A/N: Thank you to everyone who is reviewing and putting this story on there alerts. I warned everyone this would be an angsty story! Have faith though :)

It poured that day.

Of course it fucking would. He thought to himself. What else could possibly make this day any worse?

Before he could continue that thought, his cell rang.

"DiNozzo, where the hell are you?" the angered voice shouted as he soon as he answered it.

"I'm here, I just don't know if I can come any closer."

"You missed the procession," he stated still pissed. "Everyone is here and it's about to start so you'd better get your ass up here now. Abby needs you."

He snapped his cell shut and took a deep breath. He could not do this; he could not say goodbye. He was grateful that they were following a somewhat traditional Jewish funeral. They were starting at the burial ground, and there would not be a viewing of her body. Three days had gone by fast; too fast, it was a blur. You never really realize how much needed to be done for a funeral, especially one that was not planned or expected. He could not function and barely spoke to anyone in these past seventy two hours. The only sign of life he had shown after Gibbs told him in the hospital was an explosive argument he had yesterday morning. It had been the only thing left worth fighting over; Ziva's final resting place.

Eli had flown into Washington on the first flight out and was met by a distraught MCRT team who threw murderous glares in his direction as he made his way up to Director Vance's office. Minutes later the two had descended announcing that Ziva's body was to be flown back to Israel. Fury erupted in Tony and he let it all out on Eli

"Who the hell do you think you are? Barging into this building and demanding her body to go back with you." Tony screamed.

"She was MY daughter, Agent DiNozzo," Eli bellowed back. "She was an officer of Mossad and citizen of Israel."

"A daughter that you sent out and then left in the desert to die! She deserves to be close to the people who really love her; her family to the truest sense of the word. She may have had your blood pumping through her veins but you were never her father. The only genuine dad she has ever known is standing ten feet behind me; Leroy Jethro Gibbs. You gave up that title the second you decided not to search for her. You gave the order to bring down the Damocles and you knew damn well she made it to the camp alone. Oh no, you gave up the right to decide where she rests that very moment you decided she didn't mean enough to you to go and get her back; dead or alive!"

"All of this means nothing in the legal system. She was Israeli; her body is coming back with me. This is not up for debate Agent DiNozzo." Eli said without emotion.

Tony's blood was boiling. Eli kept referring to her in the past tense and it crushed the pieces of his shattered heart into dust. She was really gone and this cold hearted bastard was trying to take what little they had left of her with him. He had been counting on being able to visit her final resting place every single damn day of the year. Not entirely sure if he would actually be able to bear that, but the option up until now was there. He could not stand to be in the same room with Eli any longer so he turned and made his exit to the elevator.

As soon as he had gotten outside he broke into a sprint to her favourite bench. He sat down and his head collapsed into his hands and he let the emotions that had built up rip through him. It could have been hours but he knew it was only a couple minutes before Gibbs found him. He sat down beside Tony and in typical Gibbs fashion did not say much, but it was exactly what Tony needed to get up and go back into the building.

"Vance is speaking to Eli. We will figure this out, she will be buried here I promise you that."

Tony took in a deep breath and opened his door. He did not know how Vance and Gibbs had done it, but she was being buried here. Here in Washington, on American soil. He shut his door and took a few shaky steps before stopping. He could not do this; he could not bury another partner. He could not bury the woman he loved; the woman he never told of his love. He let out the breath he had been holding in and it took everything in him to keep walking.

Everyone had already gathered around her site and although there were not many people there, the love and sadness emanating off of everyone was enough to overwhelm Tony. Abby's bloodshot eyes, untouched by make-up were the first to lock with his and she embraced him tighter than he had ever felt before. Gibbs was right, she did need him. He had to be the glue for just one more hour. He would stay strong for everyone before he could let himself succumb to the grief and the unbearable pain.

They had all taken their turns offering up stories and feelings about Ziva. Ducky had surprisingly kept it short only reminiscing about tales that involved her. Palmer had offered his limited memories, and condolences. McGee's was more heartfelt, explaining how she had been an amazing friend and a great co-worker. Abby's was heart wrenching to everyone listening and watching. The poor girl could barely keep it together long enough to complete her sentences. They really had been like sisters and Abby had cherished it with a passion. Gibbs had spoken more words than anyone had ever heard before. Ziva was by all means was a daughter to him, and now he had lost two. The pain of losing Ziva, echoed by the loss of Kelly had a haunting effect on his eyes and it made the whole team tear up. When it was Tony's turn to speak everyone focused on him; utterly silent knowing how much this was killing him. They all knew how much Tony cared for Ziva, and they knew the love he had for her.

"This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I keep burying these amazing women in my life and it sure as hell is not getting any easier. As you all know, Ziva and I were partners and we were an incredible team. We had this amazing 'pah' between us and is and will be impossible to replace. Ziva David was an unbelievable woman, the most interesting and beautiful woman I have ever met. She had this incredible aura around her and you couldn't help but just be wrapped up in it. She had the most infectious smile and devious grin." He took a deep breath to steady himself. He was already shaking violently and struggled to keep the bile down in his stomach. This was so wrong, he was still waiting for the moment he woke up and discovered this was all some sick and twisted dream his subconscious had concocted up. He took another deep breath and continued.

"She saved my life many times, and almost killed me twice as many." He managed a small laugh and was able to get a smile out of everyone. "We have been through a lot together and she was tough as nails through all of it. She was our rock; we all leaned on her for support and for strength. Ziva was my best friend. I never told her that, but I know she knew. I'd like to think that I was her best friend. We had a bond that went through thick and thin. Although in the events leading up – to this…" he stammered, not wanting to remember that this, all of this was his fault. "I did not act like a best friend. I never got the chance to fully apologize. I also never got the chance to tell her how I truly felt. I loved Ziva David, no, I love Ziva, and I think I always will."

A few hours later they were all sitting in the same booth of a bar sharing memories of Ziva. Everyone had offered up a story, except for Tony who was six glasses deep of whiskey and disturbingly quiet. No one said anything as he got up paid his tab and left the bar. Gibbs followed him out and was met by a distraught Tony.

"Boss save it, I'm not going to drive. I will walk home and come get my car tomorrow."

"Tony, I was just going to offer you a ride. I know you're not stupid enough to get behind the wheel right now. "

"No it's fine. I need to walk, try and clear my head."

"Text Abby when you get home then, you know she's going to worry. Don't bother showing up tomorrow either, we have the rest of the week off."

Tony began to walk and was stopped by Gibbs, "Tony."

"Yeah boss?"

"Don't do anything stupid. We all miss her beyond words, but we sure as hell don't need to start missing you too. I know it hurts, but time will ease it."

"I'm not making any promises Gibbs and I don't see how this could possibly hurt any less."

Tony made it home and texted Abby letting her know that he was home, but asked her to not bother him for the rest of the evening. She would probably be a little offended, but he knew she would understand. She had McGee to comfort her, and all he needed right now was a bottle and a few hours of old Hollywood. Drinking in his apartment was a big mistake, she was still there. In the couch, in the chairs, in the walls, in every god damn piece of matter. Her whole existence was the air in the room and it choked him to breathe her in.

The television could not keep his interest and opted to look at photos instead. He was not much for photography but any time they went out Abby insisted on taking hundreds of photos. In hindsight he was so grateful for her and had requested copies of all of them. She had put them all on an external hard drive and given it to him the night he found out Ziva was dead. He started going through all the pictures and with each passing one he started crying. Pictures of Ziva and Abby at the mall together doing some girl bonding, the look on Ziva's face was priceless. She looked ready to kill Abby as she forced her to try on dress after dress. The all looked fantastic on her and he was saddened that he never got to see her that often in a dress.

The next photo made his heart stutter and his breath hitch. It was a photo of himself and Ziva at a barbeque at Ducky's house. She had wiped cake all over the side of his face and he had chased her around the yard. The picture was of Ziva in his arms with cake all up the side of her cheek where he had rubbed his face into hers. They were both laughing. He sighed and after several minutes grudgingly clicked to the following photo. It was another photo of him and Ziva and it sent him in a tailspin and his tears turned into sobs. It was taken immediately after the cake photo and it looked incredibly similar. The difference was they were not laughing. They both had a content smile on their faces and were locked in the most intense gaze that to a stranger it would look like the two were madly in love.

He stood up and walked away from his computer, grabbed the bottle of Jack and walked towards the kitchen. He took a sip from it and frowned when nothing came out. The bottle was full when he got home and he knew he needed another drink if he was going to have a chance in hell of remaining calm after seeing that photo. Luck was on his side as he searched his cabinet and found another bottle tucked away at the back. He did not realize he had bought it but pulled it out anyways and noticed a red string tied around it with a note. Curious he opened the note and sighed.

"Tony

When the nights get a little too hard and I'm not there for you.

Ziva "