No Such Thing

Chapter 13

Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter.

I'm not so good at finishing stories. A lot of mine, so far, don't really have endings…cos, I never really get that far! BUT, this time, I hope to draw all the plots together, and come up with a cohesive, exciting, etc…

That may take a while cos, some things still need to happen before we get to the end. Anyway, this is where we're up to. I'll try and get my head together to post more quickly!

Kato and Kenji were currently making their way home through the cobbled back streets of Suna. The look on the younger man's face was scaring people into crossing the street to avoid him. To say he was pissed wasn't quite accurate though; more mortified and humiliated - with a dash of horrified.

He had not yet shaken off the initial emotion that had hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut. The shock of being caught in an intimate embrace with a man, by the sweet girl who, he had convinced himself, he liked. His lovely doe-eyed receptionist! The look of shocked recognition on her face still replayed in his mind.

Akin to a mental bucket of cold water being poured over him, he couldn't avoid questions such as, how had he allowed himself to be so affected by what was supposed to be a make-believe relationship? When did that affectionate bastard suck him in? (There was no doubt that he'd been sucked in).

Just thinking of how he had been responding to Kato when so rudely interrupted, forced another wave of blushing onto his already red cheeks. Damn infuriating bastard! He really felt that he wasn't being harsh enough so he added cunning and manipulative to the description but it didn't really help him feel any better.

His mind was already a whirlwind of thoughts, when another popped into his head. The bastard had set this up. He couldn't let the idea go and determined to have it out with him then and there. He halted abruptly and whirled round to face said manipulative, cunning bastard.

"Did you set this up?" he demanded.

Kato was trying not to overreact to this latest development between them but he found it difficult to restrain his impulse to totally eradicate any and all competition. This girl managed to elicit such a reaction from his Kenji.

Well, he'd let himself imagine that he'd been winning him over but obviously he'd overestimated his influence. Just because he'd begun to respond to him, he'd jumped to the wrong conclusions. He almost laughed out loud in derision at his foolish thoughts.

Thoughts that had him almost convinced there could be a real relationship in their future. How preposterous of him - and, as it turned out, presumptuous. So with all this swirling around his head and heart, he looked up to find Kenji looking at him expectantly.

"Well? Did you?" was demanded of him. He wished that he'd been paying better attention. "Why do you think I did?" was his reply, rather clever, he thought.

Kenji mused for a moment. "You're telling me that it was all a horrific coincidence? That she catches us…" He couldn't find the right words to describe what they had been doing - that being part of the problem - one he couldn't ignore any longer.

So skimming over the describing part, he went on, "and the waiter conveniently chooses that moment to, rather indecently loudly, bloody idiot, compliment us on being such a sweet couple," his grimaced as he said this as if having eaten something very disgusting.

He continued, "So all that's a coincidence and you didn't set this up?" He didn't sound convinced at all.

Kato got straight to the point of what he found to be the most pertinent point. "Who is she?"

Obviously not what Kenji was expecting, being ready for a fight and all. He was sure that he'd feel much better after screaming his lungs out at the man who he was conveniently blaming for everything. This reaction, however, put a bit of a spanner in the works though.

Kato sounded pretty pissed himself and, after a brief flash of what you might call insight/precognition/a glimpse into the future, (which he sadly ignored), he tumbled on regardless. "You heartless, unthinking, bloody minded bastard. Not a thought for my feelings, you stomp into my heart and mess everything up. Why? For a mission? Stupid, as I am, even I can see there's something fishy about this ridiculous charade!"

Before he could go on, he was interrupted by a very different Kato who answered him curtly. Emotionless, detached and with a touch of disgust, which Kenji found, hurt him more than any of the other events of the evening.

"Lower your voice! This is a mission. Stop all this emotional nonsense and act like a professional, will you? It's disgusting to see you like this - over what? A girl?" Lowering his voice, he finished with, "We're on a life and death mission. Get a grip of yourself man."

He walked off before he did or said something that he'd really regret. As he did, he almost stopped as Kenji's words replayed in his head; 'you stomp into my heart'. No, this wasn't the right time; he'd analyse it later. He continued walking away, without a sign of the flicker of doubt that had him hoping despite himself, leaving Kenji standing there looking at his retreating figure.

The four men in the room were sat apart from one another; Kankuro and Shika were on the couch and sitting on two arm chairs facing them were Gaara and Naruto.

Gaara cleared this throat and began, "I have gathered you all here to discuss disturbing events that have recently unfolded." Looking between Naruto and Shikamaru, he continued, "Be it providence or coincidence, but your input is greatly appreciated."

The two men gave perfunctory nods at this and Gaara sat back in his chair and laced his hands together. He went on, "The ambassadors are plotting something, the exact details of which are as yet unknown."

Looking around at the three other men, "As most of you know, we have had Baki follow and investigate them. He has reported that they have a contact in our government…"

Silence then, "In other words, we have a traitor." He shared a long serious look with Kankuro before, " Baki witnessed a meeting between said traitor and the two anbu black ops that came with the party from Otokagure. He did not reveal his identity to them but instead insisted on only speaking to the ambassador. Baki followed him when he left and a fight ensued. The traitor was a fire user and after an apparent encounter with a vat of hot oil, what is left of him is now unidentifiable."

Gaara let that sink in and waited for the inevitable questions. Shika did not disappoint him. "So Baki is the only witness to his identity?" Not waiting for an answer, he pressed on, "Surely dental records will help with identification?"

"The remains have been sent to a specialist. We should have his findings by tomorrow evening. Baki handed me an envelope with the name of the traitor," pulling it out he laid it on the table in front of him.

Observing the raised eyebrow from Shika, "Yes, rather cloak and dagger. In any case, I decided to open it at this meeting, with us all present. Baki will find a moment to meet with the ambassador and act as the traitor. I have left how and what he says for him to decide. He will report as soon as he has done this. So, again, probably by tomorrow evening with any luck, we shall be in possession of more facts."

Shika had pulled a jotter from somewhere and was taking down notes. This time Naruto asked, "So, Kenji and the ambassador are plotting against Suna and Baki is going to act as the traitor?" The face scrunched in thought and he continued, "Its risky isn't it? Who knows what kind of information he is supposed to have - he could give himself away within the first five minutes…"

Shika paused what he was writing for a moment and then continued with his scribbling. Kankuro tried to peer round casually but as he did this, Shika sat back in his seat and the view was obstructed. Taking his time, Shika glanced up and caught Kankuro's eye - as if to say, you'll have to do much better than that.

Gaara cleared his throat and having gotten everyone's attention, continued in explaining what they knew so far. "Before I open the envelope and we get distracted in discussions regarding the likelihood of what we find inside, I'd like to tell you about something else that happened today."

Naruto felt Gaara's gaze on him and felt his stomach drop. He found himself gripping the armrests, until a gentle hand encouraged him to let go and he gripped it instead. Raising his eyes to Gaara's once more, he found patient reassurance. He sighed and thought to himself that he supposed it couldn't be helped.

Turning back to face the others, Gaara went on to explain about the attack on Naruto. When he was finished, no-one spoke until Shika, once again, took the reins. "This makes it more likely that they are aiming for you, Kazekage."

At the formal title and the serious tone in the voice, the teal eyes held the one's from the Konohan ambassador (and found himself, once again, glad that he was so fortuitously present for the disturbing events unfolding).

This time Kankuro, "Wait, so they're aiming for Gaara by going for Naruto?"

Shika could only shake his head at his other half. Naruto, meanwhile, was feeling rather disturbed. Deep in thought, eyes trained on the floor, he asked, "Is it so obvious to everyone that we're involved?" It wasn't clear who the question was directed at, so Shika answered. "For people who are looking closely, yeah, it's pretty obvious."

Naruto looked up sharply, but just found the beginnings of sympathetic smile. Then he clicked, "So they've been observing us?"

"Most likely they've been following their target, which, if I would hazard a guess, which I don't normally do, I'd say Gaara."

The disturbing feeling that had arisen in Naruto, gave way for panic at the realisation, if the plans succeeded, most likely Gaara would be taken from him. He quashed the feeling and concentrated instead on saving his precious person.

The renewed fire in Naruto's eyes must have been evident for all present, and perhaps, it even helped everyone gather their own determination to get the upper hand in this attack.

Gaara reached for the envelope and tore it open. All eyes on him as they saw him read the contents. A small frown appeared on his face. He passed it to his brother who read with interest whose name was written.

Kankuro's reaction was immediate. "Impossible!" Correcting his rather too hasty statement, he continued, "Okay, not impossible but highly bloody unlikely!"

"Who are we talking about?" Naruto questioned.

"Tanaka Hideki." Gaara spoke slowly, almost reluctantly. "No family, last in his line. They formed a large section of the community about…ninety years ago? They're all but gone now. A bit of a rarity in that they were fire users. Currently, we have very few of them…"

Naruto and Shika looked at their partners and then at each other. The other two seemed lost in thought. "Are we missing something?" Shika questioned.

It was Kankuro who eventually answered. "There was a recent incident involving the remaining family members. It hasn't been made public yet." Looking up to catch his brother's eye, he stated gravely, "The timing makes it unlikely to be a coincidence."

It seemed to Naruto as if Kankuro had quite quickly changed his tune and he said so. In response, "Well, I spoke without thinking."

He took a moment to glance sheepishly at his three companions, getting an amused look from Shika, before, "Considering recent events in their family…Look, perhaps it isn't quite so far fetched. There were five of them left. Three sons, their father and grandfather. About 3 weeks ago they all died save the youngest brother. There was apparently a family feud between the father and grandfather. The brothers must have stepped in. The youngest returned from a mission and found them all dead."

As if an afterthought he added, "They were all fire users."

Gaara clarified, "What Kankuro isn't making clear is that the youngest brother is a very amiable, kind person - it's hard to believe that he would be involved in something like this."

Kankuro added, "Now the second brother, I could believe it of him, but not Hideki…" He considered for a moment before going on, "Still, if you consider he somehow blamed Suna for their deaths, it isn't inconceivable that he may have been shocked into some sort of personality transformation. I'm not a psychologist," he sighed.

Shika mulled this over and asked, "Exactly what information was made public and who knew the full story?" As an after-thought he added, "and how many fire users do you have exactly? A list of names would be helpful."

Gaara answered, "We have tried to keep it completely under wraps but a rumour started circulating. It was known that there was one survivor but I doubt anyone could know who. We took the youngest in for questioning and then held him, more for his own safety as he was deemed a suicide risk. He was let out a week ago. It was done quietly and we had him followed. He returned to his house, and more or less stayed there, so a couple of days ago, we called off the ninja's watching him. Privately only Kankuro, Temari and I knew the full story. No-one else."

"And how many fire users?" Naruto asked.

It was Kankuro who answered, "Since it happened, one." Unnecessarily, he added, "Hideki."

Shika corrected him but even as he spoke, his mind already seemed to be on other things. "One that you know of."

As they sat there, trying to make sense of it all, Naruto asked, "So what you're saying is that you're doubting Baki's story?" He knew of the long relationship between Baki and the siblings. Personally, he doubted whether someone as experienced as Baki would report it without being certain. He looked up into Gaara's eyes and saw frustration as well as something else.

The Kazekage sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to think to be honest. Baki would not make a mistake so if he says that it was the youngest brother, I believe him. What I'm having trouble with is trying to imagine him working against the government…it's odd. As Kankuro said, If we were talking about the second brother, now that would make more sense…"

Looking up to find all eyes on him, he tried to elaborate more clearly. "He had a strong voice and was interested in politics. If he were to take a stand, it would make sense. I find it difficult to understand anyone who becomes a traitor to their own people but if it had been Yusa instead of Hideki, then I wouldn't have to work so hard at believing it."

Kankuro shook his head and said, "Something's wrong with this picture."

"We shouldn't get sidetracked by discussing at length whether or not this, Hideki, is the traitor. As of now, Baki will be masquerading as the government contact. Let's see what he brings us in his next report. He'll be reporting to you as soon as he has the meeting?"

Gaara nodded at Shikamaru. Kankuro then questioned, "So if they're planning to get rid of Gaara," he couldn't hide his distaste at this and it showed on his face, "they're going to replace him with who?"

It was Gaara who spoke up. "They have a contact in the government and they're aiming for me, put that together and it does seem like a play for power. If we were talking about Yusa, I could see how he might be working towards supporting a different candidate for Kazekage. Hideki…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "I don't know what his intentions might be. General disorder? I can't see him doing more than protesting with, let's say, small acts of violence? But putting him to one side, let's assume the worst. That would be, what? An assassination attempt?"

It didn't sit right with Naruto, hearing Gaara speak so casually about his own possible demise. It must have shown on his face, because the hand holding his squeezed. His eyes caught gentle reassurance from the teal ones trained on him. The reality of the situation once more caught up with him and he felt sick at the thought of losing someone so precious.

Trying to get a grip of his emotions, he asked Shika, "What do you think?"

"I think that we should prepare for the worst. If they've gone to all this trouble, we should expect something big. What troubles me is that if someone intelligent and political is involved, then, from your reactions, Hideki could be a fall guy. I doubt we've discovered the mastermind behind this. I would say that the mastermind, if he's taking this much risk, then the pay off will be worth it. That means, he's most likely planning on taking over from you himself."

"Who would be able to have enough support to take over if something should happen to you?" Naruto questioned.

It was Kankuro who answered, "Well, the list would be short. Somehow I don't feel like that makes it easier."

"What do you mean?"

"With a short list of names, real people are put in front of us as possible murders and traitors, it's hard to imagine which one would actually conceive and go through with something like that," Kankuro elaborated.

"Let's leave it for tonight. We'll reconvene as soon as we have Baki's next report. In the meantime, I would like to ask you Shikamaru, to overtake an independent investigation. Do whatever you feel necessary, we are at your disposal. This stays strictly between the four of us. I don't want to put any additional pressure on Baki; he's got his hand's full with the ambassadors as it is." Standing, still holding Naruto's hand, "Kankuro will be able to provide you with any information you might need. I'm sure Naruto can be ready to assist you tomorrow, should you need it. It's late and we all have a lot to think about."

They walked to the door and Gaara nodded his acknowledgement of their 'goodnights' before leaving with Naruto in tow.

In a deserted square, sitting on the edge of a once ornate but now crumbling fountain, Kenji felt his spirits as low as they had ever been. He'd found himself walking and was now quite lost, though that was furthest from his mind. A few tears had escaped and decorated his face making silver streaks in the moonlight.

He didn't know how it had come to this. How he had been brought so low? When had this become more than just a pretence? He covered his face in his hands and felt extremely annoyed with himself. He was such a loser! Why had he let himself believe in a relationship between Kato and himself? As if! The cold face replayed in his mind now, all thoughts of the receptionist gone.

How could a serious man…a man of the world, a consummate professional like Kato, ever consider a relationship with a failure - and then it hit him. He'd really been persuaded that Kato had been serious about a relationship with him! How had he ever let himself imagine that Kato would entertain a relationship with a man!

The memory of their hometown returned to him and he felt as if he was surfacing from a dream. These past weeks like some beautiful lapse from reality. The truth was that he was a failure. Even he had been surprised that he'd been picked for such an important mission!

The disappointment that had always been directed at him from his uncle and the sneering jibes from his 'perfect' cousin returned to him with a vengeance. Ah! He'd let himself forget for a while. Forget who he really was. Not loved. A failure.

As the moon shone down placidly from high above, the tears ran down Kenji's face and his body shook with the force of his sobs. He felt disgusting crying like a girl. Anyone could find him like this. He felt very far away from home. Alone in a strange place. Lost.

No-one was interested in really being his friend. No-one took him seriously. Why? What was wrong with him? Was he really so different from everyone else? He certainly felt different. For a while, a short while, he'd believed that…someone could love him.

It was about eleven pm and Sakura had finally plucked up the courage to leave her room. Of course it was now dark and no-one was around to see her. In fact, she'd found herself wandering and discovered what seemed like a little used courtyard, not too far from her new quarters.

The memory of cleaning up the sick hit her again and she found herself taking in deep gulps of refreshing night air. Slightly cooler than usual for a summer evening in Suna, it was very pleasant. She was sitting on the ground with the walls of the building surrounding on all four sides. Looking up, stars twinkled back at her. It was peaceful.

Sitting like this, she could almost imagine that nothing was wrong. The world was a cool place, if it wasn't for all the people. Some people would never give her chance, she reasoned. She'd gone through all the self-loathing earlier (why did she drink so much etc) and felt like she'd cried and puked up so much till now, there was nothing left inside to come out. Kind of empty but just good empty. The empty that meant all the negative thoughts had been quietened and just a peaceful kind of nothing remained.

A movement caught her eye. A dark figure was making it's way along the inside of the building on the opposite side of the courtyard. Sitting as she was, on the ground, she was relatively assured, she wouldn't be spotted, so she was happy to observe. She watched the person through the windows and halfway along the corridor, they stopped. What was he doing?

After long moments, the figure started walking again, until they were about opposite to where she was sitting, at the far end. The person paused again and when a sudden large flame appeared, shortly followed by the glow of a cigarette, it was clear. Something was a bit odd though thought Sakura.

She tried to see who it was and as the person, passed along the end, turning the corner to walk towards her (on the inside), she caught sight of a face in the moonlight. Didn't know he was a fire user she thought idly. She quietened as he passed along behind her, not quite being ready to face people yet. As the evenly paced steps got fainter, she let herself breath again.

She didn't want to think about tomorrow. Staying in her room all day didn't sound very appealing. Fuck it! She closed her eyes. The world could just accept her the way she was she thought. Fuck everyone who wanted to condemn her. The fact that no-one had yet seen her to give their judgment, good or bad, was lost on her. And thoughts of negative reactions swirled around her head till the early hours.

Kato was sitting on the end of his bed. It had been going so well. He felt kind of ambushed. Who the hell was she? Kenji had reacted so strongly. What the hell? He felt extremely irritated. Beating the crap out of someone was extremely tempting at this moment in time. Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was past eleven.

Why the hell should he worry? He was a grown man! He could look after himself. Then a horrible thought occurred to him. He tried desperately to wipe it from his brain. Damn but it wouldn't budge. Instead it grew until he imagined Kenji having full blown sex with the slut.

He couldn't sit still. He got up and paced the room, rather reminiscent of a caged animal. Where the hell was he? He couldn't stand it any longer. He decided to go out for a late night walk. Just for some fresh air, he reassured himself. Not to try and find the cheating bastard.

The fact that you had to actually be in a real relationship to be a real cheating bastard, was conveniently ignored. Damn but he'd never felt like this before - like he'd punch the first person he'd meet.

He exited their quarters and headed down towards the front entrance. Down corridors and stairs, it took him a good five minutes until he was finally standing in front of the doors. He exited and headed towards where he had last seen him.

Why the hell was life so complicated? He almost tripped himself up mentally as the reality came crashing down on him. He had involved Kenji, his beloved, in a plan to assassinate the leader of a foreign nation. They were now here, in his territory, under his nose and the danger of discovery high.

He had pushed all this somehow to one side until now, too wrapped up in finally making his move. Doing something that would finally show his hand - that he had deep feelings for Kenji that refused to go away. He'd been caught up in the excitement of finally making a move - doing something that would finally give him his prize.

The meticulous planning, Kenji running through his brain morning, noon and night, which proved even worse when he was around him every day. He must have been mad! Why did he drag him into this? What the hell had he been thinking? He had no answer other than the obsession had blinded him. He stopped and ran a hand through his hair, the black length swishing behind him.

Then, said person seemed to appear; a small figure in the distance. For a moment, Kato didn't know if his eyes were playing tricks on him, appearing as a longed for dream. The small figure gradually became larger as he got nearer, until he could ascertain that it was, indeed, his Kenji. His eyes sharpened as he noted the hunched shoulders, head down and general dismal demeanour of the man approaching him.

The person took slow trudging steps towards him, before finally noticing the other's presence. They stood looking at one another for long moments, before Kenji started walking towards him.

Kato almost held his breath as his beloved approached but instead of stopping in front of him, as he'd imagined, Kenji walked past him, heading in the direction where he'd just come. He heard the slow steps retreat behind him, almost clumsily. When he came to, as if from a stupor, he found himself wondering if Kenji had been drinking.

What the hell? Kato whirled round and quickly caught up to the man. There would be time for explanations later he reasoned. Acting purely on base instinct, he gathered the man in his arms and began striding purposefully in the direction of the Kazekage building and their room.

Kenji was too tired to argue and so hung limply in the strong arms. It seemed to him to take forever but once inside the relative safety of their room, he found himself placed on the end of the bed. Closing his eyes, he slumped back. He felt Kato's deft fingers undressing him and his brain, having shut off, didn't object. He didn't move until suddenly feeling cool, he opened his eyes and realised he was in his underwear.

Stretched out on the couch, Shika wiggled his toes experimentally, trying to release some of his tension. Kankuro had just finished showering and sauntered into the living room wearing just a towel.

"Have you seen my sleep pants?"

"Probably on the floor where you threw them." Shika looked up with a seemingly bored expression, "I'm not your maid." Then added, as if it had just occurred to him, "Also whatever this is between us," gesturing with a hand between them both, "I'm not going to change or be anything other than me. If that's what you really want, you should know what you're getting into."

Kankuro had to bite back his smile. Perfect. He didn't want Shika any other way than his laid-back, sometimes acidic, cute when aroused, super smart self. He answered, "What do you mean change? Change into what? My bitch?"

Despite knowing Kankuro was just saying that to get a rise out of him, he allowed himself to do just that. Looking up with a surprised expression, (he was still getting used to how playful Kankuro could be) what did I expect, he asked himself? Perhaps he thought a softer, more romantic Kankuro might appear. He found himself pleased that it was not the case.

"Huh! You find this technique successful? What is this - insult your partner into submission?"

"No, this is reserved exclusively for you!" he answered smiling and plopping down into the small space next to Shika's head, forcing him to sit up, while he wrapped still damp arms around him.

"You're such a moron."

Shika felt wet kisses adorn his neck and between this and his ear lobe being sucked brusquely he heard, "You love it, admit it!"

"You wish," was the quiet reply given with a small smile.

After long moments of enjoying the attention lavished on his sensitive ears, he pulled away reluctantly (no way in hell was he admitting that) and said, "We should talk about what we need to do."

Kankuro considered playing dumb for a moment and continue the kissing, licking and sucking - seeing Shika trying not to react turned him on - but instead righted himself in his seat, slung an arm around the shoulders and said, "Shoot."

Pushing away thoughts of bastard, particularly when there was sexy attached to it, Shika, got down to business. "I want you to find out about the mission the youngest brother was sent on. Do it very discreetly. It would be good if we had that for tomorrow night's meeting. The more information we have, the better. I need more information on what we know about the incident that killed his family too."

Before he could go on, Kankuro interrupted, "I can tell you about that now."

"No, I don't need to know now. Let's wait till tomorrow and share all the information then. I'm interested in the mission. We should be more aware of the anbu's observing Gaara." He paused, before, "I don't like the sound of what happened to Naruto…"

Kankuro turned sharply to look at him. Shika caught his eye and held it before, "Obviously it wasn't a random attack. From what we know, it's very likely involved with what's happening. It it were me…"

"Yes," Kankuro cautiously prompted him. "Well, if I were on a similar mission, I'm not black ops and I don't assassinate people, and I'm sure I wouldn't have drawn so much attention to myself but…"

Kankuro's disgruntled sound, encouraged Shika to go on, "Well, I would have some kind of back-up plan. If the attempt on Gaara's life failed, I would have something up my sleeve, to use as a bargaining chip."

"To help them escape?"

"Black ops? Unlikely. If their identities are known, it's all over. Inflict as much damage as possible. They've been observing Gaara and Naruto." He cleared his throat and decided to put it another way, "What would Gaara do if Naruto's life was in danger? What would he do to save him?"

That question lingered in the air between them. "It's good Sakura's here. Whatever problem's she's got emotionally, she's still Tsunade's apprentice. I think we should have her check out Naruto tomorrow."

"Can she be trusted?" At Shika's look, he went on, "Look, she's not at her best at the moment. If there is something wrong with Naruto, we want it kept absolutely quiet."

Shika considered this for a moment. "Who can she tell here? Temari's out of the loop on this but even if she found out..? And Ino's reliable if she found out. We need to know. Sakura healed you once, when even Suna's best couldn't have found an answer in time. Yeah, she was much more stable at the time, but she's here and we can always take measures to keep her confined until this is over. I doubt she feels like going out and facing people at the moment anyway."

"We confine her to her room?" Kankuro asked, dubious.

"If need's be. We don't put it like that. Tact Kankuro - look it up once in a while."

A sudden urge to kiss the smug smile off Shika's face overtook the Suna nin and he proceeded to do just that.

"So…"

"So."

"Here we are," Kenji ventured.

"As observant as ever I see," was the reply.

Damn it! What the hell is going on? The emotional rollercoaster was making Kenji feel a little sick. Maybe not too much though at the moment. Not really, lying naked as he was in the bed with Kato, also naked, lying less than a foot away. Both were just staring up at the ceiling and the other man, with this hands supporting his head, seemed relaxed and, if anything, like his thoughts were a million miles away.

Having just had one of the worst nights of his life, Kenji didn't really know what to say or where he stood. So he continued to lie there, trying to think of what to say and analyse the sick feeling - which turned out to be the million butterflies in his stomach.

After a while, (in reality only 5 minutes or so), he tried again. "We had an argument." Directly having said this, he proceeded to mentally kill himself for being such a witless idiot.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, (he really didn't know what he wanted to happen), this resulted in Kato, turning towards him, propped up on one elbow and gracing him with his full attention. He didn't need to look to know that eyes were taking in his every feature. Suddenly glad that he was mostly uncover, he desperately tried to look at the very interesting ceiling.

"Yes," confirmed the deep voice, rather too close for comfort to his left ear.

What the hell was with the monosyllabic answers? Kenji sighed and found himself rubbing his face. This, in turn, helped him remember that his eyes must still be puffy from crying like a girl earlier. He willed his cheeks not to go red in shame but, as usual, his body did not listen to him.

Still, he could not bring himself to move. He didn't know what to say and had briefly considered making a break for the toilet before he remembered he had no clothes on. He lay there, as if paralysed.

A hand reached out and tucked some hair behind his ear and he felt strange, like he'd never felt before. Eventually the silence was broken, "I can't seem to keep my hands away from you."

As this sunk in, frustrated, Kenji didn't know how to reply. Actually he knew exactly what he wanted to ask (demand/scream) but didn't have the guts. A strange lethargy had begun to overtake him and he felt like lying there with more gentle caresses from the other man. As his mind took him to dirtier places, the heat that spread through him felt like a full body blush.

Mustering his courage, such as it was, he determined to act like a man for once, that plus he was tired of the emotional turmoil. "Do you mean that?" quietly slipped out. He found he was scared to look over, so he kept his eyes trained on the ceiling.

"Yes." When that didn't seem to produce any results, Kato ventured further, "I can't suppress the urge to touch you. I really want to. Surely that's clear."

As he lay observing the beautiful man, quietly looking anywhere but at him, he heard cool words leave a still face. Unreadable. "That's not what you said earlier. You made yourself perfectly clear. This is a mission. Nothing else."

Taking this in his stride, Kato answered, "And yet, I carried you home in my arms, undressed you and now we're lying together naked in our bed."

"Is that an answer?"

"Isn't it?"

Finally the two pairs of eyes met. "No. It's no kind of answer. Tell me straight. Are you serious or not?"

"Time to come clean?" Although directed at him, Kenji felt like Kato was talking to himself.

"Come clean about what?" was the cautious reply.

Pulling himself together, Kato returned the gaze. What he found there almost took his breath away. A tender look, fear shining bright. Did Kenji know he gave so much away? He felt the longing return tenfold. He wanted this for himself. To be only his. Was he really so scared at hearing his reply? Does this mean I can hope, he asked himself?

"Come clean about my real motive." Kato didn't know why he was stretching this out. Maybe it was the total vulnerability directed at him, in a pair of beautiful scared eyes. Damn it but I'm a sadist he berated himself. He'd wanted this for so long, he told himself. Not sadistic, just finally revelling in what I've waited so long for. Nevertheless, he felt himself harden slightly. Stretching the moment out, he eventually continued.

"I'm in love with you Kenji. I have been for a very long time. It took me a long time to come to terms with it but eventually I have. I constructed this plan to make you mine. It was desperate and looking back now, it's obvious I wasn't thinking clearly."

He waited to see some kind of reaction before continuing.

Kenji couldn't believe his ears. The serious tone in the voice made him believe and yet the largest part of him was telling him that there was no way in hell a man like Kato would fall in love with a reject like him. Sometimes he couldn't see anything about himself that he liked, never mind someone else falling in love with him. He found his voice unsure as he heard himself say, "You're in love with me?"

Before the other could answer, he went on, "You've been in love with me…for a long time?"