"Bury The Castle"

Summary: Adam and Fiona's fairytale comes crashing down when Drew makes a major mistake. – Sequel to "Lion's Den"; Adam/Fiona pairing; Dark fic; Drew/Bianca, Eli/Clare, Sav/Holly J friendship.

Author's Note: This is not related to my other Fadam series. (It's not part of the timeline stories. View my Author's Profile for details.)

This story takes place after the Episode "The Way We Get By" (1035/1036) and is a sequel to the fan fic "Lion's Den". You should probably read one that first (or at least chapters 1 & 2) for the backstory between Adam and Fiona.

Categories: Angst/Drama/Romance/Family/Friendship

Rating: M (for language, not lemons!)

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Degrassi!

*Prologue*

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When he was hooking up with Fiona, it had been amazing. He finally got to touch and explore her body in ways he had only dreamed of. He was excited beyond measure and it was incredible knowing that he was making her feel good and cry out in pleasure. However, when he felt her reach out to him he hesitated. He enjoyed kissing her and the feel of her hands on his body, but he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with her touching him down below. She looked into his eyes and murmured, "Please" and his resistance instantly melted away. When she made contact with him, his first thought was, "Why didn't we do this sooner?" Suddenly, everything felt more intense. They looked into each other's eyes as the sensations kept building and soon fell over the edge, together.

Some time afterward he awoke with start. Once he realized where he was and recalled what happened earlier with Fiona, he carefully removed himself from her bed and rushed to the bathroom. He didn't feel right. He recognized the onset of dysphoria as all his insecurities came rushing to the surface.

Adam wasn't sure how much time passed as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, hating what he saw. His mind raged that he shouldn't have let her that close. He wondered how could Fiona possibly see him as guy after seeing the wrap he wore to flatten his chest, the telltale curve of his hips, and intimately touching him? Worse, he wondered if that's what she wanted from him all along. He was angry with himself for getting in this position in the first place. When tears started to fall he knew that he made a mistake. He had wanted to be with her so badly, but he wasn't ready for this. He sat down on the bathroom floor, leaning against the door as he silently cried.

He panicked when he heard Fiona knock on the door. She asked him if he was alright and he didn't know how to respond. He finally told her that he needed a minute. To his surprise she ended up camping out on the other side of the door and assured him if he needed to talk she was all ears. He asked her if she had any regrets about being with him. She said no. Then she asked if he did. After a long pause he said yes.

"Adam, what's wrong?" Fiona asked. She was concerned. He didn't sound like himself. She had been startled to find his side of the bed empty when she woke up, but instantly calmed down when she realized he was in the bathroom. She chided herself for getting too worried, but as the minutes ticked by she knew something was amiss.

Adam sighed. He had just made love to the woman he loved, yet here he was freaking out about body issues and questioning their relationship. Why couldn't he ever be happy? Every time he tried, something would come along and steal his happiness away. "Do you like me, for me? Or…" He paused to wipe a tear away. He wasn't sure if he had the strength to finish that sentence. He sounded so weak and needy. It wasn't sexy. After those words he deserved it if Fiona ran the other way.

Fiona waited to him to continue. When she realized he probably wasn't going to, she spoke up. "Adam, can you open the door?"

He flinched. He didn't want her to see him this way. He felt too raw, too vulnerable.

"I do," she said after a long moment.

"What?" he questioned.

"I like you for who you are, Adam," she clarified. "There are times when I wonder how I got so lucky to have this amazing, sweet, funny, and caring guy in my life. I don't trust people easily but from the moment I met you, I knew that I could. I can't explain it, but I feel connected to you. I want you to know that I'll never judge you, Adam, so whatever you're feeling, you can tell me."

Adam slowly opened the door. He felt sheepish but he wrapped himself in the comfort of her words. When he met her eyes he felt disarmed. Fiona rushed forward and hugged him. After a few seconds he hugged back.

They sat on the bed, side by side as they spoke.

"It's called gender dysphoria," Adam said quietly as he looked at the floor. "Time to time, nothing feels right. I feel really uncomfortable in my body because it doesn't match up." He sighed before admitting, "I'm experiencing it right now."

Fiona looked at him concerned. "Is it because we…"

He looked up. "It comes and goes. Sometimes the most mundane things can trigger it," he told her. "But… yeah, I think so."

"I'm sorry." Her voice sounded so sad. Adam reached for her hands.

"Hey, it's not you. It's me," he said with a small smile. Fiona smiled a little in response. Seeing this, his widened in triumph.

"I didn't meant to–"

"I know," Adam assured her. He paused, weighing whether or not he wanted to ask on question that had been nagging him every since he opened his eyes. He decided to bite the bullet. "Fiona, do you… do you still see me as a guy?"

Fiona blinked and searched his face for any sign humor or sarcasm. He didn't quite meet her eyes and she could tell he was serious and anxious about her response. "Of course I do," she stated firmly.

"Really?" he asked quietly. His body was female and there had been no escaping that when they hooked up.

She reached up and placed her hands on his temples. "You're a guy, Adam. It doesn't matter what the rest of you is like. Up here is what counts. I get that."

He smiled.

A/N: I referenced them hooking up in the previous story. The entire prologue is one long flashback, which is why it's in italics. The next part will pick up where "Lion's Den" ended.

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