When angels return home.

The measure of a man.

Anakin.

Bright and happy voices pulled me from my sleep and made my eyes snap open in surprise. In the time I had been here, I had not heard much laughter. As hard as Padme tried to pretend everything was healing, her voice had been tinged with grief. I knew that she mourned for the life she should have had. The ones where our child played and grew and were loved by a stable man instead of the monster I was. I wanted so badly to ask her what had happened. Did we have a daughter or a son? What was their name? What happened to them? Are they safe? But I feared her answers. The baby must have survived, it wasn't here with Padme but where did it go?

I carefully untangled myself from Obi-Wan's octopus like arms and eased a pillow underneath his head as he slumped sideways onto the arm of the sofa. A garish yellow blanket pooled to the ground at my feet. I turned back to Obi-Wan and frowned, he didn't look at all comfortable with his feet still on the ground. Padme and Qui-Gon fell silent and their eyes burned the back of my head as I carefully eased Obi-Wan's legs up onto the sofa and spread the blanket over him. He nestled into the fabric deeper and mumbled something I took to be a thank you.

"He would have moaned about having a bad back when he woke up. He's fallen asleep like that before at times and he's always in pain afterwards." I sat down at the table and propped my head up on my hand, "Master Qui-Gon, we're dead, right? Why can we still feel pain then?"

Qui-Gon laughed, "Obi-Wan asked me the exact same thing in that tone of voice as well. I told him you are your soul and I think it took him a long time to understand. You hurt because you believe you can. We may be dead, Anakin but to ourselves we are very much alive."

That explained the phantom ache in my limbs and the ghost of a helmet I still felt. I shuddered but smiled at Padme when she placed a steaming mug down in front of me. She beamed and reached across the table to hold my hand. For a moment I panicked about showing affection so close to a Jedi Master but Qui-Gon just grinned and sipped his tea.

"You look a lot better this morning, Ani." Padme commented.

I nodded, "I didn't dream of anything last night."

"That's good."

"Obi-Wan was watching over you, young one. He takes the promises he makes very seriously as you well know."

Padme sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Don't I know it."

I pursed my lips and shook Padme's hand to get her attention, "What aren't you telling me?"

"I think that's a story for another time, Anakin. Padme doesn't know the details and neither do I. One day, my Padawan will tell us."

My heart sank to my stomach and I glanced back at the man on the sofa. There was something else I had done to hurt Obi-Wan. How could I have been so hell bent on revenge and power that I lost sight of those around me?

"How can any of you forgive me?" I breathed.

"Because we love you." Padme answered without a pause, "We're not pretending that what you did didn't hurt us or that we're not angry. But we're family. We'll learn to move on together."

"But I killed you. I killed Obi."

"Yes you did." Qui-Gon said even as Padme started to protest, "You're the reason your wife ended up here years before her time. I know how Obi-Wan died and what you did and I'm disappointed in you. I saw greatness in you but did not see the shadows. However, now I see hope. Anakin, you have been granted a rare second chance, to be with Padme and to earn the forgiveness you need. Don't let it go to waste. We cannot move forward if we are caught in the past. Obi-Wan would be the first to tell you this."

"I know but it's so hard to let go. I killed people and started a war. For what? Power? Revenge?"

"You know that it was wrong. Owning up to our mistakes takes courage."

"I'm a coward."

A calloused hand flicked underneath my chin until I looked up hesitantly. Qui-Gon's patient and gentle eyes met mine.

"When Obi-Wan spoke those words to you, they came from a place of terrible pain. I was not aware that he was so angry or I would have forced him to calm down outside. I honestly thought that it would help the both of you, I guess in a way it did. Obi is the Jedi Code personified, loyal and usually as cold as ice. But he is also just a man. He did not mean to be so harsh with you."

"He's right though, isn't he? I couldn't face my problems so I ran to someone who could do it for me."

"Perhaps but now's the perfect time to prove to everyone here that you can be brave."

"How do I d-."

My words were abruptly cut off. Obi-Wan jerked awake with a gasp.

The three of us lurched forward, moving as one unit toward the panting man but I remembered myself just in time and back peddled a few paces. My Master would not want to see me so close after a nightmare. I hadn't known he was having one, I was so used to existing without him in my head that I forgot to look. I had always known the demons lurking in the corners of his mind. I bit the inside of my cheek and bowed my head, listening to Qui-Gon and Padme try to calm him down.

"You're safe now, little one. No one can hurt you here. Just breathe,"

"I…I…Master, he's here."

Padme sent me a panicked glance but there was nowhere I could hide. They were between me and the door to the bedroom and the apartment door. I wondered briefly if I could crawl inside a kitchen cabinet.

"Anakin is here, don't you remember?"

"No! Master?"

I peeked around Qui-Gon just as Obi-Wan was sitting up. Our eyes met and the colour drained from his face. The warmth froze in his eyes and he fumbled at his waist for a weapon that wasn't there. It was our reunion all over again and I couldn't see his hatred one more time. I hurriedly retreated until my back was pressed up against the stove, my hands raised palms outwards.

"I'm not going to hurt you! I promise. Master, please. It's me, it's Ani."

His silence was deafening and it took everything I had not to turn tail and run. Qui-Gon wanted me to be brave. I promised Padme I was going to be and I had to prove to Obi-Wan that I could be. I dropped my eyes to the floor and wrapped shaking arms around my chest. My breaths came out in hurried panicked gasps that burned my lungs but I couldn't stop. There were hot tears on my cheeks and mucus in my mouth. Nausea rolled through my stomach and my hands trembled. Cool hands brushed against my clammy skin and titled my face upright. Through my blurred vision I could see brown robes and spikey hair. There was an unrelenting pressure in my mind and I wrenched open the door. Obi-Wan flooded my senses and his voice in my head was almost too much. I clutched at his robes, tight enough to hold him still but loose enough so that he could pull away if he wanted too.

"Anakin!"

"Don't send me away again. I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan tugged me forward with one swift jerk and folded strong arms around me. I froze and my breath caught in my throat. I hadn't been held by him since I was a child and I hadn't realised just how much I needed it. As I grew up physical affection became a congratulatory pat on the back or a fond hair ruffle. He was smaller than me, that much I had always known but he made up for it in his strength. Tentatively I embraced him back, growing bolder when he didn't shake me off. I dropped my forehead onto his shoulder and wiped my nose on his tunic. Obi-Wan laughed softly and tapped the back of my head in reprimand.

"Hush now, Anakin. I won't send you away, idiot. Didn't you listen to me at all yesterday?"

"You were so scared." I choked.

"Not of you. I was dreaming that's all. One time I woke up and nearly punched Qui-Gon in the face."

I gave a wet laugh and pulled back to wipe my eyes. Obi-Wan smiled, bright and vibrant and sat down on the table top. Padme walked by and flicked his ear, he yelped and huffed indignantly. My wife drew up to my side and pressed a sweet but brief kiss to my lips.

"You have to stop having panic attacks, Ani. It's not healthy."

"I know. I'm trying."

"You're not alone anymore, Anakin. We're here with you now." Qui-Gon said.

From his perch on my table Obi-Wan nodded and twirled his braid around his fingers. Padme stalked from my side and stabbed her fingertip into Obi-Wan's face. Over Padme's shoulder I saw his wide startled eyes and his mouth furrowed in surprise.

"That means you too, Mister. No more lone hero missions, ok?"

He agreed and I almost believed him.