I've thought about a bunch of ways to go with this chapter and with the rest of this story, so I hope this is the best. It's been so long since this point in the series and since I wrote this, so I was torn with exactly where to go with it, since I'd only intended to do two chapters initially. But now I have a new direction which actually works well with the time that's passed. I think I like where I'm taking it now.

Some things to note: yes, this does have disturbing overtones. I hesitate to label it, so I'll just leave it at that. Yes, I've portrayed Josh in a not-so-nice way. But this is less about my Josh and his potentially slimy ways and more about my Kate's feelings, as well as her ideas and conceptions about her relationship, taking an abrupt deviation from all that she'd known and believed to this point. She's reeling. And yes, she's out of character to a degree, but you have to look at the situation and the events to this point.

I'm assuming that we're somewhere close to a weekend.

I would appreciate any and all constructive criticism. Like it, hate it, and a small why. Your comments keep me motivated and ultimately make me a better writer. So if you spent some time reading this, please let me know what you thought of it.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with this show or the rights to the characters.

Kate woke early that next morning feeling ... odd. She was warm. Oh, she was warm, and it felt so good. She felt secure. But she also felt ... unsure. There was an underlying trepidation that she couldn't put her finger on right away.

She knew that she wasn't in her bed. But she couldn't pinpoint where she was, and she needed to know where she was. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around.

Castle's loft.

The impromptu late-night trip over here, after ... Oh, yeah. The memories and feelings of the earlier part of the evening flooded into her brain. She slammed her eyes shut again as she tried to will the memories of Josh away. But the memories were there, behind her eyelids, so she forced her eyes back open, and she looked around the loft.

The lights were still low. The fire was still burning safely in the fireplace, and she was very grateful at that moment for gas fireplaces that you could leave burning safely all night. The fire was calming. And warm.

She didn't remember consciously choosing to sleep there, but obviously, she had fallen asleep. Her eyes looked around the room, and eventually they came to rest on the man next to her who was half-sitting and half-laying, and who was still totally asleep. His head was tilted to the side, toward her, and his mouth was slightly open. He looked so peaceful. And it made her wish that she had some of that peace.

But really ... didn't he give her some of that peace already?

She realized that she felt better here, even while still somewhat disoriented from just waking up. She felt comfortable. She felt ... safe.

Safe?

Did that mean she felt unsafe somewhere else?

Perhaps 'safe' wasn't the correct word. Perhaps it was comfortable. Or content. Or just ... at peace. As much as she could be anywhere right now. She didn't feel that peace at home, which was why she'd left in the first place. She knew that. Because of ... yeah. But here, she thought as she looked around the darkened room, at the man sleeping on the couch next to her, at least, strangely enough, she felt at peace here.

Who would have ever thought a few years ago that Castle—the focus-challenged man-child—would be the one to provide her with a feeling of peace and, yes, safety that she couldn't even find in her own home?

It was almost a shock when he suddenly opened his eyes without warning. Very quickly, they seemed to focus on her, although it was apparent that he wasn't processing that she was really there. He stared at her for several loaded seconds before asking, "Kate?"

"Hi," she told him softly.

"You're here ..." he said, with a certain amount of wonder, as if he was trying to figure it out. And then he raised his head slightly and looked around the room a bit. "Oh," he remarked absently. "I must have fallen asleep." As if remembering that he'd just been sleeping, he yawned. "Sorry. Guess I wasn't a very good host to fall asleep on you like that."

She tried for a small smile. "Don't worry, Castle. I won't let it get out to besmirch your playboy reputation."

But he didn't smile. Instead, he gave her a funny look. "My reputation is the least of my worries, Kate." He let that, whatever it meant, sink in for a moment before he continued, "So did you sleep all right? Because, you know, I have regular beds ..."

She knew he was joking, that it was just more of their usual innuendo. Or something. She knew he was keeping it light, and he was just being Castle. But damn it, as soon as he'd mentioned the beds, her mind went to the last time she was in a bed, and what had happened. And her stomach immediately clenched up and she couldn't stop the involuntary reactions of her mouth dropping open while her eyes began to widen. And apparently he noticed it too, because she saw the look he gave her, followed by the questioning, "Kate?"

"I'm fine, Castle," she said automatically when she heard his question, when she'd seen his reaction.

"It was just ... if you're tired," he continued to explain in that calm, even voice, "you can use the guest room. It even has its own bathroom. Well, you know that from when you stayed there before."

She did know that. God, he was just trying to help, to be hospitable. Why couldn't she just accept the offer without having her mind constantly go back to the night before? "Uh ... yeah. I remember that. But ... uh ... this is good. And it's still nice and warm." He looked at her curiously, like he had the night before, but once again, he elected not to say anything more.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, looking around, finding the clock. "It's not even six yet, but we could make something for breakfast if you want."

She shook her head. "I'm good." Then, realizing that her terse words didn't make her sound 'good', she struggled to find something else to say. "I'm warm. And after being in that freezer, that's saying something, Castle. So I'm good for now." She tried for a small smile.

He gave her a bit of a smile back, more satisfied with her later response. He could relate. "I'll agree with you that warm is good. But if you get hungry, let me know, okay?"

She nodded, but didn't say anything; she just looked into the fire.

"You know," he said softly, breaking the silence after another long couple of minutes, "if there's anything else you need, I hope you'll tell me. I want to help, if I can."

She turned her head on the back of the couch to look more directly at him. He had his face turned toward her, and with the earnest look in his eyes, she didn't doubt his sincerity. If she said she wanted to fly to Maine for a lobster brunch, she didn't doubt that he'd start making calls to charter a plane. But how could he help with what she was feeling? Her mind was just a jumble of random, disturbing thoughts and feelings now, so unlike how she normally functioned. And with what most of those thoughts centered around ... there was no way she could tell him that. "Thank you," she finally said. "I really mean that. Just being here ... it's good. Thanks for inviting me over last night. But I'm sorry that I fell asleep on your couch."

His face took on a little bit of an exasperated look. "Kate, I told you last night that you could stay as long as you wanted. And I meant that. Besides, I'm grateful for the company."

"Sure?" She still wanted more confirmation.

"Kate. Really. Stay. Keep me company. Hell," he said offhandedly, "Stay all weekend if you want."

The remark was made in such a casual way, but it hit her just the same. Stay all weekend. And although her first instinct was to brush it off, after about a second, she realized that the thought of doing just that was so tempting.

She could just stay right here and slide into a cocoon of warmth and anonymity, where nobody outside of this room knew where she was. Where Josh wouldn't know where she was.

The surprise must have been evident on her face, because he gave her one of those looks like he did when he knew she was holding back. "Look, Kate. We almost died together yesterday, more than once. I don't know if that's all finally started to hit you, or if there's something else." His eyes bore into hers, and it seemed like he knew that her mood fit in more with his second theory, even though he didn't voice it. "But like I said last night, with what we went through together, I can't think of anyone else that I want to be around right now, even if all we talk about is the weather. Or even if we just sit here and stare at the fire. So I meant it before. This is an invitation. Stay as long as you want."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She ended up staying for the weekend, just like he'd offered. Despite her initial, gut reaction about staying in the peacefulness that he offered, she still didn't consciously plan to do that. But it just sort of ... happened anyway. Every time she thought about going home, her stomach would knot just a bit and her mind would flash back to the last time she was there. So she procrastinated, and even though Castle looked at her sometimes like he couldn't believe she'd actually decided to stay, he seemed all to happy to help her out with that by finding other things that they just had to do. They made cookies. They watched DVDs of Star Trek episodes. At one point, he used his unique brand of logic to coerce her into helping him rearrange the guest room closet. And they even napped on the couch again, because after being almost frozen to death, and staying up all night looking for terrorists, their sleep cycles were way off.

She had a change of clothes in a bag in the trunk of her car, so she was set there and didn't have to worry about what to do with that aspect of some unplanned time away from home. At first, it did make her feel a bit guilty when she realized that she needed to shower and change, and that there was no reason that she couldn't just go home to do all of that. But Castle justified her staying as only Castle could, with silly reasons that made almost no sense. But she found herself going along with him and with his funny rationale. And she felt just a bit more of that peace that she'd seen in him earlier.

She slept from then on in the guest room, and somehow, Castle seemed to know to give her some space. When it got late, he just waved her off toward the second floor and wished her pleasant dreams, never even making a move to show her to the room. In fact, except for their closet rearranging escapade, he never even set foot on the upper floor.

She eventually started talking more, but she was conscious to keep that talk away from anything personal. If Castle ever thought that her behavior during that time was strange or out of character, he never said a word. She caught him looking at her strangely, almost worriedly, a few times, but he'd either smile at her or make some quip that would make her want to roll her eyes or throw one of the couch pillows at him. One time she actually did throw a couch pillow at him, and he retaliated by throwing one back at her. They both eyed each other up, after which a pillow fight ensued, and was only ended when Kate ducked to avoid a flying pillow, which sent it careening straight into a floor vase behind her. The tall vase tipped over and broke, shattering on the hard wooden floor.

"Oh," Castle said, his eyes big, his face slack while he looked at the tiny pieces of colored glass on his floor. "I ... guess ... that didn't work so well. Oh."

"Nice shot, Castle. You murdered your vase with the pillow."

He turned his face back toward her. "Well, I guess it's good that you're here then." At her questioning glance, he went further with his unique brand of logic. "You're a homicide cop. I murdered the vase," he said with a shrug

"What? You want me to charge you with murder? Again?" She could hear the teasing quality in her voice, and it almost surprised her at how ... normal she sounded.

"No. I want you to help me hide the body, of course! The vase body, that is. In the trash can. Let's clean it up."

She registered what he said, and then rolled her eyes. Yes, that was normal; a normal Castle thing to say, and a normal response from her. Normal felt good. And with a genuine smile, she took one of the pillows from her arsenal and threw it at him, hitting him square in his grinning face.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She now stood inside the doorway of her apartment. After spending the last few days at Castle's loft, it seemed strange to her to be back. But even though she'd been dreading it, she found that it wasn't as bad as she'd made it out to be in her mind. This was still her home, after all, and Josh wasn't here. He wouldn't be here again; she knew that. She'd endured a lot worse over her lifetime, and she could handle this. Things with Josh hadn't gone as planned, and it was a blow to her because she thought that they could have built something good between them. But in a way it was a relief, and especially a few days removed from ... that night, she was ultimately glad that she'd had that revelation.

Her time at Castle's, though not planned, was nothing short of a gift. A wonderful gift it was ... the ability to escape and have a sanctuary when she couldn't stand to be home or to be in a place where she could be found. And she had to wonder about the man that had given her that gift, the man who offhandedly mentioned everything from her coming over to her staying, but who followed through and made sure that she was comfortable. And occupied. And strangely, he didn't push. He pushed her about almost everything else, but he never pushed her about what was bothering her. And she knew she'd be forever grateful for all of it. She thanked him, of course, and she told him that he helped her more than he would ever know. She was certain that he wanted to know more, but strangely, he didn't press. He just told her that he was glad that he'd helped, even though he wasn't sure how, and told her to call if she needed anything else. At all. No matter the time.

Just hearing his words, she'd felt a little warmer inside.

Despite Castle's solid and calming presence, she knew that her feelings about ... that night, though, were going to take longer to come to terms with. Feeling used, feeling inconsequential relative to someone's more baser, pleasurable urges, feeling powerless to stop it either by duty or guilt ... well, that was a bitter pill to swallow, especially for her. She was independent, and she was strong; well, she was supposed to be those things. That shouldn't have happened to her.

But she still wondered what kind of a person was she, when her boyfriend had given up his humanitarian trip, for her, and then she dropped off the face of the earth for several days without even a word to him. She'd finally turned her phone back on as she was packing her overnight bag before she'd left Castle's, fully expecting a bunch of messages from Josh. She did have messages all right ... two. She felt perturbed when she saw the message count, although she didn't know if more of her annoyance came from the fact that there were two calls from her supposed boyfriend, or that there were only two calls from her supposed boyfriend, especially when she'd not told him where she was going or when she'd be back.

She didn't know if she was relieved, or upset. And then came the guilt, because really, if she was going to dump the guy, then why did it matter how many times he'd tried to reach her? But the irrational side of her knew that it really stung to have him only try to call her twice, when she'd been gone for almost three days!

She carried her overnight bag—which now needed repacking—back to her bedroom. And at the doorway, she stopped. For a moment, it was as if the whole thing had just happened; she almost expected Josh to be laying naked on the bed. Staring at the bed, she could still feel that disappointment when she was reminded again how she and her feelings, her mental state after the near-death experiences, and her physical exhaustion hadn't mattered to Josh nearly as much as whatever pleasure he could obtain from her body. But ... she'd had pleasure too, she remembered. Maybe not the second time, but the first time she did. She submitted, and now ... now she felt ashamed of that. She hadn't really wanted it, or she thought she didn't. But her body had responded. So what did that mean, and what kind of a person did that make her?

How could she fault Josh for wanting his own release, when he'd made her have her own too?

What kind of a hypocrite was she?

She closed her eyes, willing the tears away as she took a deep breath. No.

She opened her eyes, seeing her pants on the floor. They were the pants that he'd all but ripped off of her. She dropped her bag and stalked over to pick them up. After grabbing them, she very purposefully strode back through her apartment, out the door, and to the trash chute. The pants were useless now, and even if she took them to a tailor to have them fixed, she still wouldn't want to wear them again.

She opened the chute and threw them inside with no hesitation. And they were gone.

Just like Josh was going to be gone from her life; that much she knew.

She shut the door of the chute and slowly walked back to her apartment, thinking of the things that she had to say to Josh and wondering how she was going to say everything without sounding like she'd had a mental breakdown.

As I've said in previous chapters, I started this using only her POV, and I'm trying to remain true to that. However, if you think it would be better to have his POV in there too, let me know.

I know her emotions are still a little bit weird, but she's still conflicted not only because of how she felt during everything with Josh, but also because she didn't stop him and most importantly because her body responded to him even though her mind was saying she didn't want what happened. How do you reconcile that?

I would very much appreciate hearing your thoughts on the story and about this latest chapter. I imagine that because of when this was started, there are probably people around now who haven't read this yet. If you're a new reader, please let me know what you thought of the story and if there's anything you feel I can do to make it better. That check box right below this that says "Follow"? Found it? Yeah, well the big box above that is where you type those comments that mean so much and are so valuable to all of these authors. So if you check that "Follow" box for this story, especially now, after 5 chapters, try to pick out one thing you like and let me know, okay? It makes a big difference. Really.

Thank you for reading!f