 15: I hate how he keeps playing those ridiculous pranks on everyone. Though he hasn't really done anything to me this year... but still, making my best friend's chair tap-dance and sing romantic songs addressed to me is not going to make me like you, thank you very much.
(I know you don't care, Alice, but I do.)
# 16: I hate how he hexes Slytherins just for the fun of it. Especially Sev. Though, again, I haven't really seen him hex anyone this year unless they insulted his friends... or me. Why me? I mean, I don't really mind being called a Mudblood anymore (it's so incredibly juvenile), but the way he defends me... it's almost sweet. Wait – this is Potter – he's got to have an ulterior motive. Oh yeah, silly me. How could I forget his continual efforts to get into my pants?
# 17: I hate how he steals the Snitch after every Quidditch practice and plays about with it in the Common Room. I mean, he's such a huge show-off! Everyone already knows you're Gryffindor's Quidditch hero, no need to rub it in our faces.
# 18: I hate how he keeps chucking balls of paper at me in class, just to get my attention. And when I send him back a note saying how much I'd like to cut him up with a chain-saw, he smirks! That stupid smirk again, which is just so attr- annoying.
# 19: I hate the fact that I'm only on number 19, and I can't think of anything else. This is Potter! I can't stop at 19, there's got to be a gazillion things I hate about him! Oh, he's coming out of the boy's dorms now. I'm sure I can find something now, just by looking at him.
# 20: Okay, I hate him for wearing shorts today. Of course, he thinks that showing off his muscular, tanned legs is going to help him with me. Did I say muscular and tanned? More like pasty and scrawny.
# 21: I hate him for coming back this year with a gorgeous body. And wearing those clothes which outline every single one of his muscles. Not that I'm ogling him, or anything. I mean, I can see the drool on his fangirls' faces.
(No, 20 and 21 do not contradict each other, Alice. You can have a muscular upper body and scrawny legs at the same time. And besides, I never said I liked a muscular upper body. Stop smirking!)
# 22: I hate his hair. It just sticks up in every direction, and he just makes it so much worse by running his hands through it every second of the day. Though at times, he does look rather adorable – when he's frustrated.
(No, I don't refuse him so that he gets frustrated and looks adorable. I refuse him because I'm frustrated. What's wrong with you, Alice? And I don't think I said you could comment on everything.)
# 23: I hate his glasses. They give this completely innocent look to him, which is in no way true! And at times, when the light falls on them, I can't see his eyes at all. Not that I want to see his eyes – though they are a pretty nice shade of hazel (good genes, which he does not deserve) – it's so that I know what he's thinking.
# 24: I hate the way he walks – his swagger. It just radiates arrogance. I don't know why girls would actually like to watch him. I mean, in a way it is a sight for sore eyes – that's what Alice thinks. Not me. I wonder what Frank would say to that?
#25: I hate his hands. They're... uh, the fingernails look manicured. Manicured! He's a guy who gets manicures done. I wonder what that says for his sexuality? (On a separate note, his hands actually feel very strong, and they're slightly callused, and they just feel... good, I guess.)
(I haven't been holding hands with him! He just pulled me out of the trick stair a couple of days ago.)
# 26: I hate how he's literally marked me as his. Thanks to him, no one has had the courage to ask me out since last year. Except Mr. Pot-head, of course. And he's so desperate to see me as a damsel in distress, I think he told Sirius to push me onto the stair.
# 27: I hate how he knows what I like to do and offers to do it with me, so I don't want to do it anymore, and it all gets spoilt. I mean, he knows I love to get wet in the rain, so he invited me to go with him yesterday. And of course I couldn't go; not with him. And so I had to spend the day inside.
(Okay, maybe I've been a bit too stubborn. I'll see next time.)
# 28: I hate his... owl. He's trained it to be as annoying as he is. Every time he sends me a message via the owl, it keeps pecking me until I give it a piece of my pancake! And it won't accept bread, would you believe it?
# 29: I hate him for making me so confused about my feelings for him that I actually listened to Petunia's therapist and started writing things down.
(Alice, that's a perfectly valid reason. Now go away from here. Look, Frank's standing at the portrait hole.)
# 30: I hate him for making me realize that I've spent an hour writing this absolute bullshit, which is complete lies and totally opposite to what I feel... and that maybe, just maybe, he isn't such a big prat as he once was.
I do find his hair, eyes, hands, legs and body attractive. I like that he's changed from an highly annoying and obnoxious weed to a mildly annoying prat (who is sort of sweet when he's possessive). I like how he knows exactly what I like. I like that he makes me laugh. I like his smell.
I can't believe I'm writing this, but I think... I might like James Potter.
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She crumpled up the parchment and threw it at the bin. Stretching her arms, she gave a small yawn and stood up.
At that moment, the portrait hole swung open, and two black-haired boys scrambled in. The first gave a big grin on seeing her. "Lily-flower, do you want to go steal food from the kitchens with me?"
"Don't call me Lily-flower, Potter." She turned away. She had barely walked two steps when she unexpectedly turned back to face him. "Actually, on second thoughts, let's go."
James' mouth had fallen open. He looked towards the other boy, who mirrored his expression. "I'm not dreaming, right, Pads? Pinch me." To which Sirius obliged with a bruising kick. "OW! Err... Lily, are you serious?"
She smirked. Walking towards him, she took his hand in hers. "Come on James, don't you want to show me that painting of the pear?"
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Do you want me to write another chapter where the Marauders find the list, and don't stop teasing James about it?
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