Pursuit Revisited

by Bensler

Chapter 4

Olivia's bouncing knee was driving Elliot crazy. She had always had this quirky habit and most of the time he found it endearing. However, today he was nervous and on edge as they waited to see Dr. George Huang at his office downtown at Federal Plaza.

"Liv, calm down," Elliot said as he placed his hand just above her knee and held her leg still.

Her gaze, cast downward, shifted his way, but she did not look up at him. And she didn't say anything, only nodded. She knew her fidgeting got on his nerves at times but he had to understand this situation was different. A panic attack right now would not surprise her in the least. She had told Elliot she wanted him to come with her to see Huang. And not just to sit in the outer office. She had decided she wanted him to hear everything.

Maybe this way he could understand her better and perhaps help her understand those things about herself she simply could not grasp. Or didn't want to grasp. Maybe if all her secrets were finally put on the table, Elliot would see just how damaged she was and understand why she was the person she was. Maybe then they could get back their old friendship. Things had been better the last year or so, but there still seemed to be a distance of some sort between them and she never had been able to quite put her finger on it.

Now as they waited, she began to second guess her decisions. To talk to Huang. To tell Elliot she needed to talk to someone. To let him sit in on the sessions. Maybe she should not let him hear everything. If he truly knew how damaged she was, he would be the one to run instead of her. He had been there for her over the years because he was her partner. Her friend. But then she began to think of all the traumatic things she had endured and realized Elliot had not been there for some of the worst times in her life. It had been Fin at the worst of those times with the exception of Lake when Lauren Cooper blew her brains out. Elliot never said a word to her about the bomb intended for her, or made much more than a passing comment when she got cut by the man who broke into her apartment. Fin had been the one to make her get checked out by the medics after she was poisoned and he was the one who rescued her from Harris and was by her side when Sonya died.

But most of the time it wasn't Elliot's fault…like with Sonja. He was in training at the FBI headquarters. That was out of his hands. And hadn't he been worried she could become the perp's target and come home early because of her? She had been so glad to see him she nearly lost it. He told her he should have come sooner. He had wanted to be there for her. It just didn't turn out that way. Sonya had been the straw on the camel's back. But he had been there since. In fact, he'd barely left Olivia's side the last two days.

A sickening thought came to her. Sealview. She had never told Elliot what happened in that prison. Never told him just how close Lowell Harris had come to making her a special victim. Fin would never have told him either, not without clearing it with her first. Of that she was certain. But Elliot was a detective and he had to have pieced most of it together. Yet, he never again tried to get her to talk about it after that night he asked what had happened in the basement. And she was not sure that was a good thing or a bad thing. Sealview would most certainly come up in the sessions with Huang. Her brain was fried thinking about all these things.

"Olivia?"

Pulled from her semi-trance, she looked up at Elliot. "Huang's calling you."

She saw George smiling at her. He motioned for to come and she and Elliot entered his office. He looked at them a bit puzzled.

"I…I want Elliot to…to be here," she explained as she glanced at her partner and then back to the doctor.

George nodded, still curious. "That's fine. Please take a seat." He pointed to several chairs positioned around a coffee table filled with books and magazines.

"No couch?" Elliot joked, trying to lighten things up a bit.

"No." George smiled.

"I thought you'd have one here, too," Olivia said nervously.

An hour and half later, Olivia and Elliot were on the sidewalk of the Federal building. This first session with Huang was mostly about Sonya's murder and how it affected Olivia differently than seeing someone she didn't know die violently. It was horrific no matter what, but when it was someone you knew, worked with, had a relationship with, that horror reached an entirely differently level.

Olivia had agreed to see Huang again on Monday. He had suggested three times a week but she was reluctant. After Elliot put in his two cents she finally settled on twice a week with the promise to call if she needed to see him before her next appointment.

As they stood there looking around, Olivia began to feel uncomfortable. The guilt of pulling Elliot away from his family on his first day off in nearly two weeks was not helping matters.

"Feel like eating something?" he asked as he squinted in the afternoon sun.

"Not really," she said as she looked at her watch. "You should go spend some time with your family."

Elliot snorted. "Well, the older kids don't have time for dear old Dad and Kathy took Eli to some kids' thing at the science museum."

Guilt washed over her. "Oh, El, I'm sorry. You would have been with them…I shouldn't have called you…I…"

With a wave of his hand he dismissed her concerns. "It's okay. She didn't want me to go anyway."

Olivia looked at him with bewilderment.

"Said it was just a bunch of kids and parents and that I wouldn't like it." The muscle in his jaw flexed and his eyes narrowed.

She didn't know what to say. She knew he was upset. As long as Elliot was with Eli, they both would have had a good time. She could not understand why Kathy would discourage Elliot from spending time with the boy. He may not have been the husband he should have been but when it came to his kids, Elliot tried his best to be a good father.

"The museum's not that far…" she suggested.

"Nah…they're probably back home by now. Come on. I'm starving and you need to eat whether you're hungry or not." Elliot took her arm and pulled her along with him.

"So, how many more times you gonna rearrange the food on your plate?" Elliot mumbled around a mouthful of roast beef and potatoes.

Olivia looked up from the broccoli and cheese. "I ate my salad. And I told you I wasn't hungry."

Shaking his head, Elliot reached across the table, cut a piece of chicken, speared it with his fork and held it out to her. "One bite, okay."

"Elliot! It's nearly half the chicken!"

"Okay, two bites." He grinned and she took the fork from him.

Four bites later she handed him his fork. "Satisfied?"

Elliot down the last of his soda and smiled. "Enough."

"I need to use the restroom. Be right back," Olivia said as she stood.

"Okay."

Elliot watched Olivia leave then looked around the small café packed with a few families with kids, several couples, groups of women and/or men; and several lone customers. A child's laughter caught his attention but when he turned toward it questions filled his head. He couldn't see the child but he didn't need to because he saw the woman. And he knew exactly who it was even though her back was to him. He had seen her back from every angle, her hair in countless styles though mostly long and straight for over twenty-five years.

Kathy.

But he had no idea who the man was who was leaning close to her as he spoke. Laughing at what he said, she leaned toward him and whispered something in his ear. The man roared with laughter and then the little boy, imitating him, did the same. Eli.

A punch to the stomach couldn't have been any worse. Elliot felt sick. He wanted to go over there and demand to know what was going on, but he did not want Olivia to know and certainly did not want her involved in the confrontation that would ensue. He had to get out of there. Motioning for the waitress, he asked would forty bucks cover the bill. She looked at him oddly but nodded.

"The woman that was with me…tell her I'll meet her outside, please." And with that Elliot made his way out, making certain neither Kathy nor Eli saw him.

He leaned against the building where he could see into the café and continued to watch Kathy. This man was not just a friend. Of that Elliot was positive. He prayed Olivia would hurry up. As another thought struck fear in his heart, he prayed she and Kathy did not see each other. He was so caught up in his worry and surveillance he did not even see Olivia come out.

"It's not nice to leave your partner behind, you know?" Olivia said as she playfully bumped his shoulder.

"Let's get out of here." He grabbed her; pushed her ahead of him then had to catch her when she lost her balance. "Sorry," he told her.

"Elliot! What's going on?" She frowned at him but her voice was full of concern.

"Nothing. Nothing. I just…I don't feel well."

"Okay…is there anything I can do?"

"No." He stopped and just stared at her.

Every emotion she could think of seemed to fill his face. "El? What is it?"

His hands ran over his head and his lips pursed as he blew out a deep breath. "Can you…can you get home by yourself?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed suspiciously. Something was bad wrong. And he was not going to share it. "Sure."

He nodded and headed toward the street. Olivia caught his arm. "Elliot, are you okay?" she asked softly.

Covering her hand with his for just a moment, he slowly shook his head then pulled away and crossed the street in a slight jog.

Olivia followed him with her eyes until he was swallowed by the crowds. He said he was not okay. Elliot Stabler was not one to easily make such an admission. And now she was officially worried.

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